by Leaona Luxx
“Hadlea. I think we need another test, these things are wrong all the time. Consider the fact we’ve already had one. Please, don’t push me away. You know this doesn’t matter to me anyway.” I implore her good senses, but she pins me with her glare.
“What the fuck, One? It doesn’t matter? It fucking does matter. What happened to ‘no way they belong to him’ One? What the fuck is this about? You believe it. You believe the test— you always doubted they were yours— now you know. The other test must’ve been wrong. Did you have them changed? You know what, it doesn’t matter. Get the fuck out. Stay away from me. Leave. Now. Leave, One.”
I look into her eyes, glazed over with tears. She’s broken, so hurt. Hadlea’s so sure she doesn’t deserve a great love. She’s so sure the test is right. She has no fight left in her, no spirit.
Standing here, I finally understand her anguish. Not wanting to leave but knowing I can’t stay. I move to the door, grasping the handle I pause, knowing if I walk through this door, she will never allow me back.
Walking out the door leaves me empty, knowing things are about to change forever. Looking at my fist, I open it slowly, staring at the small round symbol of my love and devotion I have for that woman and close my hand around it. There, on the sidewalk, a mist of rain dampens my face, as I think: how in the hell did we get here?
Lea
I set the first carrier in then turn to Em for the other.
“I can help, it’s all good. Go ahead with Wren.”
Nodding, I take Wren’s carrier in hand, so I can walk through to the living room. There’s a bassinet set up for use while I’m through the house for now. It’s been a month since I sent One away, and my heart still hurts.
Four weeks of seeing him here and there, not being wanted or being able to want him. I don’t know how much more I can take of this, it’s killing me. Wrecking me. Every day, I die a little more on the inside.
When sleep does come, I dream, and it’s always the same dream. One making love to me. Touching, caressing, loving me. But as I try to focus on my favorite blue eyes, it’s Cole’s I see. I scramble from Cole’s embrace to have him on me fast, as he begins his punishing assault. I wake, always soaked in sweat and covered in tears.
One hasn’t tried to get in touch with me like before, he just left. No fighting about it. No fighting for me. He finally saw what I tried to tell him for so long: I am not worth it. One’s embarrassment with his family alone has to be too much, I can’t begin to imagine the rest of the world.
Wren and Harlyn had check-ups today. Emerson went with us. She’s been a tremendous help as of late. Here, on my own, I think of One. Too much.
“Thank you so much, sweetie. We’ll be good from here; go on home and give my love to Aksel.” Walking back to the door with her as she leaves.
After putting Wren and Harlyn down for a nap, I wrap myself in a warm blanket and grab the monitor. I prefer the beach but my sunroom will do the trick. Climbing in the hammock, I lay down. Watching the ever-changing skies. The blue as bright as Wren’s eyes, the clouds that billow, hang as giant cotton balls.
The breeze picks up the longer I lay there, waiting for something to change. For my life to change its course, as it has done so many times before but it doesn’t. I have no idea where this went so wrong. One’s a good man but I’ll not have him raising children as his own when they’re not. Never did I see this coming, ever. We had the tests at the beginning before Cole was sentenced. Without a doubt, I believed the tests to be true. Mistakes happen, though, for me anyway.
I’m not sure how I’ve kept going. I feel hollow, depleted. I look like shit. No one says anything, but I see them looking. I continue to lose weight, but I blame breastfeeding. I just can’t eat. I tried a hundred times over to tell him I wasn’t worth the effort. The past would always catch up with me; I’ll never be able to get away from it. Or from him.
The sky darkens as the wind picks up. I sit listening to the ocean in the distance, willing it to wash all this away. If only it could take me out to sea, drown me in the muck and mire. Just as the dark recess take over, I hear my phone buzz. Reaching for it, I see I have a text and a missed call. Delaney asking if I want to have lunch soon.
Doctor Michaels’s office also called, I check the voicemail. It’s about my appointment in two days. I think I’ll meet Delaney for lunch before I go.
***
Delaney is running a little behind today, which isn’t like her. She told me to go ahead and place our order. Just as they are setting the table, she comes through the door.
“Hi. How are you, dear? Holding up okay? You poor thing, this has been so traumatic for you. Where are those twins?” Delaney gushes as she sits down. I cringe at her reference to the situation.
“Home with Willow. How’ve you been? Food should be here soon.” Moving on without acknowledging her other questions. Delaney must get the hint because she’s now going on about a shower. A baby shower I have no need for and will refuse; she can never take a hint. An hour later, Delaney pushes her plate away.
“You didn’t touch your food. You know it will never do for you to not eat. The twins need you. You need to understand; he’s never coming back. Are you thinking of getting back together?”
Not that I want to, but she isn’t even giving me a chance to answer. I give her the death stare. You know the one, where you hear heavy metal music begin to play. Yeah, I’m done.
“I’ll just be going now. We’ll talk later.” Moving my chair to stand, Delaney catches my hand on the table as I meet her gaze. “Yes?” I ask with a pointed stare.
“Are you back with him? You never answered.”
Fighting back the venom I’m about to spew, I answer simply because a complicated one might cause me to rip her hair out. “That’s none of your business.” Quickly turning, I’m out of the door before she can go on.
Driving to the doctor’s office, I think of Delaney. She’s never liked One, never. Why I consider her a friend I will never understand. I enter the office hating myself more than I believe I ever have in my life. How did I allow this to happen to him, to us? Did I say self-loathing? Disgust, it’s self-disgust that I am filled with, and my heart hurts. My heart is broken. I’m broken.
I know I could’ve had One stay, but it wouldn’t have been fair to him. To live a lie. To live a life regretting his choices, regretting choosing me. No. I couldn’t allow it, I never would. I’m on auto-pilot most days and today is no different, especially after my lunch. I’m shown to a room to wait for the doctor. I hate this, all of this. My life, me. The door opening brings me from my darkest thoughts as Doctor Michaels enters the exam room.
“Hello, Hadlea. How are you?” she asks as she sits, looking over my file. She has no clue. Maybe she does because as she glares at me. “I see you’ve lost your pregnancy weight plus an extra ten pounds. You have dark circles under your eyes and you obviously are not capable of breastfeeding with the look of hunger in your eyes.”
A million things flit across my mind, including him. I’m hungry for him. In need. Of his touch, his love, him. Doctor Michaels sits, staring at me.
“What? What do you want to hear? I told him to leave for perfectly good reasons. There was never a chance for us, never will be. It was a mistake, the whole thing. We went too fast, and I did the only thing that could be done. Cut all ties.”
Saying it aloud, I hope to make better sense as it reverberates in my ears but it doesn’t. It sounds like shit. Fucked up.
Still looking at me, she answers. “You know, you’re full of shit. From minute one, you locked that man out. What for? What reason would you have this time?” The good doctor waited with baited breath for my answer. I gave the only one I had.
“He isn’t their father. What else is there to do?” Dropping my head as tears spill from my eyes. Doctor Michaels brings her chair closer as she takes my hand.
“Hadlea, your mistakes do not determine your path. It’s up to you what path you take; whether it
be with or without someone is your choice, not your circumstance. And what exactly, do you mean by ‘he’s not their father’?”
I meet her eyes; she pins me with a glare. I stutter my response between my gasps, as I snub. “Malone. The twins. He’s not their father.” Making eye contact again, I see disbelief, confusion.
“What half-assed thought have you came up with now?”
I’m stunned. How could she think such a thing, knowing the test results in the hospital? “What the hell are you talking about? This isn’t just me. The test said he wasn’t, what am I supposed to do? Live with that lie, forever. Why didn’t you tell us? Why not just tell Cole?”
She sits there looking at me like I’m crazy. “What?” I ask again, waiting for a response. Finally, Doctor Michaels turns to my file and pulls a paper from it. Then she shoves it in my face.
“This? This test states he is the father. Malone is their father. I did this test and verified it. Look at it, read it. Want a copy?”
It hangs in the air between us, one corner fluttering slightly, and calling to me to take it. I do. As I read, I see nothing familiar. I’m lost as I continue to scan over it, again and again.
“I don’t understand. This isn’t the one I was given in the hospital.”
She looks confused. Good, I’m not alone. Reaching into my purse as she takes the original, I pull the other free and hand it over.
“This was given to me after the blood type test on the twins. It clearly shows Malone is not their father.” Doctor Michaels reads the test results and is still clearly confused.
“Where did this come from? This is not a paternity test, it’s only a blood type. And this isn’t even their type,” she says as she hands off the offending paper.
“Here, this one is real. That is not. My papers have exactly the same thing on each in consideration of typing and probability. Malone is their father. Someone is still trying to hurt you.
I sit in disbelief, trying to process the facts she’s revealed.
“Hadlea, your tests were not good. I need you to know that we are investigating this incident. You were given an anti-nausea medication mixed with a drug that induces labor. We believe someone tried to kill you or the twins and given the fact Malone’s business has been turned upside down with the other accidents, it’s not just a possibility but a probability. I do not want you leaving here without copies of my records. I also think we need your paperwork fingerprinted. Besides staff, we might see who did this.” I feel as though I’m in a tunnel, I can hear her voice muffled in the distance. I’m shocked, angry.
“What? I mean, of course, but did you say Malone is the father?” I stumble over my thoughts, and she stops long enough to smile at me as she nods.
“Yes. Malone is their father, but we need to find out why someone wants you to think differently.”
***
Once in my car, it hits me. I’m mad as hell. Who the fuck is doing this to us? Why? This is more than just Malone and I being together. Would Montgomery go to all of this trouble? Does Malone know?
I race to my house to find Emerson has joined Willow. Sitting in my driveway, collecting my thoughts, I’m brought back to my first memory of this place. How the hell did I get here? I may not know how I got to this place without Malone, but I sure as hell plan to find out why.
If someone is trying to keep us apart, would that merit an attempt on my children’s life? My life? Does it have anything to do with the sabotage at Malone’s sites? Still, why me and the twins? What would it accomplish, Malone losing us? It would devastate him but not his business, not destroy it. Someone wants to destroy Malone.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
One
Watching the ocean move to and fro, reminds me of my back and forth with Hadlea. Why has it been such a struggle? Two people that love each other so fiercely shouldn’t have this kind of trouble. Wouldn’t things be easy if it were meant to be? Staring at the ocean until it begins to get angry, turning in on itself over and over again, my stomach constricts with thoughts of Hadlea swallowing me whole.
I love her.
I really couldn’t care less who the twins father is, but Hadlea refuses to listen. We could have had it all. She just kept pushing and pushing until she finally got her way. There’s no clear way around this, it’s impossible. Hadlea is impossible, an insufferable woman. She drives me insane. She makes me so angry.
Why the hell should I care? Fuck it. And fuck her for doing this to us. I would have walked through Hell for her, for us. Hadlea has such self-loathing in her that she can never see the bigger picture. Love is worth it, worth everything. Blood does not make you family, and it sure as fuck doesn’t determine who you love.
I have to find our way around this, a way back to each other. Our love is greater than any of this. Although not perfect, the imperfections are what makes it undeniable. A love so deep, as I stand here thinking of her, I know she’s thinking of me. I feel her. I love her. I’m mad as fuck, but I’ll walk through Hell any day for that woman.
Lea
Walking through the door, I see the girls on the sunporch after peeking in at the twins. “Hey, girls. How’d they do?”
Emerson smiles as she says, “Perfectly. They’re amazing.”
We sit, making small talk until Willow decides to leave. Aksel’s on his way to get Em. Walking down the front steps, Willow turns.
“Lea. I need to tell you, One has been checking on you three. Well, all of us. Everyday. He was here today, in his truck. He watches over you. Maybe he’s afraid Cole or someone will bother you, I don’t know. What I do know is he loves you. No matter the circumstance or problem. You need to consider that, if not for him, for you.”
Just as she finishes, he drives by my house. My heart aches. How am I supposed to live without him? I’m sure he didn’t expect to see us standing at the front door. I wonder if I have the same effect on him? I’m sure not. One is only doing what he thinks is right, respectful. He watches us the whole way, and Em smiles again.
“His stalking game needs some work, doesn’t it?”
We chuckle as Willow walks to her car to leave. With a wave of her hand, she’s gone. And so is Malone.
“Emerson? When will Aksel be here?” I ask as I sit down at my desk, turning on the computer.
“Anytime. Why? What’s going on?” I fill her in while we wait on Aksel.
“So, someone tried to kill you or the twins? I’m confused; why do this to all of you, to all of us?” Emerson asks as Aksel walks through the door.
“What? Do what to us?” he asks as he joins his wife on the couch.
“I was given a drug that induces labor with my anti-nausea medication. Malone’s job sites, the wreck with Thayer, the wreck with Willow. Everything. It makes no sense Montgomery would try to kill us just to be with Malone. We’re missing something, and I intend to find out what it is.” Emerson and Aksel nod their agreement.
“So, you hiring more security? I mean, One has a team of them and it hasn’t gotten him anywhere. What exactly are you thinking?”
The hell if I know, but I can no longer sit back and wait like bait. Besides, someone’s going fucking to pay.
“Well, maybe a new set of eyes. Or a different interpretation of events can give better insight. I’m hiring an outside source.” Shrugging, I deliver my best shot.
“You may be right, Mom. If you’re gonna do it, get the best. Spare no expense. Maybe it’s past time for a private investigator,” he suggests as he comes over to sit beside me so we can decide who to hire.
We spend the next two hours finding everything we need, including a private detective from Atlanta. Ellis Kipton came highly recommended by my attorney. Within the hour, he is on a flight as Aksel emails any information we can gather. By nightfall, he sits in my living room with my family.
“No leads. No attempts on Mr. Woods. Site accidents and accidents involving you. Your threat is serving time in jail and you know of no other threat. I’ve found the investiga
tion into Mr. Griffin Woods death was not ruled accidental. It still remains open to this day, which tells me, it was suspicious. I have a call in to a friend in the department in Raleigh. I also happen to have a favor owed in D.C., so let’s see what we come up with,” Kip ends matter of fact. I have a gut check moment.
“You know Montgomery had nothing to do with this, don’t you?”
Studying me for a minute, Kipton answers, “You have the intuition of a cop. No, I believe her to be a pawn or even innocent. This is bigger than surface, she’s surface.” He walks toward the door then turns back and informs, “I plan to brief Mr. Woods security, although I’m sure they know already since you still have a security detail.”
Standing at the door as Kipton leaves, I watch as Malone pulls into my drive. Kipton pauses by a car across the street, then he’s gone. Malone stalks toward me, hell coming with him. I step further on the porch, closing the door behind me.
“Who the fuck is that, Hadlea? Do you not think I can take care of you all? I have been, this whole time; I’ve watched over you all. I would never put any of you in danger. God damn it, I would fucking die for you, for them. Every one of you.”
I’m pinned to the spot with his anger. In his hurt. Face to face with his love for me, for us. My love for him. Glancing at the house, I watch his eyes flicker and dance with question, affection. I stand in awe of his love for me, for this family he’s helped create.
The pounding in my ears is almost more than I can stand. Love and concern in his every word, his features wash with angst and a tenderness only his eyes can speak without a word. I’m lost in this hell I helped create. How can he stand here and not see the love I have for him?
I’m as destroyed as he is about this whole mess. Frightened. For my children, our children. For him. As he continues his onslaught of misguided anger, I realize, I can’t live without him. Struggling to breathe as his scent washes over me, I stagger, just enough. He notices and it stops him.