Something New (9781101612262)
Page 33
I am now gainfully employed by the Ladies Living-Well Journal as their official blogger, and I also write a column once a month for their print magazine. Both the blog and the column are called—you guessed it—Something New. For the sake of literary greatness, or more accurately, pop entertainment, I undertake something new every week and then write about it, in the hopes of inspiring other women to get out and experience all of the wonderful things life has to offer. Not surprisingly, the Journal has asked me to tone down my colorful vocabulary, but this is no problem, as I have also set up a personal blog on which I can curse like a truck driver if I so choose.
For the record, since I know what curiosity can do firsthand, and it ain’t pretty, I will reveal to you the answer to the question that may be plaguing you. No, Ben and I did not. During our five-plus hours together, we talked until our throats were sore, held hands, laughed, joked, ordered in Chinese, watched a soap opera he claims he is not addicted to, talked some more, and even lay together on the bed cuddling. But over the course of our lengthy conversations about everything from our deepest, darkest secrets to the craziest thing we’ve ever done in public to our opinions on democracy in the Middle East, we got to know each other well enough to mutually decide that we shouldn’t go forward with the affair.
It wasn’t that we realized we didn’t like each other. Quite the opposite, actually. We liked each other even more than before. Sex would ruin it. It would be amazing for about an hour, but ultimately sleeping together would sour us. We agreed to be friends, friends with a delicious memory to revisit whenever we needed to, friends who could call each other to pick up the other’s kids in an emergency, who could hang out with spouses present and not squirm with guilt. We also decided that if both of our marriages should mysteriously, spontaneously combust, we’d meet at the Four Seasons before the ink on our divorce papers dried.
I was afraid that the first time I saw him after our rendezvous would be awkward and uncomfortable, that Ben might ignore me, and that I should probably ignore him, too. But as soon as I reached the soccer field for the Saturday game, accompanied by my kids, their gear, and my husband (who never asked for my would-be lover’s identity and was never offered it, although deep down, he must have some idea), Ben waved to me from the fence, hurried over to help with our stuff, shook Jonah’s hand, and slung his arm across my shoulder like an old friend. And I suppose that’s exactly what we are now. Old friends.
Jill has started her own blog called Marriage Whoa’s in which she tracks her husband Greg’s every movement. (She writes under a pseudonym, of course.) Poor Greg. I almost feel sorry for him. Jill may never divorce him, but there is no end to his wife-inflicted, Web-published torment if he goes even a day without complimenting her in some way. She actually signed him up as a subscriber, along with all of his co-workers to whom she revealed the truth, so that her blog goes straight to the office e-mail for all to see. I have to say that I am very proud of her for being as proactive in her marriage as she is in all other aspects of her life.
My kids were thrilled that I won the competition, but upset that they weren’t allowed to read my blog. I requested that the Ladies Living-Well Journal remove the old posts from the Web in order to protect the innocent, and the magazine graciously complied. I’m certain that some genius computer hacker could find it somewhere in the vortex of the vast Internet, but I’m pretty confident my kids can’t. They are too young to understand it right now, even Connor. Someday, when they are adults, if they ask me about it, I will let them each have a copy of all of the posts, which I printed up right after I won the contest. I’m not worried about what the blog will say about me, or what my grown children will think of me once they’ve read it. I’ll deal with that when the time comes. At some point, we all realize that our parents are not superheroes, but real live human beings. It’s natural and healthy. But for now, as long as it lasts, I’ll relish being Wonder Woman to my kids.
As for Jonah and me, we are taking every day as it comes. We have had our fair share of arguments over the past few months, but even those have been a welcome change from the ambivalence that’s been clouding our marriage for the last few years. We have given each other license to be brutally frank with one another about our feelings, our needs, and our expectations. If you were secretly eavesdropping on one of our conversations with some of Ben’s surveillance equipment, you might hear the following phrases: “You are hearing me, but are you actually listening?” or “You’re looking at me, but are you really seeing me?” or “Are you at all present in this discussion?”
You also might hear laughter. Because we are getting to know each other again, and learning to make each other laugh like we used to. And while I can’t predict the future of our relationship, I can tell you that for the first time in a long time, I have hope. I love Jonah and he loves me and we are both willing to try to rediscover the reasons that we’re together. These days, an old Carly Simon song frequently comes to mind. Don’t look at your man in the same old way, take a new picture, she sings. I am trying to follow that advice. Something New might be exciting and invigorating and rejuvenating, but you can take it from a recently-turned-forty-three-year-old woman: finding something new in Something Old can be even better.
READERS GUIDE
Something New
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. Ellen describes herself as bored, and her life as a “suburban cliché.” Is Ellen is going through a midlife crisis, or does her discomfort stem from something deeper?
2. Ellen says, “At some point between being a good wife and a good mother and always doing the right thing, I have lost me.” Does Ellen resent being defined as a wife and mother? How does she want to be defined, and how does she see herself? Do you think she is happy with her life?
3. Jill and Ellen are best friends, although very different. Describe the dynamic of their relationship and why it works. Do you think they would be friends if they weren’t related?
4. Ellen struggles at first to find a topic to write about in her blog. If you were starting a blog, what would you write about?
5. Describe Ellen’s tone as a narrator. How does her self-deprecating humor shape her story?
6. Along those same lines, why do you think Ellen’s blog was so successful with the women who read Ladies Living Well Journal?
7. Ben teaches Ellen, “If you stop trying new things, you might as well just stop.” Do you agree with this statement? Is it important to try new things all the time?
8. Explain why Mia’s cautionary tale of her own affair influences Ellen to continue to pursue her affair with Ben. Shouldn’t this revelation have had the opposite effect?
9. The reader is privy to Ellen’s constant inner conflict. Why do you think Ellen keeps going back to Ben, even when her inner dialogue tells her not to? Overall, why does Ellen stray?
10. Discuss the theme of reinvention. Is it possible to reinvent yourself? Why or why not?
11. When Ellen finds the love note in Jonah’s drawer, does this give her a free pass to cheat on him, in her mind? Describe her emotions surrounding the note, up until the end of the story when she confronts Jonah.
12. Do you believe Ellen’s affair with Ben saved her marriage to Jonah? Why or why not?
13. Is Ellen a likable character? Does her ability to laugh at herself make you sympathize with her, or does it just hide her unlikable qualities?
14. Ellen’s final blog describes the lesson she learned from the blog contest and the affair: to love herself. Why is this an important lesson for her?
15. What do you think the future holds for Ellen and her family? Can Ellen and Ben truly remain “just friends”? Was the author’s ending realistic to you?
16. Is Ellen’s “something new” the blog, or the affair, or both? How do those two things influence the other?
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