Alice in La La Land

by Sophie Lee

  'Oh, just . . . flies, you know, the outback and everything. Millions of flies,' Alice explained.

  'Not in my picture, I hope,' Greg remarked to Whitney. She laughed as though he'd said something very clever.

  'Oh, there are flies, all right,' said Alice, firmly. 'Where are you filming?' She had gone on a number of holidays to the Red Centre with her family and thought of herself as something of an expert.

  'You've been to the outback?' Greg asked incredulously.

  'Yeah, sure. Let's see, I've filmed in Broken Hill and Silverton, that's rural New South Wales,' she said, ticking the places off on her fingers. 'The Flinders Ranges in South Australia are really spectacular, lots of film crews head that way. Then of course, you have Uluru and Alice Springs, but I gotta warn you, Greg, there will be flies.'

  'Okay, Alice,' Greg shrugged. 'Thanks for those tips. We're just about to do a location survey, and I'm gonna mention the . . . Flinders Ranges, is it?'

  'That's it,' Alice nodded, wondering if this was scoring her any brownie points or if she had merely morphed into some loser doing Greg's location research work for free. 'Do you want me to do that scene again?' she asked.

  'Nah, fine, Alice. Let's move on,' Greg replied, scribbling something on the piece of A4 paper that may or may not have been her CV.

  'Okay, so scene seventy-three and she's in the waterhole cooling off, right?' said Alice. 'So, if I just stand here like this, that's okay, like I'm in the water?'

  'Ahh, yep, that's good, Alice,' Greg confirmed, not looking up.

  'Okay,' Alice nodded, and tried to conjure some of the serenity a lonely zoologist might find while immersed in water.

  'Action.'

  Alice closed her eyes and tilted her head back.

  'Looly?' said Whitney as Chuck.

  'Oh my goodness, you scared me!' Alice/Looly exclaimed, gathering her arms around her. She swayed a little from side to side as if treading water.

  'Mind if I join you?' Whitney/Chuck asked.

  'Okay, I guess, but could you stay over there? I'm afraid I forgot my swimmers.'

  'Promise.'

  'You weren't spying on me or anything, were you?'

  'Course not. But I did come to tell you something,' said Whitney/Chuck.

  'Okay . . . What?'

  'That missing baby kangaroo? We found her by the roadside.'

  'Oh no! Was she . . .? '

  'Hold on, I haven't finished,' said Whitney/Chuck.

  Alice couldn't remember those words being in the script and wondered if she'd cut in on Whitney/Chuck's line.

  'Yes,' continued Whitney/Chuck. 'She looked as though she'd been knocked by a car, so I wrapped her in an old towel and took her back to base.'

  'Thank you. It's a bit late for her to be re-united with her mother, but if the injuries aren't too bad we can get her back onto her feet and hopping in no time,' said Alice/Looly.

  'I kinda thought you'd be pleased,' said Whitney/ Chuck.

  'What about your gold nugget?'

  'What about it?' Whitney/Chuck asked. It was the bit where Chuck swum closer.

  'Don't you need to be getting back to New York?' Alice/Looly said, shyly.

  'Later . . . let's enjoy the sunset.'

  'Cut,' said Greg. 'Great, Alice, thank you so much, that was great.'

  'A pleasure,' she smiled, picking up her bag. 'Good luck with it.'

  'Thanks for the tips,' Greg called.

  'Bye,' said Whitney.

  Alice walked through the waiting room and out into relentless sunshine.

  9

  A large pigeon had flown into her face, and was beating her violently with its wings.

  Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

  Alice curbed the Daewoo in her hurry to get out of the Venice Beach parking lot. 'Oh bloody bollocks and buggery!' she shouted, and burst into tears.

  After a brief hand-wringing interlude, Alice killed the engine and got out to examine the damage. There was no way the tiny amount of insurance she'd opted for would cover the damage. 'Lady, you're in the way,' snarled a guy in a courier van. 'Could you have your nervous breakdown someplace else?'

  'Sorry,' murmured Alice and got back into the Daewoo. The pink cell phone rang.

  'Hello?' she answered brightly.

  'Oh, hey, Alice, it's Rebekah. You gotta sec?'

  'Um, just let me . . .' Alice switched on the ignition and moved the car so it wasn't blocking the van's way. The courier sped past and made a crude gesture with his finger. Alice winced. 'Okay, Rebekah, I'm all set,' she continued, hoping for good news.

  'How'd it go on Looly Down Under?'

  'Well, I think the director's probably got a clearer idea of where he wants to film but I don't know if I'll get the job.' Alice's tone was gloomier than she would have liked and she could almost feel Rebekah retract over the phone. 'There were loads of people there too, Bek,' she couldn't resist adding, in what she hoped was a more up-beat tone.

  'How about I call them tomorrow and find out how it went,' Rebekah offered soothingly. 'Good news. I have a meeting set up for you Friday for a hilarious new CBS sitcom called The Cleavers about a family meatworks business. You have the script already so read it soon, okay. I think you're going to like it. They're going to see you for the lead female role, so this could be real great.'

  'Okay, Rebekah, I'll get to work on it as soon as you let me know the pages. Thanks a lot,' said Alice signing off.

  When she got back to the apartment, Alice noticed a Jaguar parked out the front almost blocking the driveway. Shauna's Mustang was in its usual spot out back. She eased her car in and ran up the back steps two at a time.

  'Hi, Alice, this is Lenny,' said Shauna. She was wearing shorts and a tank-top. Her body looked toned and burnished.

  Lenny offered his hand. He was a short man in his fifties with sharp features and narrow eyes. He smelled of leeks; Alice wondered if it was his pheromones. Apparently locusts released pheromones to indicate to others in their swarm it was time to pillage greenery further afield.

  'Hi, Lenny,' Alice smiled, reluctantly shaking his hand and looking over at Shauna to gauge if she was okay. She wasn't giving anything away.

  'He came over to tell me that they offered Dorothy to Angelina Jolie,' she said.

  'Nice one,' said Alice.

  'Nuh-uh. But Alice, he's trying to persuade them to go with an unknown,' Shauna countered proudly.

  'That's big of you, Lenny,' said Alice. 'How do you think you'll go?'

  'Well,' he answered, 'Angelina's gone a little wacky with the orphan babies and the whole African safari thing. I think they should go with someone new. That's what I keep telling 'em and when Lenny talks, huh, baby?' He waited for a response from Shauna. Lenny's teeth were impressively capped. He chewed a piece of gum rapidly as he spoke, and resembled a small but confident lizard.

  'Right, Lenny,' Shauna giggled.

  Alice glanced at Shauna again to try to judge what was going on. In response to Shauna's inscrutability, Alice raised her eyebrows and shrugged. 'Well, I'll be getting on with some work in my room then,' she said, and retired, closing the bedroom door behind her.

  Alice pulled out her cell phone and dialled Joe's number. It went to voicemail so she left a message for Joe to tell Nick that she'd called. She was aware they'd probably be getting ready to leave the following day.

  Alice remembered seeing a slim script entitled The Cleavers in her stack. She searched through an assortment of titles until she found it second from the bottom. The pile of scripts cascaded across the floor. 'For my next trick . . .' she muttered.

  She could hear Shauna and Lenny's muffled voices in Shauna's room. She was mystified as to why Shauna would let the creep into the house after what had happened on their date. Perhaps he had apologised. Alice decided that it was not her problem. Her cell phone rang.

  'Hello?'

  'Hello yourself, it's Nick.'

  'Nick! Let's walk!' said Alice, urgently.

 
'What, here? In LA? They don't have walking do they?'

  'They do,' insisted Alice. 'They call it hiking. Look, the sun will be going down soon but there's a place not far from here called Runyon Canyon. Let's go get some fresh air. After all, you're leaving tomorrow, right?'

  'Well, Joe and Stephanie are, but . . .'

  'But?'

  'I'm going to stay a couple more days. I have the time off work so I don't need to rush back just yet,' he explained.

  'That's brilliant! I'm very pleased and I don't mind telling you so. Shall I come around and pick you up in my Daewoo?'

  'Sure, great,' said Nick. 'I've checked into the Secret Palms Motel on Sunset Boulevard,' he added, proudly. Wait 'til ya see its neon sign! Let me read you the address.'

  Alice filled Nick in on her Looly Down Under audition as they drove down Hollywood Boulevard. She complained that she'd been promised a meeting which, in actual fact, was nothing more than a cattle call, and that to make matters worse, she'd been relegated to the position of location scout.

  'Fancy thinking there'd be no flies in your movie when you were shooting in the outback! Who does the guy think he is?'

  Nick gave Alice a sideways glance and said nothing.

  'What?'

  'Just . . .' he began, and then stopped.

  'What?' she asked, more insistently.

  'You don't even want the job, Alice. It's complete rubbish; you said so yourself. If it's a . . . what did you call it? A banana and anchovy pizza? Then why are you beating yourself up about it?'

  Alice paused to consider. She was in such a tailspin that she didn't know what she wanted anymore. 'This is Fuller Street,' she said turning north into a side street off Hollywood Boulevard. 'Apparently it's only a couple of minutes to the canyon from here.'

  She parked the car and they walked up toward Runyon Canyon in silence. The surrounding streets were quiet. Couples were taking their dogs for late afternoon walks while others were exercising alone.

  'Are we hiking yet?' Nick asked.

  'No, no, right now we're walking, but as soon as we pass through those gates up ahead, we'll be officially hiking,' she said, smiling.

  'Just to be clear,' he added.

  They walked through the gates and along the wide fire road that took them deeper into the park. A labrador rolled in a large expanse of mud on their left. Deciduous shrubs flourished around the park and boulders jutted above them. A thin blonde woman in a Juicy Couture tracksuit jogged past with a small poodle on a retractable leash. Alice and Nick followed the path in a clockwise direction. They started breathing heavily as the uphill climb steepened. Rocks were loose underfoot.

  'Apparently, from Inspiration Point, you get an amazing view,' said Alice. 'I really must remember to join a gym at some point,' she mumbled.

  'Inspiration Point?' he asked, raising an eyebrow.

  Alice blushed. 'Yes, well, it does sound a bit corny, doesn't it?' She laughed. 'Come on, slowcoach!' she urged, pulling his sleeve and quickening her pace. Nick followed and they climbed steadily toward the top of the hill. They arrived breathless at the plateau and took in the view.

  'Wow!' Nick exclaimed, admiring the vista before them. 'This is a great spot. You could say it's . . .'

  'Inspirational?'

  It was a clear afternoon and they could see all the way to the Pacific Ocean. To the south-east, downtown Los Angeles fanned out like dirty laundry.

  'Los Angeles is so nice when you're above it, isn't it?' Alice mused. 'Not so much fun when you're driving around and around in circles down there,' she said, pointing towards West Hollywood.

  'I dunno, I think it's a laugh. But I'm only a tourist. I'm not hanging anything on being here.'

  'Nothing?' Alice asked, fiddling with her cuticles.

  'Well, Alice, meeting you was an unexpected surprise. But, I've got my job and my life that I need to get back to in a couple of days. Dublin's my home.'

  'Yes,' said Alice looking out at the Pacific Ocean.

  'Sure, you'll probably get some big movie role tomorrow anyway and then you'd be too good for the likes of a member of the James Joyce Appreciation Society's Dublin branch.'

  'That's right, you're chairman, aren't you?' Alice remarked. 'Who would set up the church hall and lay out the home-baked cookies if you weren't there?'

  Nick laughed. 'What's that over there?' he asked, pointing at a building in the direction of Century City.

  'I think that's the Pacific Design Centre,' Alice ventured. She took a deep breath. Evening was drawing close and she wrapped her cardigan around her to keep warm. 'You know how Americans believe that if you have a dream, it's just a matter of following it and it will be yours? Like it's your right?'

  'Oh, sure. And a million self-help books have perpetuated the notion,' he agreed.

  'I think it's particular to our generation, don't you? I don't think in my parents' day that the relentless pursuit of self-fulfilment was the norm. Anyway, I think it's . . . misleading. Who's to say that just because you want something, you'll get it? That somehow the world owes you. Not everyone can be a winner.' Alice was silent for a moment. 'Maybe I've made a mistake.'

  'What do you mean?' Nick asked, turning towards her.

  'Imagine someone you know, from a very early age saying that they want to be a, I don't know, a doctor, say. They want to be a doctor, it's their lifelong dream, but then they're not good enough at science and so they don't get to study medicine at university and then the decision's taken out of their hands. With acting it's different. You could spend your whole life chasing. It's like you've been infected by a horrible virus that makes it impossible for any other career choice to appeal to you, and there's no system of elimination. You could just keep on, doggedly, year after year, chasing after that lucky break. But maybe you're just not a good enough actor in the first place?' Alice pressed her lips together and shrugged. 'What a waste of a life. Pursuing something that always makes you feel second best . . . Wow, that was a bit of a monologue,' she admitted, flicking some twigs off the sleeve of her cardigan.

  'It depends if it's worth fighting for, Alice,' Nick answered. 'Anyways, you must be good if you've been working more or less consistently for the last what . . .?'

  'Eight years,' she sighed.

  'Eight years, there you go.' He scratched behind his ear. 'For what it's worth, I do think that you've put yourself under a lot of pressure, though.'

  'What do you mean?'

  'Well, think about it, Alice. Your play about marzipan pigs loses money, your boyfriend leaves you, you've got nowhere to call home, your dad's ill and you're here, chasing jobs you don't want, a long way from home and getting further into debt . . . Is this really a great time for you to be here?'

  'Well, when exactly was I going to try LA?' she cried. 'I'm twenty-nine, for goodness' sake. In LA years, that's one hundred and five!'

  'I just think that from what you've described, it is a difficult place to function in at the best of times. Maybe what you're doing should be tackled gradually or something. Do you really love it?'

  'Well, I'd feel a failure giving up now,' she replied, skirting the question. 'I'm no quitter, dammit,' she added, in an American accent.

  'But there you go, putting yourself under pressure again with those unrelenting high standards. It's not failing to change your mind, Alice. To decide to change your life.'

  'It's getting dark,' Alice said. 'Do you feel like some preservative-free Mexican food?'

  'What a cheap date you are, Alice Evans. A walk in the canyon and a burrito. When I saw you drop your keys in the gallery I thought, uh oh, she's super pretty, I'd never be able to afford to take a girl like that one out. Forget it!'

  'What, in my holey tracksuit top and my scuffed Converse? Sure, go on.' She felt herself glow from his compliments. The lights below began to twinkle and there was a steady hum of traffic. 'Maybe I should just go home. Back to Wollongong, I mean. If I don't have the money just yet, I could at least drive my dad to and from his
hospital appointments.'

  'You do have options, Alice.'

  They turned and headed back down the hill in companionable silence. Alice could have sworn she heard a coyote howl in the distance.

  'Ever heard of the West Wollongong Tasty-Time Cake Shop?' Alice asked, negotiating the rocky path downhill. 'I could work there any time I choose. Their cream buns are world-renowned, you know.'

  'Sure, I'd like to try one of those cream buns now,' he laughed. 'You could courier a dozen over to Dublin. That'd be grand.'

  Alice and Nick sat on high stools in the window of Poquito Mas on West Sunset Boulevard. Alice sunk her teeth into her cheese quesadilla with charbroiled steak while Nick thoughtfully chewed his classic burrito.

  'But most importantly,' she said, pausing between rapturous mouthfuls, 'it's preservative-free.'

  'It's delicious,' Nick admitted.

  'So . . . Joe and Stephanie went back today?' she asked, dabbing her mouth with her napkin.

  'Yeah, he had to get back. Stephanie sent her love and said something cheeky about you dropping in next time you were in Dublin.' Nick looked at her sideways. 'If only she knew about your lucky break at the Tasty what was it cake shop.'

  Alice punched Nick's arm.

  'Ow!'

  They chewed in silence.

  'What've you got planned for tonight, then, Nick?'

  'Well, I know this one person in LA. She happens to be Australian of all things. I thought that she might like to go to a movie.'

  'I would love that,' beamed Alice. 'Let's go and see something at the Sunset Five.'

  'Do you mind if we just swing by my flea-pit so I can check my emails and grab a sweatshirt?'

  'It's not that bad, is it?' asked Alice.

  The Secret Palms looked as though it had been built in the '50s and never cleaned since. The neon sign out front had a gaudy innocence, and simply read 'Motel' in gold and pink. Nick and Alice hurried along the interior garden path. Alice did a double take and realised the entire garden was fashioned out of plastic. It needed dusting. The motel itself was a curious shade of grey-green and the room doors were painted a deep red which had chipped and faded over time.