Pretend

by Charlene Antrobus

  "It's ok," I said as I knelt down beside him and tried to comfort him.

  It was strange how I was watching Kyle being ripped apart just as I had, I felt so guilty. I envied the fact that he had me to comfort him, I kept all of this to myself for so long and I kind of wished that he had been there to comfort me. He was the only other person that could truly understand that pain.

  "April I know that we're just friends and I've accepted that but I want you to know that I love you so much and I'm sorry for leaving you alone in all of this. If I could turn back the clocks, I would do it in a heartbeat. Please forgive me," he said as the tears engulfed his face.

  As I stared down at Kyle, he reminded me of a child, so helpless, innocent and genuine. I knew that he meant what he was saying.

  "I know and I have already forgiven you, I told you that," I said as I stroked his cheeks with my thumbs.

  "How can you be so nice?" He said as he pulled me towards him and wrapped his arms around me.

  It sounds crazy but I think it was exactly what I needed. It felt good to know that I could share that pain with someone else, someone who truly understood the pain without me needing to explain it at all. It had been almost two months since I had lost the baby and this was the first time that I had ever spoken about it in that time, everything seemed to hurt all over again.

  As the living room door opened, I suddenly remembered that we were not alone.

  "Sorry I thought that I heard cry-"

  "Oh my gosh, what has happened? Are you two ok?" Mrs Edwards said as she looked down at me and Kyle crying on the floor.

  I quickly stood to my feet but for some reason I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I looked down at Kyle who was in bits on the floor and wasn't able to talk even if he tried. I didn't know what to do and the worried look on his mom's face was making it ten times worse.

  "April, what's happened?" She asked in a panicked tone.

  "I-I can't," I said as I ran towards the front door, I needed to get out. I wasn’t ready for this.

  "April, sweetie, wait please! It's late, you can't go walking the streets alone," she said as she ran behind me.

  "I'll be fine, honestly, just please make sure Kyle is ok," I said as I ran off in the direction of my house.

  "No, please April, I can drop you, wait," she said. I didn't answer, instead I just ran as fast as I could. I needed the space to clear my mind, to think properly. I literally felt like someone had just stabbed me in the heart and left a huge gap that I just couldn't fill. I was young and I didn't want a baby right now but when I found out that I was pregnant with Kyle's baby I accepted it, I was happy. It wasn't as if it was a one night stand or a fling, he was my boyfriend for eighteen months and I loved him. Then to lose him and the baby at the same time was more painful than I can even begin to express. To know that something that had been growing inside of you had died is a feeling that I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy. I was only a month gone when I found out and I wanted Kyle to be the first to know. As soon as I did the test, I text him and asked him to come over but when I realised what had been going on with him and Rachel it all just seemed pointless. When I saw the blood a few days later, I knew what had happened without even asking, I just knew. It was as if everything that could go wrong was going wrong for me. I was heartbroken, twice.

  Kyle almost ripped me apart but I didn't want him to go through what I did especially now that I'm out of that dark place, I couldn't stand by and allow someone else to experience it. I never wanted to tell him but I always said that if he asked I would never lie, I guess some small part of me knew that he had a right to know after all it was his baby too, our baby.

  I looked down at my phone, which now had five missed calls from a number that I didn't recognise. I felt it vibrate again and opened up a text from the same number.

  April, it's Kyle's mom. Kyle has explained everything, nobody is mad at you sweetheart please just answer the phone and tell me where you are. I am really worried xx

  I knew that it was selfish to ignore her but I couldn't face them right now, I just couldn't do it. I was three minutes from my house now and all I wanted to do was lie in my bed alone and think. I looked down at my phone again as it rang for the sixth time and finally I switched it off and slipped it back inside of my pocket.

  I had started to get a headache from all of the crying and my eyes had literally increased in size. They felt so sore and tender.

  As I walked on to my road, I relaxed as the silence of the night surrounded me. It was dark and everybody was probably still in bed so I quietly crept to my front door, searched for my keys and then turned it in the lock.

  "Hey," a familiar voice said from behind me, making me jump.

  I was so shocked that I couldn't even speak. My eyes scanned around for a sign that anyone else was around but there was nothing.

  "You don't look too happy to see me April."

  "No, it's not that, I'm just heading out," I said as I tried to hide the panic that was taking over my voice.

  "Now we both know that that isn't true, don't we? You were just about to walk inside," he said as a small smile filled his face.

  "Please Jake, now's not a good time, my parents are asleep-"

  "You see this is what I mean when I say that you're like the rest, always lying!" He said as he punched the door behind me.

  "Now, you and I both know that your parents are still away so let's stop playing games and talk like adults, shall we?" He said in a low and angry tone.

  "Please don't hurt me," I whispered as the tears started to flow again.

  "Oh sweet, sweet April, I would never hurt you. I just want to talk and since you let me down the other day I thought that I would surprise you," he said as he stroked the side of my face, making me flinch.

  "Now, are you going to invite me in?" He said as he gently pushed the door behind me and led me in.

  To say that I was scared was the understatement of the year. I was terrified. I was alone in an empty house with Jake and no matter how calm he was acting I knew that there was something about him that I could never trust. If I got him mad in any way he could flip. I had to at least play along until I could find a way out of this.

  "Erm...Would you like a drink?" I asked as I tried to get rid of the nervous sound in my voice.

  "That would be great. See how nicely we can get along?" He asked as he went through to the living room and sat down. I nodded my head to say yes and then headed towards the kitchen, turned on the light and headed towards the phone on the counter. We never really used it as it hardly ever worked but I prayed to God that today would be different. I quickly ran the tap to sound as though I was preparing a drink and then quietly picked up the phone ready to dial Crystal's house number, thank God that I knew it.

  A slight smile crept on my face as I heard the dial tone. I quickly punched in the numbers as quickly as I could.

  "Who you calling?" A voice said, making me jump out of my skin.

  "Just phoning Crystal to let her know that I'm staying here tonight and not coming back to hers," I lied. Please work, please work.

  "Well you can do that after, can't you?" He said as he slipped the phone out of my hand and put it back down.

  Why was this turning into the worst night of my life?

  "Ok, let's start again, shall we?" Jake said as he took hold of my wrist and pulled me towards him.

  "I can be a really nice guy and if you play along tonight then I will continue to be a nice guy but if that is going to be a problem for you then perhaps I won't stick to my end of the bargain, understood?" He asked as he stared into my eyes.

  "Yes," I mumbled as a feeling of terror filled my entire body.

  "Good, now let's skip the drink and talk since you can't be trusted," he said as he dragged me towards the stairs.

  "No, I don't want to go up there. We can talk in the living room," I protested as I struggled to get my arm free.

  "Did you not hear a word that I said?" He shouted
as he threw me onto the floor just in front of the stairs.

  "See, this is what gets me angry!" He shouted as he kicked the wall.

  "You never listen, none of you. I try to be nice, treat you good and what do you do? You sneak around and you lie that's what and then you want me to feel sorry for you! Do you?" He screamed as he lifted his fist in the air, ready to hit me. I closed my eyes and shielded my face with my arms.

  "Put that fist down right now," a stern voice said from the front door.

  "Or what?" Jake asked as he swung around to face Mrs Staples who was now stood at my front door. I couldn't see her clearly because of the tears in my eyes but I could make out her shape. She always reminded me of Big Momma from the film Big Momma’s House and I have never been happier to see her.

  "Or you and my little friend here are going to have an encounter that I'm sure you'll regret for the rest of your life young man," she said as she kept her eyes fixated on his. That's when both Jake and I spotted the rifle in her hand. I didn't even care that she had it right now, I was just glad that she was here.

  "Woahh, ok just calm down," he said as he threw his hands up in the air in defeat.

  "If there is one thing that I can't stand, it's a woman beater! There is nothing I'd like more right now than to pop a bullet in your-"

  "Ok, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He said as panic ran through his voice.

  "Oh don't you say sorry to me, say it to her," she said through gritted teeth.

  "I'm sorry," he said as he swung round to face me with tears in his eyes.

  "Like you mean it!" She said as she dug the rifle in his back.

  "I'm sorry April, I truly am," he said as the tears flowed down his cheeks. I swear this guy had multiple personalities.

  "Tell her that you will never bother her again," she said as she dug the rifle deeper into his back.

  "I will never bother you again, I promise," he said as he struggled to piece his words together.

  "And you better make sure you mean it and do you want to know why? Because if I ever see you around here again or hear that you have come within a metre of this girl next time I won't just threaten you with this, you understand?" He nodded his head to say yes.

  "Good and I'll be watching you, so don't think I won't. I'm head of neighbourhood watch little boy and if I even get a hint that you've been around here, I won't hesitate to call the cops and believe me I know them very well and a pretty little boy like you wouldn't last a week in prison, got that?" She said in a low voice.

  Even I was scared as I watched from down on the floor.

  "Now take yourself and your red truck and get the hell out of here!" She said as he ran off towards the door.

  "And I know your license plate too! I'm watching you!" She shouted as we heard him run down the path, start up the engine and drive away.

  I breathed a sigh of relief and slowly got up from the floor. I don't know what came over me but my first instinct was to run over and give Mrs Staples the biggest hug ever and so I did.

  "Thank you," I whispered.

  "Oh, it's ok sweetheart, don't you worry about him, he's gone now," she said as she stroked my back.

  "Why don't you come on over to my house so that I can fix you a drink?" She said as she wrapped her arm around my shoulders and led me out towards the door. I quickly ran back into the kitchen, turned off the tap, locked the front door of my house and followed her in silence. This just wasn't my day. In fact this just wasn't my week.

  "Right, you take a seat over there," Mrs Staples said, pointing towards the brown sofa that was against her red, painted, living room wall.

  "Thank you," I said as I sat down.

  I watched as she sat down on the chair across from mine, placed the rifle on the floor and then took a deep breath.

  "Where did you get that?" I blurted out without thinking.

  "Mr Staples left it for me in his will," she said as a smile filled her lips.

  "He always worried that I'd need a little protection when he was gone so he left me old Bearnie here in his will. I hate weapons and wanted it out but I suppose a small part of it reminded me of him. I didn't ever want my gran babies to get their hands on it so I emptied out all of the bullets and just kept it under my bed," she said as she stared down at it with sadness in her eyes.

  "So it never had any bullets in?" I asked in shock.

  "Oh no, I wouldn't have a clue how to shoot the damn thing but it did a nice job of scaring that little thug earlier," she said as we both let out a small laugh.

  It felt good. I never talked to Mrs Staples much before but one thing I realised instantly was that I liked her.

  "I never had you down as a girl that would know someone like him," she said as she raised one eyebrow.

  "Well he acted very differently when I first met him, I guess you can't trust every friend that you have," I said, sadly.

  "Very true but you live and you learn," she said as she winked at me.

  "So I assume that a pretty young thing like you should have a boyfriend protecting you, where is he?" She asked as smile filled both of our faces.

  "At home, he doesn't know that I was here or about Jake, the boy from earlier. He would go mad if he knew what happened, he's very protective," I said as the thought of Aiden made me smile.

  "Well from the smile on your face he seems special," she said.

  "He is."

  "Do you love him?"

  "Yes, I think I do," I said as I looked up at her.

  "Well then when you find someone worth loving you hold on to them. God knows that I loved Mr Staples, got on my nerves half the time but I loved that man more than I ever loved anyone before. It still gives me butterflies just thinking about him. When you find that kind of love, you hang on for dear life," she said as she stood up and smiled at me.

  "Now how about I fix you a nice hot cocoa?" She asked as she looked down at me.

  "That would be lovely, thank you," I said as I smiled up at her.

  "Ok, I won't be a minute."

  I suddenly thought about Aiden, I'm sure he would be wondering where I was by now. I quickly slipped my phone out of my pocket and switched it back on. I was greeted by eleven missed calls and three more messages from Kyle's mom. I quickly typed a message telling her that I was safe and ok and then opened a new message to send to Aiden.

  Hey I came to my house and Jake followed me inside

  "Sorry I forgot to ask how many sugars you have in your cocoa?" Mrs Staples asked as she poked her head around the door.

  "Oh, just two please," I replied.

  "Ok," she said before disappearing again.

  I looked down at my phone to complete the message but realised that I had accidently sent it already. I quickly opened up a new message so that I could finish writing my message, telling Aiden that I was safe and at Mrs Staples' house but as I did, my phone died. Great! I knew that he would panic so I quickly ran to the kitchen.

  "Sorry Mrs Staples but could I please use your phone?" I asked in a panic.

  "Yes of course you can, there's one in the living room," she said.

  "Thank you,” I replied as I ran back into the living room, picked up the phone and dialled Crystal's house phone.

  No answer! Great! He was already on his way, I knew it.

  * * *

  It had probably been about seven minutes before I heard a car pull up outside. I had already explained the situation to Mrs Staples so she had been waiting anxiously by the window.

  "Silver mustang?" She asked.

  "Yes," I said as I jumped to my feet and ran towards the front door.

  "Aiden!" I yelled as I watched him heading towards my front door.

  "April?" He said as he practically ran in my direction.

  As he reached me he instantly threw his arms around me and held me so tight that I almost couldn't breathe. Then he pushed me back a little and started looking over my body as though he was searching for marks or bruises.

  "I'm ok," I finally said.
>
  "You sure?" He asked in a worried tone.

  "Yes," I said before his lips came crashing into mine.

  I had seriously never seen him like this before. I was quite worried.

  "I thought something had happened to you," he said as he looked into my eyes again.

  "I'm ok, I promise."

  "Of course she is, she's a tough little cookie, ain't you kiddo?" Anthony said as he gently tapped my cheek. I threw him a small smile and then turned to face Mrs Staples.

  "This is Mrs Staples, she helped me when Jake was in my house. This is Aiden and Anthony," I said.

  "Well, it's a pleasure to meet you both. Good to see she has people who care for her," she said with a smile on her lips.

  "Thanks, I'm really glad that you were there," he said as he smiled at her.

  "No problem, now would you boys like to come in for a cup of cocoa?" She asked in a gentle voice.

  "No, I think we'll just take April home, if you don't mind?" He replied, politely.

  "Of course not, it was a pleasure meeting you both and do come again for that cup of cocoa," she said as she gave them a little wink and stroked my cheek.

  "We will," Anthony replied.

  "Bye," I managed to whisper as I clung to Aiden's chest, for some reason I felt completely and utterly safe in his arms. This is exactly where I wanted to be.

  The entire journey to the Daniels' was spent in silence. I don't think that anybody knew what to say at this point. I did however notice the odd glance that Aiden gave me in the rear view mirror. He really did care about me, I knew that much.

  "Right, I'll catch you guys later then," Anthony said as we all got out of the car.

  "You take care of yourself, kiddo," he said as he threw his muscular arms around me.

  "I will," I said as I tightened my grip on him.

  I loved these guys.

  "Catch you later dude," he said as he patted Aiden on the back. Aiden nodded his head and then lead me to the front door in silence. As I stepped inside, I let out a sigh of relief.

  "Where's Crystal?" I asked.