Pretend

by Charlene Antrobus

  "He wants us or you?" I asked as I raised an eyebrow at her.

  "I want you to come so who cares. Please say you'll come? Pleaseeeeee," she said as she pushed her lips out, faking sadness.

  "Ok, ok as long as you put your lip back in your head," I said as we both began laughing.

  "Great! Come on he's waiting to give us a ride," she said as she dragged my arm and pulled me towards Cameron's car.

  "Hey," he said as he nodded his head at me and opened the car door for us.

  "Hi," I said, nervously as I spotted Mckenzie and Milo already sat in the car staring at me.

  I knew Mckenzie because he was in my chemistry class much to my dismay. I had seen Milo around a few times but didn't really know him all too well.

  "Great," I mumbled to myself as I watched Crystal slip into the passenger’s seat as she and Cameron exchanged flirty looks. I would rather be with Aiden right now but he had practice so I guess this would have to do.

  "Hey beautiful," Mckenzie said as he watched me slip in the seat next to him.

  "I told you a thousand times Mckenzie my name is not beautiful, it's April," I said as I made a sarcastic face at him.

  "You know that feisty ladies are very sexy to me right?" He said as he began to smirk.

  "And you know guys that try to be funny and fail are revolting to me, right?" I said in a sarcastic tone.

  "One day sugar, one day you're going to want all of this and when you do I'll be taken and it'll be too late," he said with a smile on his face.

  "Remind me of that date again, I'll pencil it in my diary," I said as Cameron, Milo and Crystal all burst out laughing.

  This was not how I usually behaved but Mckenzie brought out a more sarcastic side to my personality, probably because he thought that he could get any girl just by clicking his fingers.

  "Ha ha she just made you look like a fool dude!" Milo said as he burst out laughing.

  "Yeah she got some lines," Cameron said as he began laughing.

  "She's just fighting it man," Mckenzie said as he winked at me, forcing me to start laughing too.

  He was a player who thought that he could get all the ladies but there was no denying that he was a little bit funny at times.

  "So, where are we going to eat because I'm hungry?" Milo asked.

  "I don't mind, where do you want to eat baby?" Cameron said as he looked at Crystal.

  "Erm...What about subway?" She asked as she turned and looked at me, Milo and Mckenzie.

  "Yeah, ok," I said as both Milo and Mckenzie shook their head in agreement.

  "Subway it is," Cameron said as I watched him gently rub Crystal's leg before continuing to drive. He really liked her, I could tell.

  "Let's go," Cameron said when we finally pulled up at the mall.

  We all got out the car. Mckenzie chose to exit the same side as me of course.

  "So, what am I getting you?" He asked as he walked beside me.

  "Pardon?"

  "What am I getting you? My treat," he said as he smiled at me.

  "I'm ok, I have money," I said as I caught up with Crystal.

  "Can you please stop leaving me alone with tweedledum?" I said as we both burst out laughing.

  "Sorry but it was so funny to watch, he's got it bad," she said as she began to giggle.

  "Yeah well I haven't," I said as I glanced back at Mckenzie who was smiling at me.

  "You and Cameron looked very loved up," I said as I smiled at her.

  "I really like him you know," she said as she looked at me. There was something about what she said that sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than tell me but I decided not to mention it. Cameron was lovely and I believe that Crystal likes him but she usually goes for guys that are more of a challenge and I’m not sure that Cameron is that guy. Maybe I’m wrong though.

  "I think he really likes you too."

  "I hope so," she replied.

  "So what about you?"

  "Me?" I asked in confusion.

  "Well you get lots of guys liking you and you just turn them all down are you telling me that you're not ready to move on from Kyle?"

  "No, I'm over Kyle, it's just that I'm not interested," I said as I tried to avoid her gaze.

  "Why?"

  "I'm just not," I said as I cleared my throat.

  "Oh come on there must be someone," she said as she stared at me for a few seconds.

  "Oh my gosh there so is, isn't there?" She said as she beamed with excitement.

  "Tell me now," she demanded.

  "Crystal I-"

  "What? What's wrong?" She asked as her she began to look concerned.

  "Nothing, I just wanted to tell you in a different way."

  "Tell me what?"

  "It's Ai-"

  "What are you ladies talking about?" Cameron interrupted.

  "Oh nothing," Crystal replied.

  "We'll talk later," she mouthed to me before turning around to face Cameron.

  Later, great! I'm not looking forward to that.

  * * *

  Twenty minutes later and we were all sat in subway tearing into out delis. I had a BLT, dressed in bbq and sweet onion sauce, my favourite. As we all sat around talking, I felt a vibration in my bag, letting me know that I had a call.

  "Hello," I said as I took another bite of my sandwich.

  "April," A familiar voice said, causing me to freeze.

  "Please don't hang up, just hear me out," he said as my hands began to shake a little, I could never ever forget that voice.

  "I need to talk to you, in person, just meet me by the fountain in the mall in ten minutes."

  "How....How do you know where I am?" I said as I stood to my feet and starting spinning around in search of the person watching me.

  "What's going on?" Crystal asked as she looked at me with a worried face. I ignored her.

  "April, are you still there?" The voice said calmly.

  "Why are you doing this to me? Why now?" I asked as a tear threatened to escape my eye.

  "Because I love you. Just give me a chance," he said before I hung up the phone and stood frozen.

  Why did nothing ever run smoothly in my life?

  What did I do to deserve this?

  "April, what's the matter? You're scaring me?" Crystal said as she stared at my shocked expression.

  "April talk to me! Who was on the phone?"

  "It was him," I said, still in shock.

  "Who?"

  "Ed," I whispered as though it wasn't real.

  "Oh my gosh, what did he want?" She said as a shocked expression filled her entire face.

  "He's here."

  "Here?"

  "Yes," I said as my stomach dropped for the fifth time. I gently pinched my arm in the hope that I was dreaming but I wasn't.

  This wasn't a dream, this was reality, my reality and he was really here, back for me...

  "I don't understand, why is he here?" Crystal asked as she looked at me with a confused face.

  "I don't know," I answered in a quiet voice.

  I had no idea why he was back, how he found me or what was left to say but I knew one thing and that was that I needed to know.

  "Hey, where are you going?" Crystal asked as she raced behind me.

  "To find out."

  "You're going to meet him?" She said in a shocked tone.

  "Yes, I have to know, I need to understand," I said in a sad voice.

  "I get it. Do you want me to come with you?"

  "No I'll be ok. I'll see you at home."

  "Ok but you call me if you need anything, right?"

  "I will," I said before giving Crystal a hug and heading towards the fountain.

  I always loved sitting by the fountain and watching how the water feeds its way back through in such a synchronised fashion. I loved the fact that you could see right to the bottom where people had thrown their dimes and quarters in. I always loved going to see the fountain, except today.

  The journey seemed much lo
nger than it actually was, I felt as though I was walking the green mile and in some ways I was.

  It was when I finally got there and seen his face that the reality really kicked in. I stood frozen for a minute as I took in every inch of his features. I looked at the way that his dirty blonde hair sat neatly above his eyebrows. I watched as his hazel eyes pierced through mine as though he had just found something that he had been looking for forever, as though I were a rare jewel or diamond. I examined his neatly pressed suit and the way that it fit his body to perfection as though it were made to fit only him alone. I even took note of the fact that his shoes were so shiny that the reflection of the fountain was visible in them. Most importantly I realised that I had never forgotten his face, his crooked jaw line and perfectly pointy nose. I remembered it all as though it was just yesterday that I had seen it. The scariest part was that looking at him reminded me so much of looking at me.

  "April?" He asked as he approached me slowly. I nodded my head but didn't dare say a word, not that I could find any to say, anyway.

  "I'm grateful that you came-"

  "I didn't do it for you," I said in a stern voice as I looked into his eyes.

  "Did you want to maybe grab a drink so that we could talk?" He asked politely as though he were talking to someone that he had just met for the first time.

  "No, we can talk here, it shouldn't take long," I replied. It was amazing that after nine years, so much anger and hurt could still live within me.

  "Look Appy-"

  "No one calls me that anymore, I'm not seven years old Ed," I interrupted.

  "Of course, I'm sorry," he said with a sad face.

  I almost felt sorry for him...Almost.

  "Look, why are you here? Why now?" I asked as I stared into his face.

  "I needed to talk to you, to explain. I've done this so many times in my head but I just can't seem to find the right words to say," he said as he shifted his eyes from the floor, to my face and back again.

  "How about you start with I'm sorry for being the kind of father that left you at the age of seven and didn't turn up until nine years later. Why don’t you try that?" I said in an angry tone.

  "You hate me, don't you?" He asked in a solemn voice.

  I didn't even give an answer to his pathetic question.

  This was the man who ruined my life the day that he left. He made me compare every guy that ever hurt or left me to him and now he's back to do what exactly?

  Was he looking for sympathy?

  If he was then he had come to the wrong place because all my sympathy for him had died years ago. Looking at him just reminded me of all those timed that I forced Aiden and Crystal to wait by my bedroom window, hoping that one day I would see him walk down that path again and tell me that everything would be just fine. All I could see when I looked into his eyes was me, seven years old and crying myself to sleep because I had no daddy to tuck me in at night.

  "I just want the chance to explain," he said, gently.

  "Explain what exactly? Look, I thought doing this was a good idea but now, I just want you to leave me alone," I said as I walked away from him, trying to battle with the tears that were trying to force themselves out of my eyes.

  No way would I cry another tear for him, I promised myself that a long time ago.

  "April, please just hear me out and then if you still want me to leave you alone after that, then fair enough," he said as his eyes pleaded with me.

  I took a deep breath and then nodded my head.

  We walked in silence as he led the way to his car. It was beautiful. I had no idea what type of car it was, it looked foreign. He obviously hadn't struggled that much in our years apart.

  "Here," he said as he held open the passenger seat door for me.

  I almost said thank you but he didn't deserve my gratitude. To tell the truth, I was mostly angry with myself because even though I really didn't know anything about this man, even though he left me alone for years without so much as a birthday card, a small part of me still loved him. A small part of me still longed for him to hold me in his arms, kiss me on the forehead and tell me that everything was ok because daddy was here. Silly, I know.

  "You've grown into a beautiful young lady," he said after we had sat in silence for at least three minutes.

  I gently raised my eyebrows and then turned my head so that I was looking out of the window at the mall.

  "April, I know that you hate me-"

  "I don't hate you," I said as I turned to face him and watched the shocked look on his face.

  "I just want some answers, the truth."

  "Ok, I will tell you everything," he said as he turned his head and looked out of the window. He seemed to be avoiding eye contact with me. He looked nervous.

  "I come from a very well off family, they own a lot of land, businesses and properties," he said gently.

  Yeah this is making me feel way better...Not!

  "I'm not saying this to boast."

  Oh, you must have read my mind.

  "My parents wanted a certain lifestyle for me when I was younger. They wanted me to have a good education, be trained in many skills, know which fork to use when I dined at fancy restaurants and most of all they wanted me to settle down and find a wife," he said sadly.

  "Of course they wanted it to be someone from our circle. A young lady who would stand to inherit much one day, someone who wouldn't need to depend on my assets," he continued.

  "I take it that my mom didn't fit into that category," I said.

  "Exactly. Well not to them anyway but I loved her, more than I have ever loved anyone before. When we met, she knew nothing about what I owned or who I was and she just fell in love with me. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. In fact you remind me of how she used to look back when I met her," he said with a look of happiness in his eyes.

  "So what happened?" I asked, eager to understand how things got so bad.

  "Your mom eventually found out who I was and she knew that she didn't fit into my world but I didn't care. I begged her to just give it a try, to give me a chance. I just couldn't imagine a life without her. So we continued to see each other behind my parents’ back. They never knew a thing about it and all the while we fell deeper and deeper in love. When your mom told me that she was pregnant with you, it was the happiest day of my life. I have never felt a feeling like that since," he said sadly.

  "Don't you have any more children?"

  "No," he replied dryly.

  "Oh."

  "Your mother and I managed to keep our relationship secret for years but when I didn't show any interest in the woman that my dad kept bringing to my attention, I guess he became suspicious. One of the nights that I came to see you and your mother my father sent someone to follow me. They saw me with you guys and told him everything," he said in a sad tone.

  "What did your father do?" I asked.

  "He forbade me from seeing you both. He said that it brought shame on the family and that it was not my destiny. It didn't matter how much I told him that I loved her, he just didn't care. I threatened to defy him but he said that he would take everything from me and I wouldn't take over the business when he retired two years later."

  "So, you left us for money," I said in an angry tone.

  "No, it wasn't like that. I knew that I couldn't support you and your mom without any money. I needed to keep up the payments on the home that you both lived in and provide for you," he said.

  "But you left," I said in a confused tone.

  "Yes I had to, if he was to believe that we were no longer together, I had to leave. I begged him to see you guys one last time and so he did. That was when your mother and I formulated our plan."

  "Plan?"

  "Yes, we planned to stay away from each other for two years whilst I awaited my father's retirement. I would keep sending her money, secretly to keep up with the payments in that time and then when my father had signed everything over to me, you would both come home
to live with me. He would have no longer had a say once I took over," he said in a disappointed tone.

  "What went wrong?" I asked already knowing from his expression that something did.

  "At some point my father must have discovered the secret transaction that I had set up to put money into your mother's account every month and he just stopped it. I never even knew that he had stopped it for way over a year," he said as he placed his head in his hands.

  My instinct was to rub his back, to tell him that everything was ok but I couldn't.

  I was shocked. The very man that I had spent years being angry with may not have been exactly who I thought he was.

  "What did you do when you found out?" I asked curiously.

  "I lost it, got angry at my dad and told him to stick his inheritance and then I drove to you and your mom. I had no money, no job but I didn't care anymore, I just wanted to be with my family," he said sadly.

  "I remember how excited I was to run up to the door, wait for your mom to open it and then throw her into my arms and tell her that we could be together at last. I didn’t have a plan but I would have made it work, somehow."

  "That didn't happen though," I said as I knew that something sad was on its way.

  "No it didn't. I sat outside of your house for forty five minutes. I guess I was nervous, I didn't know what to say or where to begin. Just as I went to get out of the car, the front door swung open and a man came out and before I could even take in the situation or wonder who he was, your mom kissed him. I watched her body language and the way that she looked at him and I knew that she loved him, I could tell. She just looked...Happy. Then you came running out, you were nine by then and had your blonde hair up in a bun. You were beautiful, I remember looking at you and thinking how could I have missed all of this. Then the man picked you up and you threw you arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek just as a little girl should with her father."

  He stopped to take a breath.

  Bob was the man he had seen, it all made sense.

  "I knew then that I was too late. Your mom obviously thought that I had stopped sending the money and had forgotten about her and so she moved on. I couldn't blame her, asking her to wait for two years was selfish," he said sadly.