Hard White

by Shannon Holmes

  “Damn, so you just forgot all about me huh?” she asked after an extended pause. She had to process his excuse. “You mean to tell me that you didn’t wake up in the middle of the night to even go to the bathroom?”

  “Nope, I was dead tired. All that rippin’ and runnin’, you know…? Finally all that kinda caught up to me.”

  “Uh, huh…”

  “What’s that suppose ta mean?”

  “Not a thing, Mel. Not a thing.”

  His thoughts caused an increase in Melquan’s heartbeat. No way in hell India was going to believe a lie like that. She was a seasoned veteran when it came to men and relationship. She had seen it all and heard damn near everything. Still she had no proof of his infidelity. India had her suspicions, but what she knew, and what she could prove were two different things. Melquan quietly listened.

  “Anyway, I missed you. You should’ve been with me,” she said with that sad, sweet ring in her voice.

  It was mushy stuff and made him thought of love. He shivered then he heard her voice ringing through the phone. “Melquan, did you hear me? I said what you been up to, baby? How was your day?”

  “I’m good thanks for askin’… Anyway, I had a real busy day,” Melquan said quickly.

  “Doing what?”

  “C’mon you know… Takin’ care of some business…”

  “Doing what…?” India repeated.

  “Doin’ me,” Melquan answered. He could hear the suspicion on the voice and quickly added, “C’mon India, don’t start with me.”

  “And exactly what’s that supposed to mean, Mel?”

  Melquan took a deep breath and exhaled. He felt that the conversation had taken a wrong turn somewhere and attempted to correct the course.

  “India, c’mon now, we both know where this is headed.”

  “And…”

  “So, let’s not take it there. Not now. I can’t deal with it. At least not right now…”

  Melquan sensed doubt, and tried to put them to bed. He knew that would be better done person to person. India was sneaky and had resorted to unusual methods to gain information about him. She had got his password on both his Facebook and Myspace accounts. With her current line of questioning, India was fishing for more info.

  “Don’t act like you’re any type of saint, Melquan. We both know otherwise. If I’m acting a certain way, it’s because of your past behavior. You made me this way.”

  By watching his mother, Melquan had learned how to be a whore. In the mid to late eighties, when Melquan was still a youngster coming up, Miss Tina began bedding a succession of hustlers. Charlie Rock was amongst the most prominent. Different men came in and out her bedroom at all hours. Melquan was there to witness all their exploits until the streets called him. Melquan’s perception of right and wrong was distorted, after having being shaped by these different men. Family values were quickly replaced by street principles.

  There was a long pause on the other end. India wasn’t sure if the call was somehow disconnected and she shouted into the receiver.

  “Melquan, are you still there…?”

  “Yeah, I’m here…” Melquan released another heavy sigh of total exasperation. “But lemme ask you a question why you yellin’, huh?”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought I dropped the call because I’m driving, that’s why. But to get back to what we were discussing…”

  “You call that a discussion? It sounded more like an interrogation on my end. The police have been a whole lot friendlier to me.”

  “Melquan, your behavior hasn’t been all that great. You bought this on yourself. You go M-I-A, missing in action and you just expect me to accept any old excuse like that. Sometimes you’re so full of it, Melquan. You know what I mean?”

  “How could I forget…? You remind me of it almost every day. How we gonna ever move pass that if you keep remindin’ me of da past? We’ll never move forward cuz all you do is keep bringin’ up the ol’ shit. And I thought you forgave me already? Remember…?”

  “I did. But it seems like as soon as we get over one thing, here comes another. You’re always trying to be so secretive and elusive whenever I ask a question concerning your whereabouts. If you’re going to be around me then you’ve got to make choices. And one is you’ve got to be open with me or—”

  Melquan heard it in her tone. India was trying hard not to spaz. Being lied to she was finding it harder and harder not to go off.

  “If you really must know what I was doin’ all day, I was baggin’ up. Okay, are you happy now? If I ever get indicted, you’ll know why. You got me talking all reckless on my cellphone…!”

  Melquan turned around to see that his mother was eavesdropping on the conversation. He stared at her, shaking his head in disgust. Miss Tina had that I-told-you-so look on her face. Melquan could tell that she had heard the entire conversation. She shifted her body weight from one hip to the next as if growing impatient. Finally she crossed her arms across ample buxom, and glared at him with an evil smirk. Melquan stared at her for a quick second. Seeking any little bit of privacy he could get, Melquan turned his back.

  “I’m so sorry for making you say that, Melquan. I really am sorry and apologize for it. I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately.”

  “Yeah, a’ight…” Melquan tone suggested that he was still upset by India’s informal questioning.

  “Ever since I had that bad dream about you, a couple weeks ago, I’ve been thinking that you’ve been cheating on me. Anyway, are you coming over, boo? I need to see you. I’ll make it up to you when you get here. I promise…”

  “A’ight, I’m gonna catch a cab over there in a minute. I just gotta go get sumthin from Mike Copeland, and then I’m on my way there.”

  “Okay, see you soon, boo,” India said and pulled into the parking lot space of her Co-op City apartment.

  She parked her Honda Civic and removed her eight-year-old son, Zach from his seat belt. They walked up to the elevator and got on. Both entered the apartment and India put away her bags and set off to prepare Zach something to eat. The boy was fascinated by cartoons on the television and quickly indulged. His mother was soon finished with the meal and called him to the kitchen.

  “Come on and eat this before it gets too cold,” India said.

  The light skinned boy sat at the table and ate heartily while his mother went through a stack of mail.

  “Look at all these bills…” she quietly said under breath.

  “Mom, I’m finished eating. Can I go to my room and play my Playstation for a little while before I get ready for bed?”

  “I didn’t know you were finished eating. Zack, please eat all your vegetables. You’re all worked up over the videogames. Did you do your homework yet?”

  “Yes mom. I did it while you were making dinner.”

  “You’re not lying to me, are you boy?”

  “No mom, I swear, I’m telling you the truth,” Zach said.

  “Zach, what did I tell you about all this swearing? It’s not that serious, boy.”

  His mother’s tone of voice caused Zach to feel sorry and his facial expression changed to one of discomfort. He slowly picked at the vegetables remaining on his plate under the watchful eyes of his mother. The look of sadness enveloping her son’s face made her feel bad.

  “You okay, Zach?” she asked, mussing his curly hair.

  The boy smiled and nodded. He was already feeling better, knowing that his mother was not really angry at him. India smiled and spoke.

  “Okay, I’ll make a deal with you. Finish eating all your vegetables then put the empty plate in the sink, and you can play your game for one hour. Oh yeah, and take a bath before you start all that videogame. I want you in bed and asleep after that.”

  “Thanks mom,” Zach said and excitedly ate the rest of the vegetables.

  Couple minutes later, he bolted from the dining table and raced to his room. India watched him moving too quickly before shaking her head.

  “Boy, yo
u better stop running through this house like that before you break something. You hear me?”

  “Yes mom,” Zach responded, disappearing into his room.

  “And take a bath first,” India said, clearing the table and going to the sink.

  She had hardly touched her meal. She was caught up cleaning the dishes with a look of concern adorning her pretty face. India did not hear when Melquan entered the apartment. He quietly sneaked up behind her and affectionately hugged her. India was at first startled then she became lost in his embrace.

  “Baby, I’m so happy you’re home. It feels really good to be in your arms,” India said, kissing Melquan.

  “Sounds like you had a bad day,” Melquan said.

  “Not really. It’s just the same old BS. You know how it is, day in and day out. It’s the same old stuff. I got to put up with BS from the patients and also get it from the doctors with their nasty attitudes.”

  “Yeah, I hear you, ma.”

  “Please, and if that’s not bad enough, I used up almost all of my sick days going back and forth to the family court with Zach’s father. If it ain’t one thing it’s another. Plus, I’ve got to get back to school. I’m so tired of dreading to go to work. It’s like I sit there and watch the clock all day. I can’t wait for three p.m. I hate my job. The only thing it’s good for is paying my bills. That’s it… And right now it’s not even doing that.”

  “What, you need some money, India?”

  “Melquan, you know I don’t like asking you for money. You do enough already for me and Zach as it is... I made this mess, and I’ve got to clean it up by myself.”

  “India, come on now. Don’t let your pride get in the way of accepting some money from me when you need it. Everybody needs a little help here and there.”

  “Yeah, but my here and there are starting to become more frequent with each month… Each week… I feel like I’m taking a handout from you,” India said, sounding sad.

  Melquan hugged her tightly. She was definitely wifey material. India was twenty-six years old, light skin complexioned, hard working, mature woman. She was beautiful, her features richly Native American and African American quality. Her sexy hourglass figure showed in anything that she wore. He couldn’t just walk all over her like he did with all the other women he had. This was the thing that really attracted Melquan to India. Being in a relationship with India was a challenge. She dared him to want more out of life. She wanted him to see life outside of the projects. India was more of a woman than he ever had.

  Despite the big front she had put up on the phone, and no matter how mad she was, India was always approachable. All their problems were momentarily forgotten, now that she had deeper concerns about other things. At this point India was vulnerable and Melquan was just the person to console her.

  “Yeah, I hear you, but stop looking at it like that. I’m not giving you a handout… I’m giving you a hand up,” Melquan said, holding her tighter.

  India turned around and caressed his face and planted a juicy, wet kiss on his lips. With her head was on his chest, he rocked back and forth silently with her in his arms. Melquan’s thoughts melted into two years ago. It took him back to the evening when they first saw each other in PathMark supermarket in Co-op.

  He was just becoming a successful hustler and had all the trappings of street success. When their eyes first set on each other, he thought she was a Puerto Rican chick from the hood. She looked like some young girl he could bag. Initially India wasn’t interested in him at all.

  Melquan had spotted India up and down the supermarket aisles. By chance they ended up in the same checkout line. Seizing the opportunity, Melquan turned around and spoke to her.

  “What’s up Mami?” Melquan greeted her.

  India had given him the meanest mug he’d ever seen from a woman and pulled her blackberry out her purse, fiddling with it, without responding. Melquan wasn’t used to getting dissed in this manner. He had to think fast to save face.

  “I’m good! Thanks for asking,” he said in good humor. Despite not wanting to laugh, India had to. The comment caught her off guard. She loved a person with a sense of humor. Melquan had plenty of that.

  “Oh, you like that huh?” Melquan said, capitalizing on his good fortune. “You know you look a whole lot prettier with that smile on ya face. Yeah, I could get used ta that smile.”

  Melquan continued to heave compliment after compliment on India. She quickly began to blush. Now Melquan had the green light to push up on her.

  “What’s your name?” Melquan had asked while eyeballing her sexy frame.

  “It’s India, not mami,” she announced. “I’m not Hispanic.”

  “Oh, my bad, India,” he apologized. “You look…”

  “Looks can be deceiving, now can’t they?”

  “Say no more. One thing I do know I wouldn’t care if you was blue. Girl, you fine. You look good. Word...”

  “Boy, you’re killing me right now. You probably say that to all the females you meet. What did you say your name was?”

  “Melquan,” he stated confidently. “Before me there was none and after me there shall be no more.”

  “Okay, Clever aren’t we? What’re you, some type of rapper.”

  “Amongst other things I’ve been told. But enough about me let’s talk about you. I wanna know everything about you. First, I need your number though.”

  “Oh, you think it’s that easy, huh?” she had said smiling. “You kick a few lines and you get want you want? Listen, I don’t even give my name to strange men.”

  “I’m Melquan, a nice guy from Edenwald. You’re India from…?”

  “Co-op,” she answered. “I don’t even know why I just said that.”

  “See, now we’re no longer strangers,” he smiled.

  “If I’m not mistaken you said you’re from Edenwald? I’ve heard stories about that place.”

  “Like the ol’ sayin’ goes, ‘believe none of what you hear and half of what you see’. It’s not as bad as they say. It has its ups and downs just like everywhere else. From what I hear they got Bloods & Crips in Co-op City. So, there that go… Now back to that number.”

  “Melquan, I would feel more comfortable taking yours,” she told him.

  “Why? You gotta man or sumthin?”

  “No, I have a child though. Beside, that’s just my rule of thumb. I don’t just give out my number. It’s unlady like. I know we’re not stranger any more but it just a rule I have.”

  “Well rules are made to be broken,” he suggested.

  “According to the law, they’re also made to be enforced.”

  “Oh, you got jokes, huh?”

  “Sure do…”

  “A’ight, I give. You ready? Here goes my number.”

  Melquan gave her his digits and made sure she got them by repeating them slowly and writing them down.

  “Got it,” India exclaimed. “And don’t worry I will call you.”

  “Yeah, you do that.”

  Meeting a female of India caliber was a dream for Melquan. The demeanor of this smart, sexy, sophisticated woman easily impressed him. Melquan had enough around the way girls, hood chicks and ghetto girls, he was seeking to upgrade. He felt their personalities meshed. Melquan was not about to let this opportunity slip through his fingers.

  They chatted and the long line progressed. Soon it was their turn to pay for their groceries. First Melquan went and waited on India when he was done. Together they walked out the store and toward the parking lot.

  “What you cookin’ dinner or what?” Melquan asked.

  “Why…?” India replied.

  “You need ta let me take you out ta dinner. That’s why.”

  India suddenly went silent. She turned and looked at him strange. Soon she broke out into a smile. His rugged good looks gave her a moment to pause.

  “My bad,” Melquan said. “I shoulda known betta.”

  “Yep!”

  When India’s voice trailed off Melqua
n heard no satisfaction in it. Instead he saw the regret in her almond shaped eyes. They continued the short distance to her car. Melquan helped place her grocery bags in the trunk of the modest grey Honda Civic.

  “I guess this is goodbye,” she said.

  “Don’t say goodbye. You’ll definitely see me again. And soon.”

  “Okay, never let it be said that you lack confidence.”

  “Nah, it ain’t confidence. I’m just convinced, you’re feelin’ me like I’m feelin’ you. I’m convinced that this is not some chance meeting. This is destiny—yours and mine.”

  During the ride to her apartment on Dreiser Loop in Co-Op City, India couldn’t keep Melquan out of her mind. She hadn’t quite felt like this since she had met her son’s father, Shamel. They had broken up and she had run into a lot of imposters, but not any real suitors. India was in need of a man in her life. She secretly hoped that Melquan would fill that void.

  Here in the living room of India’s apartment, Melquan had managed to ease most of India’s fears. His presence had a calming effect on her. They sat on the couch, cuddling, watching a television show called Real Housewives of Atlanta. Although Melquan didn’t much care for the show itself, whenever and wherever he found the time to spend quality time with India, he did. He wanted to take advantage of this situation and score some points in the process.

  Holding India close made Melquan’s nature rise. In between the commercials the two would fondle each other. By time the show went off things got really hot and heavy. The couple lost awareness of time and place. A touch turned into a feel and a light peck on the lips turned into a wet, passionate tongue kiss.

  Melquan’s hands slowly roamed all over her body, and India’s senses were awakened. They were about to disrobe and let their passion drive them to ecstacy. Suddenly India stopped him.

  “No, we can’t do this,” she whispered.

  “Why not…?”

  “Zach!” she calmly hissed. “He might come out here at any moment. And I don’t want my son seeing us like this.”

  Melquan thought about it for couple beats. His heart was heaving in his chest. He glanced down at his rock hard dick then looked at India. Her facial expression said it all. India didn’t have to say anything else. She got up from off the couch, her cleavage showing, and her clothing was in disarray. India began straightening her clothes. He knew better too.