Loyal Subjects

by Eva Charles

  After they died, I tried to become the best version of myself. It’s how I honored their memory. My impulsivity had gotten me into a lot of trouble when I was younger: pounding guys who showed any interest in my cousins, and flattening bullies who bothered my younger brothers.

  Not everyone took a generous view of my behavior, and most tried to quash it, but my father never did. Not really. “You’re a fierce protector. It’s an admirable quality. Don’t ever lose it. But this passion makes you impulsive. Learn to harness it. Don’t use it to hurt others, or to stifle them. Instead, stand back and allow them to flourish in your protective aura.”

  Some days, I’m the man my father envisioned. And most days, I did good. But clearly, I had a long way to go.

  My phone rang, and I turned it over. Sophie. I was either about to get a big virtual hug, or my ass handed to me. Most likely both.

  “Hey, Soph.”

  “How are you?”

  “Ah, it pretty much sucks, all the way around. The allegations are sobering. I don’t believe them, but they’re spend-the-rest-of-your-life-in-jail serious.”

  “Max said that he hasn’t been charged with sexual assault because the young woman left the hospital before they could take an official statement and get a rape kit. They still haven’t found her, but he’s not sure how hard they’re looking. And he thinks the drug case will be referred to a grand jury, to avoid any sense of impropriety. Have you heard anything else?”

  “Max has more information than I do. No one’s talking to me about any of it. I’m essentially persona non grata when it comes to the case.”

  She paused for a few seconds. “I spoke with Emmie a little while ago.”

  “Hm. Bet she called to give you an earful.”

  “I called her. And she was measured, much more measured than I would have been under the circumstances.”

  I didn’t say anything. But the voice in my head had plenty to yell about, using words like lying bastard and asshole. My conscience was not happy, and when it was unhappy, it became an insufferable, nagging SOB.

  “I saw your…press conference. It caught me off guard. I couldn’t understand how someone in Emmie’s position would say something like that. Especially her. I recommended her for the job, because she’s a total pro. And she uprooted her child, her motherin-law, left behind a support system to take this job. It’s a great job for her. It provides her with some financial stability. You know, she’s not only responsible for Teddy, but she helps her motherin-law out, too.”

  No, I didn’t know that. Sophie kept piling on. I might still get that big virtual hug, but she was going to kick my ass around the backyard a few times first.

  “This has been a pretty shitty day for everyone. It’s not like she’s out of a job.”

  “It’s very likely she’ll lose her job.”

  When the impact hit, my heart tore away from the supporting muscle and dropped into my stomach. The thud was silent, but the pain was searing.

  “For all intents and purposes, she violated the terms of her contract. At the very least, she violated the spirit. You announced it on live television. How can she possibly be effective now? I’m not sure she can be rehabilitated. Even my board, which is reasonable, is telling me to push the team for her resignation.”

  I threw up a little in my mouth, and gulped bourbon to wash the vile taste away. Another stupid decision. “She didn’t do anything wrong. She didn’t…she didn’t actually say she believed Jake.”

  “You lied.”

  “I just… I lied.”

  There was nothing from the other end of the line, but soft, even breaths. Some who caught the press conference would believe what I said about Emmie, because that’s how it had always worked in professional sports. But Sophie knew damn well when she heard it that Emmie hadn’t said a word of it.

  “He didn’t do it. I don’t want his life ruined. I was desperate, and didn’t think through the ramifications for anyone besides Jake. I didn’t intend to throw her under the bus, but when opportunity knocked, I answered. I guess deep down, I justified it by telling myself I was simply giving voice to her feelings. I don’t believe she thinks he’s guilty.”

  “Mark, even though a sexual assault advocate from New Day would ordinarily have met the young woman at the hospital, we referred the case to another agency because of the conflict. But reporters have been pestering me all day for a comment. I haven’t returned any calls. I believe wholeheartedly in Jake’s innocence. I just don’t believe he would ever do something like that. Not Jake. But I would compromise all the work the agency has done, and will do, for victims in the future if I come out and say it. Besides, what good would it do? I have no credibility on this. Nothing I say or do will change any of it for him. Do you think you turned the tide by what you said?”

  My head pounded. “No. Not really. People who believe in him will stick with him. The haters will always be the haters.”

  “You need to fix this, Mark.”

  And how the hell am I supposed to do that? I wanted to shout into the phone.

  “This isn’t some publicity stunt gone awry. It’s someone’s life. It’s not fair… And you’re not a liar,” she added softly. “You’re a stand-up guy. You always tell the truth, even when it has consequences. It’s something I’ve always loved about you.”

  “I didn’t mean to hurt her, Soph. Of all people, I didn’t mean to do this to her.”

  “I know you didn’t. And somewhere under the shock of it, she knows it, too. But it doesn’t change anything. She might still be out of a job.”

  I eyed the bottle of Blanton’s. There wasn’t enough booze left in the bottle to drown my sorrows. “I’ll figure out a way to make it right. Do you think she’ll talk to me, if I call?”

  “Right now, she’s fighting to survive this. It might not be a good time to call.”

  “Yeah.” I blew out a breath. “How’s the smartest little girl in Boston?”

  “She’s already using her wiles like a champ. Has her daddy wrapped tightly around her little finger. I’m quite sure he even tied the bow. Last night he let her style his hair.”

  I managed a chuckle, but I didn’t feel it. “And I bet her mama’s still doing too much.”

  “A lot to do before the baby comes… Mark, we’ll get through this thing with Jake. We will.”

  I hung up, and splashed some more bourbon into the tumbler. When I settled back into the chair and closed my eyes, the faint smell of tobacco was there. I let it clear my head.

  This thing was bigger than me. How could I possibly fix it for Emmie without hurting Jake?

  I opened the center drawer, where my father kept a draft of the speech he planned on delivering to announce his candidacy. It was handwritten, in his familiar scrawl. A heavily edited draft, with entire paragraphs crossed out.

  I’d read it before, and went straight to the last couple sentences, printed in block uppercase: We don’t always find courage in the truth, but there is always cowardice in a lie. I humbly ask you to join us in putting country before party, because in the end, regardless of the consequences, we have a moral obligation to do what’s right and just.

  They were about to announce a mixed-party ticket. My older brothers believed it’s why he died. Why they all died that day in a big fiery ball.

  I replaced the papers, and carefully shut the drawer, before texting Emmie.

  Mark: Please don’t worry. I’ll fix everything first thing tomorrow. You have my word.

  I reread the text a few times before I pressed Send. I still had no idea how to make it right.

  She didn’t text me back. Not a huge surprise.

  Sometime after midnight, it eventually occurred to me. Tell the truth. That’s how you fix a lie. Simple. Yeah, sure.

  I wasn’t sure how it would all play out, but I would make it right for her, if it’s the very last thing I did.

  Once I formulated a plan, woke up Jake, sent a few dozen emails and a tweet, I passed out. Brady slept o
n the bed, next to me. At least I had one friend left. Maybe the truth really does set you free, because I didn’t stir until the light peeked through the shades.

  When I woke up, I took a long run on the beach, before the haze lifted from the horizon. On my way back upstairs to shower, I paused at my father’s study, trying to recall what it meant to be a man. It wasn’t measured in years. Some people went to the grave, old and gray, without ever achieving it. It was about character. All about doing the right thing when it was hard. Especially when it was hard.

  I showered and grabbed coffee on my way into the city. It was still early enough that I missed the worst of the traffic.

  Jake was fully on board with my plan. Patrick not so much, although he came around at Jake’s insistence. But he drew the line at me talking to reporters from anywhere near Brown and Dunlap or at Hancock Field. He wasn’t wrong. In the end, there was no way to predict how this would all turn out. For Emmie, for Jake, and even for me. I might be the one out of a job before the sun set. But it was the least of my problems.

  There was a park across from the state house, the symbol of a commonwealth established by honorable people who sailed across the Atlantic in search of liberty and fairness. That’s where the cameras were set up when I arrived.

  Given yesterday’s news about Jake, it hadn’t been difficult to get the press to show up today. There were at least four times more reporters here this morning than there were outside my office yesterday. And it wasn’t just the local crew. The big boys were here, too.

  I blew out a breath and stepped forward with my head high, prepared to be humbled, while a national audience watched. I didn’t need notes. It’s not hard to talk off the cuff when you’re telling the truth.

  “Thank you for being here on short notice. I’ll be brief. I spoke out of school yesterday, outside my office, and not everything I said was true. I was worried about my brother… And feeling more than a little helpless, I grasped at straws. I did speak with Emily Landon of the Hawks, but she never said she believed Jake was innocent. She said nothing even remotely like that. Ms. Landon told me it wasn’t her job to determine guilt and innocence. It was her job to listen, and to support everyone, but especially the young woman who made the allegations against Jake. I lied to you yesterday, and impinged her character in a self-serving way. I’m truly sorry. Please accept my apology… I hope Ms. Landon will find it in her heart to accept my sincerest apology, too. Thank you.” I turned to walk away.

  “Why did you lie?”

  I had no intention of answering questions, but maybe this one needed to be addressed.

  “I have no good excuse. Not that there ever is an excuse to lie. Jake’s my brother, and I believe he’s innocent. No one will ever convince me differently—not on these facts. It’s difficult for me to imagine that anyone who knows him would ever think he’d be involved in something like this. I’m stepping away from this matter. I clearly have nothing useful to add, and I’m too close to my brother to behave rationally. That’s all I have. I just wanted to set the record straight, and to apologize for misleading you.”

  After the little heart-to-heart with the press, a heavy burden was lifted from my shoulders. I was even more relieved when Sophie called late in the day to tell me her board stopped haranguing her about Emmie. It probably meant the other calls for her job had stopped, too. When I asked, Sophie told me she hadn’t spoken with Emmie, yet, today.

  I heard from people all day, who called to provide moral support. Even Patrick wasn’t being a prick. He let it slip in front of me that the DA didn’t think the grand jury would indict. And it appeared that my job was safe, although I did get an earful about not pulling a stunt like that again.

  I heard from my family, colleagues, and friends, but I didn’t hear a peep from Emmie. I don’t know what I was expecting—a ticker tape parade in my honor for coming clean after being a lying bastard? Not really, but hope sprang eternal. Not for the parade, but maybe for a text. It’s not that I wanted her thanks—I wanted her forgiveness. I desperately wanted her forgiveness.

  After a quiet dinner at Cole and Alexa’s, I headed home, with plenty to think about.

  Alexa was pregnant. They hadn’t said a word yet, but she’d traded in her wineglass for a milk moustache, and tossed her cookies a few weeks ago, when I waved a cup of coffee in front of her nose first thing in the morning. Scant evidence, I know, but I’d take the bet.

  My brother had it all. Or at least it seemed like it. A woman he loved in his bed every single night. A woman who loved and understood him, a baby on the way, and they’d just bought a house with a big yard, in a great neighborhood close to the city.

  I gave him endless shit about being pussy-whipped, and smirked at him every time Alexa added to the honey-do list, but I was envious. Green to the gills.

  I turned on the Blues game and dropped into bed with my laptop and a beer. Neither of which were warm or soft, but in the last twenty-four hours, I’d pretty much screwed up any possibility of warm and soft in my bed. At least the warm and soft I wanted.

  The phone rang, and my heart stopped when Emmie’s name lit the screen.

  “Hey.”

  “It’s Emmie.”

  “I know.”

  “Is this a good time?”

  “Always.” I tossed my laptop onto the bed near me. “Emmie, I’m so sorry about what I did. About everything I said. More sorry than you’ll ever know.”

  “Thank you for setting the record straight, today. I’m sure it wasn’t easy.”

  A little more stress rolled off my shoulders. “I’m not afraid to eat a little humble pie. Probably won’t be the last time… It might not undo all the damage. There might still be some fallout.”

  “Probably. But you didn’t just mail in a redaction, you were very public and clear about everything. It took a lot of heat off me.”

  My stomach balled tight. “I never meant for any of this to hurt you.”

  “I know how much you love Jake, and want to protect him. I understand that better than you gave me credit for yesterday.”

  “If I could take back everything I said in the last twenty-four hours, believe me, I would. I made a mess of everything. For him, but mostly for you.”

  “You did a huge thing for me today. Not everyone…”

  “I’m not a liar. I have a lot of bad habits, but that’s not one of them.”

  It was quiet, with just her kitten breaths on the other end of the line. “Remember when I told you about how my brothers and I got separated in foster care?”

  “Mmhm.”

  “When we were placed with the family, they weren’t prepared for all of us, but especially for me. I squirreled away food, because I didn’t trust we’d never be hungry. It caused an ant infestation in my closet. And at night when the boys would cry, I would go get them and bring them into my bed so they’d be safe. We had lived among rats, and I once overheard our downstairs neighbor tell my mother that they were attracted to the baby’s drool, so I always kept the babies in my bed to keep them safe at night.

  “I watched the foster mother like a hawk, and undermined everything she tried to do for the twins, because it was different than how I’d taken care of them. It didn’t matter how many times the caseworker told me I wouldn’t be able to stay if I didn’t start listening, and be a good girl. I couldn’t stop. No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t stop. My single-minded drive to protect them destroyed everything.”

  My chest ached for the little girl who grew up in squalor. A child trying to raise children. I didn’t say a word. I couldn’t. The emotion of the last day and a half was getting the best of me.

  “I hope that’s not pity I hear on the other end of the line, Harrington.”

  “Me, pity you? Not a chance in hell, Sunshine…” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “You were a child, Emmie. I’m an adult.”

  “Mmhm. But that feeling. The one that burns viciously, to protect people you love? I don’t think it knows adults from c
hildren, Mark.”

  “Not sure how I can ever make this up to you.”

  “You already did. No one would have believed me. The Hawks PR department told me not to waste my time putting out a statement… But you decided my life, my child’s life, were important enough to stand in front of the cameras and tell them you lied. You stuck your neck out when it really mattered, not knowing what the consequences would be for Jake, or for you. There haven’t been many people in my life…just one other, who would have done that for me.”

  I pretended not to hear the small sniffle. She would hate for me to know she was crying. Her tears were a private affair. A small chink in the armor she’d repair before the sun was up.

  “I’m keeping you in my circle, for now,” she said.

  “For now?”

  “For now.”

  I chuckled. “When this blows over, will you let me buy you dinner?”

  “Not until it’s over. So there are no more misunderstandings. I want us to be friends.”

  “Trust me, I’m done. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sick about Jake, but the case is in good hands. I’m just his brother, now. I can hear you smiling through the phone, Sunshine.”

  She laughed softly, and I could almost see the light in her face. It was like the sun after a hurricane. I wanted that dinner sooner rather than later. “It could be a long time before it’s all settled. We might both be in wheelchairs, with false teeth.”

  “It could be…”

  “I don’t want to wait that long. Life’s too short.”

  Neither of us said a word for at least a full minute. Not a stand-off, but a truce. Not uncomfortable, but uncertain.

  “How about if you come to my house for dinner next Thursday? I know a little boy who will be ecstatic to see you.”

  “I act like a first-class weasel, and you cook me dinner. There’s something wrong with that picture.”

  “Bring your sense of humor and a nice bottle of wine, and we’ll call it even.”