Until The End

by Brown, Derek

  February 22, 2014

  Today is the day we were planning on going to go see Lt. Michael’s wife in the morning then we were going to go see him later that evening. According to the news he was being held at the Psychiatric Health Facility, which was an area where the keep individuals that are a danger to themselves or to others (aka 5150). As we pulled away from the hotel that day I recall having a feeling of uneasiness as if my life was about to make a very drastic change in direction. We pulled up to the address it was a one story house with three windows facing the street and the front door in the center of the house. It was up-kept very nicely trimmed lawn. It was almost the perfect little blue house with white trimming except it seemed empty almost as if it was devoid of life. So we got out seeing his wife, she was sitting on a bench on the front porch, her name was Stephanie, She had dark hair which was pulled back and brown eyes. She was tall but not too tall and she had pouty lips and no make-up on her face. Her skin was pale and you could see that she had spent many nights crying from the dark ringed circles under her eyes. She approached us cautiously at first as we walked up her driveway.

  “You ain’t no kind of reporters that I have seen before, what do you want? Haven’t I already been through enough without you coming out here to fuck with me? Get the fuck out of here.” She stood on the porch glaring down at us. Her cold stare was unnerving and it made my heart sank to think what she must have gone through and what she must be going through now.

  “Hello, I am sorry to bother you, my name is Colin and this is my wife Scarlett, we are sorry to bug you it’s just that I have this letter from Michael for you. I was with him in Seattle and he asked me to give you this letter if anything were to happen to him. Granted he meant while we were down in Seattle but I figure the situation dictates that I give it to you now.” I slowly pulled the letter out of my pocket and approached her placing the letter in her out-stretched hand. After she took the letter tears sprung to her eyes that seemed already out of tears. Once she got over the initial shock of the letter she was very kind to us. She asked.

  “Do you guys want to come inside and maybe have some iced tea or sodas? I could make you guys some breakfast if you are hungry?” We both declined but she went and grabbed some water anyways for us as we followed her into the kitchen. Then as we sat at her kitchen table she began speaking slowly at first then just letting the flood gate open. “I am not even sure how it all began, to say the least, I was completely blindsided by this sickness. Michael has always been so healthy and active all the time on the go. This whole thing has just caused my world to be turned upside down and I feel like my life is shattered into a million puzzle pieces that I can’t put back together. After Michael got home he got sick so quickly and so severely that I had to resign from my position as a teacher at the school. We went to every doctor that we could find even including experts at the VA hospital. But they said that Michael was being placed on a special list and that it would be several weeks before he was seen. Something about it being the protocol per the Director of the Veterans Affairs.” She paused and looked pained but continued. “It all started after he got back from Settle he had a slight fever and cough. But it was such a persistent cough and the fever progressed so quickly. His temperature as spiking into the 100’s and he was losing so much fluid he became severely dehydrated. The doctors said it was the flu and that it would pass in time. It didn’t and everyday it actually got worse, until finally he just gave up going to the doctors. To be honest he just gave up on living in general.” She was taking breath when I decided to ask her a question.

  “Did he tell you what happened in Seattle?” I met her eyes as she nodded. “You know he is a hero he saved Alex’s life down there. I am sorry for what happened but if you don’t mind me asking… What caused him to go from having the flu to attacking people?” She was hesitant but then something came over her as if a huge burden was falling from her shoulders, she visibly relaxed as she exhaled letting it go.

  “At first Michael had been himself after coming home from Seattle but after a couple weeks he started becoming extremely paranoid. It was as if as the sickness increased so did his paranoia. He began to become withdrawn and spending more and more time locked up in the garage. We started fighting it was so hard and then a couple days ago he and I got into a bad fight. I was tired of him sleeping in the garage and I just wanted my husband back. During the argument he punched a wall right next to my face, which is how he ended up fracturing his right hand.” She stopped looked at us with a pleading look. “You have to believe me he was never violent towards me. He was a good man please don’t judge him. He felt horrible after it happened and he started crying. He broke down and told me he just hadn’t felt right since Seattle. Afterwards I demanded he let me take him to the hospital. I wish I hadn’t cause that is where he attacked those people; I don’t know what they were doing to him. But my husband wouldn’t just attack someone without a reason.” She stopped got up and said. “Follow me please. I want to show you both something.” She took a breath and stopped turned to us to ask. “Once I open this door you are not going to be able to un-see what is there are you both sure you want to see? It might change your opinion but please remember he is a good man.” We both looked at each other and then nodded as one. We were both dying of curiosity to see what lay beyond that door on the other side. She slowly opened the door to show us what we were both so curious to see. The door slowly swung open and then we saw immediately exactly why she didn’t want to open it, on every surface there was writing. It was almost a scene from a horror movie.

  “Holy Shit!” Scarlett uttered the words that I was thinking. The words were scratched into the wood stating “The End is here?”, “They are all going to die.” “Drink it!!” There were many similar statements to those adoring the walls of the garage. A table stood in the center of the room with his bag that I remember seeing him with on the Seattle mission. Next to his bag lay his personal M-14 carbine assault rifle with three ammo clips next to it. Then it caught my eye a small vial that was glowing with a faint green light with particles floating in it that was half full. My breath caught in my throat and I was frozen in place like a statue hoping that if I didn’t move that the vial would disappear from my sight. I turned to both my wife and Lt. Michaels’s wife.

  “Stephanie what is that vial and why is it here? That was the shit under Seattle. That shouldn’t be here, that stuff was not safe. How did he even get it here?” I suddenly had so many questions.

  “He stuck it out of the Seattle to bring it home to show me. He had always been such a sweet heart and would do things like that. He was always thinking of me and what he could to do to make me happy. He wanted me to know what had been down there because he knew the government was going to hide it. He always said the government was like the IRS, always hiding something. When the IRS sandal occurred that proved they had been targeting certain groups he had been so excited to know that he was right.” She smiled at the passing thought of how things used to be.

  “The government is going to be looking for that and that having it isn’t safe especially with the national news of him attacking people. They are going to come and start asking questions. Not to mention that we all signed the non-disclosure form and that to break it was an act of treason.” She began looking scared and her face paled.

  “I didn’t know any of that.” She paused. “Please help me. I don’t know what to do.” I looked at her at a complete loss for words. My wife was quiet next to me, each of us at a loss for words. I was furiously trying to work through the problem in my head. It was a problem that I just didn’t have a solution to at the moment but my mind would figure it out.

  “I don’t know what to do though either.” I stood there staring at the vial watching the particles floating around in the bottle lazily. Finally it was my brilliant wife who spoke up breaking my train of thought. She had figured out the solution to the problem.

  “Why don’t we take it to a police station and leavi
ng it the drug drop-off box? They are anonymous and no one would know it was us who dropped it off. And those boxes are supposed to be sealed tighter than Fort Knox.” God she was beautiful, I thought to myself as I looked over at her and she gave me that an amazing smile that she had. So Stephanie went and got yellow rubber cleaning gloves and box container. I placed the gloves on and I carefully picked up the vial. Strange it was warm almost hot to touch although it was just sitting there on the counter and ought to be at room temperature. I placed the vial in a box padded with bubble wrap and carefully sealed the box. Once we got it packaged we loaded into the truck and all rode down the police station it was a two story red bricked building that had tinted black glass windows all over it. As we pulled up we noticed several police officers walking around lazily. Granted they were going about their normal business but I swear I began to feel the paranoia crawling under my skin. It felt as if they were all watching us and it felt like we were going to get busted. Although we weren’t doing anything wrong really, just dropping off a package.

  “What now?” Stephanie said the words coming out in a rush. Apparently I was not the only feeling uneasy about this.

  “There’s the drop box, its’ on the side of the building over there.” Scarlett pointed it out. It was set off to the side of the building and blocked from view by a brick wall. It was set up to give privacy to whoever was making a deposit. I pulled the truck in so that we were directly across from the drop box in the parking lot.

  “Alright well I suppose the sooner I do this the better right?” Nervously I got of the truck and looking around me I ran across the parking lot to the box trying not to draw attention to myself. I looked around again checking for any prying eyes then I discreetly placed it in the drop-off box. I swear I felt like I was dropping drugs off and at any minute the police were going to pop out and say “Gotcha, you are under arrest.” Once the door closed I ran back to truck as quickly as I could. As we were leaving it almost felt like there were eyes on us and we all got the chills none of us said a word for several minutes. The sound of heavy breathing filled the truck fogging up the windows.

  “Well that was eventful, so now off to see Michael?” Scarlett was the first to break the silence. It was mostly quiet as we drove to see Michael at the PHF unit building. The area we were headed to was about twenty minutes away according to Google maps. Once we pulled up we were invited to the view of an ugly brown building located in an almost abandoned part of downtown Lake Tahoe. It was shortly after two o’clock I noticed as we parked the truck. We got of the truck each of us trying to shake the uneasiness that we were still felt after leaving the police station. Looking at the ugly brown building I couldn’t help but imagine the double glass doors as gaping jaws ready to shallow us up. We walked into them and instantly I was reminded of the cold and sterile feeling you get when entering a hospital. After walking through the cold sterile doors and checking in with a very annoyed looking receptionist. She was about three times my size and looked at us like pest. Her nasally voice just didn’t seem to fit the name on her badge, Pam.

  “Who are you here to see?” She almost sounded like a machine as she asked us. Honestly I don’t believe she cared what the answer was but that she was just going through the motions.

  “Michael Clay, I am his wife and this is his brother and his wife.” Stephanie quickly spoke up interrupting me as I went to answer. Scarlett nudged me and looked behind Pam and I saw a sign that read Family Members Only. I nodded silently grateful I had not just made a mistake.

  “Alright sign in here then follow me please.” Pam said in her nasally voice then she put both hands on the table using them to force her body up. She led us through a lock door directly opposite the entrance not speaking as we walked. We were herded to an isolated waiting room and told to wait in that annoying voice. After several minutes of waiting and none of us speaking, the gray door slowly opened admitting the silhouette of a figure. Quietly Michael walked into the room and the transformation from the man I saw in Seattle to the man standing before me made my heart sink. His once filled out 6’2” frame was now nothing but skin and bones; he must have weighed barely 120 pounds. His skin was a ghastly pale white and I could trace the veins transporting blood throughout his body as I looked at him. His clothes were hanging off of his body like rags. His eyes that were once vibrant and filled with life were now sunken with dark circles around them devoid of life. The whites of his eyes were almost turned a grayish yellowish color like a liver failure patient experiencing jaundice. His easy going attitude that I had noticed in Seattle was gone replaced with something more harrowing. His greeting was as cold as his attitude seemed to be as he looked upon us. His gaze went from person to person and even didn’t seem to notice his wife Stephanie as he looked upon her.

  “Who are you? What do you want? Why are you bothering me…. Leave Now!!! No wait I know you…hmm.. Where? Where? Argh… Must think. Think, Michael, get it together. You know them.. But how? Survive, I must survive no matter what… Live.” There was some sort of internal struggle going on that we were witnessing. We could actually see him going through the conflict within himself his face was twisting and turning as he fought with himself for control. Then as if by some miracle it just stopped and he visible relaxed, his face stopped twisting and his shoulders relaxed. He looked at us and then sank into one of the chairs in the room, looking mentally and physically exhausted. He paused then turned to Stephanie. “Stephanie my love, I am so sorry, I seemed to have lost myself for a moment. I do not know what came over me. I am so glad to see you. How are you? Please come here.” He pushed himself up and motioned towards Stephanie to have her come to his side. She seemed frozen in place and so he advanced towards her. Slowly he reached out and drew her close to him and embraced her in a tight hug. “Oh my Stephanie I have missed you so much. I am so sorry for this nightmare, I am trying to get better and fix things in here.” As they were hugging I couldn’t help but noticed his finger nails. They were extremely dirty and had a brownish crust on them and what must have been dirt crammed underneath them. He looked like he was in desperate need of a shower too, with his hair all sweaty and matted to his face. Scarlett and I turned away as they kissed each other. Neither my wife nor I wanting to invade this private moment they were having with one another. Then Michael pulled away and turned towards us with his arm around Stephanie. “You I do remember from Seattle, PFC Brown, correct? How are you doing? This lovely lady then I assume is your wife?” His whole demeanor was strange and off-putting, yet I felt inclined to answer his question. Besides we had our own questions to ask him.

  “Yes this is my wife Scarlett, Michael, How have you been?” I have always been the type to just say what’s on my mind and just be very direct. It has at times gotten me into trouble though but I found it simpler than beating around the bush. I asked him very simply. “What happened?” He looked lost for words for a moment, and then simply said

  “I don’t remember to be honest; everything has been such a blur as of late. I have been experiencing intense moments of either extreme cold or extreme heat. I seem to lose myself throughout the day and I find myself wondering what I did all day. After I got back from Seattle I don’t know what has been going with me. I just feel so sick all the time, and my poor wife has had to suffer for it, I fear.” He looked at me then he turned and grabbed Stephanie pulling her close to him and kissing her on the lips. I got the feeling that there was more to the story than he was letting on. But before we could ask any further questions a woman with a supervisor name tag came into the visiting room. She didn’t even talk and entered the room with a smug look on her face. Her dirty greasy looking red dyed hair was all over the place as she spoke. I noticed her teeth that were yellow and pushed out of place as she spoke to use.

  “Visiting time is over it is time for you all to go now, Michael has more important visitors to see now.” She smiled a wicked looking smile and I could help but reminded of a witch. We all said our goodbyes and thanked
him for speaking with us today. He hugged his wife in a huge embrace and kissed her goodbye, as he put his arms around her again I took note of his fingernails not only very dirty but all chipped up as well. As we were escorted out by the witch we passed by two men in dark gray suits with government ID name badges checking in with the nasally receptionist. One of the men turned to watch us as we walked by them in the waiting room, while the other man was talking to Pam.

  “What do you mean we have to wait until they get done with a break? Do you know who we work for? Lady you better let us in now or you are gonna regret it.” His face was turning red as his voice got louder.

  “Yes I know who you are sir however we do have rules that we have to follow and that means even you have to follow them.” Pam dragged on with her nasally voice.

  “We need to get there to see him Mrs. Pam, You don’t seem to understand that he is a danger to everyone here.” It sounded like the man was getting upset with Pam. To her credit she still wouldn’t budge.

  “Well Mr. Whatever your name is you don’t seem to understand that everyone here is a danger to everyone else. And you are just gonna have to wait like everyone else. Now take a sit in the lobby once they are done with their group therapy session and break you will be allowed to visit with the patient.” I looked over and observed the two men. Both of them had faded short haircuts and the same Government Issue wire frame sunglasses sitting on the top of their heads. They both carried guns at their waist. I noticed the one staring at us seemed a bit edgy as he rubbed the gun down at his side watching us closely as we walked by them. They gave me the creeps and as we exited short ugly building I saw that both Scarlett and Stephanie were shaken up as well. As we walked to the truck I really felt like we had to do something more but I wasn’t quite sure yet. However it didn’t take me long to formulate a plan. Luckily I had worked at a Psychiatric Health Facility before I knew some of what went on inside. I felt I could blend in and I knew that they would be getting their break shortly since Pam had mentioned it. If I could somehow get over the wall then I could sneak in with the group when they went inside and maybe find out more from Michael. We got in the truck and I told them my plan and how I wanted to do it. Scarlett didn’t agree with me at all however she said she would help because she couldn’t think of anything better though. So we drove around the building and found that the entire back lot was made up of buildings that had been shut down. So we were able to pull right out the side of the building. Stephanie asked me to tell him that she loved him and that she would always be here for him. I told her I would and then I jumped on the hood of the car and I jumped up and grabbed the edge of the brown rusted metal wall careful not to cut my hands. I pulled myself up and I was reminded that I am not nearly as young as I used to be my almost 30 years on this earth were taking their toll. So I was pulling myself up and I swung my leg up and over and then I laid on the edge for a moment and caught my breath. Then I rolled over and in the yard it was about 50 feet across in all directions there were several trees and some bushes. I hid behind the bushes and waited, sure enough in about 15 minutes the patients were led outside by two mental health workers. Just my luck they walked over and stood with their backs to me. I listened to their conversation…