Just Your Average Princess

by Kristina Springer

  “Want one?” I ask Milan. I know perfectly well that she doesn’t, but I don’t want to be rude to her in front of all these people.

  Milan makes a horrified face. “No, never. Don’t you know that corn syrup kills?”

  I gape at her. “Wh-what?” Corn syrup so does not kill. And I didn’t put any corn syrup in these anyway.

  The woman holding a pumpkin truffle midair on the way to her mouth suddenly drops it back on the tray.

  Milan smiles. “Here, would you like one of these great iPhone cases I’m passing out today instead?” she asks the woman. Milan pulls something out of a bag I didn’t even notice she had swung over her shoulder. It’s an iPhone case with a close-up picture of Milan’s face on the back and her name written in glitter across the bottom. Gag.

  The woman nods and Milan hands her one. “Anyone else?” she asks. “I’ve got plenty.”

  I step back and watch people line up for Milan’s iPhone cases. I don’t get it. I bet half of these people don’t even own iPhones. And even if they do, who wants Milan’s big ol’ head on their phone?

  * * *

  On Thursday, I’m working at the register, weighing and checking out pumpkins, but my mind is elsewhere. The contest is a little over a week away and I’m not sure how to get people to vote for me without coming right out and asking for their votes. And that’s tacky. I’ve thought about buttons and stickers that say “Jamie for Pumpkin Princess” but that’s even worse. And even if I came out with something like that, Milan would just do it bigger and better.

  Speaking of Milan, she’s headed right for me. I’m going to ignore her and concentrate extra hard on weighing these pumpkins for Mrs. Fini and her kids.

  “Hi, Jamie,” Milan sings out.

  I can’t help myself; I look up. And the first thing I see is her shirt. “Hey,” I yell, “you can’t wear that! You didn’t win yet!” Milan is wearing a supertight orange T-shirt with the words PUMPKIN PRINCESS bedazzled across her chest.

  “‘Yet’ being the operative word,” she replies.

  Ooh. Did I say “yet”?

  “And it seems to me that I can wear what I like,” she continues. “Don’t be so jealous, Jamie. It’s not cute. And besides, maybe you’ll get runner-up.”

  I slam one of the Finis’ pumpkins down a little too hard on the counter. I am completely and totally 100 percent furious with Milan. Just as I’m about to rip into her I glance up and see Danny watching us from outside the tent. My heart is racing and I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. I hate looking lame in front of Danny. He probably agrees with Milan and thinks I’m jealous too.

  I ignore Milan and turn my attention back to Mrs. Fini. “That’ll be twenty dollars, even,” I say in the steadiest voice I can manage.

  13

  I’m supposed to pick Sara up in ten minutes to go out but I can’t find my hairbrush anywhere. Maybe I left it in the bathroom this morning. As I head down the hallway I hear talking coming from inside Milan’s room. I wonder who she has in there. I pause outside her door and listen.

  “Oh God, it’s dreadful. No joke, Gabrielle,” Milan says.

  Gabrielle? Who the heck is Gabrielle? I lean in closer to hear better.

  “For real,” she goes on. “This has got to be the most boring place on earth. There is literally nothing to do. They have one store for the entire town. Can you imagine? And the people, well, you know how midwesterners are.” Milan lets out a loud laugh.

  How dare she! What does she mean “how midwesterners are”? How exactly are we? I’m pretty sure friendly, family-oriented, and hardworking isn’t what she’s implying.

  I wait for her to say more, but there’s only silence. She must be on her cell phone.

  “You’re so right,” she finally says. “And get this, oh you’ll love it, promise. Okay.” She pauses. “I’m in a contest.” She laughs again. “No, seriously, I am. Swear. It’s called Pumpkin Princess.”

  There is silence. This Gabrielle person must be asking her what Pumpkin Princess is.

  “It’s so lame, like everything else here,” Milan says.

  I feel my blood boiling. I knew she wasn’t serious about Pumpkin Princess! It’s been an act. She’s only doing this because she knows that I want it.

  “Of course I’ll win,” she continues. “Please, like there is any competition here. I could walk out there in a garbage bag and win hands down.”

  I gasp. The nerve!

  “And the prize is some silly little beanie or something. I don’t know. Samantha says it’s actually cute, but I can’t imagine how it could be. It’s supposedly a pumpkin stem covered in green rhinestones. What? A stem. You know, that curvy thing at the top of the pumpkin? It’s like the handle for carrying it. Yeah, that’s it. Well, the winner gets to wear this thing on her head. Isn’t that the funniest thing you’ve ever heard?” Milan dissolves into giggles again and I storm back to my room, forgoing the search for the missing hairbrush.

  I drop onto my bed and cross my arms over my chest. I’m so mad. This is exactly why Milan shouldn’t be within a hundred yards of the Pumpkin Princess contest. How my parents think she’d represent our town adequately is beyond me. I wish they had heard her talking so badly about it just now. They and everyone else around here need to be straightened out on what kind of person Milan really is.

  Pumpkin Princess is a cherished tradition in our town. I’m positive people wouldn’t vote for Milan if they knew how poorly she thinks of everyone. There has got to be a way I can show people who Milan is without being pegged as jealous and catty. I know that’s exactly what Milan will say if I call her right out on what I overheard. Girls with seriously bad attitudes like hers always claim that everyone else is jealous of them. And, sure, that may be the case sometimes. But sometimes the problem is that they are real witches. And it’s no use going to Mom and Dad; it’s obvious they will take her side over mine. No, I’m going to have to think long and hard about this and figure out a plan that will work. Milan can’t be Pumpkin Princess. I can’t let it happen.

  I finger-comb my hair as best I can and race off for Sara’s house. We’re already late to meet Dilly at the town hall. Once a month our town puts up a giant movie screen and shows an old movie behind the town hall. There’s a big hill right there and just about everyone comes out with their blankets and bags of microwave popcorn to watch the show. The movie is generally not great but it’s something different to do. Tonight they’re showing the 1989 Michael Keaton version of Batman.

  “Dilly,” I call out in a loud whisper as Sara and I weave in and out of blankets, trying to spot Dilly’s. Hers has a giant blue Care Bear with a glow-in-the-dark tummy so it shouldn’t be that hard to find. But there are a lot of people and a lot of blankets out here tonight.

  “Jamie!” Dilly says, and I whirl around. We passed her. We backtrack two blankets and move up the hill one.

  “Hey,” I say, taking a seat on her blanket.

  Sara drops two bags of popped microwave popcorn and three diet root beers on the blanket before plopping down beside me.

  “I was wondering when you guys were going to get here,” Dilly says.

  Sara looks at me to respond.

  “My fault,” I say. “I was running late. But with good reason. I was eavesdropping on Milan.”

  Dilly’s eyebrows shoot up in interest.

  “Really?” Sara asks. “You didn’t mention it on the way here.”

  A fuzzy static sound comes over the speakers and lights flash on the giant movie screen. They’re warming up the projector.

  I better make this fast. I quickly relay every single word Milan said to her friend on the phone.

  Dilly hugs her knees and rocks back and forth. Sara shakes her head and flings burnt pieces of popcorn out onto the grass while I talk.

  “So what do I do?” I ask when I’m finished.

  “Hmm. I don’t know,” Sara says. “But something has to be done or she’s going to turn Pumpkin Princess into a big joke.
”

  Dilly nods in agreement. “Yeah, but Jamie’s right. She can’t call her out. No one will believe her.”

  We sit quietly, thinking. The opening credits of Batman start and a baby cries somewhere up the hill. I turn around to see who it is. The Applegates had their baby a month and a half ago, but I’m not sure they’d bring her out here to a movie in the cool night air like this. I scan the crowd, but don’t see where the crying is coming from. My eyes land on someone a heck of a lot more appealing though: Danny. He’s a good ten blankets behind me, sitting right on the grass, his long legs stretched out before him. He looks like he’s still wearing his jeans and flannel shirt from work. The two guys he’s sitting with are tossing popcorn at each other, but Danny’s ignoring it. He spots me looking at him and waves. I return the gesture and quickly turn back around. I shudder. I cross my arms and rub them with my hands. Geez, he can give me shivers even when he’s a good sixty feet away.

  Sara leans in to me and whispers, “The contest is only a week away. If you’re going to out Milan to the town, then you’re gonna need to find a way to do it without anyone knowing it’s you. Something anonymous.”

  Anonymous. I nod and turn my attention toward the screen.

  * * *

  On Saturday morning, Mom decides we need more decorative gourds at the Patch entrance so of course she asks me to go fetch them. My arms tingle at the mere thought of touching the gourds and squashes again. But I don’t have to pick them today. Mom said Jake already put together a box of the best-looking gourds for me. I’m still wearing my work gloves anyway, just in case.

  I start the trek to the gourd field, my mind racing. I need to develop a surefire plan to get Milan. Something that will let people see beyond the glamorous Hollywood stories and glittery boots. Something that can’t be linked back to me. But what?

  I’m so deep in thought on my walk that I don’t even notice when I veer off track. Not until I hear Dad’s voice. What’s he doing out here?

  I stop dead in my tracks. About fifty feet away is Dad’s giant six-hundred-pound pumpkin, his pride and joy. Every year he grows a giant pumpkin and gets his picture taken in front of it. Seriously, we have an entire album full of just him and his giant pumpkins. And truthfully, the rest of the people in town love seeing Dad’s yearly giant pumpkin and getting their pictures taken in front of it too. I can’t even tell you how many hours he spends each year picking just the right genetic seed, perfecting the soil mixture, and fertilizing and watering the pumpkin as much as it needs. He’s got a passion for it.

  Dad’s talking to someone on the other side of it. I can hear a female voice, though it’s muffled and I can’t make out the words. One thing is for certain, it’s not Mom since she sent me out here for the gourds.

  I crouch down and creep closer to the giant pumpkin, using it as cover. I know there’s a bench about twenty feet away on the other side of the pumpkin. Dad put it there in case people wanted to sit and gaze at the pumpkin for a while. I peek around the pumpkin, hoping to eavesdrop on Dad, and my stomach tightens. I recognize that hair and that ensemble. He’s sitting there on the bench with Milan. And she’s crying.

  I jerk back behind the pumpkin and clench my fists. Argh! What is she up to now? And why is she crying to my dad?

  Did she run out of her favorite shade of lipstick and can’t find something similar to it at our sad town store? Or maybe her eyebrows aren’t getting the proper attention she feels they deserve, with no eyebrow-artist-to-the-stars here. Obviously she’s faking the tears to get my dad’s attention. She doesn’t have any real problems. A split end is a crisis in her eyes. A dead cell-phone battery spells doom. This girl is unbelievable.

  I peek around the pumpkin again and see Dad put a comforting arm around Milan’s shoulders.

  I gasp and fall on my butt in the dirt behind the pumpkin. Dad and Milan stop talking and I’m afraid they heard the thump when I fell. I don’t move. A few seconds later they resume talking and I let out the breath I was holding in. My chest is burning and my skin is feeling prickly. I’m dizzy too. God, please don’t let me pass out behind Dad’s stupid giant pumpkin, I mumble to myself. I put my head down on my knees and take several deep breaths. A few minutes later, when I feel like I can lift my head up, I peek around the pumpkin and see Dad and Milan walking away, back toward the house.

  What on earth was that about? Why did he … How could he hug her like that? He’s never hugged me. Geez, I don’t think he’s ever even patted me on the back—not even when I made the winning goal in a soccer game when I was ten. I can’t remember a single time when he’s ever said “I love you.” I mean, I’ve always assumed that he must, because that’s what parents do. They love their kids. I thought it was a thing with him—that he didn’t show affection to, well, anyone.

  But he does show affection, to Milan anyway. I squeeze my eyes shut and rub them with the backs of my hands. This is stupid. I’m not going to cry. I’m not. I have to get out of here. I forget about the gourds Mom asked for and start running, heading for the front of the Patch, intending to pass through the parking lot and hit the road. And from there I’ll just have to see how far I can get.

  I run past the concession stand, past the storybook barn, and past the bunny hill and petting zoo. I’m running so fast I can feel the dirt kicking up behind me and hitting the backs of my legs. I’m about to pass Sara’s booth when she sees me and dashes out from behind the counter, waving her arms in front of her.

  “What’s wrong?” she says, grabbing both of my shoulders and pulling me to a stop. “Are you okay?”

  My heart is beating extra hard in my chest. I stare at the ground with my hands on my hips, trying to catch my breath. I feel my bottom lip start to shake. I don’t know what to say that won’t make me sound like a whiny baby.

  “Jamie? What’s going on?” Sara urges, though in a less panicked and more soothing voice now.

  The smell of hay is in the air. I turn around and Danny is standing behind me, concern all over his face. Of course. Perfect timing.

  “You shot by me like a jackrabbit,” he says. “Is something wrong? Are you being chased?”

  Oh man, this can’t get worse. I can’t let Danny see me like this. I give Sara a pleading look. She understands, and nods. “She’s fine,” she tells Danny over my shoulder. “I’m going to go with her to get some water.”

  My chest is still heaving and I’m trying to regulate my breathing.

  Sara loops her arm through mine and I think we’re going to get away when Danny speaks again. “But what were you running from?”

  “She wasn’t running from anything,” Sara responds quickly so that I don’t have to. “She’s been doing these sprints—gearing up for the track team this year.” Sara presses her lips together and nods, affirming her story.

  I finally chance looking at Danny. “Yeah. Track,” I say, wondering if he’s going to buy this excuse.

  He considers this for a moment and adjusts the dark baseball cap on his head. “Track, huh? Okay. Well, good luck with that, I guess,” he says.

  Ugh. I feel bad for lying to him. That’s not good. And he really does look concerned about me. It’s sweet how he came running over to see what was wrong. No one else did. Except for Sara of course. “I…” I begin, not sure where to go from here.

  “Let’s go get you that water now,” Sara says, tugging me away from Danny. I’m kinda glad to follow her since I had no idea what to say to him. She abruptly stops and yells back over her shoulder, “Danny, do me a favor? Get one of the girls from concessions to cover my booth for fifteen, okay?”

  “Sure,” he replies, and Sara drags me out of there. We don’t talk and we don’t stop walking until we’re out at the pumpkin chucker. It seems I’ve been spending a lot of time here these days.

  “All right,” Sara says when we stop walking. “Tell me what’s wrong.” She crosses her arms over her chest and looks at me with concern.

  I shake my head. I can’t tell her. I�
��ll sound like a big baby. My daddy likes Milan more than me, wah, wah, wah. Sure, it’s true, but I can’t bring myself to say it out loud. And if I can’t tell Sara, I obviously can’t tell anyone else.

  We both stand there, silent. Sara gives me a sad look. I know she wants to cheer me up and I appreciate her caring. But I can’t make any words come out. It’s too embarrassing.

  “Well,” she finally says, “if you don’t want to talk then let’s chuck some pumpkins. You know that always makes you feel better.”

  I shake my head and plop onto the ground, staring straight ahead. Sara takes a seat next to me. Honestly, the only way the pumpkin chucker is going to make me feel better today is if I strap Milan’s skinny butt to it and chuck her toward Los Angeles.

  14

  When I wake up Sunday morning, I want to get out of the house as soon as possible. It’s not comfortable for me anymore, not with Milan here. I’m not talking to her, obviously, and I’ve been ignoring Mom and Dad. I don’t think Dad notices—either that or he doesn’t care—but I think Mom knows I’m giving them the cold shoulder. Oh well, I say. They’ve made their choice crystal clear; they can talk to Milan if they’re feeling chatty.

  I get in my car and drive to the Burger King to meet Dilly for breakfast. She’s a bit of a sausage-biscuit fiend, and I could use the distraction.

  I walk into the restaurant and it’s pretty full for a Sunday morning. I give a small smile to some neighbors sitting at a table as I scan the room, but I don’t see Dilly. Maybe she changed her mind?

  “Jamie, over here,” a girl with a mass of pink hair the shade of Sweet’n Low packaging calls to me.

  “Dilly?” I screech. “Holy smokes, what did you do to your hair?” I walk quickly to her booth and slip in across from her.