**
‘I have the test results back and I can see no reason why you cannot try and conceive again. Yes we need to monitor you closely and I would insist you do not attempt a natural delivery, but otherwise, you’re in the clear.’ He passed me tissues out from the box he kept on his desk as I tried to focus and take in what he was saying.
I could have children, we could extend our family and now I could move on with Nicholi knowing I was not taking anything away from him. We were equal and as that thought sliced through me, I realised what he was trying to explain concerning my father. I wanted peace and this information had given me that. Maybe talking with my father could give me the same and as I walked back to the car, I marvelled at the miracle of science.
‘So, you said, you may have a surprise for me?’ Nicholi asked as JC tucked into his ice cream dessert complete with gummy worms and brownies at our favourite restaurant as I took a bite of my banana split.
‘You first,’ I winked, goading him and watching as his eyes calculated my news against his.
‘My news requires a little more planning, so we will have to rain check for now. But yours?’ He took my hand and thoroughly distracted me as my ice cream melted and my blood boiled with desire.
‘I went to the doctors today and he confirmed in the future we can try, safely,’ I added, cryptic enough that JC would not understand, yet specific enough that Nicholi would be clear, particularly the latter point.
‘How safely?’ he asked, clearly not the news he was expecting as his once smiling face plummeted into a concerned and unexpected twist confusing me no end.
‘Completely,’ I reiterated, pondering what he thought my news was and I was distracted all the way home.
Tucking JC up in bed, I sat on the edge of the bed, removing my hair from the bun and grabbing my pyjamas to shower and change.
‘Hey, taking a shower without me?’ Nicholi pouted and I could not help the look of disappointment that was plastered all over my face.
‘What is it?’ He kneeled on the floor in front of me and took my hands in his.
‘I thought you would be a little bit happy about the news. I don’t know. I know the future may not be set in stone, but I had hopes. Never mind.’ I headed to the bathroom closing and locking the door behind me. Just wanting to be alone and not have to think or feel I showered and washed my hair. The water slid off my body and swirled around endlessly down the drain, just as my excitement had. Was he not thinking about our future? Swallowing the pain away I brushed my teeth and ignored him sat on the edge of the bed, climbing over and scooting down under the covers.
I could hear him showering and shaving, and closed my eyes, just wanting to shut everything out.
Feeling him climb under the covers and put his arm around me, kissing the back of my neck, I rolled over to face him.
‘I want you. Always. Just the thought alone that you could be putting yourself at risk for fear that you think I am missing out or some other reason, I can’t even. No.’
I realised what he was actually saying.
‘I am going to have a vasectomy. There is no way I am going to risk losing you ever again.’ I shot up in bed.
‘Out of the question. There is no way in hell I will let you do that. I want kids too. It is not just for you and the doctor has reassured me there is no risk.’ My eyes were pleading with his, mixed with the outlandish suggestion he came up with, the craziness, it had me completely panicked.
‘I want to speak with this doctor and get a second, third and fourth opinion. Maybe then we can talk about it again, but not now or anytime soon,’ he concluded and I felt like someone had just stoked the flames, I did not know I even had simmering.
‘I want a baby. Correction, I want your baby.’ I rose my voice a little, pitched with all the intensity of the conversation as he looked more and more uncomfortable and was clearly getting just as agitated, as I know I was.
‘No, Lexi. We are not doing this right now. The trial, fighting over your dad. You are not using this as another reason to push away from me and your family.’
I came undone.
‘Are you seriously saying to me that the reason I want to have your baby is to distract me from the trial and my father. Or worse, create diversions between us, for what reason?’ My face was burning with rage that I did not know what to do with.
‘I am saying that you chose now of all times to just announce this like it is a done deal and I’m just supposed to forget everything that worries me when you won’t even consider doing the same with your father.’
I jumped out of bed, so livid, only pacing could help me control my thoughts so I did not just curl up and wait for the hurtful comments he was flinging my way.
‘I can’t believe you. You really think that. Fine, well I will take JC to Disney and you can go vacation with my father. Apparently he is more important than me anyway.’ I closed the door and ran as fast as I could away from him. Ending up in the playroom, I wished we were in Alaska and I could sit on the deck and feel the calming lake breeze on my face with the water lapping gently against the dock.
I sat in the dark, not wanting to give any indication of where I was and watched the moonlight cast its shadows against the clouds, as my amazing news had been swept up into a vortex of hate and torn to shreds at the mere mention of my father.
I heard him descend the stairs and kept as still as possible as the door creaked open.
My eyes crinkled as he turned the light on and I wrapped my arms tightly around my legs in anticipation for the next blow.
‘I’m sorry.’
The shock of hearing those words and not having to be battle ready I turned to face the man I loved so profoundly I could not see anything clearly, when we fought.
‘I will go see the doctor with you and we won’t make any decisions until then.’ He sat next to me on the sofa, but not touching me. I moved closer and crawled onto his knee as he audibly sighed, wrapping his arms around me.
‘I will speak with my father, but only with you there and this will be the last time I talk to him.’ He kissed my neck and stroked my face lovingly.
‘That is all I wanted. Just for you to say everything you felt to him and then there would be no regrets and you can move on.’ His touch was driving me crazy, but I had to focus.
‘Do you think I haven’t moved on?’ I questioned in disbelief, my voice steady as I tried to process everything he was saying so there were no more misunderstandings.
‘I think you are very bitter about the past and rightly so, but that can be misdirected and he should know what he did to you rather than being the victim he loves to play.’
I lifted his chin to look into his eyes and all I saw there was love, understanding, and hope.
‘You don’t think he is some great guy that I am missing out on calling daddy?’ The relief poured over me and filled me with joy.
‘God, no. But I think he likes to give that impression and while I know, he has taken care of your sister more than once. I don’t trust him at all. But at the same time, I want you to have peace with him and you can get that by telling him exactly how he hurt you and move on.’ He planted a chaste kiss on my lips as a sly smile moved across my face.
‘Moving on, with say, building a new house and filling it with siblings for JC.’ My eyes twinkled, revealing just how much I wanted this and how much I wanted it for him too. He sighed and closed his eyes as I held my breath.
‘I promise to be open-minded, but I won’t risk you for a nanosecond. Please understand,’ he pleaded and I wrapped my arms around his neck until our bodies craved for each other once more.
We awoke early the next day and despite the argument last night, I felt more in control and comfortable than I had in weeks. We had met each other half way and just the knowledge that he was considering having more kids was all I could wish for. My finally understanding his desire to reunite me with my father had brought a contented peace around us as I packed our suitcases ready t
o travel.
Meeting Cross and Sophia at the airport, I checked us in and watched JC cooing over the girls in awe. Glancing at Nicholi I could feel is eyes on me and I smiled tenderly at the man who was and had given me everything I ever dreamed of.
Arriving in Orlando and collecting the hire car, we drove to the resort beaming with excitement. Checking in at The Animal Kingdom Lodge and seeing giraffes walk past our suite had JC in a raucous hyperactive mood and we decided to go for a swim to burn off some energy.
Nicholi had gone to the bar to get us drinks and Sophia was in the baby pool with all the kids and Cross as I dipped my toes into the pool and looked up to the sky. The humidity was intense and I was just about to jump in and join JC when the sound of my name had me frozen to the spot.
‘Lexi, so happy to see you here.’ My father stood in a military stance as I turned round the heat evaporating, just leaving an Arctic chill at the feet of the man stood before me.
I rose quickly and stared at the man I despised with every ounce of me. I could see Nicholi at the bar and as he turned round, his face dropped. Placing the drinks on our table he took my hand and moving between us said the words I had longed to hear.
‘You are not welcome here.’
NINE
TRYING TIMES
I stared at the man who was my biological father yet felt as much a stranger as the guy to the left drinking a cocktail and enjoying his family vacation.
‘Dad, what are you doing here?’ Sophia frowned and clearly was not expecting the visit as much as I was, thankfully.
‘I was in the area for business and thought I would drop by and see my grandchildren,’ he explained and I cringed internally.
‘Well, perhaps next time calling would be advisable first.’ Nicholi gestured for him to follow and led him away from us as I jumped in the pool to swim over to JC who was with the twins and Cross. Completely oblivious to the man who was trying to infiltrate our lives.
‘Hey, sweetheart, how is the swimming going?’ I scooped him into my arms and floated him around the pool, with his orange water wings bobbing above the surface, just as I felt right now.
‘He is gone, for now,’ Nicholi shook his head and tried to put on a brave face as I declared it time for dinner.
After everyone devoured pizza and salad, determined that he would not spoil this for us, I suggested we go watch the evening parade and firework display at the Magic Kingdom.
Walking through the gates the childhood memories came flooding back, helping our mother push Seth in the stroller as we fought over what rides to go on first with our older brother. Our father was absent as usual and mom bought us all candy apples while we watched the parade.
Seeing JC’s eyes light up at the sight of the scarlet red apple, its delicious toffee goodness helped ease any ill feelings as we all tucked in.
The children had fallen asleep on the way back to the hotel and after settling them down, Nicholi asked to speak with us all together.
‘Your dad has asked if he can have a quick chat with you tonight and then he will be returning to Connecticut for the trial.’
Sophia nodded in agreement and I stared at the man who I loved so much, it hurt when he was even slightly upset with me.
‘Okay,’ I confirmed as he nodded and sent the text message that would no doubt summon him to our room. Clearly, he was staying close by as twenty minutes later there was a knock at the suite and Cross answered, inviting him in.
‘Thanks so much for seeing me, girls. I know this is your vacation so I will make this quick and let you get back to all the fun.’
I felt my grip on Nicholi’s hand tighten. Why did he have to be so nauseatingly sweet, when in actual fact he was completely sour?
‘Dad, I know the trial is going to be tough on us all, particularly Lexi, but we will get through this, and you don’t have to worry.’ Sophia moved closer to Cross making me realise she was not as comfortable around him either.
‘I just want her to get everything she deserves and more. I don’t want there to be any mistakes.’ His tone was demanding and I heard my voice before I had a chance to stop myself.
‘Mistakes, what mistakes?’ Determined I was not going to speak unless I had to, but the way he said it, I could not stop myself.
‘I want her to take full blame. Any message or insinuation of anyone else being involved could confuse the jury. In all my research, I have only ever drawn links to her and the grandfather. No one else, so I think mentioning even the slightest possibility will only harm our case.’ He turned to Sophia and I watched her nod.
‘Lexi?’ I jumped at the sound of my name as Nicholi moved closer in a protective position, drawing reassuring circles on my hand as I calmed my nerves.
‘I will tell them exactly what happened. If they make their own assumptions, I cannot control it. It is not my intention to control anyone.’ I enunciated every word as the bitterness echoed throughout my body.
‘Of course. You do what you want as always,’ he mouthed back, harsher than before and quickly corrected himself. ‘She is an independent soul, Nicholi. You have your work cut out for you,’ he laughed, but the smile did not reach his eyes.
‘I’ll be fine,’ Nicholi replied sharply not smiling at all and the temperature in the room was dropping by the second.
‘I just want to say one more thing and then you need to leave,’ I began, speaking slowly, clearly, concisely, without emotion. ‘There will never be the chance for reconciliation for us. Not that you will believe you did anything wrong. If Sophia chooses to have you in her life then that is her prerogative. But, you come anywhere near my son or my family again without explicit permission and I will not be as accommodating as I have this evening. Time to leave.’ I suddenly felt more in control of my emotions concerning him than ever before and it was rejuvenating.
‘I’ll walk you out.’ Sophia inched forward, as I turned to Nicholi and whispered into his ear.
‘Thank you.’
His eyes glistened over and he whispered back. ‘I’m so proud of you.’
Not wanting to cry in front of Cross I excused myself and headed for the privacy of our room. Opening the drapes, I tried to make out any shapes of animals in the Safari park below, feeling Nicholi’s hands encircle my waist.
‘Are you okay?’
I took him by the hand and led him into JC’s room. Covering him over and kissing him on the head.
‘Bed?’ he asked as I closed the door quietly behind me and fell into Nicholi’s arms. So secure and completely at peace.
The vacation had flown by and as I sat in the waiting area for my name to be called, I tried to calm my breathing. The courthouse was huge with people all around and lives hanging in the balance. Finally, it was my turn and I clutched my hands together, walking to the witness stand and focusing only on Nicholi who was sat directly behind our lawyer.
‘Miss Thomas. Can you please point out the woman who kidnapped you on the night of October 8th, 2009?’ The lawyer began, smiling reassuringly. We had rehearsed the line of questions considerably and after the deposition had an idea of the questions, I would likely be asked from the defendant’s lawyer.
‘She is sat to the right. The lady in black.’ I advised, not looking at her face, just the outline of her.
‘Thank you. Had you seen this woman before the night in question?’ the lawyer continued and again I answered with certainty.
‘Yes. When I was eight years old, my father took me and my sister hiking. I found them both kissing together.’ I was calm and collected. The lawyer had confirmed it was better for us to bring this up than the prosecution, as they would try to say it was a vendetta against her. If we mentioned it first, we were not going to be seen as hiding anything.
‘Can you describe what happened the night of October 8th?’
I searched for Nicholi’s eyes, before closing mine and continuing.
‘We were at the restaurant waiting for my sister to arrive. She was late and I wanted t
o leave. Our mother tried to reach her on the phone, but could not get through. She was reluctant to leave and I decided I would go and see if I could find her,’ I began, but he interrupted. Had I forgotten something?
‘You did not feel comfortable there and wanted to leave?’ He asked and I paused. Had I not mentioned this before?
‘Er. Yes, I wanted to leave. There was a man at the bar who kept staring at us. It was making me feel really uncomfortable and I wanted us to leave.’ I saw my father who had no doubt purposely sat behind Nicholi shaking his head. Nicholi gauging my expression turned around and my father immediately stilled. I had done exactly what he had warned me not to. Implied she was not working alone.
‘Do you recall seeing that particular man again, either during the shootings or after?’ The lawyer continued and I shook my head.
‘No, that was the last time,’ I nodded and hoped I had not caused irreparable damage.
‘Your sister arrived and what happened next?’ he asked, smiling reassuringly again and my once calm collected persona was whittling into a pool of self-doubt.
‘Yes. After she arrived, three men entered the restaurant with guns and took us all hostage. One said he wanted the cash register opened and my sister helped them, as the guy behind the bar was completely terrified. My brother created a diversion and my sister took the baby out into the kitchen. One of the men was furious and fired his gun,’ I paused, shaking my head the memories too painful.
‘I know this is extremely difficult, Lexi.’ He turned to the jury with a sympathetic look on his face and I felt like it was all for show.
‘When my sister returned they shot my mother, and my sister grabbing a gun started shooting at everything. I blacked out at this point and the next thing I remember is hearing her voice.’ I pointed at Larissa and for the first time did not turn my eyes away. She looked awful. Her skin once flawless was pallid and she had large black circles under her eyes. She had clearly lost a considerable amount of weight and I could see the bruises on her arms, no doubt from the dialysis, distracting me.
Echo (The Butterfly Series Book 3) Page 10