“I know you do. I love you too.” She reached up to pat his cheek again and he placed his hand over hers, holding her there.
Turning his head, he placed a kiss on her palm before stepping through the door.
Once home, his loneliness compounded. He wandered through the empty rooms, not bothering to even turn on the lights. No sound reached him but his muted footsteps on the carpeting and the faint hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen.
For the hundredth time, he wondered if he’d been shortsighted with his choice to not have a family. Why hadn’t he pursued adoption? Was forty too old to start trying? Maybe his mother’s dire predictions were right and he was going to die a lonely old man.
With a resigned sigh, he returned to his room and sat on the edge of the bed. Two feathers sat on his nightstand. One was the elegant quill Evan had brought him. A sign of deep love and commitment according to him. To Adam, it felt more like a goodbye. The other was a snowy bit of down. He’d plucked it from his bed months ago; a reminder of his night with the one man he’d never stop loving.
Picking it up, he brushed its exquisite softness over his lips.
Come back to me. Please, if you can hear me, come back, Ren.
He waited for long moments, a tiny part of him believing there would be a rush of wings or that he would turn and see Ren in the doorway, shuffling his feet and shoving his fists in the pockets of that scruffy jacket of his.
The refrigerator ended its cycle and the silence deepened until Adam felt as if his ears were packed with cotton. There was nothing. No sound, no warmth, no Ren to wrap his arms around. All he had left of his angel were these feathers.
Standing again, he pulled back the covers before stripping and lying down. He picked up the feathers as he did every night. Brushing another tender kiss over them, he laid them on the pillow next to his and closed his eyes.
* * * * *
Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam…
asher kidishanu b’mitz’votav v’tzivanu…
l’had’lik neir shel Chanukah.
Adam sang the blessing, his baritone mixing with his mother’s wavering voice as he lit four candles of the menorah. Four nights gone already. Gone so fast and yet each one had felt endless.
Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheinu, melekh ha’olam…
A strong, sweet tenor joined them.
Adam barely heard his mother’s gasp over the pounding of his heart. He couldn’t take his eyes off the man in the corner. Candlelight gleamed on golden hair and skin and that beautiful mouth formed the words.
She’asah nisim la’avoteinu bayamim haheim baziman hazeh.
Ren. Ren was here. He looked different, transformed. The nervous uncertainty was gone. He stood tall and firm, wearing an elegant confidence which Adam found incredibly appealing. The grunge corduroy jacket was gone, replaced with a knee-length black wool coat and under it he wore a black suit. He looked formal. He looked stunning.
Adam was moving, crossing the room, his angel’s name falling from his lips.
“Adam, the shamash.” She tsked the reminder and took the candle from his shaking hand to return it to the menorah.
Ren’s rocking stopped with the last chord of the blessing and he stood tall, his gaze steady. He looked different, serious and haunted. The nervousness was gone, replaced by the steady defiance of a man who had seen the worst and could no longer be intimidated.
“You came back. I didn’t think I’d see you again but you came back.” Adam caught Ren’s face between his hands and simply looked at him in wonder. How could this be? Wasn’t Ren supposed to go back to Heaven?
“I came back to you as soon as it was allowed.”
He brushed his lips over Ren’s. “Tell me you can stay.”
“I can stay.”
The resonance of truth sent an echo down Adam’s spine. Renatus was here and he wouldn’t leave.
Wrapping one arm over Ren’s shoulder and the other around his ribs, Adam pulled the angel to him, buried his face in the curve of his neck, and clung.
“I am here, my love. I came back and I will stay as long as you will have me.” The whispered words teased warmth and hope over Adam’s neck.
“Forever. I’ll have you forever.”
There, with Ren’s soft hair tickling his nose, the sweet scent of him filling his senses and his gentle words murmured in his ear, Adam believed. He had something to believe in.
“You must be Adam’s young man.”
“Mom.” Adam straightened with a jerk. How could he have forgotten she was there? Though he’d come out in college and his mother had been very accepting, his father hadn’t been. He’d never brought a man home before. She’d never seen him with a partner. Adam took a careful step back and faced his mother.
“I’m sorry I didn’t hear the doorbell. My hearing isn’t always the best.” Estelle reached out to tug on Adam’s sleeve and he stepped over to her.
“You should have warned me he was coming,” she chided. “I don’t have the good china out.”
“I, ah, didn’t think he’d come. And he won’t even notice the dishes,” he whispered back to her.
Standing, he raised his voice back to a conversational tone.
“Mom, this is Renatus.”
“Tell me, Renatus, do you like latkes?”
“I love them, Mrs. Liebmann.”
“Oh, none of that. You call me Estelle. I’ll give you boys some time alone while I finish cooking. Adam, take him on into the living room.”
He led Ren to the living room as his mother hurried into the kitchen. No doubt she was scrambling to reset the table with Grandma’s china.
“When you left, I never thought I’d see you again. I thought it was the end.”
“I thought the same.”
“Why, Ren? Why were you gone so long?” Pain clogged Adam’s throat and he could barely force the words past it.
“I had a duty to fulfill.”
“The box.”
Ren gave a slow nod and the dark look in his eyes intensified to something so grim it frightened Adam.
“I knew it contained the Law of Men and Angels, something which would have repercussions on our relationship. I did my best to make sure we were not in violation of any existing rules, that we were not in danger of judgment. I…” Ren’s face crumpled and he looked away, his pain a tangible entity between them.
“I am so sorry, Adam. I was wrong and I put you in danger.”
“You protected me from the demon, though. You didn’t let her hurt me,” Adam rushed to assure him.
“The danger went far beyond Meela. I couldn’t have predicted—” He seemed to flounder for a moment. Searching the far wall as if the answers he sought were written somewhere in the collection of Adam’s childhood hanging there. Adam waited. Unsure what to say, how to help.
“It wasn’t a Law. It is called The Law of Men and Angels but it wasn’t a Law at all.”
“I don’t understand.” Adam brushed Ren’s hair back from his face, wanting so much to soothe away this upset and not knowing how.
“It was a covenant. Those aren’t bound by the same rules as a Law. I should have known. Should have paid attention to what the box said, but I was so sure I knew what I was doing, and anxious to take advantage of any time I could with you.”
Without warning, Ren dropped to his knees in front of Adam, his head bowed. “Adam, please accept my apology. My negligence made you culpable for a judgment you didn’t even know existed.”
Adam knelt, and gently cupping Ren’s jaw, tried to tip his head up so their eyes could meet. Ren resisted, closing his eyes rather than look at Adam.
“Please, tell me what’s going on,” Adam begged. He pulled Ren to him, nestling the golden head on his shoulder. “Talk to me.”
“I kept you safe. Judgment has been passed and you are safe.”
“And you?”
“I have served my sentence.”
That sounded so grim. Adam pressed a kiss to
Ren’s head and wondered what kind of horror had so broken his beautiful angel.
“Come here. Sit with me.” Adam tugged Ren toward the couch but he resisted.
“Not until you forgive me.”
“Ren, I’ll always forgive you. I love you too much not to. Besides, you protected me.” Adam gently placed his lips over Ren’s, a simple kiss of acceptance which Ren returned. When Adam leaned back to look in Ren’s eyes once more, the pain in them had faded and the haunted look had eased.
“Come on, before my mother finds us on the floor and wonders what’s going on.” He started to rise, but Ren stopped him. Placing his hand on Adam’s thigh, Ren leaned in for another kiss. That light contact, the heat of it scalded through Adam’s pants and his skin seemed to contract. A tremor raced through him as Ren’s lips came closer and closer, finally brushing his with the faintest of contact before Ren leaned back once more. Too much and not enough, it left Adam quivering inside, wanting more and overloaded at the same time.
“Boys, the food is ready. Adam, bring Ren to the dining room.” Estelle called from the kitchen.
Chapter Ten
Adam jerked back at the shock of intrusion. His mother might as well have thrown a bucket of cold water on him.
“Your mother’s timing is inconvenient,” Ren whispered, his eyes full of laughter.
“It’s her special skill,” Adam whispered back before rising. Taking Ren’s hand he pulled him to his feet and led him to the dining room. As he’d expected, their everyday place settings had been traded for the good silver and china. He suspected his mother had added more food to the table too.
Ren spent most of the meal deftly answering Estelle’s questions with a skillful blend of truth and evasion, then surprised Adam by volunteering the two of them to clean up afterward and shooing his mother off to the living room.
“We could have been necking on the couch,” Adam said, setting a stack of dirty dishes on the countertop.
“We can neck in here instead. Your mother will be busy finding something to give me, probably putting my name on one of your presents, so we won’t be disturbed.” Ren set his own burden on the counter and moved to box Adam in.
Adam leaned back, the sharp edge of the old counter pressing into his backside as Ren placed one hand on either side of him.
“Ah, Adam. I feel like I’ve waited forever for this moment.” The words were the merest breath across Adam’s lips.
Ren reached up to cup the back of Adam’s head with one hand and pulled him in close. Their mouths met and the world vanished. All that mattered was Ren’s mouth on his, hard body pressed against hard body, and the heat of their cocks meeting.
Adam’s arms came up to hold Ren even tighter against him, their bodies began a rhythmic push and pull, thrust and retreat. The fabric separating them became a nuisance, its scrape an irritation against hypersensitive skin.
Adam growled in frustration and turned them, pressing Ren against the countertop. With one arm banded around Ren’s ribs and the other pressed tight against the small of the angel’s back, Adam began to thrust in hard, purposeful strokes.
“Adam, do you two need help with those dishes?” Estelle called from the living room.
Adam broke away with a muttered curse. “No, Mom. We’ll be done in a minute. You wait in there.”
Ren chuckled as he helped Adam balance. “We were almost caught.”
“We still might be.” Adam grimaced and looked around at the cluttered kitchen. “This still needs to be finished. We’d better hurry.”
“No need to rush or tell your mother an untruth. I’ll fix this.”
“How?”
“Close your eyes and kiss me.”
“That’s what got me into this mess.” Still, he wasn’t going to turn down a kiss. Adam threaded his fingers through Ren’s hair and kept the kiss deliberately light. Or at least he tried to.
With a twist of his head, Ren sealed his mouth firmly over Adam’s and the kiss went from light to magical. The golden richness of it flowed over Adam like warm honey, until his entire body was loose and relaxed. His cock throbbed and he couldn’t remember why he’d thought this would be a bad idea.
“Adam, are you sure you don’t need help?” his mother called.
Ah yes, that was why.
“Mom can’t stay out of the kitchen for long. We should start cleaning before she decides to come in here.”
“It’s done.”
Done? Adam tore his attention away from Ren to look around. He was right. The dishes were clean and the kitchen was spotless.
“How did you do that?”
Ren gave him a decidedly naughty grin. “Angels have a few special skills.”
Special skills huh? Adam opened his mouth to ask about those skills but his mother peeked around the corner before he could say anything.
“Well, you boys are certainly quick. Come into the living room and we’ll open presents.”
The next hour was slow torture for Adam. He sat beside Ren on the couch, their legs brushing, while his mother fussed and handed out the night’s gifts. His body heat seemed to spike at every contact. Ren knew it too. He’d shoot Adam a knowing look and press against Adam’s leg just a little harder before shifting away.
Adam never imagined Ren could be such a tease.
But tease he did. He’d brush featherlight touches against Adam’s wrist when his mother wasn’t looking, give him those little looks that were so full of promise and anticipation that Adam couldn’t sit still. Ren’s newfound confidence was killing him.
And then there were those special skills. Insubstantial sensations of lips over bare skin and the whisper of breezes over body parts Adam knew were too covered to feel anything of the sort. Then there was the periodic flush of heat that grabbed him by the crotch with such delicious torture Adam had to grit his teeth and curl his toes in his loafers.
By the time the gifts had been unwrapped and appropriately oohed and aahed over, Adam’s nerves were strung tight by arousal and need.
Thankfully, his mother didn’t argue as he rushed Ren out the door. Tomorrow he’d probably be embarrassed by the knowing gleam in her eye, but tonight he was simply thankful to be heading home with Ren beside him.
He didn’t dare look at Ren on the drive home. He was too on edge. Even without touching, they generated enough heat to steam up the car windows, at least until Ren demonstrated another special skill by clearing them.
Once at the house, Adam couldn’t get inside fast enough. He unlocked the door and charged through it. He made it halfway to the bedroom, stripping off his coat and jacket and fumbling with buttons as he went before he realized Ren wasn’t behind him.
His hands fell from his shirt and he backtracked to the door.
Ren stood in the doorway, his cheeks flagged bright red with cold and his eyes bright with want. Frigid December breezes blew in around him. The solemn expression on Ren’s face stilled Adam and the moment took on gravity.
“What’s the matter?”
Ren didn’t answer immediately. He examined the door frame, running his hands over the wood on both sides before touching one fingertip to the mezuzah nailed to the right-hand side.
“Do you accept me into your household, Adam?”
Not his house, not even his home, but his household. Adam’s soul trembled as he realized what Ren was truly asking.
Do you take me for your own, for now and forever? To have and to hold from this day forward?
“I do.”
Ren smiled then, his beautiful face suffused with pure joy. He glowed with it. Literally. His happiness cast odd golden shadows around the entryway, drowning out the paltry light of the entry lamp.
He kissed the finger that touched the scroll house and stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. Crossing the room in two steps, he wrapped his arms around Adam and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. The traditional kiss of peace. Adam’s eyes burned with emotion as he returned it.
The air rippled
in a shimmer of something that wasn’t quite there. It fell over them like a veil of gossamer and Adam’s heart hitched.
“We have His blessings in full measure. What He has brought together shall never be broken.” Ren’s evocation was solemn but his face was lit with joy.
“I don’t know how this is going to work, me with an angel.”
“I don’t know how being with a human will work, either. I know I don’t want to be anywhere else on Earth or in Heaven though.” Ren brushed another kiss over his lips and rested his forehead against Adam’s.
“I know how one part of it will work,” Adam murmured, pushing Ren’s coat from his shoulders.
Ren’s breath caught for a heartbeat, then released with a whoosh.
Adam couldn’t keep the predatory smile from his face. This was how he liked his angel, off-balance and a little uncertain.
He reached up to spear his fingers through golden hair before covering Ren’s mouth with his own. The kiss was devouring, consuming. It staked his claim on this man, no, this angel, branding them both.
With a small moan of surrender, Ren gave himself over to the kiss and to Adam. His hands crept up, gliding over the hard planes of his lover’s chest to fist in the crisp cotton of his shirt.
He clung, needing the support to stay upright, unable to trust his own legs to hold him. The kiss seared over every nerve ending, transforming his body into a blaze of sensation and need.
The light scrape of his shirt being pulled from his shoulders sent a quiver over his skin. Adam steered him, guiding him across the floor in an uncoordinated stumble, pushing him steadily backward and driving him down the hall, kissing him and stroking the bare skin of his back the entire way. They reached the bedroom and didn’t stop until the edge of the mattress hit the back of Ren’s knees.
Adam pulled away long enough to tug the covers down. Then his mesmerizing mouth was on Ren again, blazing a trail of kisses over his shoulder and down his chest. A tug on his belt and another at his fly, and Ren’s dress pants were sliding down his legs.
“Your shoes are in the way.”
Ren willed both their shoes gone.
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