Amongst The Wildflowers (Fleurs d'Amour Book 3)

by Amali Rose

  “C’mon, Bug, don’t be like that.”

  “Yeah, Bug, don’t be like that. Talk to the man.”

  I glance at Layla’s friend in gratitude. Despite the teasing tone in her voice, I’ll take any support I can get. Looking past Layla, I address the friendly brunette. “Hey, I’m Ethan. Sorry again for earlier, and thanks for not holding it against me.”

  “Oh, Ethan.” She shakes her head. “There are so many things I’d like to hold against you, but a grudge is not one of them. I’m Evie and it is delightful to meet you. Now, I have no idea what is going on here—” she motions between Layla and me, “—but sugar plum here is most certainly free for a drink. So, I’m going to leave you two to it.” Turning to face Layla, who is openly glaring at her, she holds her hand up to her ear, the universal sign for phone, and mouths “call me.” The only response she gets is the drop of Layla’s jaw.

  Straightening her back, Layla turns to face me. “One drink.” Then, before I can say anything, she storms off leaving me behind. Let’s hope that’s not a fucking omen.

  Twenty minutes later we’re in some tiny little juice bar, cramped in amongst a dozen other tables. Every time I move, I elbow the girl sitting behind me, and from the look in her eye, I’m about to get a right hook to my face if I can’t keep still.

  Layla is sitting across from me, her straw rolling between her fingers as she uses it to make waves in her OJ. She hasn’t spoken a word to me, and it’s clear she’s not going to make this easy. I don’t really deserve easy, though, so I can deal with that.

  My stomach is churning and I’m trying to decide how to start when I notice her eyes flick to the clock above the counter. I guess I’m all out of time.

  “I’m sorry, Bug. I was an asshole.”

  Her gaze remains locked on her drink, but I hear the tiny, “Yep,” she exhales out.

  Taking a deep breath, I do the only thing I can and push on. “It was a dick thing to do and I don’t have any excuse. I wish I did.”

  Her hand stills and I see her shoulders slump slightly at my words. The silence stretches, and I can feel my anxiety build while I wait for her response. I’ve completely turned my life upside down in the last few months, transferring colleges and leaving a life I loved behind. And I did it for one reason, and one reason only. Layla. Because I’ve realized that no matter how great my life is, if it doesn’t include her in some capacity, it feels like I’m only living half a life.

  “What did I do wrong?” Her voice is barely a whisper, but I hear her, and I swear to God, those five words are like a punch to my chest, the pain radiating through my entire body.

  “Shit. You didn’t do anything, Bug.” I lean forward on the table, trying to make eye contact so I can make her see my truth. The only truth I’m prepared to give her right now. “I got caught up in the freedom of not having to answer to anyone, of being around people who didn’t know me and had no expectations of me. I got so busy creating a new life that I forgot about my old one, and that makes me an asshole, I know. I’m sorry.”

  There’s a beat of silence before she raises her head to look at me. A single beat where I still have hope that she’ll flash me a smile and forgive me for being a douchebag. A lonely beat before she opens that lush mouth of hers, and my hope is crushed.

  “You were my best friend, Ethan. You were my person. The one who, no matter what else was going on in my life, made me feel like it was going to be okay. Like I was going to be okay. Then, completely out of the blue, you decide you need to go to college out of state.” She pauses and takes a deep, steadying breath before continuing. “I tried so hard to be supportive. I understood why you wanted to leave, and no matter how hard it was going to be for me to be without you, I wanted you to have that chance.” She abruptly pushes her juice away as she straightens in her seat, a look of pain locking on her face. “But when you began to shut me out and make me feel like I was just one more obligation you were stuck dealing with, you hurt me in a way I never thought you could. I never expected anything from you except the truth, and you couldn’t even give me that.”

  I can’t take my eyes off her, and when her voice wavers, it takes all my self-control not to blurt out exactly why I had done what I had.

  When she continues, her tone is quietly determined. “You destroyed me, Ethan, and I don’t think I can forgive you for that. I’m sorry.”

  With that, she quickly gathers her things and I’m left alone watching her walk away. And I let her go because I have no idea how to justify my actions without confessing my biggest secret. That I had to leave, because loving her was destroying me.

  Layla

  Two days later, I’m lying on my bed in a silent dorm room, staring at the ceiling. Normally, I would love this moment of calm; a small reprieve from the noise that follows Evie around. Tonight, though, it’s exacerbating the chaos in my head. The chaos that hasn’t stopped since I walked away from Ethan on Friday.

  My teeth latch on to my plump lower lip and begin gnawing away while I try to get my head straight. I’ve learned over time that there will always be people in life who will hurt you. Those people who you care about and all they do is take from you. Those people who you open up to and put your trust in, only for them to abuse it. The people you wish you meant something to, but you’re only ever a diversion to be enjoyed until they get bored and move on. I’ve known plenty of these people, but I never, for one second, believed he would be one of them.

  Until the day he was.

  I was so unprepared to see him. So unprepared for all the feelings that overwhelmed me. I thought I had made peace with his vanishing act years ago but seeing him stand in front of me brought all the pain rushing back. It made me realize exactly how much I have missed him. I’m still not sure how I found the strength to walk away.

  Or how I’ll find the strength to stay away.

  The peace and quiet is shattered as Evie bursts through the door, almost dropping a pile of textbooks on her way.

  “Oh, Jesus, if I ever see another textbook as long as I live, it’ll be too soon.” She dumps her books on the small desk before flopping down on the bed and pointing a finger angrily at me. “You!”

  “Me?”

  “Yes, you! Don’t think I don’t realize you’ve been avoiding me, young lady. Now, spill. How do you know my uber hottie?”

  I can’t help the small giggle that escapes. “Seriously, please never refer to him as that to his face. His ego was always big enough.”

  “Okay, I want all the details. Then I want you to beg for my forgiveness for never telling me you had an ex that looks like that.”

  “Oh God, he’s not my ex! We were only ever friends.” Her eyes narrow suspiciously.

  “How in the hell do you stay just friends with a guy who looks like that? I’m pretty sure it’s not physically possible. Like, ‘oops! Sorry, I fell, and my mouth accidentally landed on your dick. My bad!’”

  I snort out a laugh. “That’s a pretty solid plan you have there, sweet cheeks.” The smile slides from my face as quickly as it came, and my eyes burn with the unwanted sensation of the tears I’ve been holding back for two days.

  “Lay?” Before I can reply, Evie is crawling on my bed with me, pushing me over and squishing me into the wall, before she takes hold of my hand. “You liked him?”

  I want to scoff at her use of the word like. Because it is so much more complex than that. Like is too easy for what we have. I’ve loved him since I was four years old. I’ve been in love with him since I was twelve. And I have been broken by him since I was eighteen.

  Taking a deep breath, I try to calm my mind enough to explain it to her.

  “When I was four, I was lying in the field behind my house, crying. Like, full-on sobbing, because a group of girls wouldn’t let me play with them. They said I was too ugly to be a princess.” Evie’s grip on my hand tightens. “So, I’m lying there, feeling like my heart is breaking, trying to figure out how I can possibly make myself pretty enough, when
suddenly this beautiful blue flower is shoved in my face.” My lips tilt in a small smile as the memory comes flooding back. “I turned around and there he was, asking if I would be his friend.” I roll over onto my side and face her, smiling at the memory. “He had just moved in next door, and from that day on he was just always there. He became my best friend, my protector. And one day I realized he had become my everything.”

  Evie’s brow creases in confusion. “Okay, so I’m confused. How did you get from there to here?”

  My answering sigh is full of frustration. “I have no freaking idea. At the end of our senior year, he just started pulling away. Like, he was there, but he wasn’t, if you know what I mean. He stopped talking to me about anything that wasn’t superficial crap and then one day he told me that he had decided to go to college in Washington.” I flinch slightly at the memory. “I didn’t even know he was considering moving out of state.”

  “You never asked him why he was acting differently or called him out on it?” Evie’s nose crinkles in confusion.

  “I think I was scared to. Like I’ve said before, school wasn’t easy for me. I got teased a lot—”

  “Bullied. The word is bullied, Lay. You went to school with a bunch of assholes.”

  I smile sadly at her blunt words. “Yeah, I really did.” Shaking my head, I continue. “Anyway, I guess I was worried that if I confronted him about it, I would lose him completely. Even though I hated that he was slowly slipping away, at least I still had some of him. Does that make sense?” Evie nods silently.

  “I figured he would tell me when he was ready. He would explain what had changed, but he never did. Then he was gone, and I was still clueless. I tried to stay in touch, but it was pretty obvious he wasn’t interested. So, I did what I thought he wanted, and left him alone.” The memories of waiting for messages that never came, calls that went unanswered and unreturned assault me, and the pain is just as intense now as it was then. “I always figured he would get in touch eventually, but one month turned into six, which turned into a year and I realized I had to get over it and move on, so I did my best to make that happen.”

  “How did I not know all of this? I’m your roommate. We’re best friends! You could have talked to me, you know.”

  I do my best to ignore the note of hurt in Evie’s voice. “It was too hard to talk about. You not knowing kind of gave me a bit of respite from being miserable. There was so much change happening in my life. But you.” I wrap my arms around her in an awkward attempt at a hug. “Were my happy place, Evie Mitchell.”

  “Ugh, okay, you’re forgiven.” She jumps off the bed with a grace that I envy, all long limbs and flowing hair. I swear if I didn’t love her so much I’d hate her.

  “So, what are you going to do about Ethan? Is he forgiven too?” she asks as she pulls a water from our mini-fridge under the desk.

  I try to figure out how to answer her honestly, while still holding onto a shred of dignity. Because I will forgive him. I already know I will. Despite what I said and despite what he did, he is so intrinsically entwined with my heart I have no idea how to live without him. I’ve proven that I can exist, but living? I never quite mastered that.

  “I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I have no idea how to be around him and not be us, but I also have no idea how to pretend that I’m not still angry at him.”

  “So, don’t pretend.” Her shoulders lift in a careless shrug. “Tell him you’re pissed but don’t shut the door on him either. Maybe you can’t go back to being BFFs, but you can start trying to build something new. It might not be the same, but if he meant as much to you as you say, then isn’t something better than nothing?”

  I watch her thoughtfully as she chugs down her water before I reply. “You know, you’re not just a pretty face.”

  “Right? I’m a hot piece of ass too, don’t ever forget that.” When she winks at me across the room, I don’t even try to hide my groan.

  The gravel crunches under my feet and Selena Gomez blasts in my ears as I make my way along the jogging path across the campus. Unable to shut my brain off last night, I had trouble falling asleep and ended up snoozing right through my alarm, which explains why I’m so late on my daily run and why I’m so grumpy. Not a morning person at the best of times, the lack of sleep only heightens my annoyance with all the people swanning around, getting in my way as I try to navigate my usual route. When a guy with his eyes glued to his cell phone carelessly cuts me off, I huff in exasperation and decide to cut my losses and jog back to the dorm. Just as I’m about to make a left and head back, I spot the campus coffee shop up ahead and decide to stop and grab a water.

  Standing in front of the cooler, I am reaching for a bottle when a head pops into my periphery, startling the crud out of me, almost causing me to drop my water.

  “Oh, jeez!” Turning and removing my headphones, I realize it’s Ethan. My stomach drops and my heart races simultaneously. He’s looking behind me quizzically, as though searching for something, and I have to bite my lip to hide the smile that wants to break free. Instead, I do my best to appear unaffected while pushing my sweaty hair back self-consciously.

  “What are you looking for?”

  “I seem to remember you showing me a meme years ago that said something along the lines of if I see you running, then I should run too, because something must be chasing you. So, what is it, Bug? You need me to save you from a rogue bear or something? ‘Cause I’ll do it.” I laugh at the memory of fifteen-year-old Ethan trying to persuade me to go running with him, and my steadfast refusal.

  “You were on your meme game that day.” He wears a soft smile that makes me remember everything I probably shouldn’t right now.

  “Well, it was hard to keep up with Millhouse the meme king. I did what I could.”

  “Christ, I haven’t been called that in so long.” He smirks at the memory of the nickname I gave him when we were ten years old and he went through a brief obsession with the show The Simpsons. “I still say I’m a Bart.”

  “Pfft, whatever, Millhouse.” A small nudge to my shoulder as someone squeezes past us reminds me where we are, and I start to move off in the direction of the register. Ethan gently takes hold of my arm to stop me.

  “When’s your first class? Do you have time for a coffee?”

  He’s looking at me so hopefully, and I can’t deny that I want to stay talking to him. Remembering Evie’s words about finding a new normal, I decide to dive in head-first. “Uh, sure, I have a little time.”

  Five minutes later, I’m sitting opposite the guy who was my best friend for fourteen years. The guy I shared every detail of my life with. And it. Is. So. Freaking. Awkward.

  Ethan’s eyes look everywhere but at me and even though the coffee shop is bustling for seven in the morning, our silence is deafening, and I’m reconsidering my decision to stay.

  “So, peppermint tea, huh?” he abruptly blurts out. Yep, still reconsidering.

  “Yeah, I gave up coffee a few years ago.”

  “What? You were a caffeine fiend. I was honestly terrified of you before you had your first cup of the day.”

  “Oh my God, I wasn’t that bad, you big baby.” I roll my eyes. “I decided to make some changes a few years ago. Improve myself, I guess. Ditching the caffeine was a part of it.”

  “That’s where the running and—” he uses his index finger to motion toward me, “—that comes in?”

  “That?”

  “The new body.” The ever-present blush stains my cheeks even darker at his words. Calm yourself, Jensen, it’s just an observation. He will never see you that way, so don’t even go there.

  “Well, the old body wasn’t really working for me, so I figured it was about time I made improvements.”

  Ethan’s playing with an empty sugar packet, his fingers tearing shreds off it and his voice is quiet when he responds.

  “There was never anything wrong with you, Layla.”

  My answering snort is unconscious. “You
were the only one who ever thought so. And then you were gone.” I shrug, but my heart clenches when I notice him deflate slightly at my careless comment, so I hurry to undo the hurt. “I didn’t like myself very much, so I tried to change what needed to change, so I would. It’s not really a big deal.” He closes his eyes briefly, but when he looks up, he is distracted by something over my shoulder.

  “Fuck,” he says with a grimace.

  “What?” I throw a glance over my shoulder and spot Michael Bradshaw walking toward us, a sly smile gracing his full mouth.

  Oh. Crud.

  Ethan

  My temper flares as that fuckwit Bradshaw makes his way toward us. I swear to God, I’m about ready to punch that smug smile off his face if he takes one more step in our direction.

  Clearly, he’s not a smart guy because despite the grimace I know I’m wearing, his course never falters.

  “Miller, man, I’m glad I ran into you.” My shoulder stings under his ‘friendly’ back slap. Yep, this asshole is going down.

  “What do you want, Bradshaw?” I note the look of disapproval on Layla’s face at my tone, but if she knew this guy, she would understand.

  I feel my hands clench into fists when Michael turns his attention to Layla.

  “Hey, Layla, right?” Her face reddens under his gaze and when she nods, ducking her head down shyly, a red haze engulfs me.

  “I’m busy, just tell me what you want.”

  I don’t miss the antagonistic look that flits over his face when he realizes what’s bugging me.

  “Relax, dude. I just wanted to let you know that the team is going to Hound Dog tonight for a couple of drinks. Let’s call it team building.” He turns his attention to Bug. “You should come; the other girlfriends are.”