by Amali Rose
I bang on the door again and I notice a girl I don’t recognize come strolling up the corridor toward me. When she gets close enough, I notice the squint of her eyes, the straight line of her mouth and as she passes by behind me, I hear the quiet whispered, “Asshole.”
Shit. I raise my arm to knock on the door again when it’s suddenly yanked open and a very pissed off Evie is standing there.
“Where is she?” I demand.
“As if I would tell you.” Her voice matches mine in determination.
“Layla!” I try to stick my head in the room and get in far enough to see she’s not there. “Where is she, Evie?”
“She’s not here.” Her hands land on my chest and she pushes with her entire weight. “And now, we need to make it so that you’re not here either.”
“I didn’t fuck Tash.” My voice breaks in anguish, not underestimating how important it is that she believes me.
“Well, it sure looked like it. I’m so pissed at you, Ethan.” She clenches her teeth and closes her eyes. “I encouraged her to be with you. I was Team Fucking Ethan, and you do this to her?”
“I didn’t do anything, you need to believe me. I don’t know what bullshit game Tash is playing, but I didn’t touch her.”
She stands back, still blocking the doorway. “You know you didn’t touch her, or you hope you didn’t touch her? Because Layla said you were pretty drunk when she spoke to you.”
I rub my palm over my forehead, my earlier headache back with a vengeance. I know I was wasted last night, but I also know without a shadow of a doubt I would never risk my relationship with Layla, no matter how off my face I was.
“I didn’t touch her. Where is she, Evie? I need to talk to her.”
“I promised I wouldn’t tell you.” She at least has the decency to look apologetic. “She needs some time to think.”
“We both know that’s not what she’s going to do.” I shake my head bitterly. “She’s going to turn inside herself and invent some narrative that fits her insecurity and gives her an excuse to walk away.”
“Well, I guess you better figure out a way to stop that from happening. And you better do it quickly.”
Layla
“Okay, so I’ve done some sketches to go along with the story you emailed me.” Wyatt smiles at me. “It’s such a cute story, by the way, I think you’re going to ace this assignment.”
I force a smile. “Thanks.” I look through the pile of drawings she’s handed me, and my smile becomes genuine. “These are amazing, Wyatt. I can’t thank you enough for helping me out.”
“I was happy to do it, it was a challenge, but I had fun.”
I move around her studio apartment, my eyes flitting around restlessly. The tiny space is overflowing with furniture and art equipment, but rather than feeling cramped, it has a cozy, lived-in feel.
“Have a seat, sweetheart, I’ll make us some tea and we can talk about the assignment a bit more.”
I nod indifferently and settle on her little loveseat while she moves around the small kitchen. She has the radio playing softly in the background and my heart stutters slightly when I hear the lyrics playing.
I walked away, broken,
Shattered by my own hand,
Chasing my demons,
I never stood a chance.
I crave the scent of her,
Feel it linger on my skin,
But that’s just the fantasy,
I’ll never hold her again.
Wyatt carries our tea over, abruptly shutting the music off, and I sigh in relief.
“I swear that song is everywhere I go.” I practically swoon “I forget his name, but that guy is incredibly talented.”
“Flynn Maguire,” she answers robotically.
“Yeah, that’s it. But that song is so freaking sad, it has me in tears every time I hear it.”
Wyatt smiles sadly. “I know the feeling.” She reaches over and gives my hand a squeeze. “So, how are you doing?”
“I guess you’ve heard about what happened?”
“I did. Cassidy and Skye are worried about you. I hate to say it, and please don’t hold it against me,” she flashes me a worried look. “But, it’s kind of nice to see Cassidy thinking about something other than Mason.”
“Ugh, I know. I feel so bad for our parents, it was not a happy Christmas this year, with both of their daughters miserable.” I bite my lip, thoughtfully. “Do you think CJ will work it out with him? I really thought they were good together.”
“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “If you’d asked me two months ago, I would have said yes, but I’m afraid they’ve missed their chance now.”
“You think people only have a certain window of time to fix a relationship?”
She considers me earnestly. “I know you want me to say no, and I wish I could, but I believe there is. Once it closes, it’s too painful to put your pride aside and risk the rejection. Nobody wants to experience that kind of pain more than once. It’s human nature to do whatever you can to protect yourself.”
I feel the familiar sting in my nose, followed by the burn of my eyes.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m probably not the best person to ask for love advice.” She shifts uncomfortably in her chair and I regret asking the question.
“It’s okay, I appreciate your honesty.”
“Have you talked to him yet?”
The past two weeks play through my mind. Ethan blew up my phone the first couple of days, but I ignored his messages and voicemails. In fact, I’ve still yet to read or listen to them. He figured out pretty quickly that I was home and he turned up daily despite being turned away by my mother. His last visit was on Christmas day and my mom pulled out the big guns, sending my father out to deal with him. I have no idea what he said, but I haven’t seen or heard from Ethan since.
“No, I just don’t know what he could say. I mean, I saw the photo, and I want to believe that it’s not what it looks like. I’ve tried to consider it from every angle, consider every explanation for it, and the only one that makes any sense is that he cheated on me.” My hands tighten around my mug and I shake my head because there’s a part of me that still can’t believe he would do this to me. “And even if he didn’t actually sleep with her, which, really, considering they were both naked is hard to believe, I’m still not okay with my boyfriend being in bed naked with another girl.”
Wyatt doesn’t say anything for a moment, she keeps her gaze locked on the window contemplatively. Suddenly turning toward me, she reaches down and places her tea on the small table in front of the loveseat.
“Okay, I can’t tell you what to do, Lay. Every relationship is different, every situation is different, but I will say this.” Inhaling deeply, she appears to be steeling herself for something.
“I was in a relationship a long time ago. We were going through some things and he left. He just ran away, no explanation, no chance for me to explain anything, he was just gone.” Her voice thickens, and she chokes out the last word. I instinctively reach for her, but she waves me off.
“I know you don’t want to hear this, but you owe it to yourself, and to him, to hear him out. If you can’t live with his explanation, so be it.”
I watch as she chews on the inside of her cheek, swallowing hard. “But living with the unknown will eat you up and you’ll never be able to move on.”
Ethan
“What can I get you?”
“An explanation would be a start, April.”
The petite brunette’s eyes fly to mine and her pen hovers over her pad, frozen in shock.
“Uh, h-hi Ethan, did you want to order?”
“No, I want you to sit down and talk to me.”
“I can’t, I’m working.” Her voice is unsteady.
I look around the almost-empty diner and shake my head. “I’m sure you can take a break. You owe me this, April. You owe me.”
She closes her eyes and gnaws on her bottom lip. “Okay, just
give me a minute.”
I watch her walk away and try to keep a hold on my temper.
After Layla refused to see me, I knew I had to get to the bottom of what had happened that night. I needed to have more than just my gut feeling to prove to her that I would never cheat.
It only took a few questions, and twenty bucks to the bartender, to learn that Tash and her friend, April, had been responsible for the steady stream of shots sent to us. And it was a very sober Tash and April who dragged my drunk ass out of there when everyone else was too wasted to notice.
April slides her ass onto the seat opposite me, all false bravado, and bites out an annoyed, “What do you want?”
“You need to tell me what happened that night.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She plays with a sugar packet nervously and I see right through her.
“Bullshit,” I snap. “I already know you and Tash left the bar with me, and I know there’s no way in hell I touched that bitch, so tell me what the fuck happened.” I slam my hand on the table and she jumps at the sound.
“Ugh, Jesus, relax will you. It’s not a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?” I yell, ignoring the looks my outburst attracts. “My girlfriend thinks I cheated on her. She won’t even talk to me.”
“Well, it’s not much of a relationship then, is it? If she doesn’t trust you.” She rolls her fucking eyes at me.
“Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
“Listen, Ethan, I don’t know what to tell you. Tash wants you, and when she realized you fucked her and chucked her during your last break from the queen of the nerds, she decided you deserved a bit of payback.” She glares at me across the table. “You really hurt her, you know.”
“Wait, what?” My hand kneads the back of my neck in confusion. “I never slept with Tash. I’ve never dated her, never fucked her and definitely never given her indication that I ever would.”
April watches me intently, and I can see her trying to gauge how truthful I’m being.
“Look, April, it sounds like she’s played you, too. I promise you, I never laid a hand on her and I never did anything to make her think I would. I love my girlfriend and I would never do anything to mess that up.” I lay my hands flat on the table in front of me, trying to calm myself.
April’s fingers worry the sugar packet between her fingers even harder and she stares out across the restaurant.
“Tash said you were telling her you wanted her, but that you felt guilty dumping Layla. She said when you broke up—”
“We never broke up,” I interrupt.
“Whatever. She said you did and that you slept with her and told her you wanted to be with her. Then when Layla came running back, you dropped her, but offered to keep screwing her on the side.”
My face creases in horror at the idea. “That’s complete bullshit.”
She shrugs disinterestedly. “I guess. She was pretty convincing.”
“So, what happened that night?”
“Christ, nothing, okay? Nothing happened! We took you home, stripped you off and Tash got into bed with you. I used your phone to take the photos, we posted it on your Instagram and I went home.”
My head is about to explode at the vindictiveness of the whole situation. How could someone be prepared to disrupt a person’s entire life out of fucking jealousy. Holding onto my temper, I ask the most important question. The reason I’m here in the first place.
“Will you repeat this to Layla?”
Layla
I pace the floor of my dorm room, completely agitated as I consider what I’m going to do. After my talk with Wyatt, I realized I need to talk to Ethan. Good or bad, I need to know what happened, so I can move on. Maybe without him, but I can’t deny I’m hoping it’s with him.
I spent so many years pretending my feelings didn’t exist, and in one moment of despair I had unintentionally taken this huge, life-altering leap. I risked a friendship that meant the world to me to take a chance on a love that meant everything. And I can’t bring myself to regret it, because that moment had shifted the axis of my world and afterward everything had felt right, in a way it never had before.
Tired of being cooped up in this tiny room, I grab my jacket and decide to run to the dining hall for a late dinner. The air is freezing, and I pull my jacket tighter around me in an effort to ward off the cold. Thankfully, it’s only a matter of minutes before I burst into the warm hall and I look around, rubbing my hands over my cheeks to warm them up, grateful it’s so quiet.
After doing a quick scout, I grab some comfort food; fried chicken and mac and cheese, and take a seat in the farthest corner where, hopefully, I’ll go unnoticed.
I pull my Kindle out of my purse and get lost in a fantasy world where everyone gets their own happily-ever-after while I eat my meal, blissfully oblivious to the world around me. Until the sound of a chair scraping along the floor drags me back to reality.
I glance up to see the last face I expected, sitting across from me.
“Tash.”
You would think I would be angry. Ready to scream and cuss at the friend who possibly betrayed me just as significantly as my boyfriend. Instead, all I feel is curiosity as she stares back at me, a glint of triumph in her eye.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I saw you and I figured we should clear the air sooner rather than later.”
“Clear the air?”
Her brow crinkles and I think I detect a flicker of annoyance at my calm expression.
“Look, Layla, you have nothing to be ashamed of. No one can blame you for wanting him. He’s hot as fuck, and his father’s football royalty. Every girl wants him. But, you have to admit, you’re not really a good match for him.”
“And you are, I suppose?”
She scrunches her nose up sympathetically. “We’re so much better suited for each other, you have to see that. And we tried so hard to control ourselves, out of loyalty for you, but we just couldn’t do it anymore. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” I ask in disbelief.
“So sorry, babe. We never wanted you to find out like that!”
Her words touch a nerve and I find myself considering, stupidly for the first time, how the photo was taken.
“Who took the photo?”
“Wh-what?”
“Who took the photo?” I repeat. “It’s an easy question, Tash.”
“I don’t know, a bunch of us went back to his apartment. I guess one of them thought it would be funny to use his phone and take a picture.” She stumbles over her words. “It doesn’t really matter, does it? The photo was taken and now you know.” She eyes me kindly. “I think it’s best if we just move on now. Ethan and I are together, and the gossip will die down a hell of a lot quicker if you just accept it. I know the last thing you want is to be the subject of gossip. You’d hate that.”
She’s right, I would. But something about her explanation isn’t sitting right. Ethan never invites groups of people back to his place. He only tolerates large groups for small periods of time and would never put himself in a situation where he can’t make a quick escape.
I gather up my trash, ready to leave. “Well, thanks for giving me your side of things, I appreciate it. I think I still need to talk to Ethan though.”
“No!” she snaps. “Jesus, Layla, get a fucking clue. You talk to him and you’re just going to force him to lie to you.”
Ethan doesn’t lie.
“You don’t want me to talk to him?”
“It’s not that I don’t want you to.” Her voice is teeming with aggravation. “It just won’t achieve anything.”
Standing up, I nod in agreeance. “Right.”
“So, you won’t say anything to him?”
I consider how to best answer her as I throw my purse over my shoulder, and in the end, decide the best response is no response.
“Take care, Tash.”
I spend the walk back to my dorm pressing the redial button on
my phone, the need to talk to Ethan overwhelming me with a desperation I haven’t felt since the moment I laid eyes on that horrific picture.
I enter the dorm and make my way up to my room on the verge of tears, grateful that Evie isn’t back from break yet, and I can indulge in hours of self-pity with no judgment.
Turning the corner, I stop in shock when I see Ethan sitting on the floor next to my door, his head in his hands. I take a step forward and the tears that have been threatening, finally spill. I bite down on my lip, hard, in an attempt to stop them, but I fail.
I must make a noise because Ethan’s head turns in my direction and a look of relief filters over his face. He rises slowly, and I notice how tired he looks. I’m filled with remorse, wishing we’d had this conversation weeks ago.
“I heard you were back.” He remains standing where he is, his hands shoved in his pockets and he looks more unsure than I’ve ever seen him before.
I pull my sleeve down and scrub my face before moving toward him, submitting to the need to be close to him.
When we’re face to face, my breathing becomes shallow and I notice he removes his hands and his fists clench, as though he’s trying to keep his hands off me.
“Hi.”
I huff out a small laugh. “Hey.”
“She set me up, Bug. I didn’t sleep with her, I swear to God, I didn’t.” His voice is pained, and I want to relieve that pain intensely.
“I know.” His eyes widen in surprise and I smile, trying to reassure him.
“Let’s go inside.” I push past him and open the door to my room, dropping my purse on the desk. “Do you want a drink?”
He shakes his head, looking at me as though I’m crazy. “No, I want to know what you mean by ‘I know.’”
I grab a bottle of water, purely so I have something to occupy my hands. “I just saw Tash in the dining hall.”
“And she admitted what she did?” His voice rings with disbelief.
“No, but she told me not to talk to you or you would lie to me.”