by Fiona Lowe
‘Hey, guys.’ Elly stepped through the gate as Lucy and Rory threw themselves at her knees. She seemed to sway back slightly before squatting down so she was at the same level as the children. ‘Wow, this is a huge welcome.’
‘Beach go now!’ Rory pulled on her hand.
‘Lee, up me. ‘ Lucy held out her arms.
Elly laughed and swung Lucy up into her arms and tousled Rory’s hair.
‘You’re popular.’ Gabe leaned in, planning on greeting her with a friendly kiss on the cheek, but her ocean-fresh scent wove through him and his lips lingered.
Elly stepped back first. ‘Sorry I’m late but I had three sick kids at the practice and I had to make a house call for one of my chemo patients.’
Her gaze skated across Gabe and he caught a fleeting glance of heat which instantly vanished as her attention centred on Ben, who was still cuddled in close to Gabe’s shoulder.
‘Hey, little guy, you don’t look so great.’ Her hand brushed his forehead. ‘Ah, Gabe, Ben’s very pale and I think he’s got a fever.’
Please, not today. He’d wanted today to be perfect because it was going to be the last full day he and Elly would probably spend together. Sadly, a rising temperature would certainly make sense of Ben’s unusually clingy behaviour. He put his lips on Ben’s forehead. Hot. ‘Oh, mate, I’m sorry. I thought you were just quiet because you were missing Nana and Pa-pa.’
‘I prescribe paracetamol, fluids, staying at home and lots of cuddles.’ Elly intercepted Lucy’s hand, which was heading straight to her dangly earrings.
‘Beach.’ Lucy pointed down the road.
Elly seemed to take in a deep breath before she spoke. ‘Do you want me to take Rory and Lucy to the beach while you stay home with Ben?’
No! Disappointment completely out of proportion to the situation rammed him hard. Today was supposed to be all about spending time with Elly. Silently, he tried to sort through the mess and come up with the best plan.
Best for whom?
‘Of course I completely understand if you’re uncomfortable with that idea.’
A flash of pain flared in her eyes as she spoke, hitting him square in the solar plexus. ‘God, no, of course
I’m not uncomfortable with that. I trust you completely with the children.’
‘Daddy.’
He looked down at Rory, whose cheeks were bright with two red spots on them and a sinking feeling rolled through Gabe’s gut.
Elly followed his gaze. ‘There’s a twenty-four-hour virus going around.’
Rory promptly vomited on her feet.
Gabe sighed, defeat nipping at his heels. He knew from experience that Lucy would probably be sick within the hour. ‘I think the picnic just got cancelled.’
CHAPTER TEN
APART from the fact Elly was in Gabe’s parents’ home, the last nine hours had mimicked being on duty in a children’s ward, except in a hospital her patients rarely put their arms around her neck or snuggled into her, just wanting to be held. The day had been a blur of damp towels, medicine cups, electrolyte solution, chicken soup, DVDs, tears, nappies and cuddles.
‘I think today is what us experts in the trenches call a baptism by fire. ‘ Gabe washed a very subdued Rory, who sat passively in the bath, a sure sign he was unwell.
She laughed. ‘Baptism by vomit would be more accurate.’
He winced. ‘True. Sorry about your sandals.’
She shrugged, not really caring about them at all. ‘It’s the perfect excuse for me to go shopping for a new pair.’
He gave a wan smile. ‘I think you better bill us for today because I invited you for a picnic and you ended up working with three sick kids.’
And just like that his words inserted distance between them—the ever-present distance that reminded her she wasn’t really part of his or the children’s lives. She hated that her heart tore a little more because she’d been foolish enough to think that after all they’d shared today, perhaps they might have overcome it. Not wanting him to recognise her feelings, she teased, ‘It’s not a problem. After all, what else does a doctor want to do on her day off?’
His eyes flickered with longing. ‘I had other plans, believe me.’
The familiar response—her body tightening with tingling rafts of need—shot through her. ‘They’d need to be G-rated in front of the children.’
He grinned at her, all boyish charm and simmering sexuality. ‘I’m hoping they’ll eventually go to sleep tonight.’
She laughed and leaned into the bath to pick up Ben. A sharp, griping pain made her stall, and she slowly blew out a breath, feeling the pain pass as quickly as it had come. It was the same pain that had caught her in bed the other night when she’d rolled over quickly so it was probably ligament pain. She made a mental note not to make any jerky movements and next time there were heavy boxes at work, she wasn’t going to move them without a trolley.
They slipped into an unspoken routine, with Elly drying each triplet and then Gabe dressing them in their pyjamas. Usually the children’s exuberance made the process a challenge of drying and dressing on the run, but tonight they lacked the energy and were almost docile with occasional spurts of viral crankiness.
‘Nigh’ nigh’.’ Ben put his arms around Gabe’s neck as his thumb crept toward his mouth.
‘Sing.’ Rory crawled into Gabe’s lap.
Lucy tugged at Elly’s shorts. ‘Up me.’
Elly wanted to scoop her up into her arms but Gabe leaned back and swooped her into his lap.
‘Come on honey-pie, bedtime.’ He stood up, carrying both a now sobbing little girl as well as Ben. With Rory clutching at his leg, he walked out of the bathroom without looking back.
We’re fine on our own. Absolutely fine.
Desperate to keep busy, Elly set about tidying the bathroom, telling herself over and over that the triplets were not hers, that Gabe had his own routine, and it was crazy to feel shut out. However, no amount of rational logic worked and she wanted to join in with the wailing too. It was as if she was being punished over and over for her ill-judged mistake in the past.
As the last of the gurgling water drained out of the bath and silence descended in the bathroom, Elly expected to hear the soothing, settling sounds of Gabe singing and the hush of children going to sleep drifting down the corridor. Instead, she heard the screeching wail of three distraught children who were feeling lousy and this was their only way of letting the world know.
‘Elly.’ Gabe’s rich, deep voice, filled with defeated desperation, bounced off the walls.
She almost ran down the corridor and into the triplets’ room. Three sobbing, red-faced children complete with runny noses greeted her, and Gabe didn’t look much better. She immediately picked up Lucy, who was closest, and hugged her tight before wiping her face. ‘Shh, it’s really not all that bad.’
‘Can you promise me that?’ Gabe’s fatigue surrounded him as he picked up the boys with a sigh. ‘Thanks for being here.’
Of course I’m here. I want to be part of this. But her lips refused to form those words, which would only open her up to more rejection. ‘I’m happy to help.’
Gabe patted the boys and pointed to his guitar. ‘Daddy’s going to sing to you, OK?’
But Ben refused to be put in his cot so Elly sat down on a chair with both Lucy and Ben on her lap.
After some persuasion, Rory finally lay down and Gabe picked up his guitar. His tanned fingers expertly formed the chords and he started to sing, his voice harmonising with the sound created by plectrum and strings. Elly listened to the words he’d written specifically for his trio and she had to hide her face against Lucy’s curls as his love for them rolled out in the calming tune. He’d once told her he loved her but had it ever been that much?
You didn’t stay to find out.
Ten chords in, Rory stood up screaming, reaching his arms out toward his siblings.
‘I give up.’ With a clashing strum of immense frustration, Gabe leaned
the guitar up against the wall and picked up Rory.
Lucy and Ben snuggled into Elly’s shoulder, illness making them crave human touch, and Elly totally understood. On the few occasions she’d got sick as an adult, the one thing she’d always pined for had been to be a little girl again. She’d dream of the times when her mother had made her chicken soup and read her stories.
She looked over at Gabe, who was clearly coming to the end of his tether. ‘What about stories on the couch? They might settle and nod off.’
He looked like he wanted to hug her. ‘Good idea, only not the couch because if they fall asleep there we’ll have to move them and they’ll wake up.’
‘Where, then?’
He stared at her for a moment and then sighed. ‘My bed.’
The two words came out on a long, woeful moan and she started to laugh.
His eyes flashed with indignation. ‘What on earth can you find funny about this mess?’
She started to shake as the laughter took over. ‘Embrace the irony, Gabe. It’s the only time in living memory that you’ve invited me into bed with a look of utter despair.’
His stony look slowly faded and a faint smile played around his wide and generous mouth. ‘Yeah, well, I put clean sheets on for you, not the triplets. ‘ He started walking toward his room.
Elly followed with Ben and Lucy. ‘I’m sure they’ll appreciate it.’
‘Yeah, right.’ He gave a grunt of laughter. ‘I mean, how could I have possibly forgotten that all toddlers appreciate Egyptian cotton sheets? ‘
Gabe had read one story, and then Elly had taken over and was reading her second. He lay back against a stack of pillows, letting her musical voice wash over him like soothing balm. Ben, now asleep, lay on his chest, Lucy lay on Elly’s, and Rory snuggled between Elly and him, his eyes heavy but still not quite closed.
It had been a hell of a day and at times had reminded him of the dark, dark days when the triplets had just come home from hospital and Jenna had fallen apart. Every waking moment had been consumed by trying to meet their needs as his own had been subjugated to theirs, and the pressure of being responsible for everyone bore down so hard it had threatened to push him under.
Except today you laughed. Elly made you laugh.
He realised with a shock that was true. They’d juggled sick and grumpy children all day, but even when he’d been knee-deep in body fluids and sick kids, she’d made him laugh and smile. When the triplets had thrown up at virtually the same moment all over themselves, Elly had just thrown him a deadpan look and said, ‘You brought that on yourself by putting them in clean clothes.’
She’d been amazing throughout it all, and although a couple of times he’d almost lost it, she’d always lifted him up with a funny line or a reassuring touch that said she was finding it tough too. Right now, though, she looked as exhausted as he felt, but her radiance shone out despite mussed hair, no make-up and crumpled clothes.
Rory started to snore gently but Elly continued reading another page before she lowered her voice and slowed her delivery until she stopped. Her eyes shone with a well-earned victory. ‘Dare I say I think we did it?’
He reached out his hand, his fingers entwining with hers. ‘You did it. You alone relaxed the Lewis clan into a soporific stupor.’
A smile danced across her high cheek-bones and she squeezed his hand. ‘It’s what I do.’
‘Thank you.’ He wanted to lean in and kiss her but he didn’t risk moving and waking anyone up this early into sleep, so he lifted her hand to his mouth and pressed it against his lips. ‘You do realise we’re stuck here for about half an hour until they’re really asleep.’
She smiled serenely. ‘There are a lot worse places to be.’
‘Maybe you’re right.’ He thought about the many places he’d laid his head over the years and couldn’t remember feeling this peaceful since— Never. Surely that wasn’t possible?
You got close with Elly before the split. But even back then he couldn’t remember this sort of contentment.
She looked straight at him. ‘I am right. War zones don’t come with such soft and silky sheets.’
‘Five-star hotels have the sheets but not the human heaters. ‘ He patted Ben’s back.
She chuckled. ‘They do give out an amazing amount of heat.’
‘Some nights they all end up in bed with me and there have been times when I’ve sneaked off to their room when the kicking got too much.’ He grinned. ‘Rory’s the worst but Lucy gives him a run for his money.’
‘She’s going to organise her brothers.’
‘And me. I can already see the writing on the wall.’ He watched mesmerised as Elly stroked Lucy’s curls with her free hand.
Is it lonely, being a single parent?
For some reason, Elly’s question from the other night beamed into his brain and a streak of guilt shot through him. He tried to picture lying on the bed with the triplets and Jenna, but the image wouldn’t come.
You and Jenna didn’t ever parent together.
But the glib words didn’t ease a thing because he knew deep in his heart that even if Jenna hadn’t been sick they’d have struggled to stay together to parent. God, it had been one enormous mess and the triplets and Jenna the biggest losers.
‘Who was born first? ‘ Keen interest shone in Elly’s eyes.
‘Lucy. She came out wide-eyed and looking around, followed by Rory. They didn’t spend long in their isolettes but it was Ben who caused me the most heartache. He was smaller than the others, he spent time on the open cot and the first two weeks were a huge struggle for him.’
‘I can’t imagine what that sort of fear would be like. ‘ She hooked his gaze. ‘That day we evacuated Millie, you were thinking of Ben then, weren’t you?’
‘I was. There’s nothing worse than watching your kid and knowing you can’t step forward and fight the battle for them. Ben’s slightly behind the others but by two he should have caught up completely.’
‘He’s done really well, then.’ She dropped his hand and stroked Ben’s back. ‘I’ve noticed he sits back and checks out the lie of the land while the other two charge ahead. You wait; I bet he’ll be your quiet achiever.’
Her words echoed his own thoughts exactly and a buzz of something warm and wonderful, something he couldn’t quite name, rolled through him. He picked up her hand again. ‘Do you want to know what their first words were after the usual dada?’
‘Tell me.’
‘Rory said, “Ball”.’
‘That makes sense; he’s always got a ball in his hand. I bet Lucy said a command word, like “More” or “Mine”.’
He laughed at her accuracy. ‘It was “Up” and Ben said “Byebye” at ten months and didn’t say it again until the other day.’
Like a plug being pulled, he found himself talking about the triplets, telling her about their milestones and regaling her with funny stories and their idiosyncrasies until he suddenly stopped, realising he’d been talking for twenty minutes. ‘Sorry, I’m sounding like the world’s most boring father.’
She shook her head and slid her hand over his. ‘No, you’re sounding like the proud father you are. You should do it more often.’ She suddenly looked self-conscious. ‘I mean, you probably do, right, talk about them to your colleagues, on the phone to your parents and with the nannies.’
‘Yeah, I do.’ But it doesn’t feel anything like this.
Don’t you miss having someone to talk to about your day? When Elly had asked him that question, he’d hotly contested it, but now his answer seemed as empty as the reality.
The triplets slept on, relaxed and cocooned in the vibes that spun through him, tugging at every part of him, demanding that it not end. Was this connectedness, this feeling of contentment, this sense of togetherness, and the feeling of ‘I’m here for you’ that flowed so strongly between them, was this what it might have been like if they’d stayed together and had a child?
All those feelings—they’re cal
led love.
A shot of tension ricocheted through him. No, it’s not love. He’d loved Elly once before and it had never felt quite like this. He was certain it wasn’t love. It didn’t come with a euphoric high or gut-wrenching pain, but it felt so much stronger than friendship.
Tendrils of an idea sprouted and spread through him rapidly like the voracious growth of jungle vines.
Life with Elly. He could picture himself coming home to Elly and the triplets. Imagine them as a team of five. She’d always wanted children and he had three to give her.
Jenna didn’t have this chance.
His shame immediately tried to surface, only to be howled down by blinding perception.
Honour Jenna through the children.
Like a missing piece of a puzzle, everything slotted into place with a thud. This was it. This was exactly what that meant. He’d been running from the idea of a relationship to protect himself and the children, but he could see now that they needed a mother who’d love them as her own. Elly was doing that already and the thought of going back to Melbourne without her held no appeal at all.
The vines of these nameless feelings tugged at his heart but without causing any pain, hurt or exhilaration. They fitted somewhere between friendship and love, and at that moment he knew he didn’t ever want to let them go. Elly would make their family complete—two parents, three kids and maybe a dog. Perfection.
‘Marry us.’
If Elly hadn’t been lying down she would have fallen over. Her blood instantly swooped to her feet, leaving a roaring in her ears as her brain tried to work out if she’d really heard those two words. Of all the questions she might have anticipated from Gabe, a marriage proposal wasn’t one of them. ‘Excuse me?’
His hand tightened around hers as he gazed into her eyes. ‘Come back to Melbourne with us and make our family complete.’
She stared at him as happiness swirled through her like water charging through a gorge, flooding her with sheer and utter bliss. Lying here with Gabe and the children had been the most wonderful experience of her life and his question, although completely unexpected, was the completion of a dream come true.