Saving Marilee

by Annette K. Larsen

  "Very well." He looked back toward the stables. "Do you still wish to leave, or could you stay a while longer?"

  My wish was to stay. It truly was. But my head was so full of Damian that it crowded out the room I wished to make for James. I would be terrible company. "I should go."

  James's face fell and he said simply, "Please."

  How could I impose on him when I felt I was going to fly apart at any moment? "I fear I will not be pleasant company today."

  He took a step closer. "I'm willing to take the risk."

  As much as I didn't want to pollute his home with my gloomy mood, I found that I could not resist his sincere invitation. Or was it his handsome face I found irresistible? That thought brought me up short. I'd fallen for a handsome face before.

  Still, I sensed nothing disingenuous about James—quite the opposite. "Very well."

  "It's about time for the noon meal. I was planning on eating out on the veranda. Will you join me?"

  Outside, in the open. "Yes, thank you."

  He offered his arm, but I pretended not to notice and walked inside on my own. I tried to remember that he had the usual footmen and staff, so I would need to wait for doors to be opened and chairs to be pushed in for me.

  From the entry, we followed a long corridor lit by high windows that led directly to a spacious library with doors leading to the veranda. Once there, Mr. Sutton excused himself, promising to return shortly.

  It was somewhat of a relief to be left alone for a moment. I leaned against the banister and admired the sprawling yard, noticing two horses in a field off to the left.

  The door opened and I turned to see two maids carrying trays. They each gave me a smile and a bow before setting the small round table that sat to my right. Before they had finished, I noticed a gardener come around the side of the house and set down a bag of tools. He went about trimming the hedges that lined the side of the house.

  James joined me a few minutes later, having changed into clothing more suitable for receiving company. He pulled out a chair and gestured me toward it. As I sat, I realized how very alone we were.

  "Is it appropriate for us to be having a meal, just the two of us?"

  He tipped his head back and forth as he took his own seat. "Perhaps not strictly, but country life allows one to bend the rules on occasion. Are you worried about appearances?"

  I almost smiled. "It would be a little bit late for me to start worrying about appearances. Though I probably should."

  "And how are you liking country life?" he inquired as a footman filled our goblets.

  "I like it better now."

  "Is it hard living in that house?" He tilted his head to study me.

  I looked down, fingering my silverware. "It's much better now that I live exclusively in the old wing. But yes, there are days that I hate it."

  "You could make it your own, turn it into something better."

  "I hope so."

  "Or, I would imagine that you could return to Dalthia."

  I smiled at my plate before looking up at him. "Had enough of my company, have you?"

  "Not in the least. I would hate to lose such an amiable neighbor."

  "Good." I sat a little straighter and took a breath of courage. "Because I refuse to run away."

  He studied me for a moment. "No one would think less of you for it."

  "I'd think less of myself. The house and property are mine. They are my responsibility, and I've accepted that." I wrung the napkin that sat in my lap. "I may not be the ideal mistress, but I won't abandon it."

  "You sound as if you are trying to prove something."

  "I am."

  He still had that look in his eye that said he didn't understand me, but he wished to. "To whom do you have something to prove?"

  "Myself."

  His brow shot up and he sat back in his chair. I did my best not to let my gaze waver as his eyes pierced me with a new understanding. "Well," he finally said as two maids brought trays laden with food, "You have my utmost confidence."

  I was surprised by how much I was able to relax and enjoy the meal, sitting there in the warm breeze, conversing with a gentleman who was, in a word, gentle. He told me of his younger years, growing up around horses and invited me to return to ride Angel at any time. Once our plates were emptied, James continued to speak of his family and some of his exploits as a young man left to freely roam the estate.

  I had just finished telling him a little about my own growing up years when a servant stepped out onto the balcony and crossed to whisper something in James's ear.

  "Yes, thank you, Jeffreys, I've been expecting him."

  Jeffreys bowed and departed and James turned to me. "I'm sorry to say I have a previous engagement to see to."

  "Oh." I pushed my chair back, pulling my napkin from my lap as I stood. "I'm so sorry to have kept you. I should have left some time ago. I just wasn't—"

  "Marilee." The strength of his tone caught my attention and I stopped to look at him. "Please. There is no need for you to scurry away as if you were intruding. You weren't. I'd be honored if you will allow me to see you outside so that I can be sure you get on your way safely."

  I forced myself to take a breath. "Yes. I'm sorry. I'm just..."

  "Nervous?"

  "I suppose."

  He took my hand and wrapped it over his arm to lead me into the house. "My associate, Mr. Mortensen, has just arrived to discuss a problem he is having with his head groom. I told him that he was welcome to drop by any time this afternoon since I had no other appointments." He cut his eyes over to me. "Your arrival was an unexpected and very pleasant surprise."

  "I'm sorry if I kept you from—"

  "I promise you didn't. After all, I was the one who invited you to dine with me."

  "Thank you, Mr. Sutton, for being so gracious and for allowing me—"

  "Sutton, my friend!" A voice boomed from my left and I couldn't help but jump just a little. A rotund gentleman with an effusive smile strode from the room just off the entry.

  James patted my hand before stepping away to greet his guest with a firm handshake. "Andrew. So good to see you, as always."

  "Likewise, likewise. Now, who is this delightful creature?" Mr. Mortensen asked, turning to me with enthusiastic curiosity.

  James held a hand out to me, bring me into their circle of friendship. "This is my neighbor, Princess Marilee, the Lady Rockwell."

  A sadness settled on Mr. Mortensen. "Your Highness." He took my hand and bowed over it. "I was so sorry to hear of your troubles, my dear."

  "Thank you," I managed, wondering to which troubles he referred.

  "Her Highness was just leaving," James explained. "If you will excuse me, I will see her off and then join you momentarily."

  "Of course, of course." Mr. Mortensen waved off the explanation as if he needed none. I found him to be a very likable sort of person. "It was a pleasure to meet so lovely a lady," he said to me. "And I bid you farewell." Another bow from him urged me to return the gesture with a curtsey before James led me out the front door.

  I was relieved to see Mr. Tennsworth waiting, holding the reins of both his horse and mine with Rogue waiting by his side. I didn't want to overstay my welcome.

  Before I could mount, James caught my hand and left a kiss on the back of it. "Thank you so much for bringing me the pleasure of your company, Princess, and for allowing me to assist you while you await help from your father."

  "Thank you for your willingness to help. I shall feel better knowing I have an ally looking out for me."

  "I shall always be your ally. Now, up you go." He boosted me into the saddle and gaze me a dazzling smile before stepping back and raising a hand in farewell as I nudged my horse into a walk.

  Chapter Ten

  THE NEXT MORNING, I tried to help ready the house for my family's arrival, but discovered I was more a hindrance than a help. I wandered the house, searching for some sort of useful work, but the overcast day created a gloomy atmo
sphere inside even my own lovely room, so I sought the outdoors. Rogue and I escaped to the stables, deciding that a quick jaunt in the fresh air would do us good.

  Mr. Tennsworth looked relieved when I suggested a ride. "Glad to go with you, Miss Marilee. These beasts could certainly use the exercise."

  We mounted up and I turned my horse toward the meadow behind the house, pushing her to a trot until we reached a path leading into the hills. We explored for close to an hour, Mr. Tennsworth keeping his thoughts to himself except to warn me away from any spots where my horse was liable to stumble. I was content with the silence as I appreciated the wildflowers that spread out over the hilltops and wondered what else I didn't know about the land surrounding my home. Rogue stayed within sight but took the opportunity to chase after any critters he found hiding in the growth.

  It was nearing the noon hour when we returned to the trail that would lead us back to the manor. My head was turned, looking down on the manor, which was almost completely hidden by the surrounding trees, when my horse pulled up. My body tensed to keep my balance and I looked ahead to see Mr. Sutton urging his own mount up the trail.

  He caught my eye and tipped his hat in salute.

  "What are you doing here?" I asked. We were on the side of the manor opposite his own property.

  "Just keeping an eye out as I promised."

  My face must have shown my confusion.

  His brow dropped in concern. "You do remember our agreement, don't you? I could ease my mind by looking out for you until—"

  "Yes, of course. I just didn't expect you to be the one keeping watch. Don't you have more important things to do?"

  "More important than securing the safety of a friend?" His eyes cut over to me as he smiled. "I can't think of anything."

  A warmth seeped into my heart at the way he so easily claimed me as a friend. "I only meant that your men could be doing this."

  "Trying to get rid of me, are you?"

  "No, I just...don't want to be an imposition."

  "I'm fairly certain that I was the one to impose on you. You didn't ask for my help, but I'm relieved that you accepted."

  "Well," I fumbled for words. "So long are you are happy."

  He lifted a shoulder. "It doesn't take much. Riding usually make me happy. So do my horses," he said simply before fixing a curious gaze on me. "What makes you happy, Marilee?"

  His inquiry begged the more obvious question: was I happy? I supposed I had found moments of happiness since Damian had passed on, but trying to name things that made me happy proved far more difficult that it might have been a year ago. So then, what had made me happy before Damian?

  "Dancing," I answered after a moment. "Dancing used to make me happy."

  "I'll remember that." He smiled in a way that reminded me of a little boy—purely happy, no other motives. Then his expression changed to curiosity, and even his curiosity had an openness that put me at ease. "I suppose the party you hosted was not as enjoyable as you had hoped?"

  I looked away. "No, it wasn't."

  "Did you even have the opportunity to dance?"

  "Damian and I started the dancing."

  "Ah, yes. I remember that." He became pensive and I let my gaze wander back to him, unaccountably anxious for whatever he would say next. "That was the first time I had seen the Rockwell family in many years," he mused. "Did you know his family well?"

  "Not well, no. I never felt as if I knew his father well enough to like or dislike him. His mother was kind, and I sometimes wondered if she had an idea of what my life was like. She would stop and look at me once in a while, like she really saw me. Whenever I caught her, she would smile, but it was always a sad smile."

  "And Edmund?"

  "I never knew what to make of Edmund. He was cool and aloof most of the time, keeping to himself. But..."

  "What?"

  "During that party, I had to excuse myself in the middle of the evening. It was my first attempt at entertaining in my own home, and I'd been excited and truly looking forward to it. I thought that Damian might be impressed with what I'd done. I wanted his approval. I needed it."

  "You didn't get it."

  I shook my head. "Edmund found me crying in the old wing. He didn't say anything at first. Just sat down beside me. Then he started to tell me what a lovely evening it was, complimenting each aspect of it. He never mentioned my tears, never questioned me."

  "I'm glad that he treated you so well."

  I looked at him—realizing just how much I had revealed—and any response I might have given was caught up in the jumble of my emotions. I couldn't admit to him just how many times I had repeated Edmund's words, how many times I had used them to remind myself that Damian's opinion might not be accurate.

  James maneuvered his horse out of my way so that I could continue down the trail. "Might I join you on your way down?" he asked.

  "If you'd like." I suppressed a smile, pleased by his easy manner and open nature. There was no cloying or insinuation and it set me as ease.

  I nudged my horse's sides and slipped past Mr. Sutton. He fell into line behind me, but it was several moments before he spoke. "How are you and Rogue getting along?"

  Looking up the trail to where Rogue had momentarily stopped to be sure I was catching up, I smiled, realizing that I had an answer for James's earlier question about what made me happy. Rogue made me happy. "He's the best remedy I could imagine."

  "Remedy for what?" James asked.

  What, indeed. I didn't want to think of the list of ailments accosting me, so instead I shrugged. "Everything."

  "Does that mean I qualify as a doctor?"

  I chuckled and looked over my shoulder to see his eyes lit with laughter.

  "I don't think I could call you Doctor Sutton and keep a straight face."

  "That leaves me something to aspire to, then."

  I just shook my head in amusement and continued down the hill. When we drew close to the house, James touched the brim of his hat and bade me farewell. What a relief to smile so much in such a short interaction.

  ***

  That afternoon, Cecily and Beatrice found me in the front parlor of the new wing, moving furniture.

  "Mistress, what are you doing?" Cecily asked.

  I pushed my hair out of my face. "I'm clearing the floor so that there's room to dance."

  They just looked at each other.

  "I want to dance!" I exclaimed. "I love dancing. I love balls! But the one time Damian allowed me to throw a party, it was a nightmare. This is a beautiful room and I want to enjoy it. So I am going to move all these things out of my way. I'm going to put on my finest ball gown, and I am going to dance."

  I went back to dragging chairs and tables to the periphery of the room. Cecily and Beatrice joined in. They didn't question my choice to use the front parlor of the old wing instead of the ballroom of the new wing.

  My one fleeting attempt at inviting society into my new life sat in my mind as the turning point of my marriage. It was after that party that Damian's fist had tightened, that instead of looking at me with annoyance, he looked at me with anger, even loathing. He had refused all invitations for me—though he attended many social affairs by himself—claiming I was too unwell to accompany him.

  So I was determined to transform this room into something I could enjoy, something to recapture the joy I used to find in such places.

  When we were nearly done clearing the center of the floor, Cecily spoke up in a dreamy voice. "Tell us about the grand balls you used to have at the palace."

  My mind went tripping back through my memories—before being married, before meeting Damian—back to my old life filled with ribbons and silk, music and handsome gentlemen.

  ***

  I laughed as my partner twirled me under his arm one last time, then smiled up into his face as we clapped. His eyes shone as he gazed back. "Would you dance with me once more?" he asked.

  I was out of breath, having worn myself out dancing with fiv
e partners in a row. Jensa's engagement had come at the perfect time. I was fifteen and finally permitted to dance, so I was determined to make the most of it. "I'm sorry, but I must beg you to excuse me so that I might find a drink. I'm afraid I've been over exuberant tonight."

  "Nonsense." He reached for my hand and set in on his arm. "Your exuberance lights up the room. And I would be happy to accompany you to the refreshment tables."

  I accepted with a demure smile and for the next three songs, he was my captive audience. We were teasing one another about whether our clothing was fashionably up to snuff when I noticed Ella and Prince Jeshua dancing together. We all knew that Ella had caught his eye, but they were dancing so closely that I wondered if they had reached an understanding. Then I noticed the look of barely veiled anger on Ella's face and knew that wasn't the case.

  Ella was acting odd, which was not terribly surprising. One of the things I loved about my older sister was that she never quite fit in and yet she seemed so sure of herself. She always acted aloof with Jeshua, but tonight she seemed unable to abide the sight of him.

  "Are you woolgathering?" asked the handsome gentleman at my elbow.

  I gave him an unbridled smile. "Forgive me. I was only doing a bit of spying on my sister. I think I may have to scold her for looking so sour during such a fine evening."

  He looked over my head and spotted Ella. "Don't be too hard on her. She's probably just had her foot trodden on by the illustrious Prince Jeshua."

  I gasped in shock and swatted at his arm. "You're lucky I do not report you for slandering his royal name."

  He gave an unrepentant grin. "You know as well as I that he thinks far too much of himself."

  "Yes, but he's so handsome." I let out a sigh then turned a wicked smile on him. "Almost as handsome as you."

  His chest puffed out and he set down his drink. "And on that note, shall we dance again?"

  I relinquished my own goblet and gave him my hand. "With pleasure."

  ***

  I sighed in remembrance. "There was no place I was ever so content as I was at a ball."

  "Why's that, Mistress?" Cecily asked.

  Why, indeed? "I don't know. I suppose it was because I found so much enjoyment in being surrounded by so many people. They were all smiling and jovial." I bit my lip, trying to decipher my reasons. "The objective was to be happy, and since I was such a naturally happy person, I was always glad for a reason to share that enjoyment with others." I gestured to the perimeter of the room. "The walls would be lined with chairs, but they were hardly ever used because most everyone wanted to mingle or dance. Everyone wore their finest clothes and brightest smiles. The candles filling the chandeliers made everything glitter." I tipped my head back to admire the ceiling, then closed my eyes, trying to remember the sounds. "I've never known much about music. I couldn't tell you the names of the tunes that were played, but I knew each dance that went with each song."