Shadows Beneath: The Writing Excuses Anthology
Page 52
I wrote without major difficulty until the climax. It came together perfectly. And then . . . the story had no ending. It had a great climax, but that wasn’t the ending. Something huge was missing.
A BIGGER PROBLEM
My climax wasn’t my ending. This is rare for me, and is difficult to spot in an outline. Looking at this story structurally, I’d built it with several “bracketing” story layers. Each idea listed below is a plot cycle in the story that needed addressing.
{Relationship: Dusk and the island
{Relationship: Dusk and Vathi
{Objective: Cross the island}
Relationship: Dusk and Vathi}
Relationship: Dusk and the island}
I introduced Dusk and his relationship to his island first, then introduced Vathi and the theme of modernity vs. tradition, then finally I introduced the objective of crossing the island. These were our three main plots or themes of the story, but my climax only covered two of them. I was able to close the bracket on crossing the island, and able to give a climax to the theme of old and new (by having the island’s secret get out). But at the end, I had no closing bracket to Dusk himself. Beyond that, I felt the theme of modernity vs. tradition was only weakly explored. As explosively as the center bracket was executed, the story felt weak because of the other two brackets.
I came up with something to tie off the story and end it, but it gave only the lamest placeholder for closing that bracket. (You can read the placeholder ending in the first draft.) This problem hung me up for months. What was the right ending to this story? What would give emotional closure to my protagonist?
I ran the story through my writing group, then chatted with the Writing Excuses crew. I did that whole workshop session on the story, but never came to an understanding of the ending. It was problematic for me because often my ending and climax align quite well. Not so in this case.
THE RIGHT QUESTIONS
Before I made any headway on the story, I had to start asking myself questions. What promises was I making in the text? What nagging emotions did I have at the end, making me feel like the story didn’t give me what I wanted? Also, in turn, what did the alpha and beta readers like about the story? What was its soul, and what was working? I had to make sure I didn’t ruin any of that—and, in addition, perhaps what they were enjoying would give me a hint on what to emphasize in the next draft. (I’ve posted all of my notes from my writing group session at the end of this essay, if you want to take a look.)
These questions really helped me identify the problems with the story. I started to feel that the weakness of my ending was due to me not actually understanding Dusk’s relationship with the island. What were his emotions? (The writing group’s comments helped me start thinking along these lines as well.) I needed a more complex relationship between Dusk and Patji before I could develop a satisfying ending.
The second issue is that I felt like I’d cheated the ending. I realized that one thing I wanted as a reader was to know more about the device and the Ones Above. I felt that glossing over that aspect of the ending had created a major part of the weakness. I wanted to either see the device or at least have some kind of resolution involving it. More than just “Yeah, this worked. We’re good.”
I toyed with several different emotional connections between Patji and Dusk until I hit upon the idea that made it all start to work. Dusk being angry at Patji, then discovering that there was a reason for all of this danger. (At least, a reason in Dusk’s mind.) I was able to tie this to the Ones Above more deeply, then turn the island and its traps into a greater metaphor for the future at large.
One thing the writing group loved was the idea that the Ones Above were trying to get around a “prime directive”-style set of laws preventing them from taking advantage of a less advanced culture. I had this as a fun little revelation, but I realized that I’d tossed this one in too freely, and that it really should be the climax. This is the unusual occurrence of an instance where something minor I’d added to the story (the Ones Above) along with a tiny subplot revelation (they’re trying to find a way to trade for the birds) became the hook that I expanded to become the climax of the entire story.
At long last, after almost a year of trying, I had the ending of my story.
APPLICATION AND CONCLUSION
One of the things that fascinates me about the writing process is the way craft and art work together. Knowing the bones of how to create a sympathetic character is craft, like knowing which brush to choose when approaching the painting of a specific landscape feature. Yet the craftsmanship is overseen by the artistic sense, which is not nearly so easy to define. The tools are defined by the craft, but the art is defined by what “feels” right. One has to do with which nut to use with which bolt, and the other with the awe of a beautiful automobile.
I’ve said before that when I’m writing, I work on instinct, letting the artist dominate. During outlining and revision, however, the craftsman is more in charge. My experience with “Sixth of the Dusk” illustrates this. The artist knew something was wrong with the story, and so I stepped back and let the craftsman suggest tools and solutions, which the artist could then try out one after another until I hit on something that worked.
My process might not be your process, but it’s likely that this alliance between craftsperson and artist is going to be part of it. In working with students, I’ve come to believe that relying too much on tools, schema, or archetypes when writing can easily lead to wooden stories. However, not understanding your process—and the tools you’re using—can leave you in a very difficult position when something isn’t working and you can’t explain why. Writer’s block as a whole seems to have some roots in this conflict.
I can also envision this specific problem—having a climax that is not an ending—popping up in your own writing. If you run into it, try asking yourself what promises you’ve made in the first half of the story, and examine if your climax—albeit dramatic—is fulfilling the wrong promises. Your solution may not be to change the ending, but instead to change the promises. In this story I did both, first by adding Dusk’s frustration with Patji as a foreshadowing of a later resolution, then by moving the revelation regarding the true plans of the Ones Above to overlap Dusk’s coming understanding.
It took well over eighteen months to get this one story right, but I’m supremely satisfied at having stuck to it and wiggled out the answers. Not just because I now have an awesome story to share with others, but because I feel I’ve learned another tidbit about my process and the writing experience as a whole.
Brandon Sanderson
April 18, 2014
WRITING GROUP NOTES FOR SIXTH OF THE DUSK
My writing group at this time included Ben and Danielle Olsen, Alan Layton, Kaylynn ZoBell, Kathleen Sanderson, Peter and Karen Ahlstrom, Isaac and Kara Stewart, and Emily Sanderson. We did the writing group session for this story in four chunks, and I’ve left a note by each part saying how much of the story that session included.
In writing group, we first mention things we like about the story. You can see from my revisions and essay that this can sometimes be as important as the critiques of what isn’t working, as in revision I took one idea (the “prime directive” idea) that readers liked and moved it to become more central to the story. This was a big part of my path to fixing the ending.
You will see that I took many critiques, but not all. That’s common. I also sometimes make notes of who said something just in case I need to ask for future clarification. But also I know these people really well, and sometimes noting who said what can help me understand the context of the comment when I’m doing revisions months later, as I can match the words to the person.
One final thing to note is that at the end of the fourth session (we meet once a week, so we went over this story for about a month, one quarter each week) we brainstormed to fix the ending. None of these ideas ended up being ones that I used, but the experience was still helpful in driving
me to think about what kinds of promises I had made in the story.
Part one (beginning until Dusk finds Vathi)
GOOD THINGS
Like the psychic link to the animals. World is fascinating. Shadow under boat. Islands being gods is very cool.
CRITIQUES
Karen: I got confused about how it was an archipelago. It’s a line, but there’s a middle? Are his cargo pants wet, from being in surf? Or did he put them on after? (They think he should put them on after sailing in his loincloth.)
Isaac: How big are the islands? How long does it take to pass them? Are they Hawaii-type islands?
Peter: Beginning too slow? (Kathy mentions she also gets bored when people aren’t talking.)
Isaac: The trapper chooses his island. It sounds like he’s out to choose his island for the first time. Should I establish earlier that he’s chosen his island? Isaac also thought they stayed, and never left.
What age is Dusk? Didn’t discover it until later. Most thought he was older.
Should he think, while tracking in the jungle, “Does this person want me to follow them? Is this a trap?”
Part Two (up until he decides to leave into the forest)
GOOD THINGS
Creepy scene where the birds all go nuts and he sees his body everywhere was great. They ask me not to kill Dusk. Like his inner characterization.
They say I’m getting really good at these shorter fantasies, feels very fleshed out.
CRITIQUES
Isaac really wants a good payoff for this awesome scene where the birds freak out.
Kaylynn: Am I supposed to like Vathi? Because I don’t.
Karen: He’s got two Aviar who do two different things. Do all of them show people how they can die, or does every bird have its own trick?
They have questions about what happened to her bird.
The net was to numb her, but she didn’t seem numbed. Ben was a little confused. Did she remain numb? She did things with no impediment.
Part Three: (up until the nightmaw is killed)
GOOD THINGS
Liked when he brought the bird over to show her so she’d go with him.
Peter: Like how little he tells her. Like that he thinks to himself what to not tell her. Also liked him wanting to kill all of the nightmaws.
CRITIQUES
Kaylynn: She keeps talking and there’s never any thought of “predators may hear us” if she keeps talking. Would it at least annoy him, or give him anxiety?
Isaac: Should he think about it more, having the bird give her visions? It runs a risk of showing her something that will lead to secrets being figured out.
Some felt it was too abrupt when the nightmaw showed up. Others liked that abruptness.
No mention of how she was holding her blunderbuss. Unclear how it looked. Did she set it? Was she holding it correctly? (Also a ton of smoke.)
Part Four (until the ending)
GOOD THINGS
Liked the “They’re trying to get us to break the prime directive so they can break the prime directive.” Liked both of the characters for their intelligence, and the reveals. Liked talking to the island in his head.
CRITIQUES
The tree with the flowers didn’t try to kill them? The other one with the flowers did, right? Why didn’t it attract predators?
Why not hide in the lake? Ben lost where they were; a lot of the group had blocking issues here. Also, it’s dark, how much can they see? Is there a moon?
When they’re hiding, she talks and talks and talks and talks. Not worried about being heard? (Maybe nightmaws can’t hear well?)
Kaylynn wanted him to notice the flower solution, not Vathi.
If he was going to die, should he have given her the book and the other guy’s book to protect the birds?
BRAINSTORMS WITH THE WRITING GROUP TO FIX THE ENDING
So, should there be more of a sense that the island is forcing him to give up its secrets? It wants the secrets out. So how do I interpret that?
Could he gain something, on the island, that stops them from being able to find the Aviar?
Could she become his protégé?
What happens if he ingests the worms?
Sail away, think about how the island is forcing him to give up secrets, and sail back toward the fortress?
Bird should have something to do with it, right?
Also by BRANDON SANDERSON
Novelettes
Firstborn
Defending Elysium
Novellas
The Emperor’s Soul
Shadows for Silence in the Forests of Hell
Legion
Legion: Skin Deep
Infinity Blade: Awakening
Infinity Blade: Redemption
Novels
Elantris
Warbreaker
The Rithmatist
The Stormlight Archive
The Way of Kings
Words of Radiance
The Reckoners
Steelheart
Mitosis: A Reckoners Story
Firefight
Mistborn
Mistborn: The Final Empire
The Well of Ascension
The Hero of Ages
The Alloy of Law
Alcatraz
Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians
Alcatraz Versus the Scrivener’s Bones
Alcatraz Versus the Knights of Crystallia
Alcatraz Versus the Shattered Lens
The Wheel of Time, with Robert Jordan
The Gathering Storm
Towers of Midnight
A Memory of Light
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Many thanks to my writing group: First of the Olsens, Danielle Olsen, Alan Layton, Kaylynn ZoBell, Kathleen Sanderson, The Inserted Peter Ahlstrom, Karen Ahlstrom, Isaaç Stewart, Kara Stewart, and Emily Sanderson. I’d also like to give a special thank you to Kekai Kotaki. I’ve always loved his Magic: The Gathering art, and I asked Isaac to contact him first on my list of potential artists for this illustration. Having a Polynesian illustrator for this story is distinctly cool.
Brandon
I would like to thank George Scott for inspiring my story.
Dan
Thanks to my writing group: Dave & Liz Brady, Bob Defendi, Sandra Tayler, Randy Tayler, and Dan Willis.
Especially, though, Sandra. She didn’t just make it possible for me to run down the dreams I was chasing. She actively chased them with me and clubbed them into submission so we could drag them back to the cave and feast on them. And she still carries that club.
Howard
Thanks go to this volume’s community proofreaders: Aaron Ford, Alice Arneson, Aubree Pham, Bao Pham, Bob Kluttz, Brian T. Hill, Gary Singer, Jakob Remick, Lyndsey Luther, Maren Menke, Mike Barker, Steve Godecke, and Trae Cooper.
Peter
Each of the artists deserves a special shout out for working with us on such a tight deadline and for providing top-notch illustrations. Many thanks to Julie Dillon, Rhiannon Rasmussen-Silverstein, Kathryn Layno, Ben McSweeney, Kekai Kotaki, and Howard Tayler.
Isaac
This is a work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in these stories are either products of the authors’ imagination or are used fictitiously.
SHADOWS BENEATH: THE WRITING EXCUSES ANTHOLOGY
“A Fire in the Heavens” copyright © 2014 by Mary Robinette Kowal
“I.E.Demon” copyright © 2014 by Fearful Symmetry LLC
“An Honest Death” copyright © 2014 by The Tayler Corporation
“Sixth of the Dusk” copyright © 2014 by Dragonsteel Entertainment, LLC
All rights reserved.
Cover art copyright © 2014 by Julie Dillon
“A Fire in the Heavens” illustration by Rhiannon Rasmussen-Silverstein
“I.E.Demon” illustration by Kathryn Layno
“An Honest Death” illustration by Ben McSweeney
“Sixth of the Dusk”
illustration by Kekai Kotaki
“Writing An Honest Death” illustration copyright © 2014 by Howard Tayler
Edited by Peter Ahlstrom
Cover design and art direction by Isaac Stewart
Electronic book design by Peter Ahlstrom
A Dragonsteel Entertainment Book
Published by Dragonsteel Entertainment, LLC
American Fork, UT
WritingExcuses.com
BrandonSanderson.com
MaryRobinetteKowal.com
TheDanWells.com
SchlockMercenary.com
ISBN 978-1-938570-04-9
First electronic edition: July 2014