Broken in Twilight

by Kim ten Tusscher

  “Lord Jakob, guide us during this service. Let us voice Your words.”

  “Laud,” the five priests said as one.

  It was late afternoon by the time they left the bathhouse. Outside, a carriage was waiting to take them to the location, outside the city, where the service was to be held. Once there, Kasimirh got out of the carriage, and the first rows of people knelt, quickly followed by the rest of the worshippers. Kasimirh knelt as well. “Let’s indeed kneel to show our respect to Jakob. He brought us all together on this beautiful day.” Kasimirh used magic to amplify his voice. “Lord Jakob, thank You for the opportunities that You give us. You created a world for us and brought us together today.”

  Of course Kasimirh knew that the people wanted to kneel for him and not for God. It made him happy that these people looked up to him, even though it was inappropriate at this moment. He rose to his feet.

  Tokala handed him a platter with smouldering sage. Together with the other five priests, Kasimirh walked through the rows of people, cleansing them with the smoke. Each priest served their own section of the crowd. They had to walk back and forth a number of times to cleanse everyone.

  Kasimirh went to stand in front of the crowd. He gestured for the people to sit down.

  “I’d like to tell you a special story today. You know that Jakob taught me in the same way that you are teaching each other. It has always been His wish that the knowledge He gave me is available to everybody. I’m going to tell you about the moment that He gave me the assignment to unite the world.

  All things considered, it was an awful day. The sky had been weeping for days on end because of the faithlessness of the people. The roads had turned into mud streams, the river had burst its banks, some houses had been washed away, and the cave I was living in smelt increasingly mouldy. The latter, however, totally escaped my attention, because Jakob came to visit me daily. I don’t think it was Him who made it rain, because Jakob had stopped interfering with the world a long time ago.”

  Kasimirh walked into the crowd. The people respectfully made way for him.

  “That day I received my last lesson. The one that showed me a glimpse of the future. Lord Jakob told me He was soon going to burst the dams that He had created to restrain the moulding water. The dunes, the mountains, the riverbeds, Jakob made them all. He can move them effortlessly. Mountains will turn up in the middle of rivers. Hills will collapse, causing lakes to end up higher than towns and villages. Dunes will disappear and give the sea free range. Jakob showed me all this, and I was appalled.”

  Kasimirh turned around. He could tell by the look on people’s faces that they understood what this would mean.

  “Jakob had been teaching me for weeks, and it would all have been in vain if the world ended like that.” He remained silent for a while. “Some of the knowledge that lord Jakob gave me was so overwhelming that I can’t even repeat it to you. I carry it with me in my heart, and whenever I go to that special place, it fills me with ultimate happiness.”

  An old man was looking at him, hungry for Kasimirh’s story. He had been a Naftalian priest, and had recently swapped Margal’s white for a light-grey stole. Kasimirh laid his hands on the old man’s head. He transferred the feeling of which he had just spoken. The man turned pale and started to cry. He raised his hands and thanked Jakob.

  “What do you want right now, dear man?”

  “I want everyone to be able to feel this,” the man whispered.

  Kasimirh smiled and nodded. “That’s exactly what I wanted. Therefore, I begged our Lord to give the people one more chance.” He walked back to Tokala and the other priests. “I was convinced that I could persuade the people they were on the wrong path. I begged and begged… and He agreed! It’s now our task to fulfil Jakob’s assignment.”

  Kasimirh looked to the side. Mitan was standing next to him. He made her stand in front of him and laid his hands on her shoulders. “This woman has completed her studies at record speed. That shows me that she’s just as impassioned with Jakob’s teaching as I am. Take a good look at her and follow her example. Every one of you can be in her spot. In Jakob’s world there are no distinctions, He loves everyone as long as you practice your religion the right way. What happened to me, will happen to you as well. When the entire world believes, Jakob will come to earth to teach us. We will make this happen!”

  The sound of “Laud” rolled over the plain.

  “Tokala, will you lead us in prayer?”

  Tokala waited for everyone to stand up. “Lord Jakob, in Your Light we prepare ourselves for the day that You return to earth. In Your Light we won’t stray from the right path. In Your Light we build a world according to Your wishes. In Your Light we live the way You want us to. That’s why we ask You: guide us on this path. Keep us from going astray. Reward us with Your words, which we study daily.” Tokala knelt and the crowd followed his example. “We humbly kneel down, conscious of the fact that we can never show our gratitude enough. We can only promise to do the best we can and hope it will be enough.”

  There was a minute-long silence before everybody rose.

  Kasimirh picked up six candles and divided them among his priests. He lit his own candle, and the others lit theirs with his candle.

  “Let’s commemorate the Light that Jakob showed us!”

  The six priests walked along the front row of worshippers, helping them light their candles. Then Kasimirh walked all the way to the back to enjoy the sight. Because the service had lasted so long, it had become entirely dark.

  All the worshippers lit their candles. The light spread from the front to the back. It was impressive to see Jakob’s light spread faster and faster. The same thing would happen to the world. This was Jakob’s dream and Kasimirh was going to make it come true. He was more determined than ever.

  The next day, Kasimirh gathered the sorcerers and the three priests.

  “Let me explain what I want you to do. I need this to stay a secret. Can I trust you?”

  The six disciples nodded eagerly.

  “All right, the dragon has always been a good tool to convert people. When she was around, the entire process went fast. Unfortunately, she’s no longer in Naftalia, and finding new followers has become difficult.” One by one, Kasimirh looked the sorcerers in the eye. “I want you to conjure a dragon of smoke and send it to the larger villages to scare people.” Now he looked at the priests. “After that, you visit these villages and bring salvation.”

  Mitan looked shocked. “Dragons? You used the dragon?” She shook her head in dismay.

  Kasimirh swallowed, this wasn’t going right. He’d had too many conversations with Tokala. He didn’t have to lie to him, but in the outside world he had to be more mindful of what he said. “Yes, Mitan, I used the dragon.”

  Mitan jumped to her feet. “You… You…” She shook her head again.

  “Sit down, Mitan,” Kasimirh ordered her.

  “No,” she whispered. She searched for eye contact with the other priests, but they were all looking down. She shook her head. “You weren’t protecting us, you were the one who attacked us in the first place.”

  Kasimirh became angry. Mitan hadn’t suffered, nobody here had suffered from Lilith. Only the people who had been stubborn had suffered, and for a good cause at that.

  Kasimirh looked at the other priests. Doubt was written on their faces. The sorcerers knew more about Kasimirh and looked indifferent. “I used the presence of the dragon to my advantage. I wasn’t the one who commanded her, I wasn’t responsible for the attacks.” He raised his voice. “I can go to the towns and villages and tell the Naftalians how much better the world can be, but many of them don’t understand that. This has become painfully clear over the past few months. I can promise them the moon, but people are scared. They’d rather follow that despicable Margal, even though She will bring them nothing but misery!”

  His face grew more tense with every word he spoke. Mitan started back.

  “Why did you cho
ose to follow me, Mitan?”

  “Because I believed in what you said.”

  “That makes you an exception.” One of the sorcerers opened his mouth to speak, but Kasimirh raised his hand. “You might feel differently now, but most Jakobinians trusted me because I drove away the dragon. They could see what I did with their own eyes. It’s hard to grasp the concept of Jakob, but a huge fire, lit by a dragon, is very easy to understand. People smell the smoke, feel the heath, and the loss of a loved one is heart-breaking. So, the protection I offered was all the more tangible. Everything smelled sweeter, the coolness was nicer than ever, and the comfort even greater. So, yes, I used the dragon to give people something to hold on to and to convince them of the right way.”

  Mitan stared at the ground. Her fists were clenched. Kasimirh walked up to her. He held her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him. “Trust me, Mitan, like you always have.” She sighed deeply. “I want the best for the people, and to that end I seize every opportunity that presents itself. You know that. This was the best way back then, and it still is now. I’ll find another priest who is willing to carry out Jakob’s wishes.”

  “You know that there’s nothing in the world that I’d rather do, lord,” Mitan whispered, looking shocked. The other female priest sniggered.

  Kasimirh ignored Mitan. “Fine. Given the past, it will suffice to have the dragon fly over the towns and villages. The priests will go to Margal’s priests. It won’t be easy to convince them, but when you do, the entire population will gather behind you. Be extremely careful with information about Ilahidir, and never mention the existence of the sorcerers accompanying you.”

  The priests nodded.

  “It was my intention to practice with you,” Kasimirh told the sorcerers, “but something has come up. I will join you at a later point in time. Mitan, follow me.”

  They walked to Kasimirh’s room in silence. Kasimirh sat down while Mitan remained standing. Seconds passed.

  “I’m…”

  “You don’t speak unless someone asks you to!”

  Kasimirh banged his fist on the little table beside him, making Mitan start back.

  “I don’t understand you. You owe everything to Jakob. How dare you question His assignment?”

  Mitan gave him a nervous look. “I don’t doubt Him,” she whispered. The look in her eyes betrayed what she didn’t dare say out loud: she doubted Kasimirh. It took guts for her to look at him and not avert her eyes.

  Kasimirh should have known. She had gone against all orders when she had come to talk to him in her town. Back then, he had admired her for it, but now he cursed her. “Why can’t you be like all other Naftalian women? They at least know how to behave towards a man.”

  “I thought that everybody’s equal in Jakob’s eyes.”

  “How dare you question me? I am the prophet. Jakob taught me personally, so I know what I’m talking about.” He jumped up and snatched the stole from her shoulders. “You’ve been ordained too soon. There’s still a lot for you to learn. But rest assured, you’ll learn fast, I’ll see to that.”

  Mitan reached for her stole. Kasimirh held it out of reach and with his other hand he smacked her cheek. Furious, she stared at him. That wasn’t the gaze he had been hoping for, so he smacked her again. She staggered. With the next blow she fell to the ground. She screamed for him to stop. Which he did as soon as she stopped saying anything. She lay on the ground, crying.

  He knelt beside her and helped her sit up. “I suggest that you stay in this room for the next few days, so that no one sees that you have lost your stole. In the meantime, I’ll teach you obedience and modesty. Once you’ve mastered that, I’ll give you back your stole.” He gave her a handkerchief to wipe away her tears and pulled her to her feet. “I have no choice but to be hard on you, Mitan. I only have a few days to teach you.” He gave her an encouraging nod. She didn’t return his nod as he had hoped she would. “Go stand in the corner until I give you an assignment!”

  Anger was written on her face as she stood there. Kasimirh gestured that she had to turn around. Mitan hesitated, but when Kasimirh took one step in her direction, she immediately did as he asked.

  “Well done, Mitan. See, it really isn’t that hard. You’re a fast learner.”

  After he had read for a while, Kasimirh got up. “I’m going to check on the sorcerers. I want you to stay where you are. Believe me, I’ll know whether you’ve moved.”

  He left the room and locked the door. He couldn’t yet count on Mitan obeying him. That would all be different in a few days’ time.

  17

  “Could morning, Lilith.”

  Wasmée entered. It hadn’t taken the villagers long to learn a few words Merzian, but pronunciation was difficult for them. Not that Lilith was any more proficient in the language of the Inuuk.

  “Ullaqut,” she stammered, tripping over the syllables. “Qanuipi?”

  Wasmée nodded that she was doing fine and continued her conversation with Ohinde. They seemed to be talking about the hunt. As time progressed, more and more effort was put into the preparations. The men had been collecting wood for days on end to build a huge fire. The women were responsible for the rituals.

  Several times a day, Ohinde prayed to the animals and begged them to give themselves to the people. The Inuuk believed that if they treated whales and other animals with respect, the Soul would donate them some animals. One mistake could ruin everything. Lilith was greatly worried about the fact that she was to take part in the hunt.

  Wasmée nodded again and left the house. Ohinde beckoned Lilith.

  “Today, I’d like to start adjusting your clothes.” Ohinde had a big pile of animal hides at the ready and approached Lilith with a collection of her own clothes. I think we can work with these anoraks. I haven’t grown back into them since my pregnancy anyway. We can make some new trousers out of them. That will be just as much work as adjusting mine.”

  She used a knife that looked like a sickle to cut pieces out of the hides. It was clear to Lilith that the woman was used to this kind of work, because it wasn’t long before all the parts of a trouser-leg were hanging over the chair. Ohinde held the parts in front of Lilith and adjusted them some more. After she had cut the second leg as well, she handed the hides to Lilith.

  “Do you want to sew them together?”

  Ohinde handed Lilith a bone needle and thread made out of tendon.

  “I’ve never done this. Could you show me?”

  Ohinde had picked up the knife again and looked at Lilith with surprise.

  “I’m sorry…” Lilith said.

  “No, don’t be. As a little girl I watched my mother make clothes. So, I already knew much about it even before I had ever touched a needle myself. It didn’t occur to me that another woman might never have done anything like this before.”

  She took the needle from Lilith and showed her which stitch to use. She tightened each stitch, making the seam waterproof. When Lilith took over again she noticed that it wasn’t as easy as Ohinde had made it seem. The hides were firm, so she had to apply a considerable amount of force on the needle to push it through. Pretty soon, her fingers were hurting, but she concealed the pain from Ohinde.

  The woman laid aside the pieces for the second pair of trousers. She had cut them a bit bigger than the first pair, so as to make them close-fitting but not too tight. Then she picked up a parka and asked Lilith to try it on. Lilith took off her tunic but kept her vest on.

  “It’s best to wear the parka on your bare skin. With your vest on, we can’t make the parka skin tight.”

  Reluctantly, Lilith followed Ohinde’s advice. She didn’t like being naked around other people. To her relief, Ohinde ignored her scars. The soft fur felt nice and warm. Ohinde stepped up to Lilith and cut the hides to shape in the places where the coat was too wide.

  “You can get dressed again.”

  Ohinde picked up a needle and thread to sew the parka back together. They worked on in silence
. Lilith tried to pick up her pace, because Ohinde’s needle moved through the hides as if they were made of linen. The baby started crying.

  Without looking up Ohinde asked: “Could you go and see what’s wrong?”

  Lilith put down her needlework and got up. As she picked up the baby she immediately smelled what was wrong.

  “She did a poo,” she told Ohinde, as she cleared a spot on the table and started to change the baby’s nappy.

  After she had put the girl back in her bed, Lilith asked: “Why do you allow me to touch your child? Aren’t you afraid of me?”

  “I think that dragons who eat babies at night only exist in tales designed to teach those same children to behave themselves.”

  Lilith chortled. “But still, I only know stories about people who are scared of dragons. And I’ve seen it too.”

  “You give me no reason to be afraid of you, Lilith.”

  In the meantime, Ohinde had finished the coat and handed it to Lilith. “Can you try it on again?”

  The woman walked around her to inspect her work. The parka fit Lilith’s body perfectly and Ohinde was satisfied.

  “Put this one over it, I’m sure it will need some adjustments as well.”

  Lilith did as she was asked. As the other woman cut this coat to size, too, she asked Lilith what she expected of her quest for the frost dragon.

  “I’m not really sure. I want to find him, but I don’t know what I want from him. I might ask for a new amulet, but that also scares me.”

  “I think it’s important to have one again, because it makes you who you are. You can’t and shouldn’t renounce your origins.”

  Lilith sighed. “I don’t know. But I am very curious about him.” I hope he will welcome me so that I can learn more about my own species.”

  They talked some more about the questions Lilith was going to ask the dragon. Then it struck her that the dragon might be just as curious about her. Then what? What was she going to tell him and how would he react? Lilith threw the pair of trousers away.