by Minard, Tori
I moaned his name. My gaze and his came together and clung. We stared at each other as we moved together, both of us moaning. It was almost too much. I never looked—I never—
He was everything in my world. The way his hair slid into his face as he moved over me, the musky scent of him, the sound of his pleasure, the hot silky weight of him on top of me, inside me...Max took me over and there was nothing else. The rhythmic push and pull of him detonated another ecstatic explosion in me; wordless cries and groans fell from my mouth and I didn’t even recognize my own voice.
As the pleasure ebbed for me, Max threw back his head on a yell that sounded like pain. His face tensed in a grimace, his eyes shut tight. He shuddered, moaning and whimpering as I held him close. The vulnerable noises he made brought out a tenderness in me that was new for me. I turned my head and pressed kisses to his naked shoulder as his trembling subsided.
We lay quietly together. Our breathing slowed. I stroked his back, exploring the long ridges of muscle along his spine.
Max kissed my forehead. “I think you killed me.”
I looked up at him with a quizzical smile. “I killed you?”
“With pleasure. That was...amazing. Mind-blowing. At least, for me it was.” A shadow seemed to cross his face.
“For me too.”
His mouth slowly turned up in a smile. “Yeah?”
“The best.”
His gaze took on a searching quality as he stroked my temples with his thumbs. He opened his mouth, as if he wanted to say something, then shut it again. I smiled up at him, trying to reassure him.
His forehead creased. “I’m too heavy for you.”
He withdrew from my body and rolled to the side, pulling me tightly against him. I reached for his head and drew him down for a hot kiss. Something about Max brought out a side of me I’d never really experienced before. I felt freer, like I could do and say whatever I needed to without fear of reprimand.
“I’m glad you’re here tonight,” he whispered against my hair.
“So am I.”
My whole body glowed. I’d heard of “afterglow”, but had never really experienced it. My other two sex partners had never left me feeling like this. I’d always been vaguely relieved at the end of our sexual encounters, glad it was over and I didn’t have to pretend to be enthusiastic anymore. None of the boys I’d dated in high school had aroused me the way Max did, either.
This made me wonder about my prior choices in guys. Had I been going for the guys who didn’t attract me, and if so, why?
The answer came to me almost instantaneously, like it had been waiting just under the surface of my consciousness for me to notice it. Guys like Trent were the safe choice. The sensible choice. They fit right in with my family, with my parents and their need for everything to come in tidy, predictable packages. My mom and dad had liked and approved of every one of the guys I’d dated.
They would not approve of Max.
I flung my arm around the taut curve of his waist and touched my lips to the hollow at the base of his throat. All of his warm, naked skin pressed up against mine and his sexy masculine smell filled my nose. He wore no cologne. He smelled of clean skin, sweat and sex. I rubbed my face against his chest.
“Are you marking me?” he said in an amused tone.
“What?”
“Like a cat. Marking me with your scent.”
“I like the way you feel.”
He made a rumbling sound in his chest, one big hand sliding down to clasp my butt. “I like the way you feel, too.”
Was this as special, as different, for him as it was for me? I hesitated to ask. I really didn’t want to get a humiliating answer, or even worse, a lie.
His fingers buried themselves in my hair. “I don’t think we can go back to the way we were before.”
“Neither do I.” And I didn’t want to.
“I want to keep seeing you.”
I drew back and stared at him in complete surprise.
His face fell. “Uh...I guess that’s not what you want, so forget I said it.”
I’d never seen him look so unsure of himself. Usually he was so self-assured it was almost obnoxious.
I put my fingers over his mouth. “No, I do want it. You just surprised me.”
“Really?” He smiled. “You want to keep seeing me?”
I smiled back. “Yes.”
“Good.” He gave me a lingering kiss. “Because I don’t think I can stay away from you.”
That admission made me feel ridiculously happy.
“I feel the same way.”
We dozed for a while. I’m not sure how long we lay together like that, listening to the rain pattering against the windows and the creaking of the old house. At some point, I remembered Fred and how Max said he popped in for unexpected visits. Was he watching us right now? I hoped he had more courtesy than to peep at us while we were making love.
Wait. Was I seriously thinking about the existence of a ghost, taking his reality for granted the same way I did living people? I wasn’t in danger of ending up in Jo-ville; I’d already arrived. After all my determination to be nothing like her, I was turning out to be her younger copy.
“My Aunt Jo believes in ghosts,” I said softly.
“Mmm?” Max sounded only half-awake.
“My family thinks she’s crazy.”
His lids opened slowly and he blinked at me with sleepy eyes. “You have a psychic in your family?”
“No, I have a lunatic alcoholic. She used to live with us, but then she started drinking and talking to invisible friends and my parents kicked her out.”
“They just tossed her on the street?” he said with disapproval in his voice.
“Pretty much, yeah. I guess they tried to get her to see a psychiatrist or something, but she refused. They were afraid she’d influence me, or maybe that she’d hurt me or the twins. I’m not really sure. Anyway, they kicked her out and I haven’t seen her since.”
“What happened to her?”
I looked away from him as I toyed with a lock of his hair. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen or heard from her since.”
“I hope she’s okay.”
“Me, too.” I felt suddenly guilty for not checking on her or even asking about her in all these years.
That suffocating guilt was something I hadn’t experienced in a long time, but it was familiar from the days after she left. I’d blamed myself.
“Sometimes I worry that I’m like her.”
“You’re not crazy, Caro.”
“I know.” Or at least I hoped.
He used his free hand to tip up my chin. Then he kissed me. “I can tell you’re worried. You’re not crazy. Lots of people see ghosts and they’re not crazy either.”
I clutched his arm. “But how do we know? What if I’m just sort of standing on the edge of crazy and one day soon I tip over into completely nuts?”
“All I can say is if you’re crazy then I must be too. I’ve been seeing and talking to Fred since I was thirteen. And I’m still functional. I don’t have a single foil hat, for example.”
I smiled weakly. “That’s true.”
“There’s no sense in worrying about it. Worrying doesn’t increase your hold on sanity. It just makes you anxious.”
“Jo drank a lot. I remember how she used to smell sometimes. She was one of those drunks who gets mellow, so I wasn’t afraid of her at all.” Memories flooded back to me, memories of Jo playing with me, taking me to movies, reading and discussing my kids’ books with me as if they were just as interesting as adult fiction. She’d been a wonderful aunt, except for the drinking part.
“I thought it was my fault they kicked her out,” I whispered.
“Why? How old were you?”
“Eleven.”
“I don’t see how it could have been your fault,” he said.
“Well, it was because of me. I guess I was imitating her, pretending I could see ghosts too. It really freaked out my parents.
They didn’t want me taking after her.”
“Yeah, but it was their decision to make her leave. Not yours. Did you want her to go?”
“No. Not at all. I loved her.” There was no-one else in my family like Aunt Jo, except maybe for me.
“Are you afraid you take after her?” Max said.
“Yeah, a little. Okay, a lot.”
He played with my hair, and the gentle stroking seeped relaxation through my scalp and into my whole body. I sighed, nestling into his embrace.
“If you are like her,” he said, “I think it’s in a good way.”
“Sometimes I worry I’ll end up on the streets, talking to people no-one else can see.” I bit my lip. “God, I’m sorry. That was incredibly tactless. I didn’t mean it the way it came out.”
He kept petting me. “It’s all right. I know what you mean. There are people on the streets who are completely delusional, who’ve really lost their grip on reality.”
“Yeah,” I said, relieved he hadn’t taken offense.
“There are also a lot of people who believe in ghosts and who aren’t insane. I like to think I’m one of them.”
I moved my head so I could meet his eyes. He was smiling. “I know you are.”
“And you can be, too. Besides, how do you know your Aunt Jo is crazy? Maybe your parents were mistaken.”
I’d never thought of that before. “Maybe you’re right. I was never afraid of her, I know that.”
“She might have started drinking because of the spirits. Some people find alcohol dulls their psychic abilities. Maybe she drank to shut them off because she didn’t know any other way.”
That was so close to what I’d thought when I saw Retro-girl in her corpse guise that it almost stole my breath. “That could be.”
“And it won’t happen to you, because I’m going to teach you how to manage it.”
“You can do that?”
“Yep. And if I can’t for some reason, you can find someone else to help you. We can ask Brad and Marie for recommendations.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“Of course I would.” His eyes looked soft with an emotion I could only describe as tenderness, which surprised me. I’d never expected to see that on his face. “I’d like to do a lot more for you, if you’ll let me.”
“Oh, yeah? Like what?”
“Hmm. Like maybe this.” He kissed my mouth. “Or this.” Sliding down my body, he took my breast in his mouth. I clutched his head to me, gasping.
“Or this.” Another slide brought his face right between my legs.
Giggling, I tried to close my thighs, but he wouldn’t let me. He kept my legs open with his hands. Although the light in the room was dim, I knew he had a complete view of a part of my body I wasn’t in the habit of displaying.
“Max, don’t.”
He laughed softly. “Why not?” He trailed kisses across my inner thighs.
“It’s just—it’s too—”
“Unbelievably sexy.” He kissed the center of me.
“No-one’s ever—I’ve never—” Apparently, I’d lost the power of speech.
“You mean, no guy’s ever done this for you before?” He sounded astonished.
“No. Yes. No-one ever has.”
“Well, just because they’re idiots doesn’t mean I have to be.”
And he proceeded to completely shatter my universe.
Chapter 16
Max
My dad had already gotten home and picked up the mail when I arrived. I opened our mailbox, just in case I could intercept my report card, but it was empty. My dad’s car sat in the driveway like a silent rebuke.
I trudged up the front steps of the monstrous house he’d built for himself and my stepmom and opened the door. He was waiting for me in the foyer. His fists were clenched, his eyes cold as Antarctica.
He waved a crumpled piece of paper at me. My report card, no doubt. “Care to explain this?”
I stared him, keeping all expression off my face. “I didn’t do so well this semester.”
“Is that all you have to say for yourself?”
My mouth tightened down until my lips almost went numb. “I was late a lot in science.”
“I know. Mr. Brown just called me.” He took a step toward me, one arm bending, drawing back, like he was already getting ready to hit me. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Huh? Can’t you do anything right?”
I’d been late because of Trent and his friends stopping me in the halls. But if I said so, he wouldn’t believe me. No-one did.
“I tried,” I said. My voice came out in an undignified croak.
He sneered. “You tried. You obviously didn’t try very hard. Or are you stupid? Is that it? You’re too goddamn stupid to pass tenth grade biology?”
I just stared back at him. What could I say? No matter which words came out of my mouth, they’d be the wrong ones. Ever since I—ever since Carter had died, he’d screamed at me and beat me for the smallest things.
“What are you looking at?” he yelled, just like the boys at school.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing? Are you calling me nothing?”
“No. That’s not what I meant.”
“You little good for nothing shit. You can’t get the simplest things right, can you? You’re worthless. Why can’t you be more like Trent? He got an A in that class. I’m prouder of my stepson than my real son.”
Yeah. No surprise there. Trent had science at a different period than I did, so we didn’t share that class. Plus, for some reason he got away with being late, whereas I got blamed no matter what my excuse.
My dad’s fist slammed into my jaw without warning. I staggered backward and hit the door, my skull slamming back into the wood. Pain burst inside my head and my vision blurred.
I slumped against the door. He loomed over me, a bear of a man, and smacked me again on the other side. The pain in my face was already so extreme the second blow seemed almost negligible compared to the first.
Then he punched me in the ribs. I felt something break. My arms wrapped around to protect my midsection.
“You’re worthless. You think you’re such a tough guy? You’re nothing but a sick murderer. I should have shot you that day. You hear me?”
I couldn’t move, let alone nod my head. The best I could do was keep from falling to my knees, and with the way the room was spinning, I was going to lose that fight any second. I groaned.
“Fucking loser,” my dad growled. “Look at you. Pathetic. Get out of my sight before I decide to put a bullet in your head.”
I stumbled toward the stairs that led to our bedrooms, my hand on the wall to keep from falling.
“The next time you come home with a report card like that, you won’t eat for a week. Got that?” my dad said.
I didn’t answer. All my energy and concentration was focused on climbing the stairs, one step at a time, without passing out.
***
I dreamed that a magical talisman lived inside her body. It glowed with its own warmth and light, and its power kept me alive. As long as I had her with me, I was safe from any danger. Invincible. Never lonely. I wrapped my body around her, keeping the talisman close to me, protecting it the way it protected me.
When I opened my eyes, I had my arms and legs around Caroline, her back to my front, hugging her to me as if I’d never let her go. The sense of safety and peace lingered, even after I recognized who we really were. Her hair smelled like vanilla. It tickled my nose, but I didn’t want to move my head because I needed more of her.
I rarely slept with women. Normally, we had our fun and parted ways. Even my semi-longterm relationships had included few sleepovers, yet here I was cradling Caroline like I’d never let her go.
If I’d been smart, I wouldn’t have gone so far with her. Sex had been a mistake. We’d created a much deeper bond than I’d expected. Looking at her now, I knew I couldn’t continue to think of her as a way to hurt Trent. That, in fact, I’d stopp
ed thinking of her that way a while ago.
I’d gone into this relationship in complete cynicism, thinking I could damage my stepbrother. Knowing I might hurt Caro in the process hadn’t seemed important at the time. Now, I cringed inside to think of how much pain I could cause her by coming between her and Trent. Especially if she ever suspected why I’d gone after her.
From this moment—no, from the moment we’d first joined our bodies—I left any revenge attempts behind. Whatever we had here was no longer about me and Trent. It was about me and Caroline.
She sighed and shifted her position. I might be making her uncomfortable, twining all four of my limbs through hers, so I loosened my grip a little. She laid her hand over mine.
“Are you awake?” I murmured, softly in case she was really still sleeping.
“Uh huh.” She turned her head a little. “How are you?”
“I’m good. Great, actually. You?”
Her body wiggled against mine, causing my morning hard-on to pulse with sudden excitement. “I’m good too. I slept really well. Usually I can’t sleep in a strange place.”
I brushed her curls back, nuzzling her cheek. “You smell good.”
“No, I don’t,” she said, turning her face toward the pillow. “Morning breath. No shower.”
“Then let’s brush our teeth.” I didn’t want to waste any time with her, just in case.
She sat up, gloriously naked, the sheet slipping to her waist. Her nipples were the most beautiful shade of pink I’d ever seen, and erect in the chilly morning air. I swallowed hard and cupped her right breast, savoring the warm, soft weight of it.
“You’re supposed to wait until I brush my teeth,” she said.
“I can’t.”
Caroline hopped to her feet, bouncing in all the right places. “Back in a sec.”
I watched her dash to the bathroom and sighed. Okay. We’d brush teeth first.
A few minutes later, I had her backed against the bathroom door, my hands on her sweet little ass.
“Shower,” she said between peppermint flavored kisses.
“You cleaned up last night.”
“But—”
I grabbed her hips and lifted her until she wrapped her arms and legs around me. “No shower. I can’t wait.”