by Minard, Tori
She giggled as I carried her back to the bed, her laughter turning to soft moans under more kisses. Gods, the noises she made. They drove me crazy with want.
Afterward, we lay with our arms around each other and dozed for a while. I could hear her soft breathing, feel the gentle movement of her ribs as she pulled air in and out of her body. Her hair tickled my nose. It still smelled like vanilla.
I couldn’t remember ever being this happy, and it made me nervous. Something was going to come along and rob me of it, rob me of her. And I didn’t deserve her. I’d gotten her by lying and cheating, and that never ends well.
Maybe I should come clean. Maybe if I confessed, explained myself, let her know how much she meant to me already, she would forgive me. My conscience would be clear and we could move forward with no bullshit between us.
“Caro,” I whispered. “I need to tell you something.”
“What is it?” she said in a sleepy murmur.
I seduced you to hurt my brother. Everything in me tightened up in preparation for the rejection I was about to get. “I—it’s just—” I let out all my breath. “Nothing.”
She lifted her head and peered at me. “Nothing?”
“Well...I’m starving. You want breakfast?” I was a fucking coward.
She looked at me for another moment, a puzzled frown between her brows. “Sure. I’m hungry too.”
***
The coffee house was almost deserted so early on a Saturday. It smelled like coffee and that particular, yeasty smell of bread baking, which always makes me think of home even though no-one in my family baked. Coffee and baking bread has to be one of the best scent combinations in the world. We sat in the pale gray light of the window, side by side, and I put my arm around her shoulders. She looked great in the morning—no smeared mascara or weird hair. Just Caroline.
I couldn’t keep her. It was going to bite both of us if I tried. She would eventually find out what I’d done and despise me for it, and I didn’t think I could bear to look into her beautiful eyes and know that she hated me. Damn. I didn’t want to let her go. Not yet.
But sometimes we have to do painful things.
“Caro.” I withdrew my arm. I felt sick inside. “We shouldn’t have slept together.” Gods, it hurt to say that.
She looked at me with alarm in her chocolate eyes. “What?”
“You’re still with Trent.” I had to force the words out. “It wasn’t right for me to come on to you. I feel like crap about it.”
“Don’t. I’m going to break up with him.” She said it seriously, like she really meant it.
“Not because of me.”
Caroline rotated her body in the booth, so she faced me. “What is going on with you? I thought you hated him.”
“That’s beside the point. I don’t want anything between the two of us to be...tainted.”
“Tainted? What do you mean?”
What I meant was I didn’t want my stupid, ugly actions to get between us. To make her hate me. I blew some hair out of my eyes. “I don’t want you to—to hate me for breaking you and Trent up.”
Her lips parted. She put her hand over mine. “I would never blame you for that. What happens between me and Trent has nothing to do with you.”
“Yes, it does, because Trent and I are linked. We’ll always be linked.”
“Max, don’t do this.”
“I’m sorry. I just don’t think you and I can work.” I started to slide out of the booth.
She grabbed my arm hard. “No. Don’t you dare run out on me. If you’re really worried about hurting me, then don’t leave.”
How was I going to argue with that? I paused and looked at her. I’d definitely ruined her morning. She almost looked like she wanted to cry. Did I mean that much to her?
What an unbelievable idea. No woman had ever been deeply attached to me, even after weeks of being together. And Caro and I had only had one night. One intensely moving night.
“I’m sorry,” she said, a tremor in her voice. “I don’t mean to be all clingy or anything weird.”
“I don’t want to go,” I said. “But I think it’s a bad idea to stay.”
“I don’t care. I want you. Please. Stay with me. It’s not like we’re getting married, Max. Can’t we just have fun for a while?”
“Is that what we’re having?” It was more than fun to me. A lot more. But maybe for her, I was just some amusement in between study sessions.
She leaned closer to me and whispered. “I’ve never felt anything like I felt last night. Not with any guy except you. If you—I can’t go back to Trent. Please don’t make me do that.”
My attempt to be noble died. I relaxed back into the booth with a half-relieved, half-resigned sigh. “Okay. I’ll stay.”
Caroline wrapped her arm around my neck and kissed me. “Thank you. You’re doing me a great service.”
“Is that so? I’ll be happy to service you later.”
She smiled a little sadly. “You scared me there.”
“I’m sorry.” I kissed her forehead. “I was trying to be good.”
“I think I like you bad better.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
It was raining as we left the coffee house. I pulled up my hood and Caroline tugged her hat down over her eyes. The air smelled like wet earth, except for the scent of coffee that hung on our clothing. I put an arm around her waist. She felt too good there, as if she belonged right where she was forever. I never thought about forever with women. What was happening to me?
She leaned against me. “I have a lot of studying to do this week.”
It was Dead Week, the week before finals, and everyone would be living with their noses in their books. “Me too.”
“I guess we won’t be seeing that much of each other for a while.”
I glanced down at her. After the conversation we’d just had, I didn’t think she was trying to get rid of me, but I might be wrong. “Are you saying we should avoid each other?” I tried to put a teasing note into my voice, but the thought made me nervous. I didn’t want to lose her.
“No, of course not. It’s just that I’ll miss you.”
I tightened my hold on her waist. “Why don’t we study together?”
“Okay. Yeah, that sounds good.”
***
Chapter 17
Caroline
“I have a sorority dinner tonight,” I said regretfully as Max closed his apartment door. We’d just returned from the coffee house.
He glanced at me. “Oh? Can you get out of it?”
“Not really. I hardly do anything with them anymore as it is.”
“Okay. I’ll see you afterward?”
“Yes. Absolutely.” I looked around his living room. “Um...I need to get my study materials from my room. You want to come with me?”
He broke into a big smile. “Sure.”
We locked up again and started walking toward campus, hands entwined. I liked that he wanted to touch me. Trent didn’t like public affection, and we’d never really held hands much even when we were alone. It felt good to walk that way with Max, like he was proud to be with me.
My dorm was still quiet when we got there. A few people were up, yawning on their way to the dining hall. The rest were still in bed, probably sleeping off hangovers.
“We should have brought your kit,” I said as I unlocked my door. “Then maybe we could have talked to Retro-girl while we were here.”
“It completely slipped my mind,” Max said.
“Mine too.” I’d been too busy thinking about him to remember the details of my ghost problem. Okay, the truth was I’d been too busy wrapping his naked body with mine to think about anything but how good he felt.
“Let’s get some studying in and then we’ll come back with my stuff,” he said.
“Okay. Sounds good.” I went to my desk to get my books and notebooks and stuff them in my backpack.
There was a knock at the door. I set down the b
ook I’d been holding and went to answer it.
Trent stood in the hallway, looking as if he hadn’t gotten much sleep. He frowned at me. “Where were you last night?”
“Out,” I said, hoping I didn’t look as nervous as I felt.
“Out where?” He peered around my shoulders, trying to get a view into my room.
“Just out. Where were you?”
“With the guys. I already told you that.”
“So, you were out and I was out. What’s the big deal?” I said.
I was going to have to break up with him and I knew it, but now that an opportunity presented itself I wanted to put it off. Not because I wanted to stay with him, but because I hated conflict. I didn’t want to stand here and tell him, face to face, that I didn’t want to see him anymore.
“I came by here and you didn’t answer your door,” he said with a belligerent note in his voice.
“Like I said, I was out.”
Trent shoved the door open. His gaze penetrated all the way into the room and settled on Max. Fury descended on his features. “What the fuck is he doing here?”
I glanced over my shoulder at Max. He was leaning against my windowsill, his arms crossed casually and a look of detached amusement on his face.
“He’s visiting. We’re going to study together.”
“No, you’re not,” Trent growled.
“Yeah, we are.”
“You’re my girlfriend.”
“I called you last night with a problem and you refused to help me.”
He scowled at me, his mouth hanging open in apparent outrage. “So you invited him over? To what, spend the night?”
I took a breath. “No. I spent the night at his place.”
Trent blinked, looking as stunned as if I’d shot him. “Caroline?”
“I was afraid to sleep here with a ghost hanging around, so I spend the night at Max’s place.”
“I can’t believe this shit.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “After everything I’ve told you, I can’t believe you’d go to him.”
“Would you like to finish this inside?” I gestured toward the interior of my room. “More privacy.”
“No. I—what are you doing, babe? Why?”
“I’m not your babe, Trent, and I think it’s time for us to—to see other people.”
“See other people,” he repeated slowly. “You mean break up.”
“Yeah,” I said with a sigh. “We should break up.”
“You’re leaving me for him.” He glared at Max.
“I’m leaving you, period.”
“What does he have that I don’t?”
Did he really want to have this conversation in the hallway? “He’s been there for me twice now. Three times if you count the ankle separately from the guys in the car. Times you couldn’t be bothered with me.”
“Look, I’m sorry, babe. Don’t give up on us just because of that.”
“Oh, I’m not. I’m also thinking of you kissing Tiffani.”
He scowled. “That’s over. I told you.”
“I don’t care. It happened.”
“But my stepbrother. Why him?”
“Because you were right. I like him. A lot.”
He almost looked sick. His head dropped. “This is wrong. There’s something wrong here.”
“Everything’s fine.”
Trent lifted his head. “He’s put a spell on you. Hasn’t he? Haven’t you, Max?”
“Trent, I think you should leave now,” I said evenly.
“Why? So he can have you all to himself? Don’t you care that he’s used his magic bullshit against you?”
I couldn’t help sighing. “He hasn’t used magic on me. And I asked you to leave.”
“No! You belong to me.” He tried to push his way past me.
I shoved him. “Get out.”
He took a step back, into the center of the hallway. His jaw stuck out belligerently as he glared at me. “You know, it’s fine. You’re frigid anyway. I can get someone hotter than you in five minutes flat.”
If I hadn’t just spent the night and part of the morning in nonstop ecstatic sex with Max, I might have been hurt by Trent’s accusation. As it was, I sort of wanted to laugh.
“I’m sure you can. Good-bye, Trent.”
His shoulders slumped. He turned away and I shut the door and leaned against it, blowing out all my breath. That had been fucking awful. I was trembling.
Max came over. He palmed the side of my face. “You all right?”
“Yeah. That just felt really bad. I feel like a bitch for breaking up with him like that.”
“You know he’s full of shit, right? You’re not frigid.”
I gave him a wobbly smile. “I know.”
“He just said that to hurt you. Bastard.”
“I was frigid with him.”
“Did you fake orgasm?” Max said, frowning a little.
“No, I never pretended to come, but I did fake enthusiasm.”
“And he never asked you about it?”
“He didn’t seem to notice.”
His frown deepened. “He never noticed you weren’t having orgasms?”
I shrugged. “It didn’t seem like a big deal. I knew sex was important to him and even though I could take it or leave it, I did it because he liked it so much. I faked because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.”
Max leaned in and kissed me softly. “Never pretend with me. I need to know how you’re feeling.”
“With you, I don’t have to pretend.”
He slid an arm around my back and brought me up against him, capturing my mouth as he held my head in place with his other hand.
***
It was our annual Christmas dinner, and the outside of the sorority house was covered in strings of blue and green twinkle lights. Personally, I hated blue and green twinkle lights, but that was what they’d voted on a few years back so that was what we had. An enormous fresh Noble fir covered in shiny blue and green Christmas balls and more blue and green twinkle lights had eaten our living room. A somewhat skinnier tree stood in the corner of the dining room, just barely leaving enough space for the table and chairs.
I didn’t want to be here in my little black dress and heels. I wanted to be with Max, but I had obligations to my house, so here I was.
Tiffani had her dark hair up in some kind of strange bouffant do that looked like she’d dipped it in shellac. Gigantic, sparkly chandelier earrings dangled from her ears. She had on a bright red sheath dress with a neckline so low I was pretty sure she wasn’t wearing a bra. I wasn’t sure what the point of the outfit was since we didn’t have any guys here tonight.
Tiffani gave me one of her super-sweet fake smiles. “Caroline, could you please get the salt and pepper from the kitchen and put it on the table?”
“Sure, Tiff.” I turned to leave the room.
A slim blonde walked past the dining-room archway. Retro-girl. She wore an a-line miniskirt with knee-high fringed boots and green and red paisley tunic so psychedelic it almost hurt my eyes. I bolted from the dining room into the hall, but when I got there she was gone.
“Caroline?” Tiffani called. “What are you doing?”
I poked my head back into the dining room. “Did you see that girl?”
Her forehead puckered. “What girl?”
“The blonde. She walked right past the doorway. She was wearing a miniskirt and fringed boots. Weird paisley top.”
Tiffani’s brows rose. “Um, I didn’t see anyone.”
“She was right here. Long, straight hair down to her butt.”
Tiffani shook her head, staring at me with wide eyes. “There’s no-one like that in the house. Unless someone bought herself a wig. Nobody here has hair that long.”
So now Retro-girl was following me off campus. I closed my eyes for a frustrated instant. “I know I saw her.”
“Are you okay, Caroline?”
“Max thinks she’s a ghost.”
Tiff
ani took a hesitant step toward me. “A ghost? And who’s Max?”
“He’s a—a friend of mine.”
“How does he know about this girl?”
“Because I’ve seen her before. In my dorm room and once at the student union.”
Tiffani rolled her eyes. “You and that dorm. I don’t know why you can’t live here like all the other girls.”
Because I wanted privacy. I wanted to control my own personal space and not have all these other girls all over me all the time. Telling me my clothes weren’t right and I couldn’t possibly drive that car or take that derpy folk dance class.
“She disappeared in front of my eyes,” I said.
Tiffani’s manicured hand flew to her throat as she took a step backward. “Oh, my God. You really saw a ghost?”
Wasn’t that what I’d just said?
“I think so.”
She backed another step away from me. “Ew. That’s so...creepy. Yuck.”
“Why would she come here? Could she have been a member?”
The brunette gave a theatrical shudder. “God, I hope not.”
“Can I look through our old photo albums?”
“They’re in the library.” She took another step back. “Just don’t involve me. I don’t want to have anything to do with it.”
“It’s not my fault.”
“You probably brought her here. Either that or you’re high.” Her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Are you on drugs?”
“No! Jeez, Tiffani, you know me better than that.”
“Well, whatever you’re doing, it’s giving me a serious case of the creeps. And don’t talk about it in front of the pledges. They’ll think they’ve joined a house full of weirdos.”
Great. So now I was the house weirdo. Maybe I really had inherited the same freak genes as Aunt Jo. Except Max seemed to think it was all right, and he knew more about this stuff than anyone else in my life.
“Anyway,” Tiffani said, “we still have to get ready for dinner, so go get those salt and pepper shakers.”
When I got back from the kitchen, the dining room had already filled up with girls. Everyone seemed to be in a good mood. They were all chattering at once, laughing about finals and the upcoming winter break. Paige sat down next to me with a wink. She, too, had on a red dress in honor of the holiday. I seemed to be the only one in black.