Master of My Mind BN

by Jenna Jacob

  “I think I can take it from here, thanks.”

  “Right,” Tony nodded, grimly. “I’ll go find you some clothes. Take some time and relax. You’ll have plenty of hot water.”

  I watched as he left, closing the door behind him.

  Stepping beneath the spray of the shower, I closed my eyes and let the soothing heat melt the tension from my shoulders and neck.

  I thought about all the reasons I shouldn’t let my guard down around Tony. Oil and water didn’t mix, no matter how fiercely you shook them up. I thought about Hayden and her disgusting threats, wondering what George would think of his darling daughter now. If he were still alive, she never would have done any of those things. Hayden would paint on her plastic smile and wrap him around her little finger, like she always did.

  “Oh, George, if only you could have seen through her façade.”

  The weight of the world lay heavy on my shoulders, and my insecure tears mingled with the water. Being alone again was scary but not nearly as daunting as the loss of safety George had provided.

  Without warning, the shower door opened, and Tony stepped inside. Naked. Erect. Gorgeous. I couldn’t help but stare at his chiseled body and turgid cock.

  “What are you doing?” I squeaked, trying not to choke on the bubbling anxiety and hunger pumping through my veins.

  “I’m going to take care of you, like I promised. Turn around. Let me wash your back,” Tony instructed as he reached for the shower gel and a loofah ball.

  Unable to peel my gaze from his thick erection, I clenched my fists, fighting the urge to slide my palm around his swollen shaft. The distended veins and weeping broad crest was disturbingly inviting. My mouth watered, and I yearned to drop to my knees and taste the pearls of pre-come glistening on the tip. His cock jerked, as if reading my mind.

  “We shouldn’t be doing this,” I protested as I struggled to suck the humid air into my lungs.

  “We’re not doing anything, angel. I’m only here to shower you... take care of you. I’m not going to damage your fragile heart.” He bent forward and placed a sweet kiss on my forehead.

  “Stop doing this to me,” I gasped.

  “Doing what?”

  “You can’t come in here, all hard and tempting, and tell me you’re only going to wash my back. I haven’t had an orgasm for four damn days. You being in here looking all good and shit… god, I don’t need this kind of torture.”

  “Watch your language, sweetheart,” he warned. “If you need an orgasm, Leagh, I’ll give you one. But it won’t be with my cock. Do you understand?”

  “Oh, I understand perfectly. Thanks, but no thanks. I’ll let my fingers do the walking when I get settled into a hotel. But right now, I need you to get out of here, so I can shower without having to stare at that.” I jerked my head toward his cock. “I’m capable of washing my back, my hair, and…everything in between. I’ve been doing it for years.”

  “Turn around, Leagh. Now.”

  His tone demanded that my body obey even as my head screamed; “No!” Stealing one more glance at his engorged cock, I exhaled a heavy sigh, turned, and placed my palms upon the cool marble tile. The water sprayed over my face, and I closed my eyes, hoping it would wash away my embarrassment. Raw and on edge, I started as Tony’s soap slick hands and scratchy loofah began to caress my skin. His very touch set my skin ablaze. So many emotions overran my senses. I was helpless to capture a single one.

  “Just relax, sweetheart. That’s all I want you to do. Nothing else,” he whispered in a silky smooth timbre.

  Focused on the slow glide of Tony’s slippery fingers, my jagged nerves seemed to smooth beneath his languid touch. When he cupped the cheeks of my ass, I instinctively arched back and filled his palms.

  “Behave,” he warned with a chuckle. “This isn’t exactly easy for me. I’m trying to be a gentleman, and that’s difficult enough without you adding to it, sweetheart.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, feeling the burn of embarrassment rise on my cheeks.

  “Don’t be. I can handle it. I want this to be all about you, so just focus on relaxing for me, angel.”

  I closed my eyes and did as he requested. A soft flicker of warmth began to replace the cold void inside. I drank in the feel of his strong fingers massaging my scalp as he worked in an earthy scented shampoo. His deep voice, full of praise, felt like a blanket of peace, one I longed to gather in tight and cling to until the turbulent sea of emotions inside me calmed.

  “Spin back around, Leagh,” he murmured as he gently cupped my shoulder.

  Facing him again, I wasn’t prepared to see the depth of desire reflecting in his eyes. Before I could second guess my actions, I slanted my lips over his. The connection overwhelmed me, and with it, a level of peace I hadn’t expected. I was ravenous for more. My kiss grew more insistent, and he met my demand with his own. Sinking his tongue deep inside my mouth, Tony tightened a fist in my hair, gripping until my scalp stung.

  Leaning his solid body against mine, he pressed my back against the cool tiles as his soapy fingers toyed and teased my nipples. Plucking and pinching, he tugged on each elongated peak. Need bubbled and burned beneath my clit, and I rolled my hips, desperate to feel his glorious cock drive deep inside me. Tony issued a rumbling growl and pivoted until his hard length lay throbbing upon my thigh. I felt him smile against my mouth as he swallowed my whimpers of frustration.

  Gliding his slick fingers down my belly, his palm came to rest above my mound. Easing back, he peppered kisses over my jaw, down my throat and collarbone until he captured a tight nipple between his teeth. When he nipped at the sensitized nub, my blood surged and every nerve ending sang in demand. I closed my eyes as he tugged first one nipple then the other, before laving his tongue over each aching peak. Dancing his fingertips over my swollen folds, he teased and tempted before his hand vanished entirely. I writhed and cried out in aggravation.

  “Open your eyes, Leagh,” Tony commanded. “Look at me.”

  Lifting my heavy lids, I gazed at him as he studied me intently. A wary expression lined his face.

  “I’ll take you where you need to go, sweetheart. But you’re with me. I want your eyes open and staring into mine.” His raspy voice was like a match setting fire to an already smoldering blaze. The flames licked so hot and bright, they nearly consumed me. “This is between me and you. I won’t be a substitute for George. Do you understand?”

  Tony’s words pierced deep. His image blurred as tears stung my eyes and memories of George flooded in a deluge of pain.

  Tony grimaced. “I know you’re fragile right now, and I don’t want to add to your pain.”

  I wanted to laugh at the irony—a sadist promising not to hurt me. Tony pulled me to his chest. His engorged cock scorched and throbbed upon my stomach.

  “No matter how badly I want to make you feel better, I know you’re not ready. But damn, baby, you’re so perfect,” he murmured.

  “You’re so perfect.” George had uttered those same words right before he died. Tensing as if I’d been immersed in a pool of ice, remorse and guilt suffused every cell, imploding in a rush of unholy sorrow.

  Struggling from Tony’s arms, I shook my head. “You’re right. I’m not ready for any of this. It would be best if you just got out.” Wrapping my arms around me, I held in the ugly sludge of disgust bleeding within.

  “Leagh, you’ve done nothing—”

  “Wrong?” I mocked. “Oh, I’ve done plenty wrong. But I don’t blame you. I blame myself.”

  “No,” Tony challenged, wrapping his broad hands around my cheeks. “I won’t allow you to punish yourself because I touched you.”

  “That’s not what I’m beating myself up for,” I sniffed. Shaking my head, I backed away from him. “It’s not because you touched me…it’s because I liked it.”

  His brown eyes shimmered in understanding, and he let out a heavy sigh. “You’re alive, Leagh. And whether you believe me or not, you needed that reminder
. We’ve done nothing for you to be ashamed of. George wouldn’t want you to slip away into the dark abyss. He’d want you to go on and be happy.”

  “I appreciate what you’re saying. Really I do. There’s no way I can forgive myself.” Tears slid down my cheeks as my stomached pitched.

  “Leagh, he’s dead and gone.”

  Tony’s words awakened a volcano of anger inside me. As it erupted, I drew back my hand and slapped his face. “Don’t say that!”

  He gaped at me. Surprise, mixed with anger, gleamed in his eyes before he closed them and clenched his jaw. As if trying to calm a raging thunderstorm within, Tony exhaled a deep breath before looking down at me.

  “I’m sorry, Leagh. He’s gone, but you’re still here. You can’t stop living, angel.”

  “Why are you doing this to me?”

  “Doing what?”

  “Making me feel things I don’t want to feel. Shoving things in my face that I don’t want to deal with.”

  “To prove that you can’t pull down the shutters and hide from life.”

  “Maybe I want to.”

  “I’m not going to let you.”

  Great. “I know what you’re doing, Tony.”

  “Yeah, what’s that?”

  “You’re trying to crawl inside my head and fix me. But unlike your patients, I didn’t make an appointment.”

  “Look, all I’m trying to do is help you start healing in healthy ways.”

  A bitter laugh seeped from my throat. “Healthy? You’ve got to be kidding. I have to find a new place to live and get a job. Hell, I don’t know if I can put one foot in front of the other. Not to mention, I have no clue how I’m supposed to sail through this bitter sea of despair churning inside me. And you’ve got the gall to stand there and tell me my guilt isn’t healthy? I’ve got news for you, Tony. My mental health is the last damn thing on my list right now.”

  “Then let me help you,” he implored.

  “How? Do you want to lay me out on your couch and let you delve into my head? No, wait. I know. You want to cuff me to a cross and spank my ass, right?”

  A slow wicked smile tugged at his lips. “I have no doubt a spanking would probably do you a world of good. And if I laid you out on a couch, it would be to have you beneath me.”

  Even as anger blazed in my veins, a hotter flame coiled in my womb and spread through me at the visual his words conjured in my brain.

  “Stop. Please, Tony. Just stop.”

  “Goddamn it, Leagh. I want to help you through this.”

  “I didn’t ask for—”

  “No. And you never will. You’re too damn stubborn.” A wry grin tugged at his lips. “Finish up your shower and stop drowning in your goddamn guilt. Understood?”

  “Yes, Sir,” I snipped, plastering a sarcastic smile on my lips.

  “Oh yeah, you’re in serious need of a spanking.” He grinned. “Your clothes are on the chaise. I’ll meet you down stairs.” Tony leaned into the droning water and kissed my forehead before he stepped out of the shower.

  I exhaled a sigh fraught with anguish, sexual frustration, guilt, and doubt. Each emotion swirled like an F5 tornado. Oz had nothing on my surreal life.

  With a huff, I smoothed a handful of conditioner over my hair. Tony wasn’t going to give up or go away. It both rankled and, oddly, pacified my ragged nerves. I had to find a way to deal with him. No doubt my head and heart would soon become mortal enemies.

  The image of Tony naked was one I couldn’t erase. Dark erotic eyes. Defined his bronze body, wet and slick. His massive cock stood at attention like a well-trained soldier, with its swollen crest stretched tight, all but screaming for relief. I’d no more licked my lips imagining the taste of him before images of George shoved their way into my brain.

  A gritty sludge of contrition enveloped me. Easing onto the shower floor, I tucked my knees up to my chin and cried.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Emerging from the shower after a lengthy semi-therapeutic cry, I spied the pile of clothes waiting for me on the chaise. If I let him, Tony would take care of me, at least for a while. But I was a smart girl, tending to an emotional cripple took a staggering toll. Not only was it taxing, but it drained you and claimed a piece of your soul. There was no way I’d put Tony through that shit.

  Dragging the towel through my hair, I pulled on the clothes he’d left me. Staring at the socks on my feet, they reminded me of clown’s shoes. Glancing up in the mirror I shook my head. I looked like a poster child for a thrift store.

  Hanging up my wet clothes, the doorbell rang. Wonderful. It was probably Tony’s girlfriend or a pain slut looking for relief. “Just my luck,” I grumbled under my breath. The thought of him explaining to anyone why he was babysitting an emotional wreck made my skin crawl. Why did I let him bring me to his house in the first place?

  “Because the bitches of Rockford Estates changed the fucking locks.” I murmured in disgust.

  “Enough is enough,” I scolded as I started digging through my purse. I needed to call Julianna and ask if she and Mika could pick me up or drop off my car. The need to get out from under Tony’s roof pressed in heavily. Plucking out my phone, I punched in Julianna’s number. Raising the device to my ear, I expected to hear her sweet hello. What I heard instead was a computerized message.

  “We’re sorry, but your account is no longer in service. Please contact our billing department if you have questions regarding your contract. Good-bye.”

  “What the hell? Who turned off my phone?” As the words spilled from my lips, anger began to pump through me. Sloane or Hayden. My. My. Seems they were a couple of busy bitches while I’d been holed up at Mika and Julianna’s.

  “Goddamn fucking whores,” I hissed, and I threw my phone back inside my purse. “Those mother-fuck—”

  “Leagh?” Tony tapped on the open door interrupting my litany of un-ladylike curses.

  “What?” I snapped.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Hayden or Sloane cancelled the service on my cell phone.”

  His expression of worry morphed into disgust. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take you out so you can buy another.”

  “No. I’ll do it,” I replied curtly. Closing my eyes, I exhaled. “I’m sorry, Tony. I know you’re trying to help, but I just need my car, so I can get out of your hair.”

  “You’re welcome to stay with—”

  “No. Don’t even say it.” I raised my hand and cut him off. “I’m not staying here. I appreciate the offer and the help you’ve given me today, but I can’t stay.”

  Even as the words rolled off my tongue, I thought how easy it would be to let Tony take care of me. But I’d be a fool to ignore what the constant power struggle between us would entail. Me, needing time to heal and start a new life; him, exerting his dominance and taking control over every aspect of it. Not to mention the sexual temptation I’d be faced with day in – day out. It was a no win situation.

  “You could; you just don’t want to.” Tony smirked. His sexy brown eyes twinkled and a shiver skittered through me. Yeah, it was much safer for me if I left. “We’ll discuss that later, but right now, you’ve got some visitors downstairs.”

  “Who?”

  “The gang from the club. Mika called to see if you got home okay. I explained what happened and told him I’d brought you here. So he spread the word, and they came by here to see you. Come on.” With a nod toward the door Tony extended his hand. I didn’t accept, for fear his touch would set off my precarious libido again. I needed to cling to what little sanity I had left.

  As I followed him down the stairs, the familiar timbre of Drake’s and Mika’s voices hummed through the air. I imagined the two bantering, like always, and a roar of laughter all but confirmed my suspicions. The two Doms had been friends for years and loved to swap stories from their past.

  I forced a smile before rounding the corner and spied Mika, Julianna, Drake, Trevor, Nick, Dylan, and Savannah all seated in Tony’s cozy
family room. Drake and Mika held everyone’s rapt attention.

  “And I’d just finished uncuffing Trevor when Drake leaned in on the cross.” Mika’s eyes danced in delight as he recounted his story. “There was this loud crack of splintering wood and the next thing we know, Drake is face first on the floor, still gripping the top of the cross. I nearly pissed myself laughing, once I made sure he was okay.”

  “Hey,” Drake barked with a grin. “At least I didn’t enroll in a macramé class just to learn how to tie knots.”

  “No, you enlisted in the Navy,” Mika jabbed. “Tell me something, bro. Was it for the seamen or the semen?”

  “Both, fucker!” Drake beamed with a huge smile.

  Laughter filled the room once again, and Trevor issued a forlorn pout.

  “Awww, Trevor, don’t go getting your feelings hurt. It was long before he met you, boy,” Mika gave a gentle nudge to the blonde man sitting between him and Drake.

  “Here she is,” Tony announced as he slid his arm around my waist. All heads turned my way, and I felt like a mannequin on display at Macy’s.

  “Oh my gawd, Leagh! What in the world did you do? Roll a wino? Girl, we have got to take you shopping,” Trevor gasped as he jumped up from between the two big Dom’s and rushed toward me. Squeezing me tightly, he lowered his mouth to my ear. “I love you sister, but you need some cover stick for those swollen eyes.”

  Trevor released me and issued a playful wink.

  I looked down at my sloppy ensemble and groaned. “You don’t know the half of it, Trev. On a scale from one to ten, it’s been a billion point five on the craptastic meter.”

  “We know, pet. Tony told us what happened over at George’s house,” Mika’s tone reflected his disdain. “Don’t you worry about a thing. I’ve put a call into Judge Landes. We’ll get Sloane and Hayden out of that house as soon as possible.”

  “Please don’t,” I begged Mika. “As soon as George’s estate is settled, I was going to have to move out, anyway. I’m sure that’s only going to take a few weeks, maybe less. Thank you, but…it’s not worth anyone’s time or trouble.”