Master of My Mind BN

by Jenna Jacob

  “Okay, Tony. You’ve proven your point. You can untie me now,” I replied, holding tight to the threads of anxiety unraveling inside me.

  “What point is that, pet?” Tony asked, sitting down on the mattress, still toying with my nipples.

  Unable to stop the tremors that shook me, I issued a heavy sigh of resignation. “That you’re the alpha Dom and I’m nothing but a helpless, hopeless brat. There. I said it. Now let me out of these stupid ropes.”

  Solemnly, he stared at me. Dominance oozed from his pores. And damn, if every cell in my body didn’t shriek to give in and allow him full reign over me—all except my head.

  “You misunderstand my intentions, sweetheart,” he murmured, plucking and pinching my sensitized nipples.

  As he rolled the tightly drawn tips between his fingers and thumbs, pulses of electricity multiplied beneath my clit. Damn my betraying body.

  “This lesson slash punishment isn’t about humiliation. And it certainly isn’t about crushing you beneath my boot. I have no desire to break your spirit, sweetheart. This is about boundaries, trust, honesty, and communication, the foundations of a healthy relationship.”

  It sounded as though he sought a role far deeper than that of my protector. The idea both excited and frightened me. I didn’t know if I could I give him the level of trust he demanded. Hell, I wasn’t even sure I could share the details of my fucked up life with him. Yes, I’d confessed my past to George, not because he expected me to but because his protective mien gave me hope that he’d keep me safe. But after learning about dominance and submission, if I truly wanted Tony to guide me I had to reveal every disgusting scar that scored my heart. This “lesson/punishment” he aimed to hand down served to reinforce how truly vulnerable I’d become beneath his hands.

  “And control,” I replied on a nervous whisper.

  “Yes, I ache for your control, sweetheart,” Tony bent low, hovering a hairsbreadth from my lips. “And you want to know a little secret? Deep down, you ache to give it to me, but you’re holding back. You’re dying to tear down those walls and open up to me, but you’re afraid. Trust me, Leagh, there’s nothing you can say that will change how I feel about you. Whatever you’re trying to hide isn’t hurting anyone but you. Don’t give it the power to hold you back from living. I’ll never be able to reach you, not the way I want to… not the way I burn to, until you knock down those walls and let me in. Trust me, angel, once I crawl inside your head and your body, you’ll know what it means to be whole.”

  My pulse pounded, and my pussy clenched. The hunger in his voice set my skin ablaze.

  “I will open your eyes to what submission really means. You’ll fight me; just like you are now. You’ll balk at my rules and protocols. But just remember, every time you push back, it’s because you’re secretly begging for me to launch you higher and harder than you’ve ever gone before.”

  Like the way you tossed me into subspace so damn easily.

  “Make no mistake, angel, I don’t intend to stop pushing until you blossom for me like a rose”

  If Tony were trying to frighten me out of accepting the submissive fantasy he offered, he was doing a damn good job. The idea of letting him climb that deep inside my head and heart scared the crap out me.

  “But I promise you this, no man, Dominant, or Master will treasure your gifts more than I. All you have to do is open the door and let me in. Trust that I’ll cherish everything you give me.”

  The passion of his declaration took the starch out of my anger and dissolved the fears dancing in my brain. I desperately wanted to believe his promises, more than I wanted my next breath. He was offering me the moon and the stars, still I worried he may not feel the same once he discovered the quantity of excess baggage I carried.

  A part of me ached to tell him about Matt, but I knew what Tony’s reaction would be. He’d thump that captivating chest of his and lock me away in an ivory tower. I had no doubt Tony wanted to take on the role as my protector and mentor, but how on earth was I supposed to give my power to such a strong Dominant?

  I’d been George’s collared sub, but his expectations paled in comparison to Tony’s. The few rituals George required had never been truly submissive, not really. They’d been sexual in nature and more of a role-play between us. Tony would require a hell of a lot more than a handful of half-assed rituals. He’d want to take over every aspect of my life. And once he’d gleaned the details of my past, he’d want to isolate me to the point of madness. Just knowing that should have sealed the deal. It was a no brainer. But the conviction in his voice, and the sincerity twinkling in his eyes, held the promise that he’d show me a world—up until now—I’d simply dreamed about.

  Tony continued to torment my nipples with his enticing fingers. After tweaking each peak, he grasped the metal clamps and pinned me with his erotic eyes.

  “Do you trust me, angel?”

  Unable to speak, I nodded as he readied the clamps.

  “Say it aloud. Feed my dominance with your surrender.”

  “I trust you, Sir.”

  His eyes narrowed. His nostrils flared, and he inhaled a ragged breath. I thought he was going to roar like an animal, but instead, a slow smile of absolute satisfaction spread over his lips. Tugging one nipple, he rolled the aching tissue and aligned the metal clamp over the swollen, red tip.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Pain like liquid silver spread from the center of my breast, and exploded along an invisible fiber linked to my clit. Sucking in a hiss, I writhed and moaned as Tony attached the second clamp.

  “Ahhhhh, god,” I cried. Arching my back off the bed, lightning seared an identical path to my core.

  “Breathe the sting away, angel. You’ll take this pain for me, won’t you?” Tony’s beguiling tone pummeled the last of my defenses.

  Feathering his fingertips along the swell of each breast, he trailed the broad pads down my ribcage. My abdomen quivered as his digits danced a deviant waltz toward the apex of my bare mound…then stopped.

  As pleasure mixed pain pulsed through my raw, awakened nerve endings I sucked in one trembling breath after another

  “Is this too much for you? Can you take this, Leagh?” Tony demanded in a bellicose tone.

  Swallowing tightly I nodded.

  “Answer me, angel. I need to hear your voice.”

  “Yes, I can take it,” I replied in a raspy whisper.

  Rocking my hips in silent appeal, I longed for his fingers to continue their quest. The walls of my pussy constricted and the thin membrane surrounding my swollen clit constricted. The accidental massage brought a sliver of relief. I closed my eyes and repeated the process savoring the building arousal as arcs of pain seared beneath my nipples.

  “Look at me, Leagh,” Tony instructed before driving his finger deep in my cunt.

  Gasping, my eyes flew open wide. My walls squeezed around his digit, sucking, milking, and pulling him in.

  Gliding fast and deep into my slickness, I knew he could feel how aroused he’d made me. The earthy scent of my essence hung heavy in the air, spicy and pungent. Sparks of delight detonated deep in my womb, ignited through my veins, and escaped the back of my throat as a mournful whimper.

  “So hot. So slick. Fuck, Leagh, your cunt feels like silk and lava. I’d love to dive into your hot little pussy, slide my tongue between your thick folds, and drown on your juices.”

  “Tony!”

  “Tell me what you want, sweetheart.”

  “Your mouth. Your tongue. Your fingers…anything…just make me come!” I cried.

  “You need more than an orgasm, angel.”

  “No, I don’t, dammit,” I cried. “I just need to come! Please touch my clit.”

  I writhed on his hand, searching for a knuckle or thumb... any fragment of skin I could rub against my clit. The absence of stimulation was maddening. With his free hand, Tony rolled the metal chain beneath his palm. The slight jostle of the clamps sent an eruption of pain sputtering up my spine.
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  “I’m the one in control here, little one. This exercise is to impress upon you the importance of what topping from the bottom gets you. Insolence guarantees frustration and pain.”

  “I get it,” I gasped as he flicked his thumb across my clit. “Please. I need to come.”

  “No.” Shaking his head, Tony arched his brows in warning. “You don’t have permission, Leagh. You’ll take everything I give you without coming, unless you safeword out. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, but seriously. You’ve got to let me come, Tony,” I panted and prayed he was only fucking with my head.

  But his nimble fingers drove me to the edge faster and harder than I’d known possible. If he intended for me to hold back my release much longer, it wouldn’t matter if I had his permission or not—I was close to going off like a stick of dynamite—and soon. I’d never been denied orgasm. How the hell was I supposed to stop the tsunami once it peaked?

  “No, angel, I don’t,” he softly chuckled. “This lesson is for you, even if I’m the one reaping the benefit. Do you grasp the purpose of this exercise?”

  “No,” I wailed. “I can’t think about anything except coming. Please. Tony.”

  “Maybe I need to show you instead of trying to explain it.”

  A mischievous glint darted across his eyes as he wedged another finger inside me. Stretching and filling the wet walls of my cunt, he wiggled in deeper until he hit upon the sweet spot. Crying out, I rocked against his embedded hand as his fingertips burnished my electrified bundle of nerves. And when he pressed his thumb against my clit, locking his determined gaze with mine, a sadistic smile curled on his lips.

  “Don’t come, angel,” he warned.

  Strumming an incessant rhythm, both inside and out, his blissful torture escalated to blinding demand. Panting and grinding upon his masterful hand, release quickened. The urgency thundering through my veins all but swallowed me whole. Ecstasy swelled, exquisite and hot. My whimpering moans merged into breathless screams as I started tumbling over the edge.

  Tony tugged the chain and simultaneously yanked his fingers from my pussy. My climax evaporated like dust in the wind. A howl of frustration-laced pain tore from my throat as tears slid past my temples and spilled into my hair.

  “You can’t do this to me,” I wailed. “Please!”

  “I can and I did. You’re paying this price for me. It’s not for you. Do you understand the meaning of this punishment, now, angel?”

  “Yes! You’re forcing me to submit,” I sobbed.

  Tony frowned. “No, that’s not what I’m doing, sweetheart. I’m giving you a taste of submission. Hopefully you’ll look inside yourself and see if giving up control is what you truly want. I won’t ever force it from you, Leagh. So set aside your sexual frustration and tell me what you’re feeling.”

  Smoothing a palm over my face, Tony calmed the chaotic storm rolling through me. Sucking in a deep breath, I tried to gather my thoughts.

  “Ever since George introduced me to the lifestyle, I wanted to learn more,” I sniffed. “But he never wanted to go any deeper than bedroom dominance. He never expected me to submit like you and the other Doms do.”

  “Keep going,” Tony encouraged as he wiped my tears with the pads of his thumbs.

  “I don’t want to be a ‘stepford sub.’ The thought of losing my identity scares the hell out of me.” I sucked in a breath of courage. “That day you took me to subspace shocked the hell out of me. I’ve thought about it a lot, but I still don’t think I’ll ever be a pain slut. If that’s what you expect from me then all this needs to end now. I can’t change who I am for you or anyone else.”

  Finally, giving voice to the fear our needs would never mesh, I closed my eyes. I couldn’t bear to see the confirmation on Tony’s face.

  “I never said I wanted you to change, angel. If anyone needs to adjust, it’s me.”

  “But I don’t want you to. You’ll end up hating me, and there’s more…I need to tell you more,” I implored.

  Tony gave a thoughtful nod. “Go ahead.”

  “I can’t lie. I thoroughly enjoyed sailing off that day, but I realized that I never would have achieved subspace if I hadn’t been vulnerable and weak. I’m not normally a weak woman, and I keep wondering if maybe I’m not a submissive after all.”

  “First of all, I know what I want. I want you. I don’t want a robot sub or a total pain slut.” Tony shook his head. “Not once have I ever thought you weak, Leagh. Submission takes a hell of a lot of strength and control. You’ve never had the chance to experience it… not fully. My goal isn’t to mold you into something you’re not. It’s to mold you into something more than you are already. Your spirit is like a breath of fresh air. All I want to do is give you wings to fly higher than you ever dreamed possible.”

  “By not letting me orgasm? That’s not making me fly; it’s just pissing me off,” I mumbled begrudgingly.

  Tony smirked. “It’s a lesson and a punishment, Leagh. You won’t always like what I do to you. But if I only give you what you want, you’re not really submitting to me. You’re only submitting to yourself.”

  I’d never thought of it quite that way before, but I still wanted the damn orgasm.

  His demeanor took on a righteous edge. “And don’t you ever try to kick or hit me again.”

  I frowned and nodded.

  “Every time you try to top from the bottom, I’m going to make you pay the price. There’s no way in hell I’m going to allow you to toss out smart-assed insults and condescending remarks toward me, or any other Dominant here.”

  “Why does my behavior matter to you?”

  “Because you matter to me. If I’m going to take on the role of protector and mentor, you have to know what I expect from you.”

  “But why me? Why do you want to train me?”

  “You mean besides the fact that you need it?” He arched a brow.

  “That’s not funny,” I grumbled.

  “No, but it’s the truth.” Tony pressed. “I’ve been honest with you from the start, Leagh. And I’ve been attracted to you for a long time. You’re still in a vulnerable place. I care deeply about you, and I refuse to sit idly by while Doms stream out of the woodwork trying to lure your submission. The thought of you giving your power to anyone but me makes me crazy. If you accept me as your protector and mentor you’ll have to abide by my rules. But I’ll make damn sure you reap the rewards, if that’s what you want.”

  “I have to decide right now?” I blinked.

  “No. We’ve got a ton of groundwork that needs to be laid before I put a training collar on you.” He dipped his head, leveling a serious stare. “You’ll have to open that closet, Leagh, and trust me. Whatever is inside isn’t going to scare me away.”

  “You say that now,” I scoffed. “But what if it does?”

  “Are you a mass murderer?” He grinned, and dammit if I didn’t melt all over again.

  “Of course not,” I replied incredulously.

  “Then you have nothing to worry about.” His playful expression sobered before he rose from the bed. Checking the circulation in my limbs clearly indicated Tony’s lesson was far from over. “Are your arms and legs doing okay?”

  “Yes, they’re fine.” I nodded.

  The weight of Tony’s expectations sent an unnerving itch crawling beneath my skin. And the fears of spilling the secrets of my past weren’t only dangerous for me. The minute Tony found out about my involvement with Matt he would be at risk, too. George had wheedled out my history with the assurance that he had money and friends in high places. With George, I had a guarantee that if push came to shove, he’d find a way to keep me alive. But I’d never felt the riotous attraction to him that I did Tony and my fears began to manifest into monsters. Tony didn’t have the type of network available to him that George did. And I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that Tony would understand why I chose to stay with Matt for as long as I did. There was no guarantee that Tony wouldn’t think me as
guilty as Matt when the truth was told.

  Uncertainty filled me with anxieties and insecurities. I wanted out of the ropes, to sit up and clear my head, sort out my doubts and desires. Clutching a fist, I felt for the quick release line in my palm, but it wasn’t there. A rolling wave of panic washed through me as memories of my last night with George came crashing down upon me. Tugging at my bindings, fear—thick and oily—tightened in my throat, squeezing the air from my lungs as sweat erupted over my body. I was trapped.

  “Protocol!” I choked on a frightened cry, jerking and thrashing against the bindings. The clamps bit hard, but the panic flooding my veins dulled the biting pain to a bothersome throb.

  “Fuck!” The color drained from Tony’s face as he reached up and gave a hard yank on the rope. Instantly my hands were free “I’m sorry, baby… this is going to sting.”

  Deftly releasing the metal pinchers from my nipples, I cried out as the blood raced back into the tips with a caustic bite. Gathering me into his arms, Tony crushed my throbbing buds against his chest so tight, I could barely breathe. “I’ve got you, sweetheart. I’m right here.”

  Ruthless tremors wracked my body as I clung to him, desperate to absorb his reassurance and strength. Ambushed by the deluge of emotions, I was powerless to reel them in. Sucking in great gulps of air, I wrestled to calm myself.

  “It’s okay, angel. You’re safe. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. I promise.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  “No, Shhhh. You’ve nothing to be sorry about.”

  “Yes, I do. I freaked out. I just don’t know what set me off like that,” I confessed against his soft cotton shirt.

  “I do. I hit a trigger. I suspect we’ll discover a few more land mines as we go along. Don’t be surprised if you get blindsided again, angel.”