For the first time all week, I'm awake and alive. I want something I can have. In theory.
I part my lips to make way for his tongue. I slide my hands around his waist and hold on tightly. Nick, Nick, Nick. It's my world. It's everything.
The kiss breaks. He stares into my eyes, his expression equal parts desperation and desire.
He slides my blazer off my shoulders. It falls behind me on the floor.
I press my body against his. "This doesn't mean anything. It's break up sex."
He pulls my zipper all the way down my back. "It means something."
"But not that we're together. We're not. It's just tonight. It's just because we're both miserable."
"You're miserable?"
"Don't pretend like you can't tell."
He drags his fingertips up my back. "Why are you running away from what you want?"
I hold Nick's gaze. "You have your priories. I have mine."
"What are they, baby?"
God, I like the way that sounds. I swallow hard. "Stop that."
"Priorities can change."
"Call me when they do." I step back. "Until then, I'm not discussing it."
Nick moves closer. He pulls my dress off one shoulder then the other. His eyes go to my chest as he pushes my dress to my waist. "I want you to feel better."
"Then fuck me."
"Do I need to get a condom?"
He might as well ask "have you fucked someone else?" I'm tempted to slap him. Is that really what he thinks of me?
I hold strong. This is the Nick I know. The one who only takes necessary risks.
He's already back to his normal self.
This was the right decision. No matter how much it hurts me.
I reach around my back to unhook my bra. "No."
He nods. His expression changes. Stern. "Strip. I want you naked in front of me."
That's the Nick I know.
I slide my bra off my shoulders and toss it aside. I push my dress to my knees. It's impossible to take off my tights and boots in a graceful manner, but I get my groove back as I slide my underwear off my hips. It falls to my feet.
I kick all the clothes away.
Nick scans my body the way he did that night in San Francisco, like he's taking a mental picture, like he believes this is the last time.
Tension threatens to consume my back. The moment Nick presses his palm into my skin, my muscles relax.
Fucking body. Why can't the thing respect my wishes? Instead, it's on fire. It wants him and nothing else will do.
Nick brings his hands to my chest. He cups my breasts with a gentle touch. His eyes go to mine as he plays with my nipples. It starts soft. Then it's harder. Faster. Rougher.
Pleasure builds between my legs. I fight my desire to close my eyes. I want to see the look on his face. The mix of control and ecstasy in his expression.
I groan, pressing my knees together. He's fucking good at this.
I forget about tomorrow. I forget about next week. I forget about everything but his moment.
It means something.
It means everything.
He toys with my nipples until I'm panting. One hand goes to my chin, tilting my head so we make eye contact.
"What do you want?" he asks.
"Right now?"
"Period. What do you want, Lizzy, more than anything?"
Chapter Thirty-Three
I turn away, pressing my eyelids together.
How am I supposed to answer that?
He rubs me until I can't bear the silence anymore. I groan. I arch my body into his.
"Right now—" I look back at Nick. "Right now, I want you. I want your hands on me. Your mouth. I want you inside of me until I'm coming so hard I can't stand it."
"Is that all you want from me?"
I want everything from you, Nick. I love you. "I don't want to talk. I want you to fuck me."
His hand slides down my stomach and below my belly button. Almost.
Then he's touching me properly. His fingertips skim my clit. He presses his palm against me.
He groans. "Jesus, Lizzy. The way you respond to me." He teases my sex. "You really want this to be the last time?"
"Ask that again, and I'm leaving."
I lean into his touch. I press my eyelids together so the rest of the world disappears.
All I feel is Nick's hands on my body. Fuck the rest of it. I'm going to enjoy this if it kills me.
He slides one finger inside me. Then two. I cry out. My hands go to his suit jacket. That same expensive wool.
I tug at his tie to undo the knot. My hands go to the buttons on his oxford shirt. I undo two before he grabs my wrists and brings them to my sides.
Nick shoves everything off my desk. He pushes the monitor aside, so there's nothing in the way
His arm slides under my ass. He lifts me and places me on the desk.
I spread my legs to make room for him. He slings his hands under my knees, bringing my body onto his. I'm naked on this desk, and he's fully dressed in front of me, and I fucking like it.
He kisses his way down my neck and chest, stopping at my breasts to suck on my nipples. It's intense. His mouth is soft but the pressure is hard.
When he bites me, I groan.
He bites harder.
I can't feel anything but him. The burst of pain. The pulse of pleasure.
I dig my hands into his hair as he tortures me with his mouth. When I'm certain I can't take it anymore, I press my hands against his head to tell him to go lower.
His lips press against my stomach. My belly button.
The inside of my thigh.
He drops to his knees. His hands close around my thighs. He drags me forward, pulls my legs apart. I'm splayed for him, on display for him.
My breath hitches. My pulse races. The closer his mouth gets to my sex, the more unbearable the anticipation. I'm on fire. I'm going to ignite.
I plant my hands behind me to stay in place. He nips at my inner thigh with desperate, hungry motions.
"Nick," I groan. I arch my back, shifting my body just a little closer to his mouth.
He's almost there. He catches the delicate skin of my inner thigh between his teeth. Pain bursts through me. My sex clenches. I need him. God, how I need him.
Then his mouth is on me. My arms go slack as his tongue slides over my clit. I collapse on the desk with a thud. It does nothing to slow him. He slides one hand under my ass and uses it to bring me closer. The other hooks my knees around his shoulders, one at a time.
I press my thighs against his ears as he licks me. He's damn good at this. In moments, my body is pulsing with bliss. The knot inside me pulls so tight it hurts. I squeeze him harder.
"Nick," I breathe.
He sucks on my clit. It's intense enough to take my breath away. I grab onto the edges of the desk, something to convince me I've got my balance.
He's soft and warm, and he's working magic. The next lick pulls that knot so tight I can't take it. The tension unravels, my sex pulsing with pleasure as I come.
I squeeze my thighs around his head. Whatever it takes to hold him against me.
He licks me again. Again. It's too much, but I can't bear to tell him to stop.
I squeeze the table. Not enough. I scream.
He's still licking me. I reach for Nick until I find his hair and I tug hard. He moans against my skin.
Another orgasm builds inside me. I press my heel into his back. I tug at his hair.
And I scream. I scream his name as I come. It's intense. It hurts. But it hurts so fucking good.
Pleasure spills through my body. Such a wonderful high when I've been so fucking low.
He's the best comfort in the world. So much better than ice cream or movie marathons. So much better than anything.
Nick pulls back. He rises to his feet and presses his crotch against mine. I shift so I can feel the hardness in his slacks. I need that too. I need to make him feel as good as I do.
He tortures me, undoing his shirt as slowly as humanly possible. I wait on my back, my tongue sliding over my lips, my sex throbbing.
Finally, he slides his shirt off his shoulders. I reach up to touch him but he shoves my arms back onto the desk. I squeeze the edge as he does away with his slacks and boxers.
There's no patience left in his movements. He grabs my legs and presses them to his chest, so my ankles are at his ears. His hands go to my hips, and he pulls our bodies together.
His cock strains against me.
There.
I sigh as he enters me. The look on his face is exactly what I feel. Like the world finally makes sense.
He stares into my eyes, daring me to shy away from the intimacy.
I don't. I stare back. It hurts all the way to my bones, but I stare back.
I need to be his, even for a moment, even if I'll be more miserable when it's over.
He drags his hands up my thighs, over my knees, all the way to my calves.
I'm powerless to do anything but feel him thrusting into me. It's the only thing I want. I hold his gaze. He digs his nails into my calves. He sighs. He groans.
He fucks me.
I can't keep my eyes open any longer. I press them together, moaning and groaning and screaming in equal measure. The only comprehensible sound is "Nick."
This could be the last time we're here.
The last time he's mine.
I soak in the ecstasy of our bodies joining until it's too much to take. This orgasm is hard and fast. Sensation overwhelms me as I come but I don't dare say "yellow.” Not until I feel his release.
Nick's nails get sharper. His groans get louder. I open my eyes to watch his bliss. It's the best sight in the world. The way his lips part. The way his shoulders shake. The way his eyelids press together.
One more thrust and he's there, pulsing inside me.
"Lizzy." He groans as he fills me.
Our bodies slow. Our eyes connect. That look is enough to undo me but I manage to stay silent.
He shifts, breaking out touch. I get back into my clothes. He gets back into his.
He leans down and presses his lips to mine.
His kiss is still the best feeling in the whole fucking world.
Even if it is the last one.
Between pouring myself into my latest AI project and helping Kat put the finishing touches on her wedding planning, the weekend passes quickly. I barely think about Nick and how horrifically awkward things will be on Monday morning.
Hey, how was your weekend? How much of it did you spend thinking about fucking me on my desk? How much do you want to do it again?
The subway ride is a lesson in managing anxiety. But Nick isn't at Odyssey when I arrive. He's not there at lunch. He's not there for my afternoon coffee. He's not there when I leave.
Tuesday is the same. No Nick.
Wednesday, no Nick.
Thursday, no Nick.
I relax. Without him around, I'm able to focus completely on my programming. I'm not a master, but I'm competent and I'm learning a lot. This is a good internship. I'm lucky to have it.
Friday, Nick sends a company-wide memo.
From: Phoenix Marlowe
There is a mandatory meeting at 4 PM today for an important announcement about the Odyssey team. We'll have coffee and pastries.
He wastes no words, as usual.
There's no time to analyze it. My phone buzzes with a new text.
Nick: Be in my office in five minutes. I need to speak with you.
Sure enough, three minutes later, Nick steps out of the elevator. He's back to his normal self. His posture is strong and confident. His eyes are bright, full of life. He's the guy who can take on the world.
He's happy.
I smooth my dress and check my hair. Here goes nothing.
I walk to Nick's office.
The door is open. Still, I knock.
"Come in." His voice is all business.
I step inside. It's as bright and clean as it always is. Nick is standing at his desk, all his attention on me.
"Please close the door." He steps out from behind his desk.
I do. "I'm not going to lock it."
"Of course." His eyes find mine. "I trust you to keep a secret." He steps closer until we're two feet apart. "I'm leaving Odyssey."
What? There's no way I heard that right. There's no way Nick is leaving the company. It means everything to him. I pinch myself to make sure I'm awake.
I am.
"I've found a new CEO to replace me. And a new lead programmer to run the Haley project."
No. This doesn't make any sense.
This isn't the Nick I know.
"Lizzy, are you all right?" His voice is soft.
"But you... you can't leave your company. It's everything to you."
"I thought about what you said." His eyes burn with intensity. "This company has been a weight around my neck. I don't want to put work ahead of everything. I don't want those priorities."
I stare at him like he's speaking a foreign language.
"I sold my third of the company to an investor I trust. I expect Shepard will back off, but there's no guarantee of that."
"When are you leaving?"
"Today is my last day." His expression softens. "I spoke to your adviser at Stanford. With all the hours of overtime you've worked, we agreed that you'll get full credit as long as you stay through the end of the month."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome to stay as a paid intern through August. The salary won't be a fortune, but it will be enough to keep you in New York." He moves back to his desk and fishes through one of the drawers. He clears his throat. His voice returns to an even, all-business tone. "The apartment is yours through June. If you stay with Odyssey, you can rent it at a discount starting July first."
I nod.
He pulls something from his drawer. An envelope.
His eyes focus on mine. This look isn't business. It's personal.
He hands me the envelope. "The tickets are transferable if you'd rather take someone else."
I open the envelope. There are two plane tickets to the Virgin Islands and a reservation for a hotel suite in my name.
One ticket is made out to Phoenix Marlowe, the other to Elizabeth Wilder.
I try to find the meaning in Nick's eyes. I can't. "What is this supposed to be?"
"A second chance."
The room is spinning. This is too much, too fast. I take a step back, squeezing my fingers around the plane tickets. Slick paper. They're here. They're real.
His fingertips brush my cheek. "You would be my priority, Lizzy. My first priority."
The words rise up in my throat. I love you. Do you love me?
I swallow them down. I'm not ready for that.
The silence hurts. The words claw at my throat, desperate to escape.
A knock on the door calls my attention. I sigh, pushing the sentiment back to the bottom of my stomach.
"Mr. Marlowe. There's more paperwork for you to sign." Jasmine clears her throat. "I'm going to come in."
"Of course." Sadness flares in Nick's eyes. He shakes it off. "Enjoy your sister's wedding. I'm sure it will be beautiful."
"Thank you."
I stare back at him, willing my thoughts to go from messy squiggles to straight lines. There's so much I want to say to Nick, but the words stay trapped in my throat.
I go back to my desk so I won't implode.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Screw the mandatory meeting. I leave early. The apartment is mine for another three months but it doesn't feel like home anymore.
I find a suitcase in the corner and start packing a bag for the weekend. The wedding is Sunday afternoon, and I won't have a moment of breathing room until it's over. It's good being busy. Better seeing Kat so happy.
My bridesmaid dress is in her closet. I find my shoes and my purse and toss them into a pile on my bed. I need something for the bachelo
rette party. A black cocktail dress and matching heels should do the trick. I need something to sleep in. Something for our spa day.
And something to wear under my clothes. I dread opening that particular drawer. There's no resisting the flood of memories as I paw through the lingerie Nick bought me.
You would be my priority, Lizzy. My first priority.
The memory of his voice nearly undoes me. But he didn't say he loved me.
He's good at getting what he wants. If he really loved me, he would have said it.
I find something practical and zip my suitcase.
It's still early. Kat must be home. Her last midterm was Wednesday, and she's technically on spring break. Lucky her, the school's schedule lined up perfectly with her ideal wedding date.
It's possible that she and Blake are currently having crazy sex in the living room. I can't bring myself to potentially cramp their style.
I find a paper notebook and a pen on my desk. I have a maid of honor speech to write and no time to waste.
For two hours, I stare at the neat lined paper. For two hours, nothing comes. I'm so happy for my sister, for this wedding, for everything it means, but I can't manage to string my thoughts together.
Saturday is devoted to the finishing touches of beauty. We spend hours at a spa—on Blake's dime, of course.
It's too awkward to be relaxing, but I do my best to keep Kat's attention on anything but the wedding.
With every passing hour, her nerves shoot into overdrive. She is a thorn in the side of every masseuse and esthetician.
She's always worn her heart on her sleeve, but this is a whole new level of emotional honesty.
We finish with just enough time to get to the rehearsal dinner. All those nerves fade away the moment we arrive. Well, the moment her eyes lock with Blake's. They're both so happy. It's plain as day. Our parents were like that, all gooey in love, ecstatic just for the chance to be together.
A warmth spreads through me. The lingering hurt over Nick fades away, and I'm confident it will stay away for the next twenty-four hours.
They're so in love they radiate positive energy. It's infectious enough that the food tastes better, the air smells sweeter.
Dinner is small. It's me, Kat, Blake, and Blake's sister Fiona. She was a certified super-bitch when we met, but she's come around. We're actually friendly. And she seems to like Kat. A lot.
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