by Toni Aleo
Brie looked back at Vaughn, and her eyes were wide as she said, “This is stunning.”
He smiled. “It’s prettier in the spring, but yeah, it was the first thing I built when I got here. There is a matching spot at NateWay One where I buried my mom’s and Nathan’s ashes with a statue just like that above it.”
“Wow. It’s beautiful.”
“Thank you.” He watched as she moved around the birdbath, her lips curved as she took in the statue of his mother and brother. It was like seeing Brie with fresh eyes. She was so breathtaking, and he wanted nothing more than to try. Try to be hers. Try to be in a relationship, even if it scared the shit out him. She’d be insane to take him back, but maybe telling her the truth would help that. Not that he deserved her. “I lost my mom when I was six, like I had told you. She died giving birth to Nathan.”
Her smile fell as she looked up at him. “Oh, that’s horrible.”
“Yeah, it was. And when Nathan came out, a wiggly Down syndrome kiddo, I remember falling in love with him because he looked just like my mom, and I had this crazy protective feeling over him.”
“Yeah. I have that.”
He nodded with a smile. “But my dad hated him. He blamed him for my mom’s death, and it was ugly. He sent Nathan away to my grandma’s, and I got so mad, I went with him.”
She gasped. “How can a man hate his child?”
“I don’t know, he loved his wife more, I guess.”
Shaking her head as she watched him, she lowered herself onto the bench. “I would have done the same as you. You love your brother.”
Coming to sit beside her, he opened the box and offered her some of the pizza inside. “More than I can describe. I think that once we left, my dad realized he was lonely and he missed us. So we went back, and things were good. I mean, as good as they could be. Nathan was a lot lower functioning than Rodney, worse than Amy too. He had really bad outbursts and he couldn’t talk really well, and it was hard for him. My dad had a difficult time taking care of him, but it was easy for me. I did everything. It amazed me how he wanted to be more—he used to write me these letters about wanting his own life, one where he was independent like me, and it used to gut me. I promised him the world, and I intended to give it to him. He was my best friend, my biggest fan, and I loved him. But when I got this awesome full ride to Nebraska, I almost turned it down. Even though I knew I needed it to give Nathan the world, I still couldn’t leave him.” He paused, shaking his head. It all seemed like yesterday, but it was really eons ago. “Jensen and our best friend, Wells, got in too. They pushed me to go, and so did my dad, and even Nathan. He wanted me to go because he wanted his NHL jersey with our name on it. Everyone promised he would be taken care of, but—”
When he paused, it was because his throat was closing up. The only other person he had shared this with was Hazel, and…
But Brie wasn’t Hazel.
“I was almost done with my freshman year when I got a frantic phone call from Dawn. Nathan had been in an accident. My dad wasn’t handling him right, and he had a horrible outburst, which resulted in him taking off into a busy road.”
Her eyes widened, and he had to look away. “Oh, God.”
He nodded as her hand took his, gripping it. “He was hit and killed instantly by a bus. When I came back, it was to bury him. I wasn’t there for him. I hadn’t cared for him the way I should. I trusted my dad to do that. My dad let me down, and because of that, Nathan was dead.”
“Vaughn, please, you know it wasn’t your fault.”
“I know, and it’s taken me a long time to let go of that guilt, but sometimes, it flares up.”
“I’m so incredibly sorry, but he would be so proud of you. You’ve done so much for people with his condition, and you’re so kind to them,” she whispered, her eyes full of compassion. “I’ve never in my life seen someone like you love these adults the way you do. You are amazing with them. I promise you that. I know that what you do can’t bring him back, but know you are honoring him in the best way possible.”
“I do it for him.”
“And it’s a beautiful thing, Vaughn, it is,” she urged, her eyes filling with tears, and he smiled.
“Thank you, but that’s not why I’m telling you this. No one knows about Nathan but the people who experienced it with me—and my ex.”
Her brows rose as her head tipped to the side. “Your ex? I thought you didn’t do relationships.”
He nodded, sucking in a deep breath. “That’s why I brought you out here. I wanted to share Nathan and my mom with you, but above all, I wanted to share the reason why I don’t do relationships—or haven’t wanted to do them until now.”
“Now?”
“Now.”
And as he held her gaze, he wasn’t sure what would happen once he opened his mouth. The fear in his heart was something he had never experienced in his life.
He was about to put it all out there.
Take off the shell he wore so damn tightly.
He just prayed it didn’t hurt.
Brie wasn’t ready.
Not even in the least.
His eyes. Lord, his eyes. It was like she was seeing who he truly was, and she had never seen this side of him. The real side of him. While she found him dazzling in his own right, she was scared. His eyes were the windows into his soul, and they were cracked. So very damaged. As she held his gaze, a piece of pizza hanging from her hand, she realized she was holding her breath as he sucked in a long breath of his own.
“I met her, Hazel, when I was twenty. It was after I had been drafted, and I was a rookie, on the road to the big leagues. I just had to do my time in the minor leagues, and then I would be up there. She was beautiful, amazing, and, now I know, extremely manipulative. But I needed someone, someone to take away the pain of losing Nathan, and she did that.” He chuckled and shook his head. “I thought I loved her, and she claimed to love me. So when my first check came, I blew it on her, spoiling her. And then when the second one came, I told her I wanted to build NateWay One. She was a little hesitant, saying it would be a lot of work, but I wanted to do it. So with the help of Jensen, Wells, and Wren, we built NateWay One. Hazel claimed to have to work all the time, and she cried that she wanted to be there for me. So I asked her to be the manager of the organization because she had a business degree. She jumped at the chance, and I thought we were good.”
Leaning on his legs, he lowered his shoulders as he stared at the ground. “For three years, she worked for NateWay, and I thought she was doing a good job. But Dawn hated her, and Marl wanted to kill her half the time. I ignored them because I was blind and I loved her. They would tell me she was rude to the residents and that something was off, but I didn’t listen.”
“You were in love.”
“I was. She made me feel special, she fooled me into believing she cared about what I was trying to do, and she came to every game to support me. I thought she was in it for me.”
Slowly nodding her head, she whispered, “But she wasn’t, I’m guessing?”
He laughed, shaking his head. “Oh, no, not even in the least.”
“And you never knew?”
“Nope, not even when Jensen told me she was bad news. I hate when that guy is right.” He let out a breath, sitting up as he sucked in another one. “First, I found her ID, and it was her name, but the birthdate was wrong. Or so she said when I asked her about it. It said she was ten years older than what she had told me. That didn’t matter, I loved her, but she insisted it was a misprint and she’d get it fixed. She never did, and then I started catching her in lies about her past. I found out she was married twice before and that she had kids she’d never told me about.”
“What in the world…?”
“Yeah.” He shook his head. “Then she lied about where she was going during the day because when I called the office, she wasn’t there, but she claimed she was. We stopped having sex, and that concerned me. When I brought it up, she told me that she
wasn’t interested, that she was tired. I felt like a failure. Couldn’t please my woman? Fuck, was I even a man? So I went out of my way to shower her with gifts.”
She scoffed. “That should have been the biggest warning sign. You and sex go hand in hand.” His lips quirked, and she nodded. “Seriously.”
“Well, I didn’t, and when she kept pulling away, I thought maybe she was cheating on me. When I confronted her about it, she blew up at me. She left and I was broken, but I felt like she would be back. We loved each other.”
“Did she come back?”
“She did, but she slept in the guest room that night, saying she needed space. When I woke up the next day, she was gone again. I thought she was at work. She wasn’t answering my calls, though, and I started to panic. Was she leaving me? Was I losing her? I mean, I had a ring for her. I was going to propose that Christmas, and it hurt. But then the hurt really came.” He looked away, running his hands down his face as his shoulders fell, and Brie’s heart just stopped. “I got a call from my accountant, and he told me I was broke. That the last withdrawal I made had cleaned me out. But I didn’t make the withdrawal.”
Holding a hand to her chest, she put the pizza in the box. “She did.”
“Oh, yeah, she cleaned me out. Not only that, she cleaned out the account for NateWay.”
“Oh, my goodness.”
“Yeah, it was bad. The accountant couldn’t pay the bills, so I had to borrow money from Wells—they come from some pretty big money—and I called the cops. I pressed charges. We were in court for a year, and that drained my soul and what I was able to add to my bank account by then. She wasn’t even remorseful. I found out I wasn’t the only one she did this to. She had done it to three other players, and she really was ten years older than she claimed.”
“What a cunt.”
“Yeah.” He scoffed, shaking his head. “Thankfully, those players testified against her, but she didn’t steal as much from them as she did from me. I got most of my money back, and she went jail for three years.”
A sound of contempt left Brie’s lips as she glared at the ground. “She should have gotten life.”
He smiled grimly. “Yeah. I almost lost everything. My house, my car, NateWay One, and if it weren’t for Wells and Jensen, I would have.”
“You’re lucky to have them.”
“I am. They’re amazing, and I consider them brothers. But at that moment, I promised never to trust anyone ever again or put myself out there again. She let me down. Everyone was letting me the fuck down, people I loved, and I was pissed. I was fucked up for a while. Broke too, so that didn’t help.”
Looking back to the pizza, she felt her heart still pounding, and she found she wasn’t even the least bit hungry. She was sick to her stomach. Upset for this man who had been through so much shit, just like she had. Two broken hearts. It made her feel closer to him, but she knew she couldn’t do this.
“But that’s life. It’s like a dick, it gets hard for no damn reason.”
Sputtering with laughter, she shook her head as he chuckled along. Even in a shitty moment like this, he could make her laugh. Man, he had her feeling all kinds of mixed-up emotions.
“I’ve never told anyone this.”
“Well, thank you for telling me.”
“Wren tells me that I wear this shell and hide in it. That I’m two different people. But before all that, I used to be one. Before Hazel.”
“I believe it,” she whispered.
“And the thing is, I want to be one again.”
“I want that for you.”
“But I’m not sure how, and it scares me.”
“I understand that. But, Vaughn, you are both. You just put up this tough exterior and push people away. You don’t need to do that. Wear your past as a badge of honor. I do. You survived, you picked yourself up, and now look. You’re building more NateWays, you’re giving good lives to good people, and you’re kicking ass in the NHL. You’re amazing.”
As he swallowed hard, he clenched his jaw before he looked over at her. “Even with all that, I can’t shake that I hurt you.”
“Well…”
“I hate it. I hate what I did to you.” As he held her gaze, her eyes started to fill with tears, and she was rendered speechless. “I didn’t want to.”
“I know, and the more I think about it, the more I don’t think you even realized you were hurting me.”
“No. I think I did,” he admitted, looking away and out toward the path. She fully expected him to get up and run, but he didn’t. “Jensen warned me. He told me to be honest, but I wanted you so damn bad. I was selfish to think that maybe you could be the kind of girl who would just fuck me but want nothing else, just like me.”
“That’s not me.”
“I know. I knew that too, but I didn’t want to lose you.”
Swallowing hard, she wiped away her tear. “But you did.”
His shoulders fell, and he sighed. “I know, but I didn’t know I wanted you this bad.”
“See…I did know.”
“So you wouldn’t consider giving me another chance?”
As she met his gaze, her lips twitched and she wiped away another tear. “I can’t.”
Looking away, he closed his eyes. “You could.”
“No, and let me explain why.” Reaching out, she took his hands, and he looked back to her. “I don’t want someone who doesn’t know what they want. I don’t want to get into this with you, and all of sudden, you’re like, eh, never mind. I want someone who wants me, all of me. I deserve that. I’ve been with someone like you. Someone who is confused and broken. He never fought for me. He didn’t even stand beside me when my mom died. He ran out, leaving me broken, and I can’t do that again. No matter how you make me feel—and, Vaughn, you make me feel things I’ve never felt—I have to stay true to myself. I need a man who will respect me, appreciate my worth, and give me the future I want.”
“I know—”
“Let me finish,” she pleaded. “I want the whole nine. I want the beautiful relationship full of hot sex. I want a partner. Someone to help me carry the load with Rodney. Someone to love him like I do.”
“You know I love him—”
“Vaughn, listen to me.” He snapped his mouth shut and just listened to her. “I want the proposal that takes my breath away. The wedding fit for a queen because I deserve that. I want kids and dogs, lots of dogs.” Her voice broke as she closed her eyes. “I want to grow old with this person and know in my soul that he loved me until his last breath or mine. I want to feel important and loved—because I haven’t felt that way in a real long time. And, Vaughn, you have the most beautiful words, but your actions… They break me. I can’t. I can’t do it.”
Standing up, she dropped his hands before taking a step to put space between them. “But give me a chance.”
“When you hear all that, do you see me? Do you see everything I want, with me?”
“Brie, we haven’t even gone on our first date—”
“But is the possibility there when you look at me?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I want it to be…”
“You just don’t sound sure enough. My mom always used to say, ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.’ I won’t let it happen again.”
He stood then, coming to her, but she held her hands up. “I will never forget this moment, the moment when I saw who you are and what you’ve come from. This garden is the most beautiful tribute ever to your mother and brother. I am beyond proud of what you do for the people you built NateWay for. Maybe a part of me will always be yours, but perhaps that’s how life is. You leave pieces of yourself with everyone you’ve cared about. And I’m sorry, I truly am, but I can’t take the chance again.”
When his eyes started to fill with tears, she knew she had to get out of there. She turned and started for the path as he called out, “Brie, let me drive you home. Please.”
Her eyes closed as she sho
ok her head. “I’ll get a cab.”
And as she walked away, a piece of her hoped he would stop her.
Try to fight for her.
But he let her go.
She knew that was it.
At least she had her closure.
Rolling over in her bed, Brie ran her hands down her face before hitting the alarm.
But wasn’t ringing.
“Oh, shit,” she muttered before kicking the blankets off since the doorbell was ringing like nuts. She was groggy. She had stayed up way too late, and right now, she was missing every hour she didn’t sleep. As she walked out of her bedroom that was a total mess of Ben & Jerry’s cartons and melting ice cream, she felt a little embarrassed. She had spent the night crying and throwing a pity party for herself. She wanted to say she was thankful for the closure she got from Vaughn, but she wasn’t. She was pretty sure it hurt more because now she knew she would never get to kiss Vaughn’s lips ever again. She knew that it was really over, and that hurt. It hurt a lot. Maybe she should have given him a chance, but she knew the moment he didn’t stop her that he didn’t want anything but sex. He couldn’t see her as more than a sex plaything, and that depressed her more than it should.
“Lord, I’m coming!”
She opened the door, and her eyes widened at the large bouquet of cream peonies. “Are you Brie Soledad?”
“I am.”
“I have a delivery for you, and we were told not to stop banging on the door until you answered.”
Her heart kick-started in her chest as her body broke out in gooseflesh. No one had ever bought her flowers before. “Um, okay?”
And then it was like a circus. She swore people just kept coming in, placing bouquets of different colored flowers all over the apartment. Finally, when it was done, one of the guys turned to her with an annoyed look. “The ones on the counters are in order. Start with that one,” he said, pointing to the kitchen counter and at the large bouquet of cream peonies.