Delayed Call

by Toni Aleo

  “Brie—” She looked back at him, her eyes full of tears as she met his gaze. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “It’s sorta like a repeat. I say it, and then you do, but you add a too in there, or like Rodney will say, more. You know?”

  Her lip started to wobble, and all he could do was swallow hard. “I know.”

  “Okay,” she said, her voice a little frantic. “Really?” she asked once more, her voice rising as the tears spilled over her eyes. “After all you just said in there, you don’t love me?”

  “I-I just don’t…I…” he stuttered, and she closed her eyes, shaking her head.

  “Wow.” Moving her hands over her cheeks, she turned around and started out of the office. But he was with her before she even reached the door.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I need to walk this off,” she said, wiping her face again. “Because I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me or what I’ve done wrong. Or if it’s not even me, and it’s you and you’ll never love me.”

  “It’s not that. I don’t know. I guess it’s me, and I don’t want you feeling like that—”

  “I don’t understand,” she said, cutting him off. “You wanted to give it all up for me, you stood beside me, you were amazing, and fuck, Vaughn, why? Why don’t you fucking love me?”

  “I don’t know. It freaks me out—”

  “It freaks you out to love me?”

  “No, like, the whole thing freaks me out because you can hurt me—”

  “But I fucking won’t!” she cried, this time her tears falling so fast and furiously down her face. His heart ached, and he begged himself to say it. But, he just couldn’t. “When I make a promise, I keep it. And I promise I will never fucking hurt you, and if I do, it’s because I punched you in the dick.”

  “I’m sorry—”

  “Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault you can’t love me. I’ve gotta be doing something wrong, I guess.”

  “No, don’t do that. Don’t try to throw a fucking pity party and blame yourself. It’s not you. It’s me and my fucked-up issues.”

  “But why?” she asked sadly. “Why aren’t I enough to get over them?”

  Her words were like knives, or maybe it was her tears, he wasn’t sure. It just hurt. Everything hurt. Gone was the panic, replaced by pure, unadulterated pain. “I just don’t know, Brie. I’m sorry. I am. I want to be the man that you need.”

  “But you are. That’s the thing, Vaughn. You are the only man made for me. The only man I love. We are meant to be together. Don’t you feel that?”

  “I do. All of that, I do.” His throat closed up as he covered his face. “I just don’t know why can’t I say it.”

  “I don’t know either. I don’t know what is going through your head, and it’s killing me, it is. But what can I do?”

  Silence fell over them as they stood in the lobby of the Assassins’ compound. He chanced a glance at her, and she was shaking her head, wiping her tears. “Are you breaking up with me?”

  She looked back at him, her eyes wide and unsure. “Why would I break up with you? Because you don’t love me? Will you not love me? Ever?”

  “I don’t know. I hope so.”

  “Then why would I break up with you?” she asked, coming to him and pressing her hands to his chest. “I love you, Vaughn. I’m not chased off that easily.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “I’m not hurt. I just feel a bit rejected. And this is my fault, but I’ll get over it.”

  “That doesn’t feel right,” he admitted honestly. “I feel like I’m letting you down.”

  “I mean, it sucks, but I’d rather you’re honest than lie to me.”

  Covering her fingers with his, he looked down at their hands and let out a long sigh. “I want to.”

  “Then do it,” she said with a small laugh that held no humor. “Don’t hold back. Give all of yourself to me.”

  “I’m yours.”

  She shook her head then, her lips turned up in a sad smile. “No, you’re not, Vaughn. If you were, then you would love me like I love you: with all my heart, my soul, my everything. I just hope I’m not wasting my time. That, in the end, you’ll break me.”

  His lips trembled as his eyes itched. “I don’t want that.”

  “Neither do I,” she whispered, going up on her toes and kissing his jaw. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

  “Where are you going?”

  “I don’t know. I just need some time.”

  She kissed him once more, his eyes drifting shut as her lips lingered on his skin. “Will I see you later?”

  “If you want,” she whispered, and then she pulled away, not making eye contact before he found himself counting the steps she took until she was gone.

  And when she was, he felt like his heart had gone with her.

  Brie didn’t get it.

  Not in the least.

  But as she stood in the middle of the Ben & Jerry’s, her heart was breaking.

  She didn’t know what she wanted to get, and she didn’t know why Vaughn didn’t love her.

  Was it her? Did she not do something right? Did she not love him enough to make him want to love her? She just didn’t understand. Everything they had been through together. The NateWay shit. Rodney. Learning about his mom and Nathan. That whore Hazel. Then Elli and everything in between. Had she rushed him? Was she rushing this? That didn’t feel right.

  They felt right.

  “What would you like?”

  “For my boyfriend to love me.” The little ice cream guy’s eyes widened, and Brie shook her head. “I don’t understand, you know? I mean, we are good together. The sex is amazing, and we have so much fun. We tease each other ruthlessly. And, I mean, did I mention the sex was great?”

  Looking freaked out, he nodded. “You did.”

  “It is, and I know sex isn’t everything, but ours is great. Out of bed, we’re even better. I don’t get it. Why doesn’t he love me? Am I ugly?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Do you think it’s because I’m short?”

  “No, ma’am?”

  “Maybe the sex isn’t that great?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Exhaling hard, she shook her head. “Maybe I should have gone and gotten vodka?”

  “Yeah, forget everything, and you won’t get fat.”

  She nodded. “And, see, he loves my big butt.”

  “But he doesn’t love you?”

  “No, right?” she asked, shaking her head, her eyes filling with tears. Looking back to him, she sort of felt bad because he couldn’t be over twenty, but she needed to talk. “That’s the thing, though. I don’t want to get drunk and forget. I love him. With my whole heart.”

  He thought that over for a minute. “What did he say?”

  “He told me he couldn’t say it.”

  “Maybe he’s scared?”

  She scoffed at that. “He’s a mess. For a confident guy, he sure is scared of the silliest things. He won’t get a tattoo. Maybe that should have been a clue.”

  “Afraid of commitment,” he agreed and Brie nodded.

  “No, ’cause I know he is committed to me.”

  Her new best friend thought for a moment. “Maybe he does love you, but he’s just too scared to say it.”

  “You think so?”

  “Yeah, I mean, it happens.”

  “Yeah. But what do I do with that?”

  He shrugged. “Break up?”

  “No, I don’t want to break up.”

  “Give him time?”

  She exhaled loudly. “I guess. But how much time?”

  “How much time have you got for him?”

  A smile pulled at her lips. “Forever.”

  “Then there’s your answer.”

  “But is that fair to me?”

  “I mean, do you want to be without him?”

  “No.”

  “Would it hurt being with him an
d knowing that he probably does love you but is too scared to say it?”

  “No. ’Cause I think I know.”

  “So I say, eat some ice cream and chill, you know?”

  She smiled up at him and held out her hand. “I’m Brie.”

  He smiled back, taking her hand. “Nathan.”

  Her heart stopped as she held his gaze, and then her smile grew. “His brother who died was named Nathan.”

  “That’s not weird at all.”

  “Nope, maybe it’s a sign.”

  “Yeah, if you believe in that stuff.”

  “Either way, Nathan, this means a lot to me. You talking to me.”

  Nathan smiled, nodding his head. “Anytime. I’m here every day.” He gave her a wink, and she really wasn’t one to believe in silly things like signs, but this was one hell of one even she couldn’t ignore. “So what can I get you?”

  “Everything?”

  As they shared a laugh, Brie watched as he got her two tubs of ice cream and a big cone. While she knew it wouldn’t fill the void where Vaughn’s words were supposed to be, she knew she had to give him time.

  She loved him.

  So, really, there was no other option.

  “Why are you pacing?”

  Vaughn ignored Jensen, opening the door to see if he saw or heard Brie. When there was no sign of her, he checked his phone. “I don’t know where she is, and she hasn’t called or texted me.”

  “Brie?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Shit, did you two get in a fight?”

  “No,” he said, shaking his head, unsure what had really happened. All he knew was he was panicking. “Well, not really, but after the meeting with Elli, she told me she loved me—”

  “Oh, Lord.”

  “Yeah, pretty sure I fucked that up.”

  “I’m sure you did.”

  “Thanks for the confidence there, best friend guy.”

  “Anytime,” Jensen said dryly as Vaughn checked his phone once more. “So I’m guessing you didn’t say it back.”

  “No.”

  “Vaughn, really?”

  “What?”

  “You basically put your career on the line and fought to keep the girl here so you wouldn’t have to be apart. She’s the only woman I have ever seen go into your room and leave out the following morning with you, and she keeps you on your toes, but you don’t love her?”

  Vaughn shrugged. “I just don’t know, okay? It’s scary.”

  “Well, no shit, Sherlock. It’s love. Not hockey.”

  “My point exactly! I know if I shoot the puck, it will go flying. I don’t know if I say I love her if I mean it. I want to mean it.”

  “How can you not mean it? Your actions mean it.”

  Vaughn threw his hands up. Tricksie started barking as she bounced around, but he was too freaked out even to try to comfort her. “I don’t know, Jenny, I just don’t.”

  Laughing, Jensen shook his head. “This isn’t like you. You know what you want. You know what you feel, you just don’t want to put yourself out there because then you’ll be all in. Right now, you have a pinkie toe holding on to the edge to make sure if you need to bolt you can. Dude, don’t be like that. She deserves all of you. She’s a gem, and you know it.”

  Groaning loudly, Vaughn covered his face. “Dude, okay, just get off my back, please. I can’t right now. I just want to see her. I haven’t heard from her since I saw her at Elli’s office, and it’s freaking me out.”

  “Wasn’t I right last time?”

  “And can’t I kick your ass?”

  “You’re being a pathetic baby.”

  “Takes one to know one.”

  Jensen laughed at that one as Vaughn pulled the door open to check once more. No sign of her, and he shut it loudly as he groaned.

  “Dude, just call her.”

  “She said she wanted space.”

  “Then text her.”

  “Space, Jensen!”

  “So? Just say you’re checking in. That you’re worried.”

  “She said she wants space. Doesn’t that mean I leave her alone?”

  “Do you care?”

  “No,” he decided as he lifted his phone and sent her a text.

  Vaughn: Hey, where are you?

  Brie: In my bed.

  His brows pulled together.

  Vaughn: Why?

  Brie: Because I’m tired.

  Vaughn: Oh, your toothbrush is here.

  Brie: I have another one here.

  He chewed on his lip and then looked over to see that Jensen was hovering.

  “And you’re sure she didn’t break up with you?”

  “Yes, I’m sure!” Pushing Jensen away, Vaughn went out his door and across the hall. After slamming his door shut, he started banging on her door. When she answered, her eyes were wide and red as she held a tub of Ben & Jerry’s, which meant she had been crying. Over him.

  Opening the door wider, she let him in. “I guess you want in since you almost beat the door down.”

  He walked past her, and she shut the door as he turned, meeting her gaze. “I thought you were coming over.”

  “I wanted to be alone,” she said, taking a spoonful of ice cream and eating it. “I told you that.”

  “You also said I would see you tonight.”

  “I know. Here you are.”

  “Because I came over.”

  “Okay? I knew I’d see you.”

  Holding her gaze, he knew there was a big “I love you” elephant between them. Covering his face, he let out a groan. “I don’t want what happened this afternoon to change us. We were great, Brie, so fucking good.”

  “I know, and we still are. I just gotta lick my wounds a bit. I had my hopes up. I really thought you loved me too. It’s an awkward feeling, Vaughn. I’m not hurting, but it burns because I thought we were in love.”

  Swallowing hard, he looked away. “I don’t know why it’s so hard for me…because I feel it. I think. I don’t know.”

  She scoffed. “If you loved me, you’d know.”

  When he looked up, she was walking past him, heading toward her bedroom. And, of course, he followed her. “I don’t want things to be weird.”

  “They’re not.” Setting her carton down, she turned as she started to undress. Standing in the doorway, unsure what to do, he watched as she undid her bra and slid off her panties before throwing them on the floor and climbing into bed. Seeing her naked, he wanted her, like always. But he couldn’t, not with how confused he was. Lying on her side, she looked over at him. “Are you coming to bed?”

  He stayed where he was. “You’re not reverting to where I was, when I thought we were just fucking, right?”

  She shook her head. “No.”

  “This isn’t like a one-last-time kind of thing, is it?”

  “No.” Sitting up, she held his gaze. “What do you want, Vaughn?”

  “You. I want all of you.”

  “You have me, and you could have more if you got in this bed right now.”

  But he didn’t move. “I’m freaking out, Brie. I expected you to freak the fuck out on me. Scream at me. Tell me you hate me or something. I don’t know.”

  “Why? I love you. Why would I do that when it is only going to depress me further? I feel I’ve done everything I can to be good for you. I can’t do anything else, except do what I promised, which is not to leave you. You show me you love me, though you won’t say it. Now I’m showing you the same until it’s over—”

  He threw his hands up, his heart jumping into his throat. “See? I knew it! You’ve given up.”

  “I haven’t given up. I just had a big reality check today, and it’s a hard pill to swallow.”

  Still standing there, he had no clue what to do. A part of him wanted to get in the bed, and the other wanted to run. He was confused, and he felt like utter shit for that. He wanted to be the man she deserved. He wanted to do right by her because he knew she was the girl for him. She was his other
half, yet he couldn’t say it. “Why does it matter?”

  Her brows pulled together. “What?”

  “The words. Why do they matter? If I’m here, if I’m supporting you and I would give it all up for you, why does it matter if I say them?”

  Her lips pursed as she shrugged. “They didn’t, until now. When I know you won’t say them. I don’t know if it’s a fear thing or if it truly is that you don’t love me. But either way, I won’t say it again until you do, so don’t worry about that awkward feeling again.”

  “But it’s not awkward. It’s right, it felt right.”

  Looking away, she shook her head. “I can’t say them anymore. I won’t.”

  Would he say it? Crap, what was wrong with him? “I don’t want us to fizzle out. If it’s going to end, I want it to end now.”

  When he looked up, her brows were drawn in as she sat up slowly. “Excuse me?”

  But he shook his head, running his hands down his face. “I don’t know. Like, do we break up?”

  “Why? Do you want to break up?”

  “No, but I don’t want to let you down! I don’t want to hurt you!” he yelled, his body shaking with anger. “I feel like a failure because I can’t figure me out. I want you, I want to be with you, and I want to love you. But why isn’t it clear?”

  “I don’t know, Vaughn. It’s you, not me, and I’m not going round and round with you on this. If you want to be with me, get in this fucking bed. If you don’t, get the fuck out.”

  Closing his eyes, he let out a harsh breath.

  Pulling off his shirt and undoing his pants before throwing them on the floor, he sat on the bed before crawling beside her.

  When she moved to kiss him, he shook his head. “I don’t want sex.”

  She scoffed. “I’m pretty sure you didn’t just say that.”

  But he didn’t laugh. “I just want to hold you.”

  She blinked as her eyes started to fill with tears. She wrapped her body around his, and he held on to her as his nose pressed into hers. “This is more than sex,” he whispered, his lips moving along hers. “It’s always been more than sex.”