Starting Over (Whiskey Ridge Book 1)

by Rachel Hanna

  But it had also cost her dearly in the way of long-lasting friendships and love relationships. She was never able to get too close, unwilling to open herself to pain. As a child, she’d learned that trusting in someone meant pain, and now that she was an adult she could avoid most of that. She could choose her friends, choose those she allowed inside of her bubble, and choose who she trusted. Which was no one really. She trusted Maggie the most out of everyone she knew, but even that wasn’t 100%.

  And she had trusted her best friend, but that didn’t turn out so well.

  “Kelly, did you hear me?” her mother said, her tiny hand on her hip as she stared at Kelly with her hollowed out brown eyes.

  “What?” Kelly responded, pulling herself out of her thoughts.

  “Can we just not talk about the house today?”

  “When can we talk about it, Mom? I see you once a year, and this just gets worse every time I come. Avoiding it isn’t solving the problem,” she said, running her fingers through her brown hair with a sigh.

  “It’s my house, and I’ll not have you bullying me into getting rid of my collections.” Her tone had changed, and Kelly knew that tone very well. It was stubbornness. She knew there was no sense in continuing the fight. She’d never win.

  “Fine. What would you like to do then? We can go to Lyla’s Tea Room, if you’d like.”

  “No, I don’t want to go anywhere,” Edie said.

  “Mom, we can’t stay here. Where will we sit? I’m not eating out of that kitchen,” Kelly declared. She didn’t care what her mother thought about that statement; she wasn’t getting food poisoning.

  “Then let’s sit out back,” Edie said as she turned and started climbing her way through the debris. The backyard was the only area not overwhelmed with junk. Edie kept it fairly nice, with a few pots - that mostly had weeds in them - strewn about the small concrete slab. She had a couple of metal lawn chairs and a small glass top table sitting on the patio, all of which was mildewed from being out in the weather year-round. Still, it was a far cry better than the inside of the house.

  Kelly sat down and looked out at the yard. Most kids had good memories of their yards growing up. All Kelly saw was space that had rarely been used. She’d had no father to toss the ball with her, no mother to teach her how to garden. Instead, they’d either been inside shooting heroin or snorting cocaine, or maybe on the patio smoking pot. It just depended on their moods at the time.

  When she turned around, her mother was sitting in a plastic chair facing the yard. “Isn’t it beautiful out here?” she said, a smile across her face as she stared.

  She looked at her mother and realized that she wasn't like a normal person. The drugs had robbed her of normalcy long ago, and whatever she saw in the yard that she thought was beautiful, Kelly sure didn't see it.

  What she saw were a bunch of weeds mixed in with what used to be grass. There were patches of mud throughout the yard, and weeds were growing over the fence line. But her mother saw something totally different, and maybe that was for the best.

  Her mother's face had weathered more over the last twelve months. Kelly knew that she was aging, but it was much more accelerated due to her drug use in the past. It made her feel bad that she wasn't making more of an effort to see her mom, but the decision to see her only once a year have been a tough one.

  In years past, Kelly allowed her mother's situation to infiltrate her own life. It had ruined jobs and relationships and Kelly's sense of peace in her own life. She worked very hard to create that peace, and she intended to maintain that no matter what.

  Sometimes that meant getting rid of men she was dating or jobs that didn't serve her. It was like a life preserver. She had to have order and peace in her life to feel safe.

  Her childhood had been anything but safe, but she tried not to focus on that. Instead, she focused on living her best life in the present. But lately she was wondering if that was really happening at all?

  Breaking up with her last boyfriend had been difficult, for sure, but not necessarily for the reasons that everyone probably thought. She had liked Rio, but he wasn't her soulmate and she knew it. The reason their breakup had bothered her so much was because she felt like she was constantly going back to the beginning of a very long moving sidewalk. As soon as she almost got to the end of it, and thought she might be finding happiness for once, something would happen and she’d have to start all over again.

  She was embarrassed. She knew her friends had to feel sorry for her, and that made her feel even worse. They were all getting married and having babies, and she was still standing at the other end of that sidewalk.

  "Don't you think?" Her mother's voice interrupted her thoughts. Obviously, she had zoned out during a conversation she didn’t know they were having.

  "Don't I think what?" Kelly asked. Her mother shook her head and sighed.

  "Are you even paying attention to me? I don't know why on earth you come to visit once a year if you’re not even going to pay attention to me." Her mother's anger always seethed just beneath the surface. It had been a fixture in Kelly's childhood. Her mother's anger, her father's disinterest. It was a lethal combination for an adolescent psyche.

  "Sorry, Mom, long drive. I just zoned out for a moment while I was looking at those beautiful butterflies on your bush over there." Kelly was always very good at coming up with something to answer when her mom asked a question. It was like she went on autopilot during these visits because it was the only way to survive. She’d gone on autopilot her entire growing up years, so it wasn't as difficult as one might think.

  "I was saying that the fence looks lovely with the vines growing on it." Kelly looked again at the fence line. It was covered in weeds, not vines. It was just nature taking over, not a beautiful piece of horticulture.

  "Of course," she said, unwilling to get in an argument over weeds growing on the fence.

  "Are you hungry?" her mother asked. There wasn’t any way on God's green earth she was eating something from that kitchen, so she simply shook her head no.

  "Not really. I had a late breakfast. Are you hungry?" Carrying on this conversation was becoming tedious. She felt bad, but if her mom didn't want to leave the house and they couldn’t sit inside, it was clear that this was going to be a very short visit.

  "Kind of, but I have a can of chili in there that I'm going to eat when you leave." Now it was even clearer that her mother didn't expect her to stay very long. Suddenly, it occurred to Kelly that maybe her mother didn’t want this visit any more than she did. Perhaps they at least had that in common.

  "Mom, I don't know what to say to you. I really… I don't understand your lifestyle…" Kelly found herself stammering. She didn't even know what she was trying to say. She just felt like there was this huge elephant in the room that she needed to address.

  "Kelly, I understand that you don't like my lifestyle, but I'm happy. I like my life. If you can't accept that, I can’t help you." That was the most coherent her mother had ever sounded in recent years. Was it possible that she really did like living like this? How can anyone want to live around mounds of trash and junk? Kelly would never understand it, but her mother was right. She had the right to live exactly the way she wanted. Thank goodness her house had been paid for, or she probably would've already been out on the streets. Certainly no landlord would accept the way the house looked.

  "I'm just concerned about your safety. The place is so packed that if one thing caught on fire, it's going to burn down around you. What if you have a heart attack and you fall out in the floor? How in the world are the paramedics going to get to you? Or even find you?" she said.

  It really was frustrating for Kelly. She loved her mother, but not in the way most people loved their mothers. But she still felt a sense of responsibility, and her hands were completely tied in the situation. There was always the option of trying to get her mother declared mentally unstable, but she really wasn't. She took care of herself as best as could be expected under
the circumstances.

  "Listen, if those things happen then I reckon it's in God's will. I'm not going to worry about it. This is the way I live, Kelly, and that's not going to change. You’ve always been like this!” Her mother stared at her with a look of ferocity that she remembered from her childhood.

  “Been like what?”

  “Tightly wound. That’s what my grandmother would’ve called it,” her mother said raising her eyebrows. “You need to learn to chill out. Do you have a man yet?” Kelly simultaneously wanted to slap her mother and start crying.

  “Mom, I’m tightly wound because I’ve had to be. Look how I grew up. Someone had to be the adult.” She’d never said something like that to her mother before.

  “Enough. If you want to talk like that, then leave.”

  It was the final word on the subject, at least for this year, and Kelly decided that it was better not to continue the argument.

  They spent the next half hour in companionable silence as they looked out over the yard and listened to the birds chirp off in the distance.

  It had always been amazing to Kelly that she could hear such beautiful sounds while terrible things were going on. When she was a child, she’d sit by her bedroom window listening to the birds chirp in the neighbor’s birdfeeder while her parents yelled at each other in the other room. It was like she was always reaching out for that one little morsel of peace in her crazy world.

  It was no wonder that she had to keep such a tight hold on organization and serenity now.

  And then she thought about that stupid karate school that had moved in upstairs at her beloved spa. What was she going to do about that?

  * * *

  Mother's Day had really taken it out of Kelly. She only spent one hour with her mother after driving two hours to get there, but she was so ready to leave. At least she kept in touch with her mother occasionally by text and email, but their worlds just didn't intersect as often as a normal mother/daughter relationship would.

  Still, every Mother's Day left Kelly feeling emotionally drained. Trying to deal with her mother had been difficult for her whole life, and she had hoped that maybe that would change once she had been clean from drugs for a while. Instead, she simply replaced one habit with another. Hoarding was her new love, and Kelly still didn't compare. She could never compete with drugs and alcohol, and now she could never compete with hoarding.

  Chapter 4

  She drove up the next morning to the spa, her respite from the crazy world, and parked her car next to some motorcycle that had now appeared in the parking lot. She knew it wasn't Maggie’s, but now she shared the building with Mr. Karate, so maybe it was his.

  Kelly had given Maggie the day off since she went to visit her mother in a neighboring county. Maggie had a great relationship with her mom, something Kelly envied for sure. At least she would have a few hours alone. She had canceled appointments for the morning time so she could get caught up on some things before afternoon clients arrived.

  She walked in the door, turned on the lights and went into her office. Although she loved the old building, it could be lonely in times like this when there were no clients or coworkers to talk to. Kelly had to admit that her life was a bit lonelier lately than she would've liked.

  Of course, some of that was her own doing. She’d closed herself off for so long that it was hard to let other people in.

  Realizing that she wanted to make the week as good as it could be, she decided that the best way to start it would be with meditation. Kelly love to meditate and do yoga. Sometimes, it was the only thing that kept her from going insane.

  She put her purse down in the office and walked into the room where yoga classes were held. It was an open space with hardwood floors and mirrors lining one wall. One day, she planned to have Pilates classes and maybe even some dance classes in there if she could find a teacher to rent the space to.

  Cat was a wonderful yoga teacher, but she came with her own brand of insanity and constant relationship woes herself. In fact, she didn't really know of anyone around her that had a good relationship right now. Maybe something was in the water.

  She turned on a small lamp in the corner of the room and sat down on the floor. Sitting up and putting the bottoms of her feet together, she took in several deep breaths to center herself. Deep breathing always helped her in times of crisis. She'd used it a lot as a child.

  When she was finally calmed down, she laid on the floor, legs and arms spread as far out as they would go, much like she was doing a snow angel. She found that getting in the most comfortable position for meditation allowed her mind to clear. And getting a clear mind was extremely important to her. Otherwise, she lived in chaos and that was something she tried to avoid at all costs.

  She continued taking deep breaths, allowing them to come in and out at their own pace. Meditation had been something she had learned over the years because she was a type A personality with a very active imagination. Shutting that down for any length of time had been a challenge at first, but she eventually got the hang of using her own method of meditation.

  Just as her mind cleared, and probably a few minutes into meditation, she felt someone shaking her violently.

  "Are you okay? Wake up! Wake up!" the man yelled. Kelly opened her eyes, hazy as they were, and noticed Quinn Maverick kneeling over her.

  “What are you doing?" she yelled at him as she sat up and accidentally bumped heads with him.

  Quinn stood up and held his forehead, a look of confusion and then irritation on his face.

  "I thought something was wrong! Who just comes in and lays on the floor?"

  "Someone who's meditating!" she said as she stood to her feet. "And who starts shaking someone violently that they barely know?"

  "Well, excuse me for trying to help. I thought something was wrong, like maybe you passed out or something."

  "Haven't you ever seen anyone meditate before? Do you think I would've come in and turned on the lamp before I randomly passed out?”

  Quinn turned and looked at the small lamp lit up in the corner. He sighed, shook his head and chuckled.

  "I guess not, but I didn't really have time to think about that. All I saw was a woman laying on the floor. I can't help myself. If I see someone I think is in trouble, I have to try to help them."

  For a moment, something tugged at her heartstrings and she wasn't sure what it was. There was just something about this guy, aside from his ruggedly handsome good looks. He seemed like one of those knight in shining armor kind of guys who was always trying to sweep in and help some poor, pathetic woman. And then she started to get irritated.

  "Well, I didn’t need your help. I realize you're all martial arts, karate, save the world kind of stuff, but I can take care of myself, Mr. Maverick."

  At the same time she said the words, she started to hate herself a little. Here was this guy trying to help her, and she wanted to punch him in the nose for it. Even she didn't understand herself sometimes.

  "Well, I'll be sure to keep that in mind in the future. You can slip down the stairs and bump your head or have a heart attack out in the parking lot, but I won't bother you. I'll make sure that you get your peace and quiet and meditation time," he said sarcastically.

  With that, he turned and walked back up the stairs from where he'd apparently come. She hadn’t even heard him, already deep into her meditation apparently.

  Kelly stood in the empty room for a moment realizing what she’d done. Perhaps she was too hard on the man. Perhaps?

  Suddenly, she realized that she probably was way too hard on a perfect stranger who was only trying to help. But she still couldn't bring herself to go upstairs and thank the man who was causing so much ruckus and noise when she was trying to run her quiet spa business.

  Instead, she decided that working with this person in such close quarters just wasn't going to be an option. She had to do something to get him to move his business, so she opted to do the only thing she knew. It was time to call th
e landlord.

  A few minutes later, Kelly was searching through her phone for the landlord's number. She’d dealt with the landlord for two years now, and they had a great relationship as far as landlords and tenants went.

  She didn’t know how she was going to convince this woman, who obviously needed the money, to kick out a perfectly good tenant. Maybe she could use reverse psychology or extortion, she thought laughing.

  “Helen? Hi, it's Kelly Cole from The Spirit Spa. Listen, we need to talk about something."

  "Okay. What's going on?"

  "Well, as you know I just came back from an extended trip, and I met my new upstairs neighbor,” Kelly said, trying to start out slowly.

  "You did? Well, that's good. Mr. Maverick is a wonderful person, and I know he's going to be a wonderful tenant as well.” This was going to be harder than Kelly thought.

  "Yes, he seems like a perfectly nice gentleman. But I do have some concerns…" Kelly said.

  "Concerns?"

  “Well, yes. First of all, the volume level of his classes is really interrupting the flow of my business. You know that my clients love the quiet serenity of the spa."

  "Well, I can understand that. But there's nothing in your lease that says I can provide you with a 100% quiet…" Helen said.

  "Two. I wasn’t expecting to come back from vacation and find this sort of business just above mine. Also, the parking situation is becoming quite difficult."

  "Really? Remember that both of you can also utilize the side yard. That will give you at least five or six more parking spaces."

  "That is also true…" Kelly said, running out of ammunition. What was she going to say that was going to get this woman to break? "Listen, Helen, I'm going to be honest with you. If we can't resolve the situation, I'm going to have to start looking for another location at the end of my lease.” Kelly knew she didn't mean it, but she had to try something. There had to be something that would get this guy kicked out of the building so that she could go back to enjoying a peaceful life.