Beast: A Hate Story, The Beginning

by Mary Catherine Gebhard

  “What are you going to do?” I asked eventually.

  Gabby swallowed and fiddled with the pillow. Then she looked up at me. “Love always finds a way, right? If it’s real and true?”

  I blinked. She was waiting, really waiting for me to answer.

  Oh God.

  She really thought true love could fix everything. My chest ached from the way she looked at me, eyes big and brown, searching.

  “Um…” I exhaled. Her stare was unwavering. My own caught a glimpse of something shiny and metallic, and I latched on to it immediately—anything to change the subject.

  “Gabby, is that a flask?” I was a bit stunned. As far as I knew, Gabby didn’t carry flasks, or drink. She blinked as if coming out of a trance then looked into her coat pocket.

  “Oh, yes.” She pulled it out. “It’s just me now in Giovani’s house. I mean the Family stops by daily to check on me, but it’s mostly me. It’s the most freedom I’ve ever had. He never let me touch anything. Today I picked this up. I think it belonged to Giovani.” She looked at me, eyes wide, so young. “Have you ever been drunk?” No, I’d never been drunk. She looked at me again, with those big doe eyes. While a big part of me wanted to drink and give a big Fuck you to Beast’s rules, I thought about everything she’d just told me.

  “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

  “You’re probably right…” Her face dropped. “Giovani never let me have alcohol.” She sighed and set the flask down amidst the blankets. I eyed it as she started to speak again. I didn’t think it was a good idea for Gabby to get drunk but I couldn’t stop imagining being drunk around Beast. I could finally have a buffer between him and whatever it was he did to me.

  “Frankie?”

  “Sorry?” I turned back to her.

  “News just broke that Senator Hatch is a serial rapist,” she said.

  My eyes widened. “Seriously? The Senator Hatch? Clooney lookalike and one of the longest-serving senators?” She held up her phone, showing me the headline. I blinked rapidly. A phone? The Beast didn’t allow me a phone. I wondered what the world had been up to in the three weeks I’d been away.

  Well, this, apparently. The way the bright letters slashed across his face made him look surprised and guilty at the same time. I shook my head. More evidence that beauty lies.

  “Where’d you get the phone?” I asked, more interested in that than the news.

  “Levi.” Her face broke out in that wide, love drunk smile again. Gabby sighed and pulled her phone into her lap. “Rumor is Hatch is going to resign and Governor Dubois is going to appoint someone interim…” Gabby continued, leaning against the wall. She told me all about the terrible things the news was saying about the victims. I pulled my lips between my teeth, chest feeling tight. With a sigh, I reached for the pitcher of tea, and as I lifted it the flyer stuck to the bottom.

  “What is that?” she asked, reaching for it.

  “Oh, uh…” I wasn’t sure how to answer, but Gabby didn’t wait for me to do so anyway. She snatched the flyer off, her eyes flashing from the paper to me.

  “Why do you have this?” Her eyes were wide, filled with some kind of excitement I couldn’t understand.

  “Nikolai left it under my tea,” I replied. Gabby turned it over and looked at the blank side, then turned it back around and examined the big, blocky letters. When she was done, her eyes found mine again, now even rounder.

  “Did he say what for?” Her lips were twitching as if she was trying to hold back a smile.

  “He said, and I quote, ‘the future.’” I raised both my hands in the air, did finger quotes, and then dropped them to my sides.

  “But did he say why he gave it to you?” She repeated her question, voice hurried. This time she didn’t try to hide her smile.

  “No…” I trailed off. Watching her expression, I tried to figure out what she was so excited about. There was simultaneous excitement and awe written across her face. It showed in the way her eyes rounded and the way her smile brightened and stretched.

  “I’ve seen these flyers around.” She looked at me as if seeing me for the first time. “I thought it was like every other soldier rumor.” Gabby set the flyer down and grabbed my hands frantically.

  “What?” I insisted. “What rumor?”

  “Frankie…” As if about to unload something huge, Gabby took a breath before she began. “Do you know the story of the Pavoni Princess?” I shook my head. Gabby gripped my hands tighter and scooted forward. She said the Pavoni Princess was nothing more than fairytale, like Cinderella. At first it was something Pavonis made up to comfort themselves after they’d basically massacred their entire bloodline. Then it became something that purists twisted after Beast had risen to power, a story about a lost Pavoni girl who would someday retake the Family.

  “Wow,” I said when she finished. “That’s some story.”

  “Frankie,” Gabby said earnestly. “I think you’re her. That must be why Nikolai gave this to you, don’t you see?” She looked at me, her pink lips spreading into an even bigger smile. I balked. As Gabby held my hands, I suddenly had a flashback to junior high. It was just like the few sleepovers I’d been able to attend—gossiping, spilling secrets and stories with such vehemence that the truth didn’t matter. Even the way she sat with her legs crossed and her blonde hair spilling over one shoulder, was familiar.

  She looked so young, but what she was talking about was deadly.

  “Well?” she asked, tugging on my hands.

  “I’m not…a…a…princess,” I sputtered as I tugged my hands back, but Gabby wouldn’t let go. “Gabby,” I implored, tugging harder. Reluctantly, she let me go. From the way Gabby told me the story, I could tell the princess was a big deal—but I knew I wasn’t her, and if people believed I was, it wouldn’t end well for me. She nodded slowly, but her eyes were still huge, looking at me with awe and trying to see something that wasn’t there.

  “Gabby,” I said sharply.

  “But…” Her face dropped again, and she looked so defeated. “Why else would he give this to you?” She held the paper between her hands, as if trying to assign meaning.

  Because he’s a manipulator, is what I wanted to say.

  Instead I said, “I don’t know, Gabby.” She set the flyer back down. Trying to avoid further conversation, I took the flyer and quickly stuffed it in the journal. Gabby watched, getting a weird look in her eyes. The previous awe and excitement vanished, replaced by what looked like fear. The look on her face was gone so quickly I couldn’t be sure.

  Eventually she reached out and touched the journal, her fingers playing over the leather. It was my turn to watch as she opened it up to the first page and read the inscription aloud.

  “Sofia De Luca.” Her eyes widened. I’d had the journal out with her before, but a thought occurred to me, one I couldn’t believe I’d never thought of before: maybe Gabby knew Sofia—after all, she was a De Luca herself. I mentally kicked myself. There was so much I could have been learning.

  “I found it in the library,” I said. “Do you know who it is? Do you know who wrote the journal?” I sat forward, waiting for the response. Gabby stared at the inscription, an unreadable expression on her face. It was so deadpan, so utterly devoid of anything discernible, the opposite of everything I’d come to know about Gabby in our short time. Gabby was eager, a little naive, but light—this face was nothing like that.

  “Sofia de Luca was my mother. She died when I was very young.” I sat back, her words hitting me like a punch to the gut. Gabby didn’t look up when she spoke, her voice sounding distant and lost. It was a few moments before I spoke again.

  “I guess we have that in common,” I said eventually. “Do you want it? It’s yours.” She looked up as if I’d just offered her something very tempting, but something she shouldn’t have. Her fingers grazed the leather face, longingly looking at the cover.

  “I have to go,” Gabby said suddenly, pushing the book away.

  “B
ut the journal—”

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” she said. “Ever. Keep it, I don’t care, just don’t tell me about it.” I pulled my face in a frown at her words and the weird vibe that followed them.

  I opened my mouth to press, but Gabby quickly said, “I need to go. If I leave now I can spend an hour with Levi. Nikolai covers for me. Levi said he was going to make me grilled cheese.” Her cheek quirked slightly, betraying the happiness she was feeling. “I’ve always wanted to try it.” I frowned for a split second, still wanting to know what Nikolai got out of the arrangement, but pushed the bad thoughts from my mind.

  “You should have left a long time ago,” I said.

  “Are you going to be okay?” she asked as we hugged goodbye. I nearly scoffed—was I going to be okay?—but whatever had bothered Gabby about the journal, she had buried beneath the earth.

  “I’ll be fine,” I said into her shoulder as she squeezed me into another hug. We disentangled and I sat down on the blankets just as the door closed. I probably should have opened the journal and read more, used the last bit of freedom I had, but my eyes were focused on something to the right of it.

  The flask.

  Gabby had left it behind.

  I waited a few moments, hands dancing in my lap, for her to come back for it. When she didn’t, I picked it up. It was cool and smooth in my hand and I looked into the dark opening. No alcohol was one of Beast’s stupid rules. Don’t swear, don’t leave without permission, and don’t drink. The aroma singed my nostrils, but I wanted to drink anyway. It would be another way to say fuck you without actually saying it. I put it to my lips and tilted the burnished metal up. 1…2…3….4… I coughed.

  It tasted awful.

  My eyes watered.

  What the hell was in that? People actually liked that shit? I leaned against the wall, waiting for something to happen. To be honest, I’d never really been drunk before, so I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for.

  “Princess,” I muttered, picking up the bright pink paper. “Of course they went with pink.” I rolled my eyes, setting it back down. My teeth tingled and I opened my mouth as if that would help. Gabby’s words scrolled through my brain as if on projection, and I wondered what Beast would do if he found me drunk.

  There was a knock at the door and I jumped. I watched, waiting for someone to enter. I knew it was just Nikolai, but my blood rushed through my ears in a loud whoosh.

  Nikolai entered, carrying a dress bag, and I suddenly felt very confident. I wanted to ask him all the questions on my mind. What do you want from me? From Gabby? Why did you put this stupid flyer on my tray? What are you after?

  Instead I stayed put, watching him.

  Feeling a little fuzzy.

  Without any words exchanged, Nikolai hung up the dress. He came over, picked up the flask, put it on the tray with the tea—minus the flyer now stashed in my journal—and left. I stared after him a moment, wondering. It couldn’t possibly be what Gabby thought. With another loud exhale, I went and unzipped the dress bag.

  Beast clearly had something planned for me.

  This dress could take me to the red carpet, but considering Beast, it could also take me to takeout. There was no lingerie, and I knew what that meant. As I tried to slide the dress on, I stumbled and fell over. I gave up and decided the only way I was getting into the fucking thing was by sitting on the bed and doing it one foot at a time.

  Once it was on, I studied myself in the mirror, running a hand down my hip. Thousands of pale, rose gold sequins made up the dress, so many of them that it shimmered on its own. It was sleek, hugging every curve. The back fell in a cowl neck and the necklace went straight across my collarbone. The only coverage I had on my arms were small cap sleeves, so I assumed that was what the black satin gloves were for.

  I had to imagine what Beast had planned for me didn’t include being outside. Even if I wore the gloves, I would freeze.

  I wondered what Levi and Gabby were doing. In my mind they were eating grilled cheese and sitting in comfy clothes on an even comfier couch. It was dark outside, so maybe the lamp was on, a warm yellow, or maybe it was off, and only the glow of the TV lit the space. And they would cuddle under the blankets not because it was cold, but because they wanted to be close.

  She was wearing his t-shirt and sweatpants and they were watching silly TV shows and laughing. They would kiss and they would love each other, but he would ask her first. If she said no, they would go back to laughing and eating food.

  They probably even had hot chocolate.

  I wiped a stray tear from my eye, patting down the material on my abdomen.

  I really hoped that was what Levi and Gabby were doing.

  “Ishn’t it too cold to eat on the roof?” Oh shit, had I just slurred my words? He didn’t respond, as usual, and gripped my gloved hand; if he’d noticed my slurring, he didn’t let me know. I’d never been on the roof, didn’t even know it was an option. Just a short thirty minutes after I’d dressed, the Beast had returned and informed me of our destination. I’ll admit, a part of me was thrilled.

  How fucking stupid.

  We stepped into the elevator and he pressed the uppermost button.

  “Wow,” I said on an exhale as the elevator opened. It’s like a real date, I thought. From every angle the city sparkled. The jutting skyscrapers reminded me of stacks of glitter. Even though the city drowned out the stars, it didn’t matter, because above us lights hung on strings, twinkling, and in the center of it all was a round table covered with a pristine white tablecloth to match the snow. A single black rose jutted out of a clear, skinny vase.

  I looked to Beast, waiting for him to ruin it all. He gestured to the seats. Gingerly I stepped forward and took the nearest one. While he was seating himself, I scanned the rest of the rooftop. On the other side I could make out covered seating. It was hard to tell in the winter, but there appeared to be a covered pool as well. The hot tub was open though.

  I swallowed.

  “Thirsty?” he asked, holding out a bottle.

  “Hot chocolate?” I gasped. He poured the liquid into a mottled gold mug in response. Tendrils of steam whispered into the air. A covered silver platter contained something I couldn’t see, but that smelled absolutely divine. Awestruck, I turned my head to his.

  “What is this?” I asked, confused. Heat lamps kept us warm, though the occasional gust of wind set my flesh with goose bumps. He took my black-gloved hand in his own bare hand. I stared as his hand encapsulated mine. So much raw maleness just in those fingers.

  “It’s dinner,” he replied.

  “You’ve been busy,” I said. “I haven’t seen you since the funeral.”

  His eyes flashed. “Miss me?” The Beast was dressed impeccably, as usual, wearing a charcoal colored fitted suit with hair falling in waves behind the corded muscles of his neck. His eyes were deep and shadowed but somehow glowing in their intensity. It was his jaw that had me captivated, though, because it was ticked up in a smile. I focused on that, my stomach fluttering. Even though it was small, barely even a smirk, it changed his entire face. His eyes softened and warmed, and I melted.

  I wanted to be on the couch like Gabby and Levi. I wanted him holding me. I wanted to feel his arms wrap around me.

  “I…” I stuttered, suddenly realizing the downside of being drunk. My thoughts spun from me and my tongue flapped without warrant. “Only curious…is all…”

  “I had work.” His eyes bore into mine and it was as if he were digging a hole into my soul. I could feel the grinding, the turning, the bits he ripped up to get deeper into me.

  “You make me sleep in your room and then you’re gone all day,” I said. “All we do is sleep.” Words kept tumbling out of my mouth like vomit. I couldn’t stop them. I was seeing through this rosy, drunken haze and for some fucking reason, I thought I could speak freely. All we’d been doing lately was sleeping; it was so peculiar. He didn’t even try to force my orgasms anymore. I was so lost in
this house. Ever since the funeral—no, since after the dinner—he had been distant.

  Which is good. I smacked those words into my brain like I was running into a wall head first. I should like it. I should want him to be distant.

  “We don’t do anything but sleep,” I continued, despite the voice in my head screaming for me to shut the fuck up.

  “Are you asking me why I don’t fuck you, Frankie?” His eyes narrowed on mine.

  My eyes widened. “Of course not! That’s not what I want. I would never want that.” I tugged at my hand, but he gripped it tighter. Then all at once he dropped it.

  “If you didn’t want to be my slut, maybe you shouldn’t have given your life up for such a worthless one.” He opened the silver platter, placing some kind of meat with sauce on his plate.

  “He is my father,” I said. “Something you apparently cannot understand.” The minute the words came out of my mouth, I knew they were a mistake. I hadn’t meant it to be an insult. To me the Beast existed in a world without any love, so how could he understand my love for my father? The Beast paused and I stilled with him, waiting for his response.

  “I may be an orphan,” he replied. “But I understand fathers well enough. I know yours to be worthless.” Beast nearly threw me with that—orphan? He didn’t have any parents? Was he raised in some kind of home?

  All alone?

  Still.

  I understood that Papa wasn’t the best father, he wasn’t even the best person, but he was worth more than me. I was sick; my body probably wasn’t going to last long. Sure the doctors said I was fine now, but I didn’t know. I was more tired than most people. Occasionally I would get fevers for no reason at all. My heart beat faster than normal, but because I wasn’t passing out all the time they didn’t care. It just wasn’t right, letting him die when my life was so worthless.