Beyond Control

by Karice Bolton

  “Never a dull moment,” he laughed. “Want a rain check on that?”

  Jason and I had snuck out to the hall while Carla and Aaron chatted quietly next to my dad’s bed. My dad had fallen back asleep but probably wouldn’t be out for long since the nurses had to come in and check vitals. Plus there was the glorious hospital dinner that would soon be arriving.

  “I can’t believe I haven’t chased you away with all this drama. I swear I lead a much duller life in an average month,” I said, frowning.

  “It’s been lively for sure.” He leaned against the wall and grinned, his expression beguiling.

  “I know my brother really appreciated you sticking around today.”

  “Your brother, huh?” His eyes gleaming as he crossed his arms.

  “And maybe me,” I replied, flashing him a smile. “I would still be up for grabbing dinner tonight…”

  “You’re not too tired?” he asked, a smile spreading across his lips.

  “I’m beyond tired, but I’d love some amazing company and Brandy took the Jeep. Thought you could drop me off after dinner?”

  “So I’m just your mode of transportation?” he joked.

  “Something like that.”

  “As rocky as my starts have been with you, I’ll take what I can get, how I can get it.” He took a step forward toward me as two nurses walked behind him to get into my father’s room.

  “It hasn’t been that bad, has it?” I asked, my brow arching.

  “No comment,” he replied, smiling.

  I heard my father’s groggy voice coming from the room and knew I’d better return. We walked into the room just as the nurses were letting my father and Carla know that he’d get to go home tomorrow afternoon if everything continued to go as well as it had.

  Aaron caught my gaze and nodded, smiling. I looked down at my father, tubes and cords everywhere monitoring his every move, and I saw a different man, probably the man he’d always been, afraid and searching my face for an answer to his silent question. He reached for my hand and squeezed it.

  Nodding, I squeezed his hand back and forgave him silently as our eyes connected.

  “I’m going to head out. Carla, if you need anything tomorrow or help getting him home, let me know,” I told her. I placed a quick kiss on his cheek and squeezed his hand one last time.

  “I think we’ll be fine, but I’ll call you,” she said, the tension finally lessening.

  “I’m going to head out as well,” Aaron said, glancing at the wall clock.

  “Thank you both for being here,” my father said, his voice weak.

  “I’m glad we both could be here,” I replied. And I meant it. I was glad my brother was finally back in my life.

  I waved to my dad and Carla as Jason, Aaron, and I left the room. There was a definite awkwardness in that room, but once we reached the hallway it faded.

  “We’re headed to grab a bite to eat,” I told my brother. “You’re more than welcome to join us.”

  “Nah. I’m good,” Aaron said, glancing at Jason. “Don’t want to be the third wheel.”

  “You wouldn’t be,” I told Aaron.

  “It’s been a long day. I’m gonna head home,” Aaron said.

  “Can’t say I didn’t try.” I shrugged, grinning.

  “Well, since no one asked me, I’m glad it’s only going to be you and me,” Jason said, laughing. “Sorry, man. But I’ve had enough dinners with you to last a lifetime.”

  “Feelings are mutual,” my brother shot back, laughing.

  We made it to the hospital lobby, and I gave Aaron a quick hug before he took off toward the back of the hospital where he’d parked.

  “I guess it’s just us now,” Jason whispered, looking down at me.

  His words stirred an unexpected response within me, considering everything I’d been through.

  “I actually had something planned back at the house, but I think I’ll save that for another day,” he said.

  “Really? What did you have planned?” I asked, completely intrigued.

  “You’ll have to find out on another day.”

  I slid my hand into his as we walked into the cool night air.

  “Did it have anything to do with spending a fabulous night with you because I’m not sure—”

  “Whoa,” he laughed, helping me into his Jeep. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

  “Whatever,” I shot back at him. “I’ve heard about you from my brother.”

  “And you’re going to believe everything he tells you?” His brow arched as he closed the passenger door.

  Climbing into the driver’s seat, he turned on the engine and glanced at me.

  “So you and your brother?” he asked.

  “I think it’s going to be fine. Good, actually. There might be some rocky times, but I don’t want to go in circles about things we can’t change. And after this happened with my dad, I feel the same way about him too.”

  “I get it,” Jason replied. “But it’s okay to have emotions, you know. You don’t have to sweep everything under the rug and be done with it.”

  He had turned onto one of the main streets leading into downtown Seattle. We were in a more industrial part of town, and there wasn’t much around for restaurants.

  “Are you trying to stir the pot?” I laughed. But I knew exactly what he was getting at, and the fact that he figured it out so quickly about me had me worried. I had spent a decade learning the art of denial, the act of burying resentment, and the science behind superficial relationships. And I enjoyed that about me.

  “No. Definitely not trying to stir the pot. But I think you’re in the habit of running once emotions surface. I think it’s a family trait, and I don’t want to get left in the dust,” Jason said softly. He glanced at me quickly as he turned onto the road leading to the piers.

  “I’ll try to keep that in mind,” I replied. “My brother hinted that you have a dark side, but I haven’t seen it. Maybe, we all have our ways of dealing with things.”

  I felt something shift between us as he turned toward the waterfront. His eyes were locked straight ahead, but I saw a glimmer of something I’d caught before at the coffee shop. There was something he wasn’t telling me, and I wanted to know what it was.

  I hadn’t even picked up where we were going until we were already there. Driving up to the Ferry booth, Jason handed the worker the Ferry pass and drove to one of the open lanes, where he turned off the Jeep and turned to look at me. My heart fluttered as he leaned closer, gliding his thumb along my cheek. His eyes were intense as he stared down at me, his expression unreadable.

  “Ever since you ran into me on the bridge, I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind,” he whispered. My heart was pounding as he tempted me with his lips so near mine. “You’ve brought light back into my life, Gabby. Hearing your dreams, and I don’t know… There’s this familiarity with you.” He caressed my arm with his hand as his eyes searched me hungrily.

  “I feel it too,” I whispered, wanting his lips to touch down on mine. “I want to find out everything there is to know about you. Even your dark side.” I laughed nervously with my admission.

  He cupped the base of my neck drawing me into him, and my eyes fell to his mouth. The desire to taste his lips stunned me. I had never wanted something so badly, and it was only a kiss. My body warmed with anticipation as his gaze dropped to my mouth. Our lips met in a hungry exploration, and the ache inside of me grew with each movement. My hands ran through his hair, pulling him into me, wanting more, so much more. Our kisses deepened with every moment that went by, but it left me craving something he couldn’t give me. Not here. Not now.

  His hands ran down my spine with the lightest touch, causing me to shudder. He pulled back, his eyes connecting with mine, before he began softly placing kisses along my jaw. My eyes closed as I felt his lips move gently along my flesh, lowering with each kiss. He pulled his lips away from my skin as my breath hitched with anticipation. His eyes were filled
with the same desire I felt, and I recognized the need that was growing in us both. And there was something different about him, his touch. He was aware of things as he traced along my body that no man had been aware of before.

  His eyes darted over my shoulder and my heart sank. The ferry lines were moving. He ran his finger lightly over my bottom lip, leaving a tingling sensation in its wake.

  “Timing is everything,” he murmured, sitting back in his seat and turning the engine on.

  “Isn’t it though?” I said, still breathless from his touch.

  And this was only a kiss.

  “I could really learn to love commuting on the ferry,” I teased as we pulled into a parking lot of a local diner on Bainbridge. It was housed in an old caboose and served up delicious meals. It had been a staple around the island before it was even in fashion to have ‘locally grown’ attached to menu items.

  He flashed his sinfully delicious smile, and I knew he was thinking the same thing about the ferry ride over. He opened his door and grabbed his sunglasses off the dash before getting out of the Jeep.

  I slid out of my seat and adjusted my shirt and smoothed down my hair, feeling like I’d just gotten away with something. As we walked toward the entrance, I saw the flower baskets dangling along the eaves, dripping with purple and white petunias and hot pink verbena. There was something about island weather—even though it was only a thirty-minute ferry ride from Seattle—that made the flowers around here so much larger and more colorful. It took work to get the flowers to overflow like this around Seattle. Over here, it seemed to just happen naturally.

  The cafe was seat-yourself-dining, and we chose to sit in one of the window booths overlooking the herb garden at the end of the caboose. The diner was packed inside and out, and even the counter had several patrons.

  “Only one more booth left,” I said. “I can’t believe this place is still as popular after all these years.”

  “You’ve been here before?” Jason asked, arching a brow.

  “Yeah. When I was a kid we’d come here,” I said, canvasing the familiar scene. All the booths were metallic red vinyl, the tables ivory with gold flecks, and metal splashguards lined the walls.

  “Hey, Jason,” a waitress called from behind the counter. “Your usual?”

  I looked over at the woman, who was dressed in a red, skimpy camisole and a white skirt, and eyed her carefully. She seemed about as perky as Kayla, and I didn’t want to embarrass myself twice, but I couldn’t quite gauge her intentions. She seemed nice enough… and old enough to be my mom.

  “That’d be great, Renee,” he replied, smiling, catching my reaction.

  “You don’t own this place too, do you?” I eyed him suspiciously as I waited for his response.

  He started laughing and shook his head. “Nope and there’s no reason for Renee to be texting me so if she does, feel free to be suspicious.” He winked at me, and my belly warmed as I tried to kick him under the table, which only made him laugh harder.

  “No espresso machines on the fritz?” I smiled, realizing how foolish I’d been. But then again, I hadn’t had the best of luck in that area. It was like my compass was all off, and I beelined right to the guys who were genetically wired to cheat, which still made me a little wary of Jason.

  “So what’s your usual?” I asked.

  “Blackberry tea,” he replied.

  “Sounds delicious.” I glanced at the waitress and held up two fingers, and she grinned at me acknowledging the order.

  “So it’s hard for me to imagine a guy who orders blackberry tea having much of a dark side,” I teased, leaning back in the booth.

  “Well, let’s just say the blackberry tea is an insurance policy,” he replied. “I stopped drinking a few years back.”

  “Oh shit. I’m so embarrassed,” I said, feeling the rush of heat roll up my cheeks.

  “Why would you be?” he asked, shaking his head. “It’s not a big deal. I just realized I liked it more than it liked me.”

  The waitress brought our blackberry teas out and asked if we’d like to place an order. After sticking my foot in my mouth, I hadn’t really concentrated on the menu.

  “Let’s start with the Bruschetta. It’ll give Gabby some time to figure out what she’d like,” he told Renee and then returned his attention back to me.

  I loved hearing the sound of my name rolling off his tongue. Talk about animalistic tendencies, but hearing it set off a type of primal sensation. Kind of like he was claiming something for me… Or maybe claiming me.

  “Okay,” he sighed. “If we’re going to start opening up about things a little more…”

  “Yeah?” I prompted, noticing his eyes darkening a shade.

  “I actually lost someone I really cared about to a drunk driver,” he replied, his voice low. “That’s when I gave it up.”

  “Oh my God. I’m so sorry.” An odd twinge of pain behind my breastbone turned into a dull ache as I watched his gaze fall away from mine.

  “It all happened around the same time as our company took off, which is probably why I really checked out of it,” he said, his eyes locking on mine.

  I wanted to ask who it was that he lost in the accident, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. With the emotion I saw collecting behind his eyes with every passing second, I realized I didn’t need to ask. I already knew. The tightening in my chest grew as I watched his expression change.

  “Was she…”

  “She was my fiancé,” he said softly, looking out the window. “We were actually high school sweethearts.”

  It felt like someone stabbed me in the chest, and I didn’t even understand why. I looked around the diner feeling like the ears of the fellow diners were focused on our conversation, but I knew that wasn’t true.

  Renee brought the bruschetta over and placed it on the table, and I shook my head, grimacing, as I held up the menu.

  “Take your time, hun,” Renee replied, catching the look in Jason’s eyes. She looked back over at me and smiled. “I’ll give you two some time.”

  “Thanks,” Jason told her, his eyes distant.

  He propped his elbows on the table and let out a deep breath before continuing.

  “I had no intention of bringing this up,” he said.

  “Ever?” I asked.

  “Not now, anyway,” he sighed.

  “For the last several weeks it’s been the Gabby show, and I haven’t liked it one bit,” I replied, reaching over and placing my hand on his. “I’d like you to tell me about her.”

  “Are you sure?” he asked, his eyes narrowing.

  “Positive.” I nodded.

  “We met in eleventh grade in an AP Chem class,” he said, smiling fondly. “She had this spark about her, even back then. We were pretty much inseparable through high school. She was the one constant in my life. Even as I’d get bounced around to different homes, she was my rock. When we graduated, she wanted to get married right away. She was headed to Arizona for college, and I had already signed up for the marines and she wanted that assurance. But I didn’t feel like I was man enough for her. Like I needed to accomplish more or something before...” He shook his head in disgust. “So I didn’t marry her, but she stood by my side the entire time I was deployed. When all of her friends were busy partying, she stayed in her dorm, studying. She wanted to be a Vet…” his voice trailed off and he took a sip of his tea.

  I saw the strain in his eyes as he relived the moments he cherished with her, but I also saw the love pushing him through the memories. And I recognized that same look when we’d traded glances, and my heart beat a little quicker at the realization of what this all might mean.

  “Anyway, when I got out of the service, Aaron and I had hit the ground running on the company we’d started. We were so busy with development, marketing, and just trying to get it off the ground that I was focusing solely on the business. And then she had gotten accepted into the Veterinary medicine program at WSU, which was incredible. It was like every
thing for us both was falling into place. She wanted to get married before entering the program.” I saw his fists tighten as he spoke, the white of the knuckles coming through. “I wanted to wait until we accepted one of the offers for the company. She had apparently had enough waiting and—”

  “She left you?” my voice hoarse.

  “Quite the opposite. She had secretly planned a trip to Hawaii where we were going to elope. She had packed all of our luggage and was on the way to pick me up from the office when it happened.” His eyes were blazing as he relived it.

  I realized I was holding my breath as the horror of what he was telling me hit me.

  “Oh, Jason. I’m so so sorry,” I whispered, letting my breath out slowly. His eyes were on mine, the hurt clearly visible as he continued.

  “They said it happened instantly, but I don’t know if that’s ever really true.”

  I nodded.

  “So the last several years I basically threw myself into my shop. I had nothing else. Your brother helped me get through everything. If it hadn’t been for him, I don’t know where I’d be.”

  “I never would’ve guessed you’d been through all that,” I replied. “You’ve seemed so playful and carefree.”

  “That pretty much started the moment I spotted you in the limo,” he murmured, reaching for my hand across the table.

  “What do you mean?” I asked, puzzled.

  “I don’t know, actually. It doesn’t make sense. But I saw your smile through the glass and…” he replied, a small smile breaking on his lips. “I probably sound crazy jumping from one topic to the next, but I somehow feel they’re connected. Like it’s beyond my control, our control. If I had met you any other way, I don’t know that it would be our hearts controlling it.”

  “How so?” I asked, my brow arching as I tried to understand.

  “If I had met you through your brother, there’s no way I would’ve let myself fall for you. Although, I’m not sure I could have controlled it.”