Beyond Control

by Karice Bolton

  “I wasn’t talking about Jason,” my father said. “But I’m sure you know that.”

  “What are you talking about then?” I crossed my arms, still unable to shake the thought of Jason already moving on.

  “I want to see you have the same amount of courage that you’re putting into this espresso shop applied to your relationships. You never have done that, and with Jason I saw that there was something there,” my father said softly.

  “I was never brave when it came to your mother,” my father whispered. “When her needs weren’t being met, I ran. I didn’t try to stay and fight it out with her. I knew she was seeing other people and instead of being angry, I was relieved.”

  “Is that why you were never angry with Bernie?” I asked.

  Carla walked over to my father and slipped her hand into his, and I saw the love between them like I’d never seen it before.

  My father nodded.

  “I don’t want to see that happen to you. I know there are things I can’t ever expect you to forgive me for, but I’m hoping I can convince you not to make the same mistakes as me.”

  I felt the lump forming in the back of my throat as I thought about the words that were spilling out of my father. This was an entirely different man standing in front of me.

  “I don’t understand,” I whispered.

  “Yes. You. Do,” my father said, smiling. “You’re a smart woman who knows exactly what she wants in life. And I want to see you go after everything that you want, not just professionally.”

  “It might be too late,” I said, already feeling defeated. “You saw him with someone…”

  “Your mother was worth fighting for and so is Jason. Don’t do what I did,” his voice went hoarse. “Before it’s too late.”

  I glanced at Carla and couldn’t believe what an incredibly confident and wonderful woman she was. Standing there by my father’s side, listening to the words that were falling out of his mouth about my mother, another woman. But she understood. It was a past life and she was part of his new one.

  “It’s true, my dear,” Carla whispered. “We all make mistakes in life. We’ve all been there. But if there’s a chance to stop it before it’s too late, we would both be terrible parents for not saying something.”

  “And, Gabby?” my father asked, placing his arm around my stepmom. “Your brother told us that you drained your savings account to buy this place. I respect your reasons for doing so, but we want to replenish your savings.”

  “No,” I shook my head. “I can’t let you do that. It was my decision.”

  “Don’t be silly,” Carla said. “We have it to share and what good is it if it just sits in our brokerage account. There’s no arguing about it. Consider it done.”

  “Do I have your word that you’ll at least go talk to Jason?” my father asked.

  I smiled at my dad and nodded. “Yes. I promise. You have my word.”

  This was a conversation I never expected to have with my father in a million years.

  “Good. And Gabby?” my father asked.

  “Yes?”

  “You’re fired,” he said, a twinkle in his eyes. “A hefty severance will see you out the door, but this is where you belong.”

  Carla was squeezing his arm, busting at the seams.

  “Dad…”

  “No arguing. It’s crazy to do what you’re doing. I’m not saying it can’t be done, but there’s no need. There’s no medal to win, trying to kill yourself.”

  “What about Brandy?” I asked.

  “I think she’d enjoy working with my legal team far more as she enters law school,” he said, his voice completely full of joy. He’d obviously thought of everything.

  I ran over to my dad, hugging him and Carla until my arms hurt.

  “Thank you, dad,” I whispered. “Thank you so much.”

  “Now make us proud and go show Jason what he needs to be shown,” my father whispered. “We’re going to hit the ferry line. Don’t wait too long.”

  I shook my head and smiled as my father and stepmom walked outside.

  Don’t wait too long… Whatever Carla and my dad saw must not have been good. I locked the door and slid down the wall, allowing myself to finally cry the tears I had been holding back since the day I walked out on him.

  I called Jason’s cell phone and left a message. I also tried his home and work numbers and didn’t get an answer at either one of those either. I’d let several hours pass since my first set of attempts and took a deep breath in, as I thought about dialing his number again.

  I didn’t want to be one of those crazy stalker chicks, but I’d made a promise to my dad and finding out that he had dinner with someone wasn’t comforting, to say the least. I had stayed at the espresso shop all night and finished painting all the walls. I liked how it looked but was exhausted. I’d gone straight home and slept for five hours. My body wanted to sleep for longer, but my heart wouldn’t allow it, so here I was staring at my cell, wondering if I should call him again.

  I wandered onto the patio and walked over to the hot tub. I folded the cover back and stuck my fingers into the warm water. Brandy had gone out and didn’t plan on getting back until tonight, so I was alone. I didn’t actually have to go get a suit… It might have been the lack of sleep talking but I quickly stripped off my clothes and tossed my phone on the chair and hopped into the warm water. I sat on the bench and leaned my head against the wall.

  I heard a light tap on the glass door and my eyes sprung open. What was it about me and this hot tub? I looked down at my white cotton bra, which was completely see through and swam to the far side of the Jacuzzi, hoping to see who in the world was tapping on the glass.

  Squinting my eyes and trying to see through the glare, I realized it must be Lily or someone who looked an awful lot like her. I waved for her to come out on the patio and she quickly waved back.

  “Hey,” she squealed, sliding the door open. “Surprise!”

  Lily was gorgeous. Her auburn hair was piled loosely in a bun and she was wearing a pair of black yoga pants and a tight, pink tunic. Her green eyes sparkled as the light hit them, but the truth was she always had a certain twinkle in them.

  I smiled and tried to compute what she said.

  “Does Brandy know?” I asked, smiling.

  “She’s the one who planned it.” She was beaming.

  “It is so awesome to see you,” I said, shaking my head. “I had no idea how much I needed my friends right now.”

  I moved to the side of the tub, my chest still submerged.

  “I’m so happy to see you,” she chirped, walking quickly to the hot tub.

  “Okay, so I kind of just popped into the tub in my bra and undies so no laughing,” I warned.

  “Haven’t you learned your lesson?” she teased.

  “You heard about that?” I laughed as I stood up from the water, covering my chest with my arm.

  “I may be in Portland, but I will not be missing monumental moments in my best friends’ lives.” She helped me out of the tub and gave me a huge hug, drenching herself in the process.

  “Thank you,” I told her, starting to freeze.

  “So how do we get this Jason guy to understand he’s being an idiot,” she said, taking a step back.

  I twisted my lips into a frown and laughed. “The more I think about it, I’m not sure he was the idiot. But I’m freezing. So I’ll have to fill you in on the details inside.”

  Her brow furrowed as she followed me inside. “How so? Brandy said he found out about the transplant and that was it.”

  Aw. Thank God for heat. Autumn was definitely settling in over Seattle.

  I glanced at her as I closed the door behind her.

  I took a deep breath in.

  “Yes and No,” I muttered. “We never talked about it.”

  “Whoa.” She held up her hand. “That sounds like a signature Lily move. What do you mean you never talked about it? I wouldn’t imagine that’s something you could
just dance around as he’s breaking up with you.”

  We were walking down the hall and I stopped in front of my bedroom door and spun around to face her.

  “He didn’t break up with me,” I confessed.

  “What do you mean, Gabby?” Her brow arched slightly.

  “I saw the hurt in his eyes and broke it off with him. I knew it would be best. Or at least I thought it would be best.” I turned back around and walked into my bedroom with Lily right behind me. I braced myself for a lecture, but there wasn’t one.

  I opened the drawer and searched for my comfies, also known as the world’s best sweat pants, and found them under the sweatshirt I planned on pulling on as well.

  “You still have those?” Lily asked in disgust as she pursed her lips together.

  “Yeah. And look,” I said waving them both in my hands. “The situation has presented itself to wear them again. What are the odds?”

  She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms in front of her.

  “Brandy didn’t mention that you broke it off with him.”

  “I don’t think I mentioned it to her.”

  “I see.”

  “You see what?” I pulled on sweats and sat on my bed, ready for the lecture.

  “You didn’t break it off with him because you saw the hurt in his eyes. You broke it off with him because he mirrored the hurt you were feeling. And it was easier to break it off with him, then stick around and deal with it.”

  “Is that so Dr. Peterson?” I quirked a brow, annoyed at how right she really was.

  “It’s a lot easier to run then stick around and fight for something worth having. Take it from me,” she whispered, her gaze dropping.

  “You mean…”

  “Oh, no… you… don’t!” she interrupted. “This session is revolving around you, not me.”

  “Well, my dad came by the bakery last night, and besides the fact that I was pretty sure an alien had taken over his mind, he said a lot of things that made sense.”

  “Yeah?” Lily asked, sitting next to me.

  “Uh-huh. And I actually called Jason this morning…”

  “What? You’re just now telling me this?”

  “He didn’t pick up at any of his numbers so I had to leave messages.”

  She puckered her lips as she looked up at the ceiling, debating what ‘our’ next move was going to be. “It’s Saturday. Do you think he’s at his house or where he works or…”

  The knot grew in my stomach as I thought about the mystery woman he was with.

  “I don’t know. Probably at his house. My dad and stepmom ran into him at the diner in Bainbridge.”

  “No shit?”

  I nodded. “I know. Small world.”

  “And?”

  “He was with someone.”

  “Hmm. Well, then my guess is he’s at the house,” she said, not missing a beat. “Time for a ferry ride.”

  Great. Lily was thinking what I’d already beat myself up about. I just wondered who she was. I guess there was only one way to find out.

  “You know what kind of burns me up?” I asked, sliding off my bed.

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  “That he’s already found someone else.”

  “First of all you can’t be sure of that and second.” She bit her lip. “He’s a man.”

  I started laughing as I secretly wished whoever this woman was far out of his life. I walked over to the door, and Lily ran toward me.

  “Oh no you don’t,” she grabbed my oversized sweatshirt, pulling me to a complete stop. “You, my friend, are NOT going out in this, especially if I have to be anywhere near you.”

  I gave her my grumpy face but had to agree. I looked down at my sweatshirt and noticed a couple of bleach stains and the worn sleeves seemed to have gotten worse while it sat in the drawer. Well, maybe not because it sat in the drawer.

  “Alright,” I conceded. “This outfit may have seen better days.”

  “Doll, this outfit has never seen better days,” she laughed.

  I glared at her, and my gaze dropped to her yoga pants.

  “These still show off my shape,” she laughed, wiggling her rear, as she walked to the closet.

  “How about these?” she asked, narrowing right in on the tightest jeans in my closet.

  “Probably don’t button,” I confessed, although, I hadn’t really been eating all that much since I’d left Jason. I held out my hands. “I’ll give them a try.”

  Lying down on my bed, I pulled off my sweatpants and wiggled the jeans up my legs and over my hips. So far so good. I sucked in my breath on the final stretch and felt the zipper move with ease.

  “Eek. They weren’t supposed to fit quite so easily.”

  “Looks like someone went on the relationship diet,” she said, shaking her head. “How about this top?”

  She dangled a blue, sequin top that Carla had bought for me last year.

  “Um, no,” I said, raising my brow. “It’s a Saturday afternoon and I’m headed for a sleepy island town, not a night club.”

  She rolled her eyes, clearly exasperated as she turned back toward the closet.

  “This?” she asked, holding out an oversized white button down.

  “Perfect,” I said, grabbing it away from her. This would conceal anything that the jeans let escape.

  I pulled my hair into a quick ponytail and grabbed my keys and the purse.

  “Ready?” she asked.

  “Ready,” I confirmed.

  We got into the elevator, and I pressed the parking garage button.

  “I can’t wait to see what this guy looks like,” she said.

  I whipped out my phone and clicked it on, revealing a picture of Jason and me as the wallpaper.

  She let out a whistle and laughed. “Let’s hope it’s not too late.”

  “Thanks a lot,” I said, scowling as the elevator let us out into the garage.

  We hopped into the Jeep, and I took a deep breath as I started the engine. This was going to be okay. Driving out of the parking garage, I felt a bit of hope beginning to build. Maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe there was still a chance.

  I pulled right onto the ferry and parked the car when my phone buzzed. I pulled it out of my purse, seeing a text from Jason.

  Got your messages. Not at the island home. There’s a showing today. Maybe we can grab lunch sometime next week. Gotta run

  A twinge of desperation resulted in sucking all of the air out of the car.

  “What? What happened?” Lily asked, concerned by the look on my face.

  “He put his home up for sale,” I said, shaking my head slowly. “And he’s not there.”

  The ferry started its journey over to the island, and I watched as we slowly chugged our way to a place I no longer wanted to be.

  “Not a problem,” she exclaimed. “We can just turn right around on the other side and meet him wherever he’s at.”

  “He mentioned lunch next week,” I said, frowning.

  “Lunch?” she snapped “Not on my watch. Do you have any idea where else he might be?”

  “Lily, maybe it’s fate stepping in once again,” I said, glancing out the window. “It’s kind of done a number on the both of us so far. I mean how many times do I need to be punched in the gut before—”

  “Before what? You find someone you’re madly in love with and let him slip away, again?” She shook her head. “No. Where do you think he might be? His work? What was it he did?”

  “He’s a bike builder.” I sighed.

  “Let’s try his shop.”

  “He also has a townhome somewhere in the city.”

  “Well, why didn’t you say so?” she asked, grabbing the phone from me.

  “What are you doing?”

  “What you should have done weeks ago.”

  I watched her type at full speed and did nothing to stop it. She hit send and handed me the phone. I looked down at the message and started laughing. It kind of sounded exactly
like me.

  No! Lunch won’t do. But thanks for the offer. If you’re not at the house, mind sharing where you might be and I’ll come meet you?

  I started laughing. “Boy. I sound bossy.”

  “Sometimes,” she laughed.

  My phone buzzed and I looked down to see Jason’s text.

  I do mind sharing and lunch next week or no lunch at all

  “What?” she asked.

  “He’s being a complete dick,” I said.

  “Under the circumstances I’m not so sure,” she whispered.

  I texted quickly back. This was war. I wasn’t going to be pushed away like I was nothing, like we were nothing.

  No lunch at all, huh? Seems a bit stingy and inflexible… Is your schedule this tight because your dinner dates are already filled with bimbos?

  He buzzed back immediately.

  I don’t think my real estate agent would enjoy being called a bimbo, and it’s nice to see that you’re sending spies around the island. A little too late, don’t ya think?

  “He’s really pissed,” I said, looking at Lily. But feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted, knowing the woman was only a real estate agent.

  “Wouldn’t you be? He fell in love with you and found out something absolutely heart wrenching. No pun intended. And from what I gather you just took a bow and did a quick exit.”

  I nodded. She was right.

  I texted back just as our ferry docked.

  I’m sorry I ran. But I’d rather tell you in person why and ask for your forgiveness… Regardless of what comes of it. And lunch seems a bit far off. And believe me, I didn’t send spies after you because I never would’ve wanted to know. My parents just happened to be there before they visited me at the coffee shop

  He texted me an address along with the words, “My flight leaves in three hours.”

  I felt his walls slightly starting to crumble or maybe it was wishful thinking, but it was quickly replaced with spasms of panic. Where was he going and did he plan on coming back?