Shawna

by Maggie Wells

  Shawna squeezed his hand as tears stung her eyes. She swallowed hard. Her voice cracked as she said, “So Mr. Henri, it seems like you are the only person in this room who wants to have no involvement with Jack. That is very sad, and I am sorry for your loss. Eventually your grandson will notice the gap in his life. But, I am fine with your decision. We do not need your money.”

  Mr. Henri had a look of sheer hatred on his face as he spat out his words. “I will not be shamed by you. We will meet our financial obligations.” He got up and stalked out of the room.

  “I am so sorry, Shawna,” Mrs. Henri said. “To be honest, it was all your mom’s idea. We thought you and she were on the same page.”

  “I know,” Shawna said. “I’m sorry for being rude to your husband, Mrs. Henri. Can we leave Jack here for a couple of hours?”

  TWENTY FOUR

  PHILIPPE PUT THE CAR INTO GEAR. “WOW,” HE EXCLAIMED. “That was rough! What the hell happened back there?”

  “Your dad accosted me in your bedroom when I was changing Jack,” Shawna said. “He wouldn’t let me out of the room. He blocked the door.”

  “Jesus,” Philippe said. “He did that?”

  “He scared the shit out of me,” Shawna said. “And I think that was his goal. He threatened me and tried to browbeat me into giving up custody. I think he was planning to put Jack up for adoption, can you believe it?”

  “He couldn’t do that!” Philippe said.

  “No, I don’t think he could,” Shawna said. “Not without your consent, anyway. I’ll ask my dad about it. Basically, your dad threatened to pull all financial support and I am assuming that is what my mom wants to do, too. Throw us out on the street. I started thinking about what that would look like. I would never give up my baby, even if they tried to starve me out. My mom wants me to move into a dorm. Maybe I should apply for student family housing and live on campus. Jack and I could live in a studio apartment. My dad won’t abandon us and now I know for sure, you won’t either. And your mom could help with babysitting so I can keep up with my schoolwork. We can make this work even if it’s only the four of us: you, me, my dad and your mom. Fuck the others!”

  “Yeah, fuck them!” Philippe said. “Shit, I wonder if my dad will threaten to stop paying my tuition?”

  “No, why would he do that?” Shawna said. “He’s worried about your future—he thinks I am the impediment.”

  Philippe pulled into Shawna’s driveway. She leaned over and kissed him. “What time will you bring him back?”

  “I don’t know, four or five? I’ll text you.”

  “Great.” She started to get out of the car.

  “Hey, Shawna,” Philippe said. “You didn’t say anything. What do you think about what I said back there?”

  “Was that your idea of a proposal?” she smiled.

  “Yes,” he smiled back. “So will you?”

  She smiled at him. “Yes,” she said. “Yes, Philippe Henri, I will marry you.”

  He grinned. “Well, then, how do you feel about premarital sex?”

  Shawna laughed. “I would love that,” Shawna said. “I’ll make an appointment with the school clinic to get an IUD first. No more screw-ups!”

  Shawna stormed through the door. “Mom! Mom, are you home?”

  Her mom was in the kitchen, flipping through a cookbook. Her face was flushed. “Your dad called,” she said. “He’s coming next weekend instead of me going there. How nice. I want to plan a nice dinner.”

  “I think he is planning to take you out for dinner,” Shawna said.

  “What? You knew about this?” her mom asked.

  “We met for lunch yesterday,” Shawna said. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to Sacramento every other weekend? You know Dad’s not having an affair, too. Why did you say all that shit?”

  “Watch your mouth,” her mom said sharply.

  “Sorry, Mom,” Shawna said. “Why did you tell me that?”

  “He has been gone so long,” her mom said. “We had a big fight about you and Jack and then the next thing I hear is that he is staying in Sacramento over the weekend and then one weekend led to two. And now it has been going on for months. You know how a woman’s mind works.”

  “But you have been seeing him every other weekend?” Shawna said.

  “I know but it’s not the same thing as waking up next to your husband every morning,” her mom said. “We can go for days without talking at all.”

  “Okay. I get it,” Shawna said. “By the way, Philippe and I are getting married!”

  “What?” her mom exclaimed. “When?”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” Shawna said. “Some day when we both have graduated from college and have jobs and can afford our own place. Mom, can we sit down? I need to talk to you about something.”

  Her mom’s face, flushed just moments before, was devoid of all color. “Sure,” she said. They sat in the breakfast nook where Shawna imagined her parents sitting together the night before Jack’s birth.

  “I need to know what is going on with you and your feelings about me and Jack,” Shawna said. “I talked to Dad and he is totally on board. Sure, he had reservations about the pregnancy at first, but he is one hundred percent supportive of me finishing college, and maybe even going to law school. We had such a great talk yesterday. It really helps me to know that I have his support. I would like to know that I have your support too.”

  “I’m glad you cleared the air with your dad,” her mom said. “I really didn’t know where his head was at, either. Like I said, our last conversation about you turned into a huge fight and then he stormed out. We left it at that. When I saw him on the weekends, I tried to avoid talking about you and the baby because I didn’t want to stir things up.”

  “Okay. That helps a little,” Shawna said. “When we dropped Jack at Philippe’s house today, Mr. Henri accosted me.”

  “He what?” her mom repeated.

  “He accused me of railroading them,” Shawna made air quotes with her fingers. “Like we forced Philippe and his family into the financial contract. Remember the garden party?” More air quotes.

  “And then what happened?” her mom asked.

  “We had a huge come-to-Jesus moment,” Shawna said. “We all sat in the living room and I told them I was willing to tear up the contract and make it on my own—just me and Jack. I went around the room and asked each one what kind of involvement they wanted in Jack’s life. I didn’t think Mrs. Henri wanted us to cut her out and I was right. She wants to be a part of Jack’s life. Forever. And she wants to start babysitting two nights a week, which will be a huge help for me in keeping up with my schoolwork. Then I asked Philippe what he wanted and that’s when he said—right in front of his parents—that he wants to marry me.”

  “What did David say?” her mom asked.

  “Well at that point, he was too ashamed to say, Fuck off, Shawna, right in front of everyone. He actually said, and I quote: ‘We will meet our financial obligations.’ And then he stormed out. He was acting really scary.”

  “Wow,” her mom said. “You are one brave girl—woman, I mean.”

  “So, Mom,” Shawna said. “What is your answer? What level of involvement would you like to have in Jack’s life: financial, emotional, caregiving-wise? I have to tell you, I got the distinct impression from our last conversation that you want us out of here. You wanted me to give away my child and move into a dorm. Isn’t that what you said? Do you realize that Mr. Henri would have given Jack up for adoption? Or he would have tried. Philippe would never have agreed to it, thank God.”

  With this comment hanging in the air, Vivian started to weep. “I’m sorry, Shawna. I only said that because I thought your dad was leaving me. I thought if I could turn back the clock to before this had all happened, if I had agreed with him that you should get an abortion, he would never have moved to Sacramento. It was magical thinking.”

  “Mom,” Shawna said, gently. “I am pretty sure, if you hadn’t started going
to see him in Sacramento, he would have been home every weekend. I think to him, it was kind of romantic for you two to have a little getaway every other weekend. You are acting paranoid and, frankly, psycho.”

  “You know, you are right as usual,” her mom said, wiping her eyes, and managing a snort-like laugh. “It is really romantic when we are there together. No household chores, no crying baby.” She started to laugh.

  “He also told me he’s taking you to Europe this summer, for a second honeymoon,” Shawna said.

  “He said second honeymoon?” Her eyes widened in amazement. “He used those words?”

  “He did,” Shawna said. “He also said that he felt bad that he’s been neglecting you. I don’t want to spoil his fun but you should expect a little surprise from him next weekend.”

  “Oh, wow,” her mom said. “I have goose bumps. Who knew that after almost twenty years of marriage, we could still give each other goose bumps?”

  “That’s all great, but you didn’t answer my question,” Shawna said.

  “Involvement in Jack’s life?” her mom asked. “I want to see him every day. Believe me when I say, I did not know that David was planning to give Jack up. I thought we would all stay involved but Jack would live with them until you finished school. That is all that Gaby and I discussed.” She took Shawna’s hand. “I want to help you however I can, with financial and emotional support.”

  “Do you think you could commit to babysitting two nights a week?” Shawna said. “One weeknight so I can focus on my schoolwork and one weekend night so I could have date night with my fiancé?”

  “I could do one weeknight, sure, but every weekend—that’s a lot, honey. Maybe I could watch him one night every other weekend?” her mom asked. “When I’m not in Sacramento?”

  “Dad said he is coming home in a month,” Shawna said. “The first phase of his case is almost wrapped up.”

  “Okay. When your dad gets home,” her mom said, “we’ll up it to every weekend.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” Shawna gave her mother a hug.

  TWENTY FIVE

  SHAWNA WALKED OUT TO THE BACK PATIO, THE SCENE of the “garden party.” She collapsed onto the chaise, stared at the clouds in the bright blue sky, and reflected on the events of the past year. She almost didn’t recognize the girl who had seriously contemplated aborting her child. Everyone had told her that it was the easiest, the best, solution. That she would be able to forget that she had ever gotten pregnant and go on with her life—college, career. The choice my mom had made, she thought. Where would that child be now—my older brother or sister? My mom must be asking herself that, every day. Well, I’m glad I’ll never have to.

  The future suddenly looked less bleak, more manageable. She remembered her mother’s words: “it takes a village.” Shawna had negotiated childcare commitments from Mrs. Henri and her mom, secured financial support from Mr. Henri. And Philippe had asked her to marry him. Now it was her turn—no more excuses. She would have to work harder at keeping up with her schoolwork. She was more determined than ever to pull up her grades. Maybe I’ll even apply to law school. It would be exciting to be a criminal defense attorney like my dad!

  “We can do this, Jack,” she said out loud. I hope you can feel my love for you right now. You are one beloved little boy and you brought us all together—Dad and Mom. And Philippe and me. And Grandma Gaby. And I have a feeling that even Grandpa David will come around, eventually. I’ll bet you that he will show up for your soccer matches, your swim meets, and your piano recitals. But no football games. I don’t want you playing football.

  Oh, and sorry again about the scalding. Apparently every mom burns their baby. One day, we’ll laugh about it.

  by Maggie Wells