Hope

by Sydney Lane

  Too bad you can't change the past.

  "Eliza!" I'm standing at my car in the dim parking lot after a game when I hear my name. I turn to find Zach Sanders running toward me. My heart skips a beat when he comes to a stop, smiling down at me. A lock of his messy brown hair falls into his eyes . He's so darn cute. "What are you doing tonight?" His voice gives me goosebumps.

  Zach graduated from Somerset High two years before me. Every girl I knew had a thing for him, including myself. I remember watching him on the football field, just wishing he'd notice me. I remember this one time, when my friends and I were watching the football team practice, and he waved at us from the field. We giggled, covering our faces while we pretended we weren't watching him.

  "I'm meeting Jared at his house. I think we're going to watch a movie." My cheeks grow warm. Just talking to him makes me flustered.

  "Oh." His brow furrows at my response, a look of disappointment clouding his features. "It's just that-" He hesitates, a sheepish smile playing at the corners of his lips. "Well, there's this party tonight, and I was hoping you'd go with me."

  "I can't." I look away, confused yet flattered. "It's just- I'm with Jared, and-" My words trail off, swallowing my protests.

  "If that's what you're worried about, don't be. It's a college party. None of your friends will be there." He waits, gauging my reaction. "Hey, if it makes you feel better, we can just go as friends. I was always interested in you, but you were too young. Now that you're a senior, I just thought-" An unspoken question hangs in the air. He leans down, until his breath feathers across my cheek, and whispers, "I'd like to get to know you."

  "I don't know," I begin, but his playful smile stops me. His eyes flick to my lips and back up. It renders me speechless.

  "Come on. It's just a party." He's flirting, and it's working. I'm certain no girl has ever told him 'no' successfully. I'm stupid and young and naive, and I can't believe Zach Sanders just asked me out. I fall for it. Hook, line, and sinker.

  "I have to be home by midnight." When I opened my mouth, those were not the words I intended to say, but his smile lights up his face, blinding my judgment.

  "Don't worry, Cinderella, I'll have you home on time." His reaches for my hand, threading his fingers through mine. My heart beats wildly, and I'm certain by his grin that he can feel my crazy pulse in his fingers. "You ready?"

  That's the exact moment when I should've said 'no'. Nothing about the whole situation was right. I had a boyfriend, but I was already rehearsing the lies in my head. I already knew I was going to the party, and any reservations I had flew out the window when he shot me another one of his famous smiles. "Just give me a minute."

  Unknowingly, those words sealed my fate.

  I run back to the locker room and change clothes, carefully examining my reflection in the mirror. If I'm going to a college party, I don't want to look like a high school student, even if I am one. At the last minute, I decide to wear my hair down and apply some make-up, hoping I don't smell like I just walked off the softball field.

  Then I do something I never thought I'd do. I text Jared, telling him I don't feel well and I'm going to go home. He tells me he hopes I feel better and asks if there's anything he can do. I tell him I'll call him in the morning. Then, I shove my phone in the pocket of my jeans. Forgotten.

  Lying shouldn't be so easy.

  Chapter 57

  Declan

  I can't get her smile out of my head. I've always been obsessed with her lips, her tattoos, her body, but tonight, it's about so much more than that. Tonight, I'm moved by her spirit, touched by her vulnerability, and awed by her quiet determination. I'm amazed by her.

  I wait in the dark corridor outside the locker room, nervous but hopeful. I have to believe that she wants to be with me. I mean, I'm not misreading the signs, am I? The look she shot me from the field, well, it spoke to me. It called out to me on the most basic of levels- like a drink of cold water to quench your thirst or a warm blanket on a cold, winter night.

  I don't need all the bells and whistles. I just need to see a smile on her face, hear the sweet sound of her laughter, and to be the one who holds her when she needs to be held. I'm not a complicated man, and I'm not asking for the much.

  Why, then, does it feel as if I'm asking for the world?

  Because I am.

  Liza Nichols is my world.

  Not-so-patiently, I lean against the wall, waiting for the girl with the power to break me to come walking out those heavy metal doors. The minutes tick by slowly, and I wonder again if I should've just let her come to me.

  Several girls walk out together, but still, no Liza. I clench my hands in fists, rubbing them against my thighs. My nerves have kicked into high gear, and I inhale several calming breaths. I'm staring down at the floor, at my feet, when someone touches me on the shoulder.

  I jerk my head up, my eyes colliding with the lushest green eyes I've ever seen, eyes I'd know anywhere. Even after a hundred years, I'd recognize these eyes.

  "Hi," she whispers, her voice raw and hesitant. A shy smile tugs on her lips, a rare glimpse of vulnerability. She watches me like she thinks I might disappear at any moment. A stray piece of hair falls over her eye, and she moves to push it back. I reach for her, capturing her wrist in one hand while I tuck the wayward locks behind her ear with the other.

  "Hi," I answer, deafened by the sound of my own blood pumping through my chest. Pushing off the wall, I stand tall, wrapping my hands around her waist and pulling her against me. She breathes out a soft hiss when I fit her hips against mine, our eyes locked in a silent battle. I lean down, my lips a whisper away from hers, my hands splayed across her hips. I'm engulfed by her sweet strawberry scent and soft, silky skin. I finally find my peace, there, with her body firmly tucked into mine, right where she belongs. Right where I belong.

  "I was afraid you'd give up on me." Her whispered words and the flash of pain in her eyes gut me. Does she really think I could give up on her? On us?

  "Never." My lips brush against hers, ghosting over them. "I promised you always."

  "Always." That single word rolling off her lips is quite possibly the most exquisite sound I've ever heard.

  "Always." I repeat the word, understanding that no matter how many times I say it, she'll never get tired of hearing it. She needs it, that confirmation. Her eyes flick to my lips, yearning, seconds before her mouth crashes into mine. Filled with passion, need, and completely consuming- nothing between us has ever been gentle.

  Her nails dig into my shoulders, urging me closer, a quiet desperation in the way her mouth moves on mine. When her legs part, I press between them, heightening the tension growing between us. It's always been this way, so easy to get lost in her body that I forget everything else.

  Slowly, I end the kiss, gently pecking her on the tip of her nose before I pull away from her. Her eyes are closed, denying me access to those small windows to her world.

  "Declan, there are some things I need to tell you. Bad things, things that-"

  "Shhh." I lay a finger on her lips, stopping her midsentence. "Not here. Later." Opening her eyes slowly, she glances around as if she just remembered that we're standing in the hallway outside the locker room. Anyone could see us.

  A slow, steady smile transforms her face, her eyes twinkling with an unnamed emotion. She reaches for my hands, curling her fingers through mine. Taking her bottom lip between her teeth, she shuffles her feet before warning me. "We need to do something first."

  "Oh, yeah?" I ask, intrigued by her mischievous grin.

  "Come on. I'll show you." I follow when she tugs on my hands, leading me down the long corridor.

  At the end of the hall, leading outside, there is a long line of parents and family members of players. There, standing near the back, is Liza's family. I easily recognize them due to the huge family resemblance. If I didn't see that, I think the signs they still hold up, the ones with Liza's name printed on them, would be a dead giveaway.


  Liza maneuvers through the crowd that's gathered outside the locker room and stops in front of the two people that can only be her parents. Before she can say a word, her mom steps forward, congratulating her with a hug. When they part, Liza turns to me, reassuring me in that quick glance, and announces, "Mom, Dad, this is Declan."

  I'm shaking hands with her parents when a slightly younger version of Liza walks up with surprise on her face, clearly interested in the turn of events. I smile at her, and her cheeks turn the cutest shade of pink. Liza steps forward, smiling as she ruffles her hair. "Declan, this is Taylor. She's my pesky little sister. And this-" she gestures toward yet another Liza look-alike, "- is my sister, Payton."

  Growing up with two brothers was easy. Nothing could've prepared me for the intense scrutiny of four Nichols women. All eyes are on me. I turn to her dad, who smiles sheepishly, as if he's used to them. "Donovan Nichols, Liza's father."

  I clasp his outstretched hand, saying, "Declan White. Nice to meet you."

  After that, everyone speaks at once. The two sisters drill Liza with questions about the game, about me, about everything under the sun. Her mom asks a question I can't hear over the girls, and her dad shrugs his shoulders as if to say 'you better get used to it'. It's organized chaos, and I love it. I love seeing this side of Liza.

  Her mom asks where I'm from, what my major is, how I met Liza (forgive me if I embellished), and what my parents do for a living. Her dad is quiet, silently observing. I assume he's learned to stay out of their way. I'm talking to her mom when I feel Liza's fingers entwine with mine, a symbol of unity that speaks volumes. We're in this together. We're a team.

  Suddenly, a loud voice interrupts, "Way to go, Liza!" Seth, Quincy, and Jenna step forward, congratulating and hugging her. Seth wraps his huge arms around her in a bear hug, lifting her feet off the ground before sitting her back down. "That was awesome!"

  I stand by and watch in awe as Liza introduces our friends to her family. She continues to hold my hand, clutching it like a lifeline, as she periodically smiles up at me. I notice, too, how her family reacts to her new life.

  I see glimpses of the girl Liza used to be, before whatever changed her happened, and even though I didn't think it was possible, I fall more in love with her by the minute.

  The girl she used to be, the girl she is, and the woman she's becoming.

  Chapter 58

  Eliza

  Introducing my new life to my old life is liberating.

  I'm learning that it's okay to let go of the past, the pain, the shame, and embrace the future. I deserve it.

  My parents invited Declan to dinner, but he politely declined, telling them he had a fraternity obligation. I'll never forget the look on his face when Taylor hugged him, warning him that he better be good to me. The protective little sister.

  And my heart melted when his gaze held mine, telling her, "You don't have to worry about that. I'll take care of her as long as she lets me." The girls collectively sighed, both charmed and impressed by him.

  "I always knew those preacher's sons were trouble." Mom declared, and everyone broke into laughter, including Declan. If they only knew.

  He's trouble alright. The kind with a capital “T”. No one has to know that under his composed exterior is the man who makes my mouth water and thighs tighten with just a few naughty words. That side of him is mine.

  Mine.

  I smile at the once terrifying, now overwhelmingly beautiful, thought.

  And I didn't think of him the rest of the evening. I almost convinced myself that I imagined seeing him, and maybe I did. And maybe- well, maybe it just doesn't matter anymore.

  "Want something to drink?" Zach's voice penetrates the loud music playing through the speakers mounted to the ceiling. This is nothing like the parties I've been to. The guys are bigger, more man than boy, and the girls are dancing like they don't care who's watching.

  "Sure. What do you have?" I'm nervous, completely outside my element. I'm used to knowing everyone, being the life of the party, but I don't recognize any of these people. The rooms are packed wall-to-wall. Some guys are smoking while they loudly banter back and forth, some are shooting pool at a table in the corner, and others are wearing girls on their arms like accessories.

  "Babe, we have anything you want. You name it, we have it." He smirks, gesturing to a fully stocked bar. Several girls holding red plastic cups are waiting in line for the keg.

  "Ummm... a beer?" I don't want to look like the only teenager at a college party.

  "Sure." He cocks an eyebrow, grinning at me. I'm mortified by the fact that he obviously knows I've never done this before. As soon as he hands the cup to me, I lift it to my mouth and take a large gulp, trying not to grimace at the bitter taste. "Come on." He smiles down at me, jumpstarting my stupid, innocent heart right there. Placing his hand on my lower back, he guides me over to the pool table.

  "Hey, guys. Can I get in on the next game?" Zach asks one of the guys standing closest to us. While they talk, his hand remains on my back, sending electric shocks up my spine. Being here with him makes me feel special, and I pretend to be older, more mature.

  I hope they can't see through my act.

  I take several long drinks of the beer, a warm, tingly feeling warms my core and spreads throughout my body. I begin to loosen up, my nerves forgotten. Reaching for Zach's cup, I drain the contents in a matter of minutes. Somehow, a full cup gets shoved into my hand, and after a few drinks, I find myself laughing and talking with his friends. Suddenly, I don't feel like a school-aged girl anymore.

  I don't know how many drinks I've had, but everything seems better, brighter, more intense. Every time Zach looks at me, my pulse quickens, and when he guides me into a dimly lit room where people are dancing, I fall easily into him, winding my arms around his neck and moving my body seductively against his. His breath brushes my bare shoulder, causing goosebumps to break out along my skin. I close my eyes, lost in the intensity of the moment. His hands slip down, cupping my butt and crushing me against him.

  When I open my eyes, his mouth hovers over mine, only a breath away, and his eyes are full of red-hot heat. I tangle my fingers in the hair at the base of his neck, tugging him forward. When our lips met, a fire I'd never felt before begins to spread throughout my body.

  Our bodies move effortlessly together. I'm so lost in the moment that I forget my parents, my very sweet boyfriend, and the fact that I could get in trouble or worse - get kicked off the team. I forget everything.

  Because I'm a careless, foolish girl, completely unaware that I'd just made my second mistake of the night.

  Chapter 59

  Declan

  She loves me.

  She didn't have to say it. That kiss said it all. The way she held onto my hand and the way her eyes gleamed as she introduced me to her family said everything I needed to know.

  Tonight is going to be perfect. Corrine packed Liza's bag, and with help from Jenna and Quincy, everything else is in place. They assure me that Liza's going to melt in my hands when she sees what I have planned.

  Dinner reservations- check. Flowers- check. Bags- check. Room- check.

  Now, I just need to get the girl.

  Me: Tonight.

  That single word says everything. Tonight, come to me. Tonight, you're mine. Tonight is the beginning of the rest of our lives. It's a promise.

  I wait anxiously, nervous and excited to get things moving. Her reply is immediate.

  Liza: The fire escape?

  I scoff at the idea. A girl like Liza should have never been climbing up or down the fire escape. Ever.

  Me: Maybe next time :)

  Liza: LOL. Where?

  Me: I'll pick you up at 7

  Liza: Can't wait

  Then, I spend the rest of the afternoon, finalizing plans. Over and over, I rehearse my very sincere, very persuasive speech. There's so much I want to say, so many things she needs to hear.

  Here's to finally getting the gir
l.

  Chapter 60

  Eliza

  I changed outfits six times, modeling them for Corrine. She told me four changes ago that I looked perfect. It's just that I haven't done this- the whole date and romance thing- in a very long time. Old doubts and fears creep in, and I struggle to squelch them before I go crazy with 'what ifs'. What if he doesn't feel the way I do? What if I'm reading too much into this? What if he doesn't feel the same once he hears what I have to say? What if... uggghhh!

  "What if he loves you anyway?" Corrine's words break into my silent reverie.

  I look down at the dress I'm holding and chuck in on the floor. I plop down on the edge of my bed and stare at my hands. "What if he doesn't?" I speak my biggest fear.

  I survived rape but I don't know if I'll survive losing my heart.

  I didn't even know I had one until a few weeks ago, and I've already given it away.

  "Liza, how could he not?" She reaches for a dress, edgy yet classy, handing it to me. "He'll love this one."

  I take the dress and slide it over my head. It's more modest than I usually wear, but it's perfect. I'll probably never be the wide-eyed innocent in a t-shirt and jeans again. I'm learning to embrace the idea that sexy doesn't equate to slutty. I look down at the dress, the empire waist and tapered hemline. Yeah, Declan will love it.

  Corrine sits on her bed, feet tucked under her, while I finish getting ready. Hair softly curled and hanging down my back, I skimp on the make-up, applying only a thin coat of mascara and eye liner with a soft brush of blush. My lips, though, are painted the red I happen to know will set Declan off.

  When I'm done, I twirl in the mirror, appreciating what I see for the first time in a long while, but there's only one more thing I need to do. I turn to face Corrine, holding my breath and releasing it.