by Bryce Oakley
“All we are is just another howl at the moon.”
* * *
Meg walked into her hotel room in a daze. She left the show in such haste that she didn’t even bother to grab her jacket.
She hadn’t needed to explain anything to any of her bandmates. They would surely be checking on her later, but when they saw she was crying, there were only two questions asked of her.
“Are you okay?” Billie asked, concern all over her face.
“What do you need?” Zoey asked, grabbing Meg’s hand.
“I need to get out of here,” Meg had said, and the next thing she knew she was being shuttled into a rideshare. She was so thankful for her friends.
She switched off her phone and drew herself a bubble bath. Yes, it was cliche, but she honestly wasn’t sure what else to do.
When people in the movies got their hearts broken, they usually took bubble baths or sadness showers and she didn’t want to wash her hair, so the bathtub was the obvious choice.
She grabbed some whiskey from the minibar for good measure and poured herself into the bathtub.
Barely ten minutes had gone by before she heard a knock at the door. She ignored it, since there was no one she wanted to see at the moment. The knocking continued for some time before whoever it was gave up and went away. Finally.
She had just finished adding more hot water when she was surprised by the door opening and Collins rushed in.
“What the fuck?” Meg shouted, grabbing a towel and standing up.
“What’s wrong? What happened, are you okay?” Collins asked, a look of fear and panic all over her face.
Good.
Meg stepped out of the tub and wrapped a robe around herself.
“How did you get in here?” Meg asked, she hadn’t expected Collins to barge into her room.
“I told them at the desk that it was an emergency and they gave me the key. What happened to you? You were crying and then you were just gone and nobody would tell me what happened,” Collins asked.
Meg had anticipated some phone calls from Collins. That’s why she had turned her phone off. She had expected her to knock on the door, but she hadn’t prepared herself to have this conversation face-to-face yet. But here she was.
She tried to steel herself for what was coming.
“Listen, I know everything. So I need you to just come clean and tell me yourself,” Meg tried her best to channel Collins’ intense stare.
For a few moments, Collins just stared back. She didn’t jump to immediate denials, she didn’t try to make Meg think she was overreacting, she didn’t do… anything. She just stared. It was worse than if she had started yelling. She looked so angry that Meg was thrown off.
“I thought something was really wrong, that you were hurt or upset, but you’re just angry? And you’re angry at me? For what?!” Collins didn’t raise her voice but her anger came through as if she had.
“You and Micah, tell me what I should know, Collins. Earlier today, you promised me complete honesty. Today,” Meg spit, feeling as though steam might start coming out of her ears.
“I don’t know what you found out, but I’m guessing I was overheard when I was talking to Micah after you stormed off at the lunch meeting,” Collins said as she motioned for them to move out of the bathroom. She sank onto a nearby chair.
Meg felt like she’d been slapped. So, it was true. She tried her best to keep her face neutral so Collins would continue talking. After a few painfully long moments, Collins finally piped up again.
“I’m sure that whatever was heard was misconstrued. Micah and I have an understanding. She’s good at her job and I’m good at my job, and we help each other when we can,” Collins didn’t meet Meg’s eyes this time, so she decided to poke the bear.
“Why?” Meg said with the inflection of a statement, not a question.
“What do you mean, why? Because this is business. I take my career very seriously, I thought you knew that,” Collins sounded cold. Two pink patches appeared on her cheeks. It would have been endearing if it weren’t so infuriating.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You’re going to tell me you had an argument with Micah about me and then you think saying, ‘it’s business” is going to be an acceptable answer?” Meg dropped the pretense of being calm. She was pissed, and Collins needed to know how wrong she was.
Collins had picked up a small piece of paper from the notepad with the hotel’s logo on it, and she was methodically tearing into small squares.
Fidgeting was a sign of lying, right?
“We knew working together and sleeping together was going to be difficult, but I thought you understood that there needs to be a serious firewall between the personal and the business,” Collins said, sounding more like her professional persona as she sat back in her seat, giving Meg the impression that she was trying to take control of the situation.
“Don’t speak to me like I’m a child,” Meg snapped. “You can say there’s a difference between business and personal all you want, but I would be confronting you right now whether we were sleeping together or not. And by the way, saying sleeping together instead of seeing each other says a fucking lot.”
“Why are you so angry right now? This isn’t even that big of a deal and you should just trust me when I tell you that,” Collins said. She was sitting forward again, and her orderly paper squares were becoming more jagged and uneven.
“Trust you? You’re not telling me anything and you expect me to trust you?” Meg said, her voice rising in pitch and volume.
“Yes!” Collins said, exasperated.
“This is not what you promised me today, we agreed on honesty — not blind trust,” Meg said. “Why were you and Micah fighting about me?”
“We weren’t fighting, and you’re going to feel silly when I tell you why we were talking about you,” Collins’ eyes sparkled with excitement. “Micah was saying that you’re the glue of the band, so I needed to keep you happy!”
That was not at all what Meg expected her to say. Why would it make her happy to have her suspicions confirmed that Collins had been basically targeting her?
“Why on Earth would that make me feel like anything but pissed off, dude?” Meg was dumbfounded. “Did you think it would make me happy to hear that you’re just using me? Do you think it makes me happy that Domino was right and you have no interest in me? How does that make me the fool? Like I should thank you?”
Collins dropped the tiny ripped papers from her hand, scattering them onto the table and floor. It looked to Meg like the saddest confetti she’d ever seen.
Meg started to pace, settling into her groove of yelling at Collins.
“Collins, do you think it was a good idea — you, who harps on business versus personal — that you should seduce me to keep me on your side?” Meg thought about opening her fridge to find something to chuck at Collins, but she was too mad. And Collins was just sitting there perfectly still — she would be damn easy to hit. But she couldn’t have Collins thinking it was playful. This was too important. “Believe it or not, I can actually get a date on my own and I don’t need to be fucked into submission.”
“Meg,” Collins pleaded, but Meg was already on her way to the door. She held it open and was only a little surprised that Domino stood on the other side.
“Collins was just leaving,” Meg said to Domino loudly.
“If you want me to go, I’ll go, but you have it all wrong,” Collins said in a quiet voice.
“Out you get, Collins,” Domino said with an edge to her voice.
“I don’t want to see you, either,” Meg said to Domino and closed the door on both women standing in the hallway with matching incredulous expressions.
Chapter Sixty-Five
Collins
Watching Meg slam the door on her face made Collins sick to her stomach.
Collins had been so angry that Meg didn’t just take her word for it that everything was fine. Why did she have such little faith in her?
>
Domino had looked at Collins like she might want to talk to her, but Collins crossed the hall and went into her own room, closing the door behind her.
She didn’t understand how Meg could have been mad that Micah thought she was important. That should have been nice for her to hear, shouldn’t it?
It had come as a huge shock when Meg explained that she didn’t see it that way at all. The idea that Collins had slept with Meg to get her to agree to Collins’ director position or for some stupid agreement about band interviews was insane. And insulting. And stupid.
No, Meg was just being dramatic. She couldn’t possibly think so little of Collins. Could she? They hadn’t known each other for that long, but Collins felt like Meg kind of, well, understood her.
She was able to fight with her about work and then hold her hand later. They had been able to compromise about the interviews.
Meg was passionate and invested in her career, a peacekeeper within her band — strangely accomplishing that by throwing donuts at them — but accomplished peace nonetheless. She was respected by her peers and known for being loyal. All of those things made Collins feel like they were in sync and were really complimenting each other.
Where had things gone so wrong?
As she sat alone in her room drinking her way through a bottle of Green Spot whiskey, Collins decided she deserved to feel a little sorry for herself for a change.
This was the very reason she preferred to date dummies. Where had dating someone so smart and driven gotten her? Drinking alone in her hotel room, feeling damn sorry for herself, that’s where.
She kept replaying their fight in her head. The look on Meg’s face when she said Collins had seduced her seemed to be etched into her brain.
She didn’t really think that. She couldn’t.
But the look she gave her really sold that she did believe it.
Maybe it was for the best for everything to end now. Collins had somehow convinced herself that she and Meg could work well as a sort of partnership, something new for her. Seeing her mesh so well with the Collins family and then tell cousin Eric to kick rocks had made Collins think maybe she could appreciate having someone by her side that was so loyal to her.
After a few more drinks, Collins decided to call her brother. He had texted her a few times to find out if Meg was alright.
“Hey, is Meg okay?” Jake answered on the second ring.
“She’s bonkers, Jake. She’s so pissed at me for the dumbest reason,” Collins slurred.
“The dumbest reason?” Jake sounded like he didn’t believe her.
“So dumb. Apparently someone — I’m guessing Domino — overheard a conversation I had with Micah and totally misconstrued what was said,” Collins said, feeling a little frustrated that she should have to convince him.
Collins explained the situation as best she could to Jake, who knew Micah and knew that the Collins and Micah relation wasn’t exactly common knowledge. She told him about Micah scolding Collins and Meg thinking that Collins had only started seeing her to get her to support her as director.
“Lace, I know you’ve been drinking and I know that you’re always so convinced that you’re right, but I have to tell you that you’re wrong, dude,” Jake said, sounding like he was trying to be kind.
“But,” Collins started to protest, but Jake interrupted her.
“Stop for a second and try to put yourself in her position. You would have taken things exactly as Meg did. And the news about you and Micah arguing about her must have come from Domino, so it would have stung even more since she was already doubting you. You blew it. You’re going to do some major apologizing to her tomorrow,” Jake said confidently.
“Tomorrow?” Collins asked.
“Good Lord, yes. You’re drunk. Drink some water, take some painkillers, and go to bed. Call me tomorrow,” Jake ordered.
Friday
Collins awoke with a pounding head and queasy stomach. She knew that only part of the awful way she was feeling was from her hangover. She had a knot in the pit of her stomach. She was nervous, felt guilty, and still felt like she was right, all at the same time. Today was going to be rough.
As she walked into the production office, she saw that she was very far from the first to arrive. The building was buzzing with people setting up lights, moving cameras, pelican cases galore, and lots of people hurriedly speed walking with coffees.
Garrett, the Director of Photography, was waiting for her in the production office.
“So, we’re all set for the band interview and the filming today, but I wanted to make sure that you were on board with the interviewer. They said it’s the manager, Micah,” Garrett looked down at his feet and seemed uncomfortable. “The one with the lips that kind of slurs.”
It was the funniest thing Collins had heard all morning. She chuckled despite herself.
“I’ll have a chat with Micah. She may not be the best person to interview the band right now,” Collins said, and again snickered at the visible relief that washed over Garrett’s face.
“Good morning, Micah,” Collins greeted Micah unsmilingly, as usual.
“Good morning, Collins,” Micah was all smiles, or well, as close as she could get with her current situation.
“What’s this I hear about the band interview?” Collins wasn’t quite sure how to broach the subject with Micah, something she didn’t normally have a problem with.
Today was not a good day to be off her game.
“Isn’t it exciting? I’ve never interviewed anyone. Maybe someone exciting will see it and offer me a daytime talk show, I can go on right after Pia!” Micah said excitedly. Collins couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. She was probably teasing. Probably. Right?
Collins faltered. How could she burst Micah’s bubble? Maybe she would talk to the band and see how they felt about it. It would be hard to use Micah, but she supposed they could get creative with camera angles if they absolutely had to.
Collins shook her head at her own behavior. When had she turned into such a sap? Everything was off because she hadn’t settled things with Meg. She needed to put things right so she could focus on work again.
It was insane to have something like a woman and a relationship weighing on her mind when she should be focused on the biggest project of her career.
Collins found Meg in one of the sitting areas a short distance from the instruments. She was relieved to find her alone.
Meg was wearing an oversized green sweatshirt, her hands pulled inside the too-long sleeves and the hood up over her head. She sat with her feet tucked under her on the couch, reading a book and wearing headphones.
Collins approached her gingerly — Meg was fairly well known at that point to throw things when she was angry. She waved when Meg looked up, and Meg took off her headphones, though she remained unsmiling.
Taking that as a good sign for a conversation, Collins sat down in an overstuffed chair across from Meg.
“Hello,” Collins said in as friendly a voice as she could.
“Hi,” Meg said quickly.
“Listen, can we talk? I owe you an apology,” Collins said.
“There’s no need. I understand,” Meg said curtly, reaching for her headphones again.
“No, please, hear me out?” Collins asked softly.
Meg sighed, but set her headphones back down.
“I just wanted to tell you that what we have, you and me, it means something to me, and I don’t want you thinking that I approached you because I wanted your support to be named director. I don’t mean to sound conceited here or anything, but I would have gotten you to come around without flirting with you,” Collins tried a smile, but Meg reacted with a frown.
“You’re right, Collins. I would have eventually supported your little coup. So, don’t worry about it. I won’t be a baby about this, and believe it or not, I can be a professional here and just do my job. We’ve got interviews today, and then the show tomorrow, and then back to real life. So,
it’s cool,” Meg said in a matter-of-fact tone that seemed to stab Collins in the chest like a knife.
“I don’t want to lose what we have,” Collins started, her eyes wide and sincere.
Meg cut her off. That look twisted the knife in her chest.
“Consider us all made up, but our relationship should just be professional.” Meg held eye contact for just a few moments, then put her headphones back on and very deliberately went back to her book.
Collins sat stunned for a few minutes, hoping Meg would turn and look at her… but nothing happened. So, Collins eventually got up and walked away, feeling absolutely defeated.
All this time while Collins had been daydreaming about a partnership with Meg, that was never what she wanted. One little argument and she bailed?
That wasn’t alright. Maybe she would come around. They still had two days together, and in the scope of their relationship, that was actually a pretty long time.
Chapter Sixty-Six
Meg
“I’m just not a relationship person,” Meg said, leaning back in her bed.
Isla sat on the couch across the room, sipping a bottle of mineral water. “You keep saying that,” she started diplomatically. She rubbed the bridge of her nose. “But I’m not sure you mean it.”
Meg was so happy to have someone like Isla to talk to, finally. She had flown in from LA for the Red Rocks show and having her around was like a breath of fresh air. As the other founding member of Single Girls Squad, she was the opinion Meg wanted to hear. The rest were wearing rose-colored-love glasses and kept telling her to talk to Collins.
“No, I mean it. I just want people to be real, up front, and say what they mean. Like, people are never the same as what they present when they’re luring you into liking them,” Meg said.
Isla rolled her eyes. “Luring you?”
“Sure, it’s probably human nature to try to make yourself look as good as possible to someone you’re attracted to, but I just can’t handle how much different they always end up. And how is that any different than lying?” Meg said.