by Bryce Oakley
“And you’re saying that you presented yourself with complete honesty?” Isla asked.
Meg considered the question. “Yes,” she said.
Isla gave her a pointed look.
“Whose side are you on?” Meg said, furrowing her brow.
Isla laughed. “You’re being a drama llama,” she teased.
The remark caught Meg off-guard, and she actually smiled. “Do you think I did the right thing?” She asked, a lump forming in her throat.
This whole clusterfuck with Collins just proved that Meg was asking for too much when she asked for honesty. She was deluding herself to think that was possible in a romantic relationship.
The conversation with Collins had been more difficult than she had expected. She hadn’t really expected Collins to be so… open? She had expected to tip-toe around each other for another day or two before finally having the talk, and she certainly hadn’t expected Collins to apologize and tell Meg that she didn’t want to lose her. Too late now. She should have thought of that before she humiliated her.
“I don’t think there’s a right and wrong here, babe,” Isla said with a shrug. “If you weren’t doing the interviews this afternoon, I’d offer you some of these gummy edibles I picked up. Or I found this weed juice...” She began digging around in her bag.
“That doesn’t sound super appealing,” Meg said with a grimace, imagining some sort of weird tea.
“Oh no, it’s pomegranate-flavored. It’s delicious,” Isla said, holding up a bottle that looked like it contained cough syrup.
Meg grinned. “I’ll take you up on the edibles offer, but after.”
A knock on the door interrupted Meg’s thought.
Isla raised an eyebrow. “Might as well make myself useful,” she said, getting up to open the door. “Oh, hey Micah.”
Meg stood quickly in surprise. “What? Micah?”
“Meg, I heard about what happened, and I just want to explain my side of it,” Micah said, walking past Isla into the room.
Meg watched as Micah sat on the edge of her bed. She had been through it all with The Shrikes and got so little credit. She had been there when they played the tiny college shows, when they were barely scraping by, rehearsing in the Rush’s garage. She had believed in them.
Meg shrugged. “It’s not a big deal,” she said. “And it’s not your fault.”
“It is a big deal,” Micah said.
“It’s really not,” Meg insisted. “You told Collins that she had to convince me, not that she should use me in the most humiliating of ways.” She wasn’t completely ready to give up the grudge. She would be keeping a closer eye on Micah, maybe keeping her at arms length for a while, but she wasn’t about to sacrifice the friendship they had built for years sitting in the back of smelly tour vans.
Micah looked like she wanted to say something more, but instead, she reached out to take Meg’s hand.
Meg squeezed her hand back.
“And thank you for including me in the interviews,” Micah added.
“Who knows the band better than you, Mike?” Isla said lightly.
Meg nodded.
Micah looked humbled by the comment before standing up and taking a deep breath as she straightened her dress. “Alright, ready to go do the damn thing?”
“You know I trust your judgement, Meg, but are we really sure that we want Micah to be the one to interview us? With her, uh, cold?” Billie asked, phrasing the situation very delicately as she sat next to her, getting her hair straightened in the hair and makeup chair.
Meg sighed. “Isla brought up a good point earlier — who knows us better than Micah? Who are we more comfortable around professionally than Micah? Let’s trust the production team to make her look her best, and PR tried to rephrase the questions to avoid some of the sounds that are still coming out a little slurred,” Meg said.
She had finished writing the interview questions the night before, approved them with the band, and PR and the label had gone through them.
She hadn’t shown them to Collins since they didn’t technically agree to that. Their compromise was that the band would be interviewed as a group and that the questions would be prepared in advance. They had never agreed that Collins needed to approve them.
She thought about throwing in some major shade with her questions, but thought better of it. She wanted the fans to end up with a better understanding of the band and their dynamic. She wasn’t about to let a tiff with Collins make her lose focus on what mattered.
What mattered was The Shrikes.
“Again,” Collins said from behind a monitor. “B Cam missed the shot. Frame up on the drummer.”
Domino groaned loudly. “Are you torturing us on purpose?” She turned to Meg with a wide-eyed, are-you-kidding-me look.
Meg slouched and rolled her eyes in response.
Most of the day was spent playing music, which — although tiring and annoying — was the best possible scenario for Meg.
The camera crew wanted to get plenty of shots of The Shrikes playing and practicing, and Garrett kept having them repeat songs so he could get the right angles — he kept repeating some phrase about not wanting to “run and gun” the job.
It felt a bit like shooting a fake music video.
Zoey had made sure that they all looked their best each day that week, but she had obviously placed greater importance to the interview day. She had only allowed Meg to wear her favorite beat up sweatshirt between takes.
Each of the four women’s outfits complimented each other without taking away from the individual’s unique sense of style — Meg got to wear cute leopard print ankle boots, ripped black jeans, a t-shirt, and a denim jacket, which suited her just fine.
She had even taken special care to help Micah pick her outfit. She looked lovely and a little… softer by the time Zoey was done with her.
“So, for sure, this is what we’re doing here? We’re sure?” Garrett asked Collins for the third time.
“We know what we’re doing,” Collins snapped at him.
It made Meg feel a little better — though she did notice that Collins had used we.
When the time came for the interview, the four members of The Shrikes arranged themselves in one of the sitting areas where the production crew had set up approximately four thousand of the brightest lights known to humanity. Cameras and operators were set at three different angles around them.
The Shrikes sat facing Micah, who was positioned in between two cameras with her back to them. Maybe that was part of the cinematic magic?
Meg tried her best to act as natural as possible, sitting up straight, shoulders down, breathing normally. She wanted to be a professional — or at least appear that way. She kept catching herself following Collins’ movements and tried to stop, eventually focusing intensely on Micah’s face instead.
“And, ready,” Collins said, sitting behind a monitor with large headphones on. She looked very stupid in them and not at all adorable. Not one bit.
“Billie, tell me a bit about how the process for the album and the tour changed a bit from your last,” Micah began.
The majority of the interview questions she had written related to the band’s process. They all talked a lot about the song writing process and the change with this album that saw both Zoey and Meg join in with the writing.
Billie and Domino did the majority of the talking, which was par for the course for any interview with the full band.
A few of the questions were regarding hopes, dreams, and goals for the band and the bandmates. Meg specifically made sure there was no mention of Billie’s upcoming wedding, or anything to do with the romantic relationships of anyone in the band.
She thought back to when Zoey had caused a shitstorm after giving an off-the-cuff answer to a question about her romantic relationship with Pia. In an effort to direct the conversation back to the music, she had inadvertently made everything so much worse.
She considered her lesson learned after that
debacle.
Billie talked about how she would like to branch out and write more songs for other bands and artists. She loved the writing process so much that she wanted to help others write their albums.
Zoey was the only other member that volunteered an answer to those questions, explaining that she had plans to open a new pho restaurant in Phoenix — Meg was grateful that she hadn’t mentioned that Pia was her business partner in that venture.
The only personal question that Meg answered was one she had written specifically for herself.
“What do you consider the single most important trait in a friend?” Micah asked the group in a voice that sounded like she was trying to emulate a newscaster.
Sure, it was personal, and it verged on too-personal, but it was important to Meg to speak what was on her mind and in her heart.
Meg purposefully saved her response for last, listening to Billie, Domino, and Zoey give their responses first.
“I consider honesty the single most important trait in a friend. If someone isn’t honest, then I don’t want them around me at all. I would much rather be told that I look terrible than to be lied to under the pretense of sparing my feelings,” Meg said in a way that she hoped was natural and casual and non-rehearsed when it was her turn. “A single lie or even a lie of omission is enough to lose my trust forever.”
It took everything in her power to keep eye contact with Micah. Not three inches below her eyes — she didn’t want to lose focus. And she couldn’t lose focus and look at Collins. She pretended Collins wasn’t there at all, no matter how much that hurt.
Later that evening, Meg decided that it was better to hang out with her friends than to drink alone in her room, so she drank in Billie’s room instead.
“You were very cool today Meg, calm and collected,” Isla said encouragingly.
“It didn’t feel that way. I was so mad yesterday, but today I just feel... deflated,” Meg said, shrugging.
She was slumped into an overstuffed chair with her feet folded beneath her.
“Honestly, Collins did seem really sad today. I think she might have really meant it when she apologized,” Billie said softly. She seemed a little nervous to say such a thing to Meg.
“It doesn’t matter, Billo. Even if she meant every word of her apology, and even if she is just as sad as I am, it doesn’t change anything,” Meg said firmly. “She lied. And it looks like she did use me, the only question is — to what extent? So, I don’t see any way for me to ever forget that.”
“Maybe you don’t have to forget it,” Vero offered.
Meg tilted her head in question.
“Maybe you could try to work through it? You know, talk it out?” Vero continued.
Meg just shook her head. She had hardly slept since she and Collins argued the night before. Each time she closed her eyes she was reminded of the terrible things they had said to each other.
The things they had said to each other were only part of what was making her feel awful. Worse than that were the things she said to herself. She had a knot in her stomach all the time, like someone was just constantly punching her.
Collins never cared about you. BAM. She only used you to advance her career. Boom. Another one. Everyone else could see it right away, it took you so long to figure it out. The sinking feeling just never let up.
After a few too many whiskeys, she was hoping that she was just drunk enough to get some good, dreamless sleep. She asked Isla to walk her to her room just in case she were to run into Collins since their rooms were so close together.
Isla hugged Meg hard when they made it to her room with zero Collins sightings.
“You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be treated well. You’re a wonderful human,” Isla could be so kind at the least convenient of times.
Meg stifled the urge to immediately break down into sobs and silently prayed that Collins wasn’t spying through the peephole at them. She hurried inside and fell into bed without undressing.
Exhausted from her day of heartache, Meg fell asleep immediately and happily, didn’t remember any of her dreams.
Saturday
After spending the morning sleeping off her hangover — equally caused by the whiskey and the overload of emotions — Meg was sitting in her room waiting for the message from Billie that they were ready to head to Red Rocks.
They would be getting ready at the venue and Meg tried to focus by picturing the outfit that Zoey had directed. It included just enough sparkle to be fun as she played, and had the situation been any different, Meg would have been feeling pretty amazing.
She stared out the window and considered everything that had led to this moment.
There had been so much buildup to the big show. The Netflix special. The Live from Red Rocks album. The most important concert they’ve ever done. So much was riding on this show.
Meg was angry with herself for her complete lack of excitement. All this drama over one woman? It was crazy.
She just needed to get through this show, then she could fly home tomorrow.
Once the show was over, she would never have to see Collins again.
The biggest show of her career and it was all she could do to just get through it.
Billie, Zoey, Domino, and Meg rode to the venue together. Things between Meg and Domino weren’t exactly as they had been before, but Meg no longer wanted to throw things at her. She was still mad at Dom for treating her the way she did, and maybe she was also a little mad at Dom for being right — at least a little bit right.
During soundcheck, Meg stared up at the looming amphitheatre before her. Red Rocks was aptly named, with outdoor seating carved into the side of a giant red cliff. On either side of the seating area were humongous red walls.
She paused, taking in the sight. Her stomach fluttered at the mental image of the seats being full, the lights floating over the crowd and rocks later that night.
She even let herself smile, picturing the moment where they walked on stage to the crowd applauding and yelling.
She let her mind clear as she played through “Kaleidoscope” to let the sound engineers make final adjustments. She knew Collins was out there somewhere overseeing the sound production and the final tweaks for the cameras.
For the first time, the thought didn’t bother her. Collins would make sure the album and show went off without a hitch. They were lucky to have her in that capacity.
She was ready.
She was surprised to see Jake watching from the side of the stage as soon as they were done with soundcheck.
She hugged him in greeting, both genuinely happy to see a friendly face and also dreading any mention of his sister.
“Listen, I know you have no reason to believe me, but Collins is completely stupid for you. She’s never felt for anyone else the way she feels for you. I know she can be a real asshole sometimes, but please consider giving her another chance?” Jake said in a way that made it sound rehearsed.
And there it was.
“Does she know you’re talking to me about this?” Meg asked.
“Of course not, she would for sure kick my ass if she knew I was talking to you about this. But I can’t let it stand. I know her better than anyone, so I have to speak my mind on it.” Jake looked a little embarrassed.
She liked Jake a lot, and she could appreciate that he was just trying to look out for his sister, but it didn’t mean she had to listen or take his advice.
“You’re not wearing your goofy shirt tonight,” Meg said in a friendlier tone, shifting the topic away from something that would upset her.
“I could never wear the same thing to two different shows, Meghan!” Jake looked scandalized before laughing. “I did make this shirt though.”
He stood back so she could admire his work: A beautiful and simple shirt where the name of the band was filled with an iridescent pattern that looked a bit like a kaleidoscope.
“You do know that we get a share of the official merchandise sales, right?” M
eg teased, laughing at the look of embarrassment on Jake’s face.
“If I make you one, will you promise you won’t sue?” He said with a pleading expression.
“You should probably make one for each of us.” Meg said, enjoying the lighthearted banter with Jake. It did make her miss Collins more, but it felt good to laugh just a bit with him.
Jake suddenly said his goodbyes when he saw Collins coming toward them, and he scurried away in the opposite direction.
“Hi Meg,” Collins said. She was wearing a headset, holding a clipboard, and had a person trailing her with another clipboard. So many clipboards.
“Hey,” Meg said, trying her best to sound neutral.
“Everything okay?” Collins asked.
“Yep,” Meg said.
“Do you have any concerns about tonight?” Collins asked, and the look on her face made Meg realize that she was asking one more time if Meg was okay with Collins directing — as if there was any alternative at the moment.
“I trust you to produce this album, and I know that you’ll do an amazing job on it, just like I know you’ll do an incredible job with the special. So, I think that’s where we should leave it,” Meg said.
The hurt look on Collins' face was nearly enough to make her throw herself into Collins’ arms and tell her it would all be alright.
But it wouldn’t all be alright. It was over and it would be better for them to stop dragging it on.
Red Rocks was a breathtaking venue once the sun set. It felt magical to stand in such a phenomenal and sacred place. A naturally perfect amphitheater, a venue that had seen some of the greatest performers of all time… And now the setting for the biggest show of her life.
The band, Micah, Vero, Pia, Sabrina, and Isla sat in the band’s dressing room after they had all gone through hair, makeup, and wardrobe. Collins was in and out, looking very busy and important.
Meg tried her best to show excitement that she didn’t feel. She laughed at the jokes and smiled at the right times.