by Bryce Oakley
She had her friends, and knowing that she had the best support system in the world, she’d be okay eventually.
At least once she got behind her drum set she would feel better. There was never a pain that music couldn’t take away, at least for a little while.
When the time came for The Shrikes to take the stage, Meg felt relief rush over her. All that was left of the miserable day was to play the music and that was by far the only thing that made her feel human again.
Walking on to the stage, Meg felt the fresh, cool air against her face and took a big, deep breath. She waved and smiled for the crowd and took her place at her instrument.
Their first song of the night would be “Kaleidoscope.” Meg counted them off and tried to get into the music. She was always able to lose herself in music — one of the reasons she had started playing at an angsty young age — and she was looking forward to that feeling, but it didn’t seem to be coming. She shook her head and tried to get herself together.
Meg had always had the ability to focus on the music and only on the music. She felt the panic start to rise in her chest. What if she was unable to play music in the same way she always had? What if she lost the only thing in the world that had ever brought her true joy? What if she was broken — what if she never got the focus back?
Meg glanced around nervously, not sure what she was looking for until she found it. Found her.
Collins was standing just to the side of the stage, looking directly at Meg. She mouthed the word “breathe” and Meg took a deep breath.
Collins smiled and nodded, her face full of intense certainty.
Collins knew she could do it, she knew that Meg would play the way she always had, with everything she had.
That was all it took for Meg to find her focus, the same person that made her doubt herself was helping her to get back where she should be. She smiled at Collins and then went back to her work, losing herself in the music once more.
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Collins
Collins paced from her bedroom to her balcony and back, going through the kitchen and dining room with each pass. She had been pacing for a while, anxiously awaiting Jake’s arrival.
Sitting on her dining room table were the invitations for the release party and screening in a few days. She eyed them warily each time she walked past them, they made her uncomfortable.
She was extremely excited for the launch, and she was truly so proud of the hard work she and the post-production team had done over the past eight weeks. The Shrikes Live at Red Rocks would officially debut in two days.
After the concert six weeks ago, Collins had thrown herself into the editing process. She watched hours and hours of tape. She worked with post to piece together different angles of each and every shot to get the best possible product for the finished Netflix special.
And every second of it had been agony.
After the show, Meg had once again refused to talk to Collins. She had hoped that Meg’s smile during the first song had meant that she had changed her mind, but Meg told her she wanted to keep their relationship professional. Again.
At first, Collins had been angry. She was pissed that Meg had just blown her off. What they had was special. She knew that in her gut.
She was incensed the day after the show while hanging out with her family. Meg had selfishly run away from a good thing. She was furious as she traveled back home to California. How dare she toss Collins aside. She was livid right up until she went into work to start reviewing the footage.
“Good morning,” Collins greeted Garrett and Talia, the editor. “We all set to start reviewing what we have?”
“Yep, I’ve got everything organized the way you asked,” Talia said confidently.
Collins was happy that she had taken the extra day to remain in Colorado while Garrett got everything set up and she wouldn’t have to wait around for him.
She gave him a list of very specific items that she thought she would need during the editing process. Not that she had ever done it before, but it had to be similar to music editing, right?
“Let’s just get started chronologically,” Collins said as she settled into the super supportive wheely chair they had set up for her. She knew her butt was going to be plastered there staring at one screen or another for the next few weeks, and she needed a good chair, dammit.
“Sure thing, the cameras started rolling on Wednesday, so we can start with those,” Garrett said, and Talia pulled up the dailies, showing Collins her very organized and detailed system.
As the screen in front of her flashed to life, she was physically startled to see Meg’s beautiful face, close up, smiling.
It was footage of Meg practicing her solo for “Just Another Howl at the Moon” while wearing headphones. As always, Collins was mesmerized by Meg’s focus.
And just like that, Collins’ anger at Meg melted away, and in its place she was left with a deep, hollow sadness.
Collins sat in silence and requested to review the clip several times in a row.
For their part, Garrett and Talia sat next to her and said nothing, which meant more to her than she’d ever admit.
Over the next few weeks, Collins threw herself into her work. It was a sweet sort of agony, the kind of pain that felt good to just let it hurt.
When she wasn’t staring at footage or adding the finishing touches to the album, she spent much of her time with Ollivander on her lap and a glass of anything strong in her hand.
She’d spent an abundance of time talking with Jake, whether by text or phone or video call. He was a good brother and an even better friend to her and she was so thankful for him.
She had spent many a long night going over every second of the relationship with Meg, short though it had been.
She’d reached out to Meg at least once a week. A quick text here, a drunk dial there. Meg would occasionally reply with one or two word answers to her texts, but she never answered the phone when she called.
Collins had a sneaking suspicion that Jake was still talking with her but couldn’t bring herself to ask him.
When Collins had received the tickets to the party, she had reached out to Micah.
“Why would I need two tickets?” Collins asked without preamble.
“Why wouldn’t you need two tickets, Collins?” Micah said innocently.
“I don’t need the second one. I’m not going to bring a date,” Collins said sharply.
“Hey, I know that we all pretend that you’re a robot without feelings, but if you ever need to talk, I’m here,” Micah sounded sincere, but it made Collins uncomfortable.
“Oh, but I am a robot without feelings. Beep boop,” Collins joked, trying to lighten the mood.
“Well, then be sure you don’t drink too much or you’ll start to rust,” Micah giggled. “And if you don’t want to bring anyone, then don’t. It was just a gesture.”
“Fine,” Collins said, sounding a bit childish. “See you there.”
After plenty of consideration, she had decided to fly Jake out to accompany her to the launch party. She was too keyed up about it to go alone and the idea of bringing a date? No. Absolutely not. She had no intention of dating anyone again anytime soon. Not unless that someone was Meg.
“I’m so happy to see you,” Collins hugged her brother tight and fought back tears as they greeted one another on her front step.
“Me, too. You hanging in there, Lace?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just nice to have you here,” Collins hugged him again and then led him into the house.
Once they dropped his bags in the guest room, they sat on the balcony to look out over the ocean.
After chatting about the family and sharing all the juicy gossip, Jake finally broached the subject of Meg.
“So, what’s your plan?” Jake asked.
“What do you mean?”
“How are you going to win her back?” Jake said as if Collins was being dense.
“I don�
��t think that’s in the cards,” Collins admitted sadly.
“She just doesn’t know your true feelings because she’s stubborn,” Jake said. “Well, and so are you. Which really complicates the whole thing, doesn’t it?” He sipped his seltzer for dramatic pause.
Collins shook her head. “Yeah, I fucked up, I know, bud.”
“I think it’s finally about time you’re willing to look like a fool in order to win her back,” Jake smiled.
“Oh hell. So what you’re saying is you’ve got a plan?” Collins asked nervously.
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Meg
Meg checked her phone and saw that she had messages from both of the Collins siblings. She had kept in touch with Jake by text, but she had vehemently refused to talk with him about his sister.
They mostly talked about music and Harry Potter, and strangely it helped Meg to feel closer to Collins even while simultaneously pushing her away.
She didn’t understand why Collins was still texting and calling her. She had gotten what she wanted, so why was she still contacting her?
Every time Meg saw Collins' name pop up on her phone with a new message, her stomach cartwheeled.
She was getting downright annoyed by the feeling at this point.
Jake: I’m super excited to see you at the launch party tonight! Just wait until you see the amazing shirt I made!
Collins: I just wanted to reach out and see if you’re doing alright? Maybe we can grab a drink at the party tonight?
Meg cleared both messages and put her phone back in her pocket. The Shrikes were all getting ready for the big party together. It was an important night and Zoey had arranged for makeup artists and hairstylists, each armed with very specific instructions from the style expert herself, to converge on Zoey’s house.
The makeup artist told Meg that he was instructed to give her a romantic smokey eye, whatever that meant. She knew better than to argue with Zoey’s vision so she gave him a thumbs up and sat patiently while he worked his magic. It took much longer than Meg expected, which always seemed to be the case with makeup.
Her hair was styled much easier and soon enough, they were all ready to head for the party.
In the car on the way there, Billie quietly asked Meg if she was doing alright.
Since the Red Rocks show, the band had been doing their best to help Meg nurse her broken heart. It was a new experience for them all — they were used to Meg coming to their rescue, not the other way around.
Billie had brought Meg some books about loving herself and finding happiness alone.
Domino just brought booze. Lots of booze. She was always up for listening when Meg did want to talk, which wasn’t very often. Meg had eventually given in to forgiving Domino. Grudges were way too difficult and annoying.
Zoey had come over a few times and just sort of, hung out. She didn’t pressure Meg to talk but made sure it was known that she would listen if Meg wanted to.
Micah had given her space, but Meg deduced that mysterious deliveries of a cleaning crew, a grocery delivery, and two pizzas could only have come from her.
Meg had mixed feelings about the party. She was proud of their work on the Kaleidoscope album and their live version was killer. She was hopeful that the Netflix special would be successful and well received.
But she was terrified to see Collins. She had missed her every single day since they last saw each other, and she couldn’t figure out how to stop that strange and inconvenient longing. She was nervous about seeing her again and wasn’t sure whether she would be able to keep her cool.
She felt better to be walking in with the rest of the band and she felt secure in having their support. With her best friends beside her she could get through anything.
The launch party was at a trendy cocktail bar that Meg had never been to before. They followed their PR team’s instructions as they walked the red carpet, posing for pictures alone and together.
It had been Domino’s idea to make a rule to invite no partners on the red carpet for the release — a rule that Meg secretly knew was to make her feel better about being the only single and brokenhearted bandmate. She had given her plus one invite to Isla.
Once inside, she scanned the room and wasn’t sure whether she was relieved or disappointed that there was no sign of Collins.
She noticed that the live album was playing, and it sounded fucking flawless. Collins had worked some magic to make it sound so utterly perfect. She wondered how the footage would turn out.
Micah rushed to greet them all, looking flawless in a white sheath dress and stunning slingback heels. It was so nice to see her face had gone back to normal. Her lips, in fact, looked full and luscious. Meg almost felt jealous of them.
Micah hugged each of them in turn and congratulated them for all their hard work.
“We’ll have a few speeches in just a few minutes, but they won’t run too long. I didn’t put any of you down to speak, but I can if one of you wants to say something?” Micah asked.
There was a collective, “No, thank you.”
Micah laughed and pointed them towards the bar.
Meg was starting to think that maybe Collins wasn’t coming after all when she heard Micah at the microphone, getting everyone’s attention for the speeches.
The first person to speak was some bigwig at the record label. He said some very kind things about The Shrikes and spoke at length about the great relationship he had with them all, but Meg had only met him once or maybe twice in passing. She rolled her eyes and gazed around the room.
She was surprised when her eyes landed on Jake. He looked great, dressed fancy in a black button up shirt and gray blazer. It took Meg a moment to realize that the reason he looked different to her was because she was used to seeing him in his homemade t-shirts.
She gave him a questioning look — hadn’t he just texted that he was excited for the t-shirt he had made?
Jake smiled and pointed to the stage, and Meg looked up just in time to see Collins walking up to the microphone stand.
She looked incredible. She wore a maroon blazer over a black shirt with some blue writing or design on it that Meg couldn’t quite make out. The sight of Collins made Meg’s stomach do somersaults. Her heart beat faster and she could feel herself start to blush.
Collins made the expected speech, thanking everyone who worked on the album and the special. Then she started thanking the band, a personal thank you to each member. She thanked Billie and Dom for their help with the set lists and overall ideation. She singled Zoey out for all her work on styling the band and creating a cohesive feel.
At last she looked at Meg and thanked her for being so incredibly focused on the music and on The Shrikes. As she was speaking, she unbuttoned her blazer and with a sudden intake of breath, Meg recognized the t-shirt that Collins was wearing. It was the shirt that Jake had worn to the private show in Denver.
It said “Meghan Koo is my Boo” in sparkly blue letters.
And she looked downright ridiculous.
Murmurs erupted through the room.
Billie gasped and Domino actually snorted in what might have been a shocked laugh.
Zoey’s mouth was gaping in surprise and Pia wrapped an arm around her, touching her chin in a gentle motion to get her to shut her mouth.
Isla squeezed Meg’s hand.
And then, casually, Collins handed the microphone to another person.
After what seemed like a million years of self-congratulatory speeches by people Meg didn’t even know, she watched Collins leave the stage and make her way through the crowd.
Her heart was racing, her palms were clammy, and she thought for a moment that she might pass out.
“Hey,” Collins said with a smile.
“Uh, hi,” Meg responded, finding it hard to move her mouth to speak.
“I know you said you didn’t want to talk, but I just need you to know that I am so crazy about you that I have just willingly looked like a fool on stage in fron
t of executives that I should be trying to impress. I know you think I used you to get ahead in my career, but please believe me, that was never my intention. Every feeling was real, and every kiss was real. Please, please forgive me.” Collins looked imploringly at Meg.
Meg stared at Collins. Her mouth had gone dry and she had a lump in her throat. She felt as though she might burst into tears with a sudden rush of emotions she had spent the last eight weeks tamping down.
She had never felt so strongly about anyone else before, but she was afraid.
“I don’t…” She started.
Before she could answer, Domino butted into the conversation.
“Meg, you should hear her out,” Dom said loudly.
Meg and Collins looked at Dom with the same shocked expression.
“I’m not saying I was wrong about what I heard, but I might not have been right about what it meant when Collins was arguing with Micah. Maybe I made assumptions that I shouldn’t have,” Domino seemed sincere and apologetic.
“I’m sorry, Collins,” She said, reaching out and shaking Collins’ hand.
“I appreciate your apology, Dom. Thank you,” Collins said, pressing her lips into a thin line of concentration.
Micah appeared beside Dom. “And I understand that I didn’t help the situation, but honestly, Meg, I truly believe Collins pursued you because she wanted to, not because she was trying to get something from it.”
Meg turned to find that all of her friends had gathered around. They all had smiles on their faces.
She felt put on the spot. She wasn’t the feelings person.
“You looked really dumb up there in your blazer and that shirt,” Meg said, stepping closer to Collins so she could lower her voice in front of their audience.
Collins brow furrowed, and then she smiled. Her face lit up. “I know,” she said.
“I just… I’m not good at this,” Meg said.
“Me either,” Collins said, shrugging. “But maybe we can figure it out together.”