Dark Horizons

by Dan Smith

  ‘Time to make up,’ Kurt said.

  Michael remained fixed, then the moment broke and he turned his head to one side. When he looked back, he was the Michael I’d first seen. His smile was back and he was nodding at Kurt, stepping towards me, his hand outstretched.

  I was too taken aback to do anything other than return the gesture and shake his hand.

  ‘No hard feelings,’ he said, leaning in to speak more quietly. ‘Just steer clear of Helena. I see you do anything other than treat her like a lady, I’ll cut your throat and leave you in the forest to bleed like a pig.’ And all the time he said it, he smiled.

  ‘Good,’ Kurt said when we’d shaken hands. ‘Now go get yourself cleaned up.’

  ‘Let me help him.’ Helena spoke for the first time since Michael had hit me. She came forward and said the words in a quiet voice. Almost a whisper. ‘It was my fault.’

  ‘How was it your fault?’ asked Kurt.

  ‘I …’

  ‘Let him clean himself up,’ said Michael, taking her hand and leading her away.

  Helena looked back at me, an unspoken apology on her face. She hadn’t meant for any of it to happen. She had been looking for something quite different that night.

  28

  I washed my face in cold water and considered going to look for Domino, but my whole body throbbed a reminder of what Michael had done, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk to anyone right now. So instead, I took a couple of bottles of beer from the kitchen and wandered over to the line of trees at the furthest part of the clearing, beside the longhouse.

  I leaned against the trunk of a pine, settled in the comfort of the near darkness and watched the party continue. As the dancers moved back and forth I caught glimpses of Helena, sitting like I was, not participating, watching things happen around her. I thought our eyes even met once or twice, but I wasn’t sure she could really see me sitting in the gloom.

  Michael was attentive, bringing her drinks, trying to make conversation, but every time she just shook her head and looked away. I was pleased he wasn’t getting what he wanted from her. I would never be a physical match for him, so I felt there was at least some justice when I saw Helena dismiss him. He was persistent, trying everything before eventually turning his back on her. They sat together, as if each of them were alone, for at least half an hour before he gave up and went to join the rest of the party. I watched him laugh and drink and dance and I hated him.

  I was so lost in my thinking that I didn’t notice Helena coming over.

  She lowered her head in shame as she approached. The others paid little attention, but Kurt was watching.

  When Helena reached me, she asked, ‘Mind if I talk to you?’

  ‘You still high?’

  ‘Not so much. I was just … dealing with it, I guess. What happened. I’m OK now.’

  I searched the crowd for Michael.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said.

  ‘You want to sit down?’ I looked up at her.

  She was biting the inside of one cheek, her mouth pulled to one side, her thin lips tightened. Her brow was furrowed and she hesitated before crouching beside me and speaking quietly. ‘Can we go somewhere else? Somewhere more private?’

  Kurt was still watching us, this time with Michael standing beside him. I could see that Michael wanted to come over, but Kurt held him back.

  ‘Let’s just stay here. Better to keep in sight of the rest of the group. Don’t want people to get the wrong impression. Especially Michael.’ I put a hand to my face.

  Helena sat beside me. ‘I’m sorry about that,’ she said again.

  ‘You didn’t do it.’ I was still watching Michael. Kurt was speaking to him now, saying something in his ear. Michael nodded, came through the dancers, glaring down at me as he passed, and disappeared behind the longhouse.

  ‘And I’m sorry about trying to make you take the tablet. I just thought that if you had something to loosen you up a bit, you might feel better. You might …’

  ‘Like I said before, Helena, I’m not much of a dancer.’

  She pulled her legs beneath her and crossed them, hiding them under the folds of her skirt. One shoulder of her vest top slipped down her tanned skin, showing the lacy edging of a well-worn bra. She made no effort to cover it. ‘You looked like you needed to have some fun. It’s been pretty strange for you since you got here. It’s not always like this, you know.’

  ‘If it was like this all the time, there’d be no one here.’

  She smiled and tilted her head to one side, dark hair falling across her face. She used her fingers to tuck it behind her ear. I thought she was going to speak, but she remained silent, watching me.

  ‘So …’ I tried to think of something to say, something to stop her from staring. ‘Do you ever get out of here?’

  She moved her head so the hair fell away from behind her ear and covered half of her face again. This time she made no attempt to move it.

  ‘You ever go back to Sweden?’

  ‘Sweden?’ She sighed and looked away as if the answer was floating somewhere in the darkness by the trees. ‘No.’

  ‘There’s no one you miss back there?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘What about other things, then? Is there anything else you miss?’

  ‘Tell you the truth, there’s not much I want. Maybe someone to get close to.’

  ‘You have Michael.’

  She rolled her eyes.

  ‘You came here with him, though. You said you met in Kuta.’

  ‘Mm.’ She traced one finger in the soil by her feet, moving it gently from side to side, wearing a tiny arcing trench. ‘But it was his friend I liked. I came here for him, not Michael.’

  ‘Michael was with someone else?’

  ‘His name was Sully. He said he had this cool place to show me.’

  ‘He’s the guy who disappeared.’

  ‘You know about Sully?’

  ‘Domino told me.’

  ‘Told you what?’

  ‘That there was a guy who left. Disappeared. It was Michael who told me he was called Sully.’

  ‘He doesn’t like to talk about him.’

  ‘But they were friends, right?’ I recalled Michael’s reaction the day we cut the trees. He hadn’t said anything about being friends. It was Matt and Jason who had told me that.

  ‘They were,’ she said. ‘But they fell out.’

  I looked at her and thought about the way Michael liked to keep her close to him; the way he was always around; the way he watched her. ‘Because Sully was your boyfriend?’

  She shook her head, still moving her finger from side to side. ‘Not really. Never quite happened that way.’

  ‘But Michael didn’t like it. I get it. So where is he now, then? You think he went off on his own travels for a while?’

  ‘Something like that, I suppose,’ she said without looking at me. ‘Just went without saying anything. His parents, they came looking for him, but I didn’t know what to tell them.’

  ‘You spoke to them?’

  ‘Kurt wanted me to. I guess I knew him better than anyone else.’

  ‘Better than Michael?’

  She shrugged. ‘It’s what Kurt wanted.’

  ‘So what did you say to them?’

  ‘Not much. That he must’ve had enough, so he left. I don’t know where he went.’

  ‘But you stayed.’

  ‘Nowhere else to go.’

  ‘And you miss him?’

  She stopped moving her finger. She thought about what I’d asked, then she nodded and reached out to brush her knuckle across my cheek. ‘Sully was quiet like you. Strong inside.’

  ‘You hardly know me,’ I said, and looked away to the longhouse again, wondering if Domino was ever going to make an appearance tonight. If she took too much longer, I’d go inside and look for her.

  ‘You like her.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Domino. You like her.’

  ‘You’re not t
he first person to say it like that. You guys all feel protective about her.’

  Helena raised her eyebrows and looked over at the longhouse. ‘That’s what you think? That I feel protective about her?’

  ‘I just thought—’

  ‘She’s Kurt’s sister.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘That’s why Kurt’s always watching you. But if she doesn’t want you …’ Helena looked at me. Our eyes met for a moment, then she looked away as if too embarrassed to finish her sentence. She didn’t need to.

  ‘Helena. I … I’m flattered …’

  She reached out and put her finger on my lips. ‘Shh. Don’t say anything.’

  I stopped and she took her finger away.

  ‘I mean, why wouldn’t she want you? I just meant that if something happened to her …’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘If she went away or something, then …’

  ‘Helena. Is this because of what happened?’ I asked her. ‘The other night? In the water?’

  ‘No. You think I like you because you helped me?’

  ‘Do you?’

  ‘No,’ she said. ‘I mean, of course that helps, but no, that’s not the only reason. You’re a good guy, Alex. Different from the others. I like you because I like you, that’s all.’

  I didn’t know how to reply, so I didn’t try. I admired the way she was so candid about how she felt. It reminded me of Domino.

  ‘And then last night,’ she said, ‘when you went into the forest with Kurt. You took the tablet.’

  I nodded. ‘Yes, I did.’

  ‘I saw the way you reacted.’

  ‘You were watching me?’

  ‘For a while. Before I came to you.’

  ‘You came to me?’

  ‘Of course. But you’re here for Domino. That’s why you stay, I understand that. It was just for that moment, but if you wanted it to be—’

  ‘Hang on, Helena, what do you mean, you came to me?’

  ‘I saw you leave; saw Kurt follow you. I was worried when he came back without you, so I came looking for you …’ She stopped and her face fell. ‘You do remember, don’t you?’

  ‘I remember.’ My mouth went dry and I took another sip of my beer to hide my reaction. I looked at Helena, her head still on one side, her hair still cascading across the side of her face, creating a curtain between us and the others. She was waiting for me to say something, her expression caught between a smile and expectancy.

  I lowered my voice. ‘Does … does anybody know? Did anybody see?’

  She shook her head. ‘I left when I heard Domino coming. No one knows. Just us.’

  And it all came back to me in a mad rush of colours and sounds and sensations. The rock and the blood and the souls and the feeling of being one with everything around me. I remembered how I’d felt when Domino came to me and we lay together on the soft needles. I’d been confused about something, though. I’d seen Helena’s face instead of Domino’s, but there was a perfectly good reason why that was so. I thought it was because I’d saved her life, and that doing so had brought her to the front of my mind, but the reality was quite different. It was because Domino had not come to me in the woods that night. Helena had.

  29

  I continued to watch Helena, not sure what to say, disturbed to find that it didn’t upset me more. I’d thought she was Domino and she’d misunderstood that, but I had a thrilling memory of that night, and this revelation didn’t diminish it. If anything, it made it more exciting, more forbidden.

  ‘We can be together,’ she said. ‘If you want. We can leave here.’

  ‘I like you, Helena …’

  ‘But?’ Her face fell.

  ‘But things are getting way too complicated for me. I need to take a step back. Think about what the hell’s going on. You do, too. I mean, think about Michael, about what he just did. And think about Domino.’ My eyes went to the longhouse. She’d been inside for so long now. ‘Maybe we should just forget what happened.’

  ‘Forget it?’

  ‘Well, maybe not forget it,’ I said, remembering how good it had been. I looked at Helena, then at the longhouse again. I shook my head and began pushing myself to my feet, but Helena put her hand on my arm.

  ‘Alex.’

  ‘I better go see her.’ Last time I’d seen Domino we’d argued and I thought it must be clouding my judgement. If I saw her, I’d remember what it was to be with her and it would push Helena to the back of my mind.

  ‘Kurt said to leave her, Alex. Let her be alone for a while.’

  ‘I should see if she’s OK.’

  ‘To block me out?’

  ‘Hm?’

  ‘Be with her, forget about me?’

  ‘I’m sorry, Helena.’ I moved past her, heading round to the front of the longhouse, all of the others still wrapped up in the music. All of them but Kurt. Kurt who noticed everything.

  I was just a few yards away from the longhouse when he stopped me. ‘You sort things out with Helena?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘She’s a nice girl,’ he said. ‘But you know she’s Michael’s, right?’

  ‘They’re not together.’

  ‘They are in his mind.’

  I sighed. ‘There’s only one person I’m interested in here.’ But I knew it was a lie as soon as the words came from my lips.

  ‘Good.’ Kurt put his arm around my shoulder. That brotherly gesture again. ‘As long as it stays that way.’

  ‘Yeah.’ I made a move for the longhouse again.

  ‘She needs time,’ he said, tightening his hold. ‘Wait until she comes out.’

  ‘I just want to check on her. Make sure she’s all right.’

  ‘Why wouldn’t she be all right? You’re really that worried about her?’

  I glanced back at Helena. ‘Yes, I really am. I think I upset her.’

  Kurt smiled. ‘It’s not you.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘It’s nothing to do with you.’

  ‘You sure? I mean, we sort of had an argument and—’

  ‘There’s nothing you could do that would upset Domino. This is about something else,’ he said. ‘Something much bigger than you.’ His words dug into me and I watched his face for some display of intent. I wasn’t sure if he had meant to insult me that way, or if he was just saying it as he saw it. Perhaps I really didn’t mean anything to Domino at all.

  Kurt released his hold on me. ‘Tell you what,’ he said. ‘I’ll check on her.’ His body language made it clear that he wanted me to stay back, the way he stood facing me for a moment, drawing himself up, puffing himself out like a wild animal protecting its territory. He knew I cared for his sister, he was saying, but there was no way anyone could care about her as much as he did.

  ‘Stay here.’ He fixed me with his hard stare before turning round, but even as he was just a few paces away, the door opened and Domino stepped out into the night. She came down the ladder and went straight to Kurt. She stood in front of him, speaking quietly, and I watched for a moment before turning round to see Helena watching them, too. She looked at me, then returned to the dancers, taking something from a pocket in her skirt and putting it into her mouth.

  ‘Kurt said you were worried about me.’ Domino put her arms around my waist from behind and held me tight. She spoke into my ear as Kurt walked past us, going back to the others.

  ‘I was,’ I said. ‘You OK?’

  Her arms tightened even further and she pressed herself against me. ‘Let’s find somewhere quieter.’ She released her grip, took my hand and together we headed for the trees.

  Approaching the fire, the light it cast was bright in my eyes and it darkened the forest beyond, making it nothing more than a black wall of emptiness. But as we passed it and my eyes grew accustomed to the darkness, I could see a figure crouched at the line of the trees.

  Coming closer, Michael looked up at us. Now that we were almost on top of him, I could see him quite clearly, the glow from the fi
re glistening on his skin. He was squatting with what looked like a tree stump, a solid piece of dark wood, between his knees. Despite the cool breeze, he looked as if he’d been exerting himself. His skin was shining with sweat and there was a dusting of soil across one shoulder.

  ‘How you doing?’ He directed his question to Domino.

  ‘Better,’ she said. ‘You?’

  Michael didn’t reply, he just nodded and took a drink from the bottle of beer beside him.

  ‘Looks like hard work,’ Domino said.

  He secured the bottle by screwing it into the soil and picked up a narrow-bladed knife that was lying at his feet. It was the one he had used to bleed the pig. ‘Yeah.’ He returned to carving the surface of the wood.

  ‘It’s a Batak house,’ Domino said to me. ‘He’s making a Batak house.’

  ‘As close as I can get,’ Michael replied, slipping, nicking himself with the blade.

  ‘You not partying?’ Domino asked.

  He lifted his finger to his lips to taste the blood. ‘Don’t much feel like it right now.’ He looked at me, then at his fingertip. ‘And I want to get it finished. Maybe paint it tomorrow. It’s for Matt.’

  Then I understood. Michael was carving a shrine for Matt. Something to mark his grave. Something more than just a heap of freshly turned soil to give proof of his life. Not a brass plaque on a wall, but a solid piece of the forest, ingrained with his own sweat and blood. A tribute to a friend.

  ‘You going out there?’ Michael asked, looking at Domino.

  ‘Get some space,’ she said. ‘It’s been a tough day.’

  ‘Hasn’t it just?’ Michael looked at me once more, then spoke to Domino. ‘Be careful,’ he said.

  We hardly spoke as we walked. It was a fresh night, not cold, but the air had a slight chill and I felt goose bumps pulling tight on my skin beneath the ill-fitting, borrowed shirt. Being like that, wearing another man’s clothes, reinforced my feeling of transience here. I couldn’t imagine myself staying for a long time. Not any more. And when we came out of the trees, onto the hilltop where we had argued that morning, I had a sensation of being freed from tight constraints. I didn’t feel as liberated among the others as they did. I hadn’t lost my inhibitions as they had, and I still clung to the pieces of my life elsewhere. I’d taken the drug and I’d done the jump, but this wasn’t where I was going to find myself. I had no doubt that the place and the people would have a profound effect on me, but they were not going to be my great eye opener. Maybe nothing was.