The room was warm and Rachel watched in fascination as a bead of sweat trickled from the base of Malik’s throat over his torso. She wished she could trail her fingers over its course, feel Malik’s hard muscles under his smooth skin.
Without warning Malik’s eyes jolted open and for a few seconds he stared at Rachel in surprise. Rachel found herself backing away as Malik swung his legs off the stone table, tucking the towel round his waist.
‘What an unexpected visit,’ he murmured. ‘I never took you for a voyeur.’
As he spoke Rachel felt all of her anger and disappointment in his behaviour rise to the surface. She forgot he was nearly naked, forgot how difficult it was to focus when there was so much her eyes wanted to look at.
‘You’ve been avoiding me,’ Rachel said.
‘So you thought you’d come into my private hammam to seek me out. You must have really wanted to see me.’ His voice was low and dangerous.
‘Your children are asking what they’ve done wrong. They want to know why you’ve abandoned them.’
‘I haven’t abandoned them. I’ve just been very busy with state business,’ Malik said, but Rachel caught the fleeting expression of guilt that crossed Malik’s face before he regained his haughty poised composure.
‘The children aren’t playthings that you can lavish with attention when it suits you and then ignore when it doesn’t. They’re living, breathing people whose feelings get hurt if you ignore them.’
Malik narrowed his eyes and took a step towards Rachel. She stepped back. Suddenly the chamber felt very small, and Malik’s presence felt very large.
‘I know my children aren’t playthings. Do not presume to lecture me about my children.’
‘Someone has to speak for them, stand up for them. They can’t tell you how they feel themselves because they haven’t seen you.’
‘And at least they have more manners than to break into a man’s private hammam.’
‘If you deigned to speak to me in the last two weeks, I wouldn’t have had to come in here.’
Rachel saw the black look cross Malik’s face and she tried to take another step back, but her back was already against the wall. She sensed she was about to see something not many people had ever witnessed; she was about to see Malik get properly angry.
‘Would you like to know the reason I’ve been avoiding my children the last two weeks? Why I’ve missed out on giving them a kiss goodnight, of hearing the stories about their days? Why I haven’t encouraged Ameera to dance, or given Hakim another riding lesson?’
Rachel pressed herself into the wall as Malik stalked closer. His body was mere inches away from hers now and she thought she could feel the pure power and heat radiating from his skin.
‘Would you like to know?’ His voice dropped to a growl as he placed a hand on the wall beside her head.
Rachel felt compelled to nod her head. She wanted to know, she needed to know, even though part of her already knew the truth.
Instead of answering Malik leaned in and kissed her roughly on the lips. He was full of pent-up anger and passion, and the kiss was firm, but Rachel realised despite all this he was careful not to hurt her.
‘You. You are the reason. I can’t bear to be around you.’
Malik leaned in again and kissed her before Rachel could even think of a reply. She felt his hand leave the wall, run down her back and prise her away from the safety of the edge of the room. He cupped her bottom, lifting her up in the air as if she weighed no more than a rag doll.
Rachel felt herself deposited unceremoniously on the stone table in the middle of the room. Malik’s lips still didn’t leave hers and she was drawn deeper into the kiss, forgetting her anger and indignation, consumed by the feel of Malik’s mouth on her own.
‘I can’t have you, but I can’t stop thinking about you,’ he said, some of the rage leaving his voice. ‘I thought if I stayed away from you I might be able to lessen this.’
Malik groaned as he ran his hands down Rachel’s body, skimming her waist, feeling her curves underneath her dress. She felt her body responding instinctively, her hips tilting upwards towards Malik’s hands, her shoulders rolling back and her legs relaxing. She wanted this, too. She’d wanted Malik for weeks, ever since their first kiss in the sunken garden. She’d revelled in his kisses and dreamed of so much more.
‘And now you’re here,’ Malik said, pulling back a little to look Rachel directly in the eyes. ‘I’m going to give you ten seconds to get out of here. Leave now.’
Rachel didn’t move, she couldn’t move. She wanted to know what Malik had planned for her, wanted to give in to her deepest desires and give herself to the man she loved. Wasn’t this what she’d secretly hoped for when she had realised what she was stepping into? She hadn’t left when she’d seen Malik lying almost naked on the stone table and she wasn’t going to leave now.
‘Leave now or I won’t be responsible for my actions,’ Malik repeated.
* * *
Rachel stayed perfectly still, perched on the edge of the stone table, and Malik saw the defiant tilt of her chin and the rapid rise and fall of her chest, and he knew she wasn’t going anywhere.
Wanting to shock her into movement, Malik took one of her hands and placed it on the bare skin of his chest. He felt her fingers tense and then move ever so slightly. Her eyes never leaving his, she began to trail her fingers over his muscles, tracing the contours and causing his skin to pucker despite the warmth of the room.
With an animalistic groan Malik kissed her roughly, wanting to possess her after all this time. He’d denied himself the pleasure of kissing her, touching her, for so long, now it was like a dam had burst. His hands flew over her body, caressing and stroking, and up above his lips devoured hers.
He needed to see her, to get her out of the prim dress that was buttoned up to the neck. None too gently he grasped the buttons at the top of the dress and he tore, working his way down the seam until he had reached her waist. Quickly, before Rachel had time to protest the destruction of her dress, Malik pushed the tattered material down over her hips and watched with satisfaction as it pooled about her feet.
Now she was clad only in a thin cotton shift, which was becoming damp from the humidity in the room and had started to cling to her body in places. Malik kissed Rachel quickly, then took the hem of her shift in both hands and lifted it over her head. Rachel gave a squeal of protest and raised her hands to cover herself.
Malik caught both her hands in his own and gently but firmly lowered them back to her side. Then he allowed himself to look at her, to take in every inch of her body, from her dainty feet, up over the creamy skin of her thighs, her taut abdomen, the mounds of her breasts and finishing at her soulful eyes.
A flicker of understanding passed between them and Malik knew Rachel wanted this as much as he did. Malik raised one hand and placed his fingers at the base of Rachel’s throat, then slowly, savouring every moment, he began to explore her body. He ran his hand over her shoulders and down her arms, then gently cupped her breasts. He heard the soft moan escaping her lips as he grazed his thumb across one nipple and then the other, revelling in the instinctive way Rachel was responding to him.
Trailing his fingers further down Rachel’s body, Malik paused before he reached her most private place. He raised his eyes up to meet hers as his fingers continued downwards, wanting to see her reaction to him. With the first stroke Rachel stiffened and tensed, but Malik pulled her towards him and murmured reassuringly in her ear. As he continued to tease and stroke her he felt her body beginning to relax. Slowly, Malik coaxed her legs open wide enough for him to dip a finger inside her. Rachel moaned, her head extending back, her breathing becoming shallower and more rapid.
Malik felt his own desire building. He wanted to be inside Rachel so much it was almost painful, but one thing Malik knew p
lenty about was self-control. He wanted to give Rachel everything first, to make her pant and scream with pleasure, and then he would give in to his own needs.
Slowly Malik began to build up speed, dipping his finger inside Rachel and then returning his attention to the spot that made her writhe with pleasure. He bent his neck, capturing one perfect breast in his free hand, and sucked her rosy nipple into his mouth. She tasted sweet, her skin warm under his lips, and Malik knew he could lose himself for hours just exploring every inch of her.
As he bit down gently Rachel raked her fingers down his back, pulling them closer together. Her breath was coming in short, sharp bursts now, and Malik knew she was close to climax. Taking a step back, Malik lifted Rachel up so she was fully sitting on the stone table, then gently pressed her back so she was lying, resting on her elbows. Before Rachel had time to realise what Malik was about to do he trailed a line of kisses from her breasts down to her thighs, then he began kissing her most private place. For a second Malik felt Rachel stiffen with surprise, but after a moment she gave in to Malik’s assault on her senses and started to moan with pleasure. Malik kissed her and nipped her and dipped his tongue inside her, feeling his own desire almost at bursting point. Just as he thought he could not bear to wait any longer Rachel stiffened, her legs coming together, and she let out a long, high moan.
Before she had opened her eyes Malik stood, dropping the towel from his waist on to the floor, and straddled her. He waited for her breathing to slow and her eyes to flicker open before he began peppering kisses across her body again.
‘Rachel, are you ready?’
He didn’t know what he’d do if she said no.
Rachel moaned in response and pressed her hips up against his. Malik felt all his tightly wound self-control unravel and he knew he had to have her, right now, this instant.
He pressed himself gently against her, feeling her muscles tense as he slipped inside. He went slowly at first, not wanting to hurt Rachel, but as soon as he was fully inside her his primal instincts took over and his movements sped up. Underneath him Rachel’s hips were rising and falling in rhythm with his own. Her eyes were shut and her mouth half-open. Every so often a soft moan would escape her lips and fire the already overheated desire deep inside him.
Malik knew he couldn’t last much longer, the climax had been building for so long inside him he knew soon he would lose control. He felt Rachel’s body tense, saw her eyes fly open and felt her muscles clench and spasm, then he was only aware of his own release. Weeks of desire and passion flooded from him and Malik roared as he came inside her.
He collapsed down beside Rachel and scooped her into his arms, revelling at the sensation of lying next to a woman who didn’t push him away. Rachel’s soft breath tickled his neck and he could feel her heartbeat through her chest. Both their bodies were covered with a thin sheen of moisture and the hammam was certainly warmer than it had been before Rachel had arrived.
Rachel lay beside him in silence and Malik wondered whether she was already regretting her decision to stay with him in the hammam. Gently he traced a finger across her skin, waiting until she looked up at him. He wanted this moment to go on for ever, wanted them to spend eternity lying side by side in the hammam, with no questions about the future, no expectations or disappointments.
Rachel was unusually quiet, she hadn’t really said a word since he’d given her the option to leave. She’d moaned and sighed with pleasure, Malik remembered with a smile, but she hadn’t said anything.
Eventually Rachel shifted so she was propping herself up on an elbow. He loved that even now, even after the heat of the moment had subsided, she was confident enough about herself to not cover up. Most women would try and hide beneath the bedsheets, or hurry to redress, but it was as if Rachel had hardly noticed she was naked.
‘I never imagined I could feel like that,’ Rachel said, and all of a sudden Malik wanted her again. He knew soon she would come to her senses, realise the folly in what they were doing and he wanted to kiss her and touch her right up until that moment.
Quickly he stood and scooped Rachel up into his arms. He strode through the hammam, feeling the cool night air prickle against his skin as he emerged from the steam rooms. Malik kicked open the door to his bedchamber and lay Rachel down on the bed. Immediately he was on top of her, kissing her, running his hands over her body.
Rachel kissed him back feverishly, as if she, too, were worried about running out of time.
‘Malik.’ She sighed as he kissed her neck.
He loved that he could do this to her, that he could be the man to make her melt with pleasure. All through his marriage his couplings with Aliyyah had been cold and dutiful. Never once had she moaned his name or writhed beneath him. Rachel was giving him everything, she wasn’t afraid to bare herself to him, to let him see her at her most vulnerable.
‘I love you,’ she whispered.
Malik froze. Rachel’s eyes flickered open as if she was wondering why he had stopped.
He felt his whole world imploding. Carefully he pushed himself off Rachel and took a few steps away from the bed. He needed space, time to think. He glanced back at Rachel and saw the devastation on her face, and hurriedly looked away. He couldn’t deal with her heartbreak on his conscience.
‘Malik,’ Rachel said, holding out her hand, ‘come back to bed.’
He almost gave in, but he knew if he returned to her he would be guilty of a terrible deception. He couldn’t give Rachel what she wanted, what she deserved. Rachel deserved love, all-encompassing love. She deserved to be worshipped and treasured and showered with affection. Malik wished he could be the one to do those things, but he knew it was impossible. He’d seen what love did to a person, Aliyyah had been destroyed by love and she’d nearly taken Malik with her. Malik didn’t know how to love Rachel, he wouldn’t give her what she needed. He knew in the long run she’d be better off without him.
‘I can’t love you, Rachel,’ Malik said.
He saw her heart break and all he wanted to do was gather her in his arms and make the pain go away.
‘I have to focus on Huria,’ Malik said. ‘I can’t love you.’
These past two weeks had been hellish for him. He’d done everything in his power to try to focus his thoughts and energies on his kingdom, the kingdom Rachel made him want to abandon so he could spend long days in bed with her. He’d even pulled back from his children, telling himself the best way to serve the young Princes and Princess was to build a kingdom they could be proud to inherit one day. Malik had wanted to prove to himself that he would not be so shallow as to give up his birthright and duty for a woman, and in doing so he knew he had swung too far the other way. He had glimpsed Hakim’s hopeful face every time he emerged from some meeting or mediation and he had told himself Huria must come first.
Looking at Rachel, he knew the truth; he shouldn’t be given the responsibility for anyone’s heart. He’d even failed his children when all he wanted was the best for them.
‘Stop saying that.’
Malik shook his head, unable to tear his eyes away from her devastated expression.
‘I can’t love,’ he said, finally acknowledging the truth. He couldn’t love anyone, he just didn’t know how.
Rachel sprung to her feet, wrapped herself in a sheet and fled from the room. Malik sunk down on to the bed, wondering how he could have got it all so wrong.
Chapter Nineteen
Rachel hugged her arms around her body and sniffed. The tears had dried up an hour ago, but she still felt delicate, as if they might begin to roll down her cheeks again at any moment. She was curled up on her bed with the door firmly locked, trying to hide from the entire world.
She couldn’t believe how stupid she’d been. She had been furious with Malik, angry that he’d been neglecting his children and avoiding her. When she’d sto
rmed into his private rooms she had been intent on making him see the error of his ways and instead she had made a fool of herself and got her heart broken.
For years she’d promised herself she wouldn’t allow herself to get caught up in love and relationships. She’d vowed she would never let another person get close enough to hurt her like her parents had hurt each other and then she’d succumbed at the first opportunity. It had only taken a few words from Malik, a few smouldering looks and Rachel had offered herself up as though she were a cheap prostitute.
She gave an involuntary shiver as she remembered the way her body had responded to his touch, the pleasure she had taken from him and the feeling of contentment, of finally belonging. As Malik’s lips had met her own she had just assumed he felt the same way about her as she did about him. She’d assumed he loved her.
Rachel gave a choked sob and flopped back on to the bed. If it wasn’t so devastating it would be embarrassing, too. She’d read too much into their long talks and the mutual desire. She’d thought it was love, whereas for Malik his attraction to her must have been purely physical.
Trying to calm her breathing and slow her racing heart, Rachel wondered why anyone would want to fall in love if it caused this much pain. She’d seen her parents have blazing rows, not speak to each other for days on end. She’d seen her mother sobbing in her bedroom and her father silent and grim-faced. It was no way to live. That was why she’d promised herself to never make the same mistake, but the first opportunity she’d got she’d opened her heart. And she’d been rejected.
I can’t love you, Rachel. He’d even repeated it, just to make sure she’d got the point.
If she’d just remained professional, never allowed herself to get close to Malik, then she wouldn’t be hurting this much now. She couldn’t even find it in herself to really blame Malik. He’d never promised her love, never even mentioned it. In fact, he’d done almost the opposite by telling her of his dedication to his kingdom, how that always had to come first. Still, Rachel had spun a fantasy in her head, a reality where she and Malik could live happily ever after, surrounded by love.
GOVERNESS TO THE SHEIKH Page 20