Judging June (Downtown)

by West, T J

  June comes out of the little hiding hole and looks almost as nervous as I am. She doesn’t smile, yet takes a deep breath as the doctor leads us down to the ultrasound room. I want to grab hold of her hand, let her know I’m right there with her, but I know she’ll sock me if I try to touch her. I just want to touch her. Once again June is asked to take off her clothing—what the hell for? Oh, shit they’re going to use what? Something called a Vaginal Probe? What the hell is a Vaginal Probe? Holy fuck. . . . it looks like a. . . . .a dick. A godforsaken dick. Wow, I don’t even know what to say.

  When she gets herself situated on the table—bed the doctor asks, “Ready to see the baby’s heartbeat?”

  See the heartbeat?

  And just like that June asks exactly what I am thinking too. “See the heartbeat?” She quickly looks at me and actually smiles. Her smile. . . . damn it lights up the room. Out of the blue June grabs my hand when. . . . when we see a tiny speck of something on the screen. She squeezes my palm and gasps, “Oh, my God, is that it? Is that my baby?” Her other hand covers her mouth.

  “It sure is,” the doctor explains. I have never seen anything so amazing in my life. It looks like a small peanut, I’m totally flabbergasted. “Congratulations you two,“she adds. She also explains when the due date is—April 20—and where the heart is. That little sucker is a heart? And it’s fucking beating! This shit just became real. Very real. Before we know it we’re holding a black and white grainy picture of our little peanut. I can’t even comprehend this, it’s so. . . . crazy! I’m actually going to be a father. The tears in June’s eyes make me want to break down and cry too, but I keep them hidden. Instead I smile and kiss her on the forehead. I am so overwhelmed with emotions I don’t know what to say. After the ultrasound, the doctor tells June to make an appointment for a month from now to get another check up.

  All the way to the car June couldn’t stop staring at the picture, grinning. I swear she was glowing, she looked extremely happy and beautiful. So fucking beautiful I wanted to do her in the elevator.

  Once we get in the car I can’t seem to turn the ignition. I just sit there, focusing on a blank, gray wall, motionless. “You haven’t said much,” June brings to my attention.

  “I. . . .” I exhale, and shift myself so I’m facing her. I take hold of her hand and and rub her soft knuckles. My voice comes out strained, like I am on the verge of losing it; crying. “There are no words, June. I can’t explain how I feel because my heart is so raw right now, overwhelmed.”

  “It was incredible,” she whispers.

  I lift my eyes up to hers and see she has a new set of tears forming. I cup the side of her face and gaze into them. The lightest shade of blue I have ever seen; gorgeous deep set eyes that take my breath away. “The most incredible moment of my life,” I whisper back. This time I don’t hesitate. I finally capture those tantalizing lips of hers and slowly bite into her bottom lip, releasing a small groan from within. This reaction makes her grasp onto my left bicep, deepening her mouth, and opening up for me. I take her invitation and slip my tongue inside, moving slowly along with hers. Sweet Jesus she tastes so good. Where has my head been all this time? Why haven’t I realized that this gorgeous woman, attached to my lips, is who I have been waiting for? She’s not at all what I expected in a woman, yet she’s everything I have ever wanted in one.

  I want to continue kissing her, but June makes it known she doesn’t want to rush things. We’ve made a baby, I think rushing is eliminated.

  June clears her throat and tries to get her voice back when she announces, “Okay, boss, I’m ready to go tell my parents. You wanna come with?”

  She catches me off guard. “What, now?”

  “Yes, now,” she chuckles. “I called my mother this morning to let her know I’m coming over.” We just had the most amazing kiss and she wants to visit her parents—that is the last thing I expected her to say. What I really want to do is take her back to my place and finish what we just started in the car. She frowns when she notices my disappointment. “You don’t have to come with me.”

  “No,” I quickly answer. “I’m there, all the way.”

  June’s parents live in a quaint, one story house in Coronado. She explains to me that she grew up in the house with her two older brothers, Rick and Nathan. She adds that she doesn’t see her family as often as she would like, yet tries to call each of them once a week. We reach up to the front door and walk inside. June calls out to her parents. My nerves are on edge again; the last thing I want is for her father to punch me in the face for knocking up his only daughter. The thought does not sit well with me. Much to my relief, June’s mother comes walking toward her with open arms. She’s a small woman, with long blonde hair, and wears glasses. I can see a hint of June behind those glasses—it’s definitely in the eyes. I stand behind June with my hands in my pockets while they give each other a hug. “You spend way too much time working and not enough time dropping in to see your two lonely parents,” her mother bluntly mentions. I’m aware of the amount of tattoos on her sleeveless arms. I used to cringe at the sight of someone doing that, but now? Who am I to judge on what someone does to their skin? On June, I’m actually starting to like it. That ribbon picture on her upper thigh—damn, makes me wish I could untie it with my teeth.

  “I’ll try to be more available,” June says.

  Out of nowhere comes June’s father. Whoa. He’s fucking tall. . . . and big—as in muscular big. I’m a big guy myself, but Mr. Tyndall could crush me with his fist like Whack A Mole. I’m pretty intimidated by him. He hugs his daughter hello and then gets a good look at me. “And who do we have here?” He asks in a gruff tone.

  “Oh, sorry, this is Phillip Caffrey.” June steps over to me and locks her arm with mine. “A friend.”

  A friend? Well, I guess I am. Yet I’m hoping to change that.

  I stick out my hand. “Please to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Tyndall.”

  June’s father takes my hand. “It’s a pleasure, Phillip.” That is one strong shake—damn!

  Next, I’m taken in the arms of June’s mother. “Welcome to our home,” she says with a big smile. With a grip on each side of my arms she asks, “I’ve made some fresh coffee. You drink coffee, Phillip?”

  “Yes, Mrs. Tyndall, I do.”

  All four of us walk into the kitchen. It’s very retro; 1950’s kitchen table, black and white checkered floor, an old clock radio on the counter. I like it—a lot. She waves her hand and scoffs, “Please, call me Virginia. And you can call my old coot of a husband, Jasper.”

  Her husband comes up behind her and snuggles a kiss onto her neck. “Old coot huh?” He smacks her ass and they both laugh.

  I look over at June and she is bright red with embarrassment; she’s biting her lip and shaking her head like she can’t believe her parents would behave that way in front of company. I chuckle from her expression. She’s pretty damn cute.

  We make ourselves comfortable at the table. Virginia brings us each a cup of coffee, but notices June not touching hers. She has a quizzical look on her face when she asks, “So what brings you both by?” She takes a sip of her coffee. “Your phone call sounded pretty important,” she mentions.

  “It is.” She looks to me for support. I grab her hand from underneath the table, giving her a squeeze and a nod of the head. I’m just as nervous though. “Um. . . . I’m pregnant.”

  Virginia chokes on her coffee. “You’re pregnant?”

  “Yes, Mama, I am,” she replies softly.

  I tense up the second Jasper and I meet eye to eye—and it’s no friendly meet. “And you’re the fella that did this?” He asks, under breath.

  I’m dead. I am so dead.

  “Now, Daddy—“

  “Yes, sir, but—“

  June and I both get cut off.

  “We are quite surprised and disappointed in you, young lady.” Jasper express’s quite calmly. Calm scares the shit out of me. Calm can be lethal. Not only is Jasper a large man, bu
t he’s a biker dude as well. He wears a bandana over his balding head, black leathered vest over a vintage looking t-shirt and has sleeve tattoos on each arm. Yep, I’m dead.

  June continues to squeeze my hand. She tries her best to keep from breaking down, I can see it in her eyes. Her voice is composed and strong. “Mama, Daddy, I know this is a shock, we were both shocked, actually, but it’s happened. I’m a grownup -”

  Jasper doesn’t let June finish. His eyes cut over to mine, making me jolt. “You gonna marry my daughter?”

  Holy, fuck, what?

  June gasps, “Oh, gosh, Daddy, w . . . -”

  He points his finger in my direction when he speaks to her. “I’m asking Phillip, Junith.” Junith? I had no idea that was her full name. “Are you gonna marry my daughter?” He repeats.

  Virginia places her hand on top of her husbands and calmly pleads with him. “Jasper, please. . . . maybe we shouldn’t rush—“

  His calm effect just exploded when he shouts, “He got our girl pregnant, Ginny! How is marriage rushing!”

  I put my hand up, trying to play nice. “Sir -” I get cut off again.

  “Answer, me,” Jasper demands.

  I shake my head. “I wasn’t planning on it, sir.”

  “Well, in this family that’s how it works,” he explains while tapping the table. “You get my girl pregnant, you marry her. No if’s, and’s, or but’s.”

  “Seriously, Daddy? I don’t want to get married!” June scoots herself away from the table.

  “You’re gonna be parents, Junith! No daughter of mine will be an unwedded mother.”

  Virginia steps in and voices her opinion. “Jasper this is ridiculous, you can’t force them to get married. They made a baby, our grandchild! They don’t need to seal the deal just because June is bringing a life into this world. We don’t live in the 19th century, for God’s sake!”

  I’ve done this. I have caused an uproar because I got their daughter pregnant. Jasper is absolutely right. I have to make this right and marry June. I cannot let my kid be brought up in a home with two separated parents, it’s not how my mind works. Plus . . . I’m falling in love with her. It’s the perfect solution.

  “I’ll marry her,” I blurt out.

  June slaps my arm and yells, “Phillip!”

  “Good, it’s settled then,” Jasper states.

  “No, it’s not settled!

  I turn to June and firmly say, “Your father is right.” Then I turn to her father. “We will get married. . . . soon.”

  “This is completely insane!” June jumps out of her chair and storms off while her mother chases after her.

  “Welcome to the family, son,” Jasper announces, extending his hand. “You’re doing the right thing.”

  I respectively shake his hand. “I’m really sorry for blowing up your morning, sir.”

  “Don’t be calling me, sir. It’s Jasper. Just Jasper.” He now seems calm and collect. All he wants for his daughter is someone who can take care of her and the baby. If that means I need to marry her, so be it. Jasper settles himself back down at the table and strikes up a conversation with me. I still find him intimidating, but I’m used to working with clients like him. They may be tough looking on the outside, but on the inside they are soft and gentle. I can see him being the same way. “You seem like a decent young man. You have a job?”

  “Yes. I’m an architect.”

  We go into deep discussion about my family, lifestyle, hobbies, etc. He knows I’m not going to leave June or hurt her—he said so himself. I can finally relax and move forward.

  June comes back in and demands we leave. She is still pissed off and ignores her father when we leave. He gives her a kiss on the cheek and tells her he loves her, but she grunts and walks off. I say my goodbye’s and open the car door for June. I give one final wave and proceed to get inside the car.

  I’m about to turn the ignition when June says, “I am not marrying you, just so you know.”

  As much as I want to agree with her, I can’t. “It’s the right thing to do,” I answer back.

  She angrily crosses her arms. “I am not hearing you,” she spats at me. “Just take me home. I don’t want to talk right now.”

  After the silent car drive back to her place I park in front of the building. I’m ready to help her out when she quickly says, “Goodbye, Phillip.”

  Before she gets the chance of opening her door, I grab her wrist. “I’m coming inside,” I demand.

  “No.” She yanks her arm away and tells me in a cold, stern tone—a tone I’ll never forget, “This is as far as you’re going to get. Hear me out and hear me out good. I am not going to marry a man who looks at me with disgust just because of what I’ve done to my body. I will not be tied down to that sort of life. We are having a baby, that’s it. You can continue going to my appointments, but no way will you spend the night at my house any longer or cook for me. We will not live together, nor get married. . . . I will see you next month.” Disgust? She really thinks I look at her that way? I mean, yeah, yeah, in the beginning I wouldn’t look at a woman twice when it came to tattoos or piercings, but now? Now, my life and my mind have completely shifted. Not only do I find her smart, intriguing and funny . . . I find her absolutely beautiful—tattoos and all.

  June angrily gets out, slams the door in my face and promptly leaves me sitting, in my car, with my heart crushed. I’m seriously fucking crushed.

  I THOUGHT THAT KISS WAS real. I fucking thought—what the hell was I thinking? We were stunned, happy, overwhelmed, vulnerable; of course the kiss happened because of that. He—ugh, he only agreed to marrying me because he thinks it’s the right thing to do for the baby. . . . not for me. I don’t want to marry him. Not now. Not ever. My father can’t make me and neither can Phillip. My mother agreed with me wholeheartedly and was just as annoyed at the rash decision. She said she will discuss it with my dad and make this mess go away. Phillip. . . . damn you! Damn you for making me fall for you. Damn you for being so fucking gorgeous, and for trying to be perfect for me. It all went downhill, tossed out the window when you fell for that lousy marriage card. You don’t see me for me. You only see me as an oven for your baby. That kiss was nothing to you. Nothing!

  That night I asked Faith to come to over to my apartment. I needed my best friend. I needed to hear her tell me I made the right decision in shoving Phillip away. She had to agree with me—she just had to.

  When she came over I admired the rose tattoo on her upper bicep; there was no rhyme or reason for the design, she just loved the way it looked. It was going to take one more session to complete the rose, but for now it was looking quite beautiful.

  Lucky was going to love it.

  I showed her the ultrasound picture; we both cried, laughed and talked about how incredible it was seeing my tiny little bundle on that screen. It was beyond anything I have ever imagined. We got to laughing as I described myself spread out like some science experiment, with a penis looking thing up my va-jay-jay. It was friggin’ hilarious, and we couldn’t stop giggling over it. Still. . . . the whole process had been equally awkward and extraordinary. Phillip—oh Phillip. How astounded and moved he was. He literally had no words, I could see it in his eyes; he was in awe and I could tell he wanted to cry, yet he never let the tears fall. He kept them hidden.

  Aside from the tears of joy and laughter I explained to Faith about the kiss, and what went down at my parents. We were curled up, knee to knee, on the sofa in our pj’s. She was spending the night with me and brought over some movies to watch. However it had been a long day and I was wiped, so a movie was not going to happen.

  I lay my head on her shoulder. “Oh, June, I don’t know. I think I really misread him,” Faith admits.

  “No. You were right, it does seem he is only in it for the baby.”

  She turns her body to face me, and gets my full attention when she explains, “Honey, if I have learned one thing from being with Phillip. . . . . . it’s the fact that he’s
a committed man. . . . and he falls in love. . . . hard.”

  Whoa, this is heavy. That last thing she just said? It feels like a ton of bricks just landed on my head. “He can’t even stand the sight of me, much less be in love with me,” I scoff. “Oh, my God, that is the most fucked up thing you have ever said.” I bring my legs down and grab my bottled water and take long drink. Ugh, I really hate water right now. Makes my need to pee that much more.

  “Why do you think he kissed you. . . . huh?”

  “We were in a vulnerable moment, I guess?” I mumble, shrugging my shoulders.

  “Really? You really believe that’s the reason?” I face her with a scowl. Then she adds, “Okay. . . . getting married just because you’re going to have a baby is a bit extreme -”

  I laugh, “Ha! You think?”

  “It’s extreme, yes. He’s going a little too far and he shouldn’t push you into doing something you’re not ready for. The same goes with your dad, by the way. My advice is to go talk with your parents and tell them you are an adult and you make your own choices. You have great parents, June. They love you and want what’s best for you. Unlike how my father was to me, they’ll understand. . . . .they have to,” she replies firmly.

  Faith’s father was a nasty, greedy bastard. Up until his death, Faith hadn’t seen him for five years. He did some horrible things to her and Lucky; blackmailing Lucky just so he wouldn’t see Faith anymore. He was awful.