by Hazel Kelly
"I never saw that one."
"Maybe you guys could swap?"
"Good idea," I said, glancing at the open DVD case on my desk.
"Or have a movie marathon?"
"I'll ask her," I said, grateful for the lead.
"Okay, well, I gotta go."
"Yep."
"Love you, bro."
"You, too," I said, ending the call.
I took my jeans off and pulled on some sweatpants, glancing at the pile of folded clothes that sat where Andi had slept.
I walked around the bed to her side and grabbed the t-shirt in my hands. It smelled sweet and citrusy- like a lemon- and it made me think of how her lips puckered against mine when I pulled her to me.
There was no question that she was surprised, but that hadn't stopped her from kissing me back, from leaning into me, from opening her mouth so I could taste her better.
I tried to throw the t-shirt on my laundry pile in the corner, but even after extending my arm, my hand stayed closed around it.
I threw it back on the bed instead.
Then I walked over to my side, stopping at my desk to grab the practice test for my econ exam the next day.
I spent the next half hour lying on my bed staring at it.
However, despite the fact that my eyes were scanning along the lines of the paper in the right order, nothing was getting through.
All I could think about was Andi.
The whole day kept flashing through my mind- the way she looked in that dress that covered too much of her, the way she stood up to Mike, the way she looked at me when I talked about my memories of her as a kid.
It felt so good to make her smile, to have her laugh in my ears again.
And I knew I was in trouble.
Not only because of how hard it was to shake her from my thoughts, but because I kept it all a secret from the person I was closest to in the world.
And I knew why.
Because Andi may have been our oldest friend, but I didn't want to share her anymore.
Chapter 19: Andi
I felt my cheeks burn. "You saw that whole thing, huh?"
Steph leaned against the back of the couch. "You mean did I see him kiss you until your whole body hung limp in his arms and your feet practically floated off the ground?"
I scrunched my face.
"Yeah, I did."
I swallowed.
"And I'm sorry. I am. I didn't realize you were about to have a moment like that, but when I saw you, I just froze in the hallway and couldn't look away."
"Perv."
"Not that I blame you."
I turned an ear towards her.
"I can't imagine how you managed to resist him this long."
I raised my eyebrows.
"If he so much as looks at me with those steely eyes, I have to change my underwear."
"Steph!"
"It's true." She shook her head. "He is one fine piece of ass."
"Jesus. He's not a piece of ass."
"Maybe not to you," she said. "But he and I aren't close enough for me to give a rats about his other fine qualities."
I covered my face with my hands.
"You will tell me if he ever puts out a calendar, won't you?"
"Oh my god. I will not." I moved my hands to my cheeks. "And he would never."
"Maybe if you ask him really nice in bed one of these days he'd agree to pose for a few-"
"Let the bed thing go."
"Look who's talking. If you haven't been wondering how deep the feelings behind that kiss go since the moment he left, then you need to see a doctor."
"No I don't. And there's no depth, okay. He just got carried away." I took a gulp of wine. "There's not going to be any sexy photoshoots or any romps in the hay-" Oh god the barn dance…
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because we're just friends."
She furrowed her brow. "Yeah. I'm not convinced that path is going to work out for you guys anymore."
"What? Why?"
"Because when he left here, he looked like he wanted to fuck you yesterday."
I felt my chest contract around my heart, which was beating in some pattern that didn't feel familiar. Hell, ever since that kiss, my whole body felt weird.
"Excuse my language, by the way."
I cocked my head. "Are you sure you weren't simply imagining that look on his face because you just came from a chaste environment that was probably thick with sexual frustration?"
"You do have a point there," she said. "All I know is that if any of the retreat moderators saw Shane look at you like that, he’d get sent straight to confession."
I laughed- partly because I thought she was being funny and partly because the thread of sincerity in her voice made me so nervous I thought I was going to pee my pants.
"Does Izzy really have no idea that this has been going on?"
"Nothing has been going on."
She raised her eyebrows, her clear blue eyes looking right through me.
"But to answer your question, no. I mean, she knows I broke up with Mike, which I thought was the main event this weekend." I sighed. "It was more than enough excitement for me anyway."
"Every cloud, eh?"
I squinted at her. "You really think there was intent there? Like, you think he'd do that again?"
"I think he'd still be doing it if I hadn't come home."
"Shit, Steph."
"Exciting, isn't it?"
I slouched on the couch and stared at the ceiling. "Is it exciting or is it a complete disaster?"
"What could possibly be disastrous about being the object of his attention? He's be far the hottest, kindest, smartest guy who's ever expressed interest in you."
I peered at her out of the corner of my eye.
"I didn't mean for that to come out that way."
"It’s fine. I know it’s true.”
"So what's the problem?" She got up and walked to the kitchen.
I leaned forward and drained my glass so I'd get a healthy top up on her next pass before slouching on the sofa again.
She came in with the frosted green bottle and poured some more white wine for each of us. "Well?"
There was barely a swig left in the bottle as far as I was concerned, but she returned it to the fridge anyway.
"He's my best friend," I said when she came back in the room. "He and Izzy."
"I agree it's not ideal."
"Not ideal?! It could change everything."
She sat down and crossed her legs towards me. "Perhaps, but it could change everything for the better."
"Or it could all go horribly wrong, and I could lose them both."
"Don't you think that's a bit dramatic?” she asked. “I mean, you're all adults now."
"Still. What if something happens-?"
"You mean something more?"
"Yeah." Fuck, was this thing already set in motion? Had everything already changed in the space of one quick kiss? "What if something happens and then it doesn't work out and then he meets who he's really supposed to be with and we can't hang out anymore cause she knows he and I have history?"
"First of all, you should give yourself a little more credit. I think it would be harder to replace you than you think."
A smile broke through my worried face. "That's nice. Thanks."
"You're welcome."
"But what if Izzy can never forgive me for breaking what's always been an unspoken circle of trust between us. I mean, she knows what a head case I am more than anyone on the planet. There's no way she'd be happy if Shane and I started-" I didn't dare let myself finish the thought.
"Izzy loves you, Andi."
"Yeah, but-"
"And she loves Shane, too." Steph took a sip of her wine and leaned forward to set it back on the table. "I'm sure as long as you guys were happy, she would be, too, regardless of the arrangement."
"They still know too much. Both of them. So what could he possibly want me for? There's no mystery
there? He was even reminding me earlier of totally embarrassing stuff he remembers me doing as a kid."
Steph shrugged. "Vulnerability is hot in its own way. Maybe you've been seducing him all these years without knowing it, and it finally got to him."
"That's absurd."
"As absurd as the idea that you've always wanted him, too?"
"I have not," I said, pulling my feet up and leaning against the armrest of the couch.
"Fine," she said. "I know better than to argue with you about your own feelings."
"Good."
"But just so you know, I'm not buying it."
"Fine. Cause it's not for sale."
We were both quiet for a minute, and the only things that troubled the silence were the sound of the ticking kitchen clock and some guys shouting to each other in the street below.
"What am I going to do?" I whispered finally.
"You're going to take it one day at a time," she said. "And not dwell on all the impossible what ifs."
"Easier said than done."
"I don't see what other options you have."
I looked at Steph. Her second glass of wine was visible in her cheeks.
"He asked me to his barn dance."
"That will be fun."
"Among other things." I pushed myself off the couch and picked up my half empty glass. "I'm going to get ready for bed."
"Sounds good," she said. "You should enjoy sleeping alone while you still can."
I smiled and drifted down the hall. Forty eight hours ago I would have bet my life he'd never kiss me. And now Steph seemed so convinced he wanted more.
I pushed my bedroom door open and caught my own eye in the mirror across the room. Could a guy like Shane even go for a girl like me? Wouldn't I look silly on the arm of someone so… so… totally fucking amazing?
Shit.
I needed to rest. All this booze had gone to my head. Surely I was reading too much into all this.
Surely he'd only asked me to his barn dance as a friend.
Too bad I was starting to think I didn't want to be his friend anymore.
Flashback: Shane
"I can't believe you've never had a Blizzard," I said, scooping a creamy bite of ice cream in my mouth.
Andi shrugged. "I just can't cheat on the chocolate dipped cone. It's never let me down."
I smiled and leaned back against the driver's seat. "I admire your loyalty."
"Thanks," she said. "I admire your sense of adventure."
I glanced at the clock on the dash. "What time did she get out yesterday?"
"I think it was five thirty," Andi said. "But today was the dress rehearsal for the dress rehearsal."
"Does that mean it'll go slower or faster?"
She shrugged. "You're asking the wrong person."
"You going to opening night?"
"Of course," she said. "As if Izzy would ever forgive me if I didn't."
"I know. I just thought it might be fun to pretend we had a choice."
She laughed, the melodic chime bouncing off the car windows. "Don't you think it's great that she already knows what she wants to do with her life, though? Like, I don't really get it myself, but I'm so happy for her-"
I furrowed my brow. "Do you not know?"
"I sort of do. But it changes all the time."
"And if you had to decide now?"
She sighed and dragged her tongue around the base of the cone where some vanilla ice cream had started to escape its chocolate casing. "I guess I'd study psychology. Maybe do social work with high schoolers."
"You'd be great at that."
"Thanks." Her eyes sparkled in my direction. "But I'll probably go in undecided and declare my major later."
I nodded.
"You?" she asked.
"I want to move big piles of money all day."
She laughed. "Like with a forklift?"
"No, like in the stock market," I said. "Unless the online poker keeps going well in which case maybe I'll just retire early."
"I thought your parents made you stop doing that."
"They were going to," I said. "Until I told them how much I'd made."
She raised her eyebrows. "Seriously?"
"And when I said I wanted to use the profits to help pay my college tuition-"
"Let me guess, they shut up about it."
“Pretty much.”
"Cool," she said. "So that pays better than my lifeguarding job?"
"I imagine so."
"Because I'll be lucky if I can chip in for books."
"That may be true, but I don't look nearly as good playing poker in my pajamas as you do in your swimsuit."
She swallowed and dropped her eyes.
The sight of her blushing filled my mind with filth.
"You think you could teach me how to do that?" she asked.
"What? Make your best friend blush or play online poker?"
"The latter, jackass."
"Sure, but you have to have a big appetite for risk."
She pursed her lips. "Mmm. I don't think I have that. Maybe you could just really crush it and then look after me?"
"Entourage style?" I asked, watching her push her remaining ice cream down into the cone with her tongue.
"Yeah. What do you think?"
I squinted at her. "I don’t know. What do I get in return?"
She shrugged. "You get my company all the time-"
"Priceless."
"And I'll shower you with lots of attention to make sure your ego stays properly inflated in exchange for free room and board."
"Sounds like hard work, but I suppose it beats a nine to five."
"No shit," she said, planning the first bite of her sugar cone with so much concentration I felt my heart swell. "Who are you going to ask to the spring dance?"
I raised my eyebrows. "Who do you think I should ask?"
She kept her focus on her ice cream. "The new girl seems nice."
"I don't know," I said. "The jury’s still out on her."
"Who were you thinking?"
"I hadn't really thought about it."
"Well, you should," she said. "Girls hate it when you leave it to the last minute."
"Right. You wanna go then?"
She looked at me with wide eyes. "What?"
"Do you want to go to the dance with me?"
"I-" She scrunched her face.
"What?"
“I can’t.”
"Because you don't think you can keep your hands off me when I'm all dressed up or-"
"Yeah, that's it."
"Seriously," I said, sticking my empty Blizzard in the cup holder. "It's the last dance before we graduate. It might be fun to go togeth-"
"I already got asked-"
I furrowed my brow. "When?"
"Two days ago."
"By who?"
"Steven."
I straightened an arm against the steering wheel. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I assumed Izzy already had."
I nodded into the rearview mirror.
"We'll still be in the same group."
"Yeah, of course," I said, surprised at how disappointed I was. "Steven's a good guy anyway."
"Yeah," she said, popping the last bite of cone in her mouth.
I took a deep breath and stared at the auditorium doors, wishing Izzy would come out already… and that Steven fucking Thompson hadn't asked my best girl to the dance.
Chapter 20: Shane
I’d just pulled a red and black checkered shirt over my shoulders when there was a knock at the door.
"Yup," I said, starting on the buttons.