by Hazel Kelly
And then a funny thought struck me.
Maybe Mike- despite his deep seated ignorance and his anger management issues- had picked up on something in me that I hadn't.
Maybe I'd always wanted more with Andi.
That would explain why the only thing I liked about her having a boyfriend was the fact that it made me feel like I had a bit more free reign to flatter and flirt with her.
Otherwise I hated everything about it, especially if I was unfortunate enough to glimpse another guy's hands on her.
I felt a lurch in my stomach just thinking about it.
And I swear her boyfriends always went out of their way to be extra handsy when I was around. I thought I just had shitty luck, but maybe I was giving off a vibe that they could sense, a vibe that made them question if she’d be better off with me.
Because she would be.
In fact, I believed that so intensely that the obligation I was feeling to see this thing through was growing by the minute, and I was actually relieved that Steph had come home so Andi hadn’t had time to change her mind about the dance.
I was halfway up the stairs when my phone rang, which was when I realized how lame I was for thinking about her all the way home. And yet I still wished it had been her calling.
"Yo," I said, unlocking my bedroom door and pushing it open with my shoulder.
"Yo yourself," Izzy said.
"How'd your thing go?"
"My thing?"
"Wasn’t the screening for your film class project yesterday?"
"Oh yeah,” she said. “It was. I assumed you forgot because you didn't call to wish me good luck."
"And I assumed that you could sense all the good luck I was sending you so it was better not to distract you."
"Nope. Didn't get any inklings that I even crossed your mind."
"Maybe you've lost your powers." I kicked my shoes off and pulled a cold bottle of water out of the fridge, cursing my thirst since it meant I'd have to wash away the taste of Andi's lips on mine. "You should probably see a doctor."
"And maybe you're just an ass," she said.
I laughed.
"What's that thing scientists always say? That the least ridiculous explanation is probably the truth?"
"Sorry, Iz. Something came up and-"
"Save it. I'm not interested in the forced elephant march you had to do with your sycophantic pledges."
"First of all, it's called an Elephant Walk." I held the phone against my ear and unscrewed the bottle.
"You would know-"
"And second of all, we don't really do that. Other frats maybe, but not us."
"I want to know more even less than I believe you."
I shook my head and took a swig of water. "The screening went well anyway?"
"Of course," she said. "And I’m hoping my professor will overlook the editing mistake I made half way through because we're sleeping together."
My eyebrows jumped up my face. "What?"
"Only in my dreams, but-"
"Christ, Izzy."
"Have you talked to Andi?"
"Andi?"
"Yeah."
I squeezed my eyes shut. "Why?"
"I guess she broke up with Mike last night."
I swallowed. "You don't say."
Chapter 17: Andi
"What the hell was that about?" Steph was standing in the hallway with her head cocked and her hands on her hips.
"What?"
"Oh c'mon, Andi. I just came from a place with zero sexual tension. When I walked in here it was like I'd tripped into the mouth of a volcano."
I raised my eyebrows.
"Mike would've flipped if he’d been here."
I sighed and moved towards the couch, wondering if Shane had somehow sucked the energy from me with that kiss. "Actually, Mike has flipped for the last time."
"What does that mean?" Steph collapsed next to me, pulled her knees up, and tucked her toes between the cushions.
"We broke up."
"When?"
"Officially? A few hours ago." I turned to face her and dropped my head on the back of the couch. "That's why there's a bunch of wildflowers on the doorstep."
"Oh right. I was going to ask about that, but when the suffocating sparks hit me, I forgot."
"He didn't take it very well."
"Good for you."
I turned an ear towards her. "I thought you liked him?"
"Are you kidding?"
"You're always super nice to him and-"
"I did that for you," she said. "And because if I didn't go out of my way to be super nice, I might’ve given away what I really think about him."
"Which is?"
"That he's a chauvinistic tyrant whose misplaced arrogance makes my stomach ache."
"Why the heck didn't you say something?"
She shrugged. "Would it have mattered?"
I bit the inside of my cheek.
"In my experience, the only opinions that really affect the fate of a relationship are the ones held by the people in it."
"Mmm."
"Unless you're, like, Hindu or something."
I narrowed my eyes at her.
"What?" She pulled her hair thing out and redid her ponytail.
"Are you telling me that if you wanted to marry a Nazi sympathizer or an illegal immigrant or a Muslim guy, your parents’ opinion would have no effect on your feelings?"
She craned her neck forwards. "First of all, those seem like really unlikely scenarios considering almost all of my socializing is through the church and-"
"Still."
She rolled her eyes to the ceiling. "I don't think my parents would forbid it or anything."
"Seriously?"
"I think they'd probably talk about it behind my back, but in the end I suspect they would decide it wasn't worth the risk of pushing me away just because they didn't approve of or understand my decision."
"If you say so," I said. "But it's hard for me to imagine having parents that don't feel compelled to interfere."
She lifted a palm between us. "Don't get me wrong. They interfere all the time. I just don't think they would in that instance."
"Right."
"But to be honest, I thank God that I have parents like that."
"I wish I could say the same."
"Think about it. The opposite scenario- disengaged and disinterested parents- isn't better." She lowered her head and stared through the empty champagne bottle.
"There's still some white wine."
She smiled and pushed herself up off the couch. "Guess I might as well have a glass since I'm already tipsy just from sitting next to you."
"You are not.”
"Then you can tell me what the hell happened in the last forty eight hours that lead to the situation I just walked in on." She flashed her eyebrows at me before disappearing into the kitchen.
"I wish I knew," I said, my eyes on my feet.
"What does Izzy think of all this?"
"Nothing," I said, lifting my face towards the kitchen. "She doesn't know. Not that there's anything to know." I licked my lips and recalled the warm feeling they had when Shane’s mouth was on mine. "Might as well make it two glass-"
Steph walked around the corner with two brimming glasses of white wine.
I smiled. "You're the best."
"Not really," she said. "I just don't really enjoy drinking alone."
"Don't judge me," I said, taking the extra glass. "And I wasn't alone. I was with-"
"Your soulmate?" she asked, sinking into the sofa.
I wanted to laugh but the comment made me freeze.
"Oh please. Like the thought hadn't crossed you mind."
"It obviously crossed yours."
"I've never seen you like that," she said, clinking her glass against mine. "Cheers to you finally ending things with Mike, by the way."
"Thanks," I said, taking a sip and letting the cool sweetness soak my tongue. "And seen me like what exactly?"
/> She squinted at me. "I guess the best way to describe it is that you looked the way people supposedly feel when they're on ecstasy."
"What the heck is that supposed to mean?"
"It means you looked like you were glowing. Like you were made of light."
I raised my eyebrows.
"Like you could feel a happy beat all the way to your toes and fingertips that no one else could hear."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah," she said. "High as a kite. That's exactly how you looked."
"Are you sure it wasn't just the fact that I've been drinking for a while?" I asked, deciding not to volunteer any specific numbers.
"Pretty sure," she said. "Besides, I've seen you on every notch of the scale between buzzed and tipsy to wasted and comatose, and at no point can I remember you ever looking that happy."
"So happy you had to use a drugs analogy?"
"Only cause I was thinking about them earlier-”
“Whoa whoa wh-”
“Because they came up at the retreat in one of those ‘in case you haven't forgotten kids, doing drugs is a sin.’"
"So you aren't thinking of experimenting or anything?"
"No. But some guy told me yesterday that ecstasy was his favorite, and then when I saw your face earlier, I felt like I finally understood his explanation."
I furrowed my brow. "There was a guy at the retreat who's done that?"
"Of course," she said. "Everyone has their own ideas about what it means to get close to God."
"Huh."
"So did you sleep with him?
"What?! No! Nothing else happened."
"Damn."
I craned my neck forward. "Damn what?"
"Just think how sprung you'll be then."
"I'm not sleeping with him, Steph."
"But you would."
"No I wouldn't. We're just friends."
She furrowed her brow. "Andi."
"What?"
She shook her head. "Friends don't say good bye like that."
Chapter 18: Shane
"I'm glad they broke up," I said, trying to decide how ignorant to play it. "I never cared for the guy myself."
"I know you didn't," Izzy said.
"Did she say it's for good?" I asked. "Because I know she and Mike have had their ups and downs before-"
"Sounded to me like she was well and truly done with him."
I nodded.
"But time will tell."
"Right." I ran a hand through my hair. "When exactly did you talk to her?"
"This morning."
The way Andi looked with her hair strewn across my pillow flashed through my mind.
"So I'll call and check on her soon to see how she's holding up. Ya know, show her some support so she doesn't feel compelled to let that jackass back into her life."
"Good idea," I said, realizing there was still a possibility I could lose her before I ever even had her.
"But if you guys bump into each other-"
I clenched my jaw. I had way more than that planned.
"It might be nice to show her some extra special attention to keep her spirits up."
I smiled. "That sounds like something I could do."
"I thought so," she said in that tone of voice that made it clear I'd provided the correct answer.
"Is that all you called to tell me?"
"Umm…"
I imagined her eyes rolling up to the corner of the room.
"Who are you bringing to your barn dance?"
"My barn dance?"
"Yeah, the one where you wear that checkered shirt and let the bandana hang out of your back pocke-”
"Why do you ask?"
"Curiosity," she said. "It's around this time of year, isn't it?"
"It is."
"So who are you bringing?"
"I don't know yet," I said, only half baffled by why the lie slipped out. "Why?"
"No reason. But don't wait until the last minute to ask someone," she said. "Girls hate that shit."
"Right."
"And if you don't have anyone in mind, you could always take Andi."
I swallowed.
"Just to give her a nice distraction from all this shit she's been through with Mike."
"Uh huh."
"But that's only if you think you can bear bringing someone who isn't dying to get in your Levi’s."
I squeezed my eyes shut. Was this just one of those twin coincidences or was she fucking with me and already knew I'd asked her?
I glanced at the clock on the wall.
Enough time had passed that Andi could've called Izzy and told her everything. Yet I had a feeling she didn't, a feeling she wouldn't.
Plus, she was probably too busy catching up with Steph after I left and cleaning up those flowers outside the-
"Please don't have impure thoughts about our oldest friend, Shane."
"I wasn't. I was just-"
"Forget I said anything. I don't think she'd go anyway."
I raised my eyebrows. "What? Why?"
"Well, besides the fact that you won't ask her cause you'd rather get fucked-"
I held my breath.
"She'd probably rather fork her own eyes out than spend an evening surrounded by orange sorority girls falling all over the place in their Daisy Dukes."
"Perhaps."
"Even if that's your idea of Heaven."
"It's not."
Izzy scoffed. "Yeah, right."
"So you don't think she'd have fun?"
"I doubt it's her scene. I mean, I'd rather die myself, but it depends on what's in the keg-"
"I know you think the world would be a more interesting place if we all drank gin and smoked 100's in rooms full of crushed velvet to piano music-"
"Preferably in black and white," she said. "Everyone looks better in black and white."
I sighed. "I hate to break it to you, Iz, but fifties film noir isn't a real place."
"Tell that to Dr. Who."
"Dr. Who?”
“You know, the time traveling-”
“That was a joke.”
“You’re an idiot."
“Mom doesn’t think so.”
She groaned. "Just look after Andi, okay? Forget the barn dance idea. It's stupid. But check in on her anyway."
"Will do."
"And check your schedule because I'd like to visit soon, and I know you and Andi would rather I come to you than ask you guys to suffer through a night with my artsy friends."
"They're not so bad," I said. "It's just that we have nothing in common besides you."
"I know. That was more than clear when you guys came for the indie film festival last year."
"I blame you for that," I said. "Andi and I should've just met up with you later-"
"Hindsight is-"
"Instead of letting you subject us to those depressing French films where no one smiles or talks about anything and everything is left unresolved."
"I thought you were both mature enough to appreciate realism."
"Sorry to disappoint you," I said. “But for what it’s worth, I did like that movie about the murderous sorority girls you gave me."
"I thought that was more your speed."
"It was hilariously bad," I said. "But worth it for the way their tits were falling out of their tops during the grave digging scene."
"Spare me your detailed review."
I shrugged.
"But do lend it to Andi if you think she'd like it," Izzy said. "She loved that one about the vampire sorority girls I gave her last spring."