Finding Memories (Breaking Free Series)

by Becca Taylor

  “They’re all right.”

  “Just all right?”

  “Yep.” I know she’s annoyed, but this is what I look forward to. The banter between us. It makes my day.

  “It took two hours for me to find the perfect pair of jeans. I bought four pairs of them. This pair for work and the others for when I go out. It took me five minutes to squeeze into these. So let’s just pray that my date tonight thinks they are more than just all right.”

  And, just like that, my morning turns sour. I don’t want to think about her going on that date. Hell, she even made me reschedule the date with Tasha for tonight. It was our deal—the one I made her promise to—and even though I’m glad I’ll be there to keep an eye on her date, I would rather be at home with Jade, telling her just how good those jeans look on her right before I peel them off her.

  I still plan on doing that and more. The minute her date ends, which I’m one hundred percent sure it will, I plan to tell her I want to make some revision to our rules.

  “I think baggy sweats are sexier than a tight pair of jeans,” I tell her.

  “On you, maybe, but on me, I look like I have a saggy ass.”

  “You think I look sexy in sweats?” I wiggle my eyebrows at her.

  “Come on. You know you look hot in them. That’s why you keep prancing around in them around the apartment.”

  “Seriously? I don’t think I prance.”

  “Okay, puff out your chest and do your man strut.”

  “Now, I sound like some deranged ape, peacock combination.”

  She laughs. “Well, you do.”

  “And like you should talk, Ms. Hot yoga pants and cropped t-shirt.”

  “At least I wear a shirt. And what are you talking about? It’s comfortable.”

  “Don’t forget sexy as hell. Come on, Foxy. You can make a paper sack look hot, so don’t act all innocent. And I wasn’t wearing a shirt because you insist on keeping the air high and the door open. It was hot as hell.”

  “There was a breeze from the gulf.”

  “Whatever.”

  “No, you whatever.”

  “Next time, I’ll make sure I wear a shirt.”

  “Fine, and I’ll be sure to wear my moo-moo,” she says as she crosses her arms over her chest.

  “Already told you, it won’t matter. You’ll still look fucking hot.”

  “Are we seriously arguing over who can look hotter while wearing their comfy pajamas?”

  “You call it arguing; I call it foreplay. And who says that’s what I wear to bed?”

  “What do you wear then?” She takes the bait.

  “Nothing, baby.”

  “Good God, Jeremy. You win. That’s hot.”

  AFTER A LONG day of work and then rushing home to get ready for this date, I'm just not feeling it. Or maybe I’m just not feeling him. There's been hardly any conversation between me and my date, other than what we had to drink or what looks good on the menu. Until I asked Greg to explain exactly what quantum mechanics is. I didn't want to seem like I was a total dunce when we were messaging, but I needed more than a two-word conversation. Apparently, I picked the right subject, and now I'm trying to concentrate on what he is saying, but it's hard to when I can feel my phone buzzing on my lap. Between that and big words like subatomic particles, wave-particle duality, and the scale of atoms are making my head spin.

  “I'm sorry; I get carried away when talking about my passion,” Greg says.

  “It's great that your job still gets you this excited, but I'm sorry I didn't take anything more than biology in school. Frankly, I was terrible in all things science.”

  “It's all physics to me,” he jokes. At least he's laughing, so I’m thinking it was meant to be a joke.

  I'm saved by the waitress. “Would you two like dessert?”

  Greg looks at me, and he knows we're not a match. “Just the check please.”

  While he was settling the bill, I glanced down at my phone.

  Jeremy: Meet me at the bar when you're done.

  For dinner, I stuck with an iced tea. Greg said he doesn't drink much, which is fine, but a glass of wine sounds really good right now.

  “Can I walk you out at least?” Greg asks me.

  “Thank you, but I'm going to hit the ladies’ room, and I think I spotted a friend I want to catch up with at the bar. I wish you would have let me pay my half.”

  “I invited you, so it was my treat. Besides, even if this didn't work out as I expected, I still got to have dinner with a beautiful lady.”

  The two of us shake hands goodbye after wishing each other the best of luck. Before heading to the bar, I send Jeremy a quick text back. Be there in five. I make a quick pit stop to freshen up. I reapply some gloss to my lips, check my eyeliner, and take the clip out of my hair and give it a quick fluff with my fingers. Once I remove the belt from my maxi dress, I feel a million times better. More like myself.

  When I walk up to the bar, Jeremy is talking to the woman behind it, and I get a pang of jealousy. She’s beautiful. Not only that, but the way she’s leaning her body against the bar as she talks to Jeremy seems intimate. As if they know each other … well. The minute he sees me, though, she turns and walks to another waiting customer. Jeremy stands and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek which causes my skin to flush.

  “I ordered you a glass of wine when you texted me,” he tells me as we sit down.

  “My savior and my hero.”

  “Was the date that bad?” he asks as he takes a sip of his drink.

  I hold up my finger in a wait sign and down half the glass. It’s not exactly ladylike, but it tasted so darn good that I couldn’t help myself. “Not bad, but not good either. How was yours?”

  We didn’t see each other during our dates. In fact, we sat in different parts of the restaurant. I’m half glad about that too. I would have been sending him the bat signal for help or whatever the Superman version of a signal would be.

  “I got stood up,” he says.

  “What?” I finish the rest of my wine, and Jeremy flags down the bartender.

  “Crystal, this is Jade. Can we get another refill?”

  “Anything you want, honey.” She turns to me. “He’s been talking about you all night.”

  I look at Jeremy, who is shaking his head back and forth. “I was telling Crystal here about our date tonight, and that I was waiting for you to come join me.”

  “And that your date looked like a complete dud, and you deserve more than dull,” the beautiful blond bartender says as she pours our drinks.

  Jeremy hands her a twenty. “Thanks, you can go bother someone else now.”

  “Holler if you need me.” She smiles as she takes the money but winks at me first.

  “What was that all about?” I ask him.

  “I have no idea. She said that we fit better than you and the guy you were out with?”

  “Okay, so what happened with your date?” I ask.

  “She texted me when I got here. Her babysitter got sick, and she couldn’t find a replacement.”

  “She has a kid? Did you know that?” I ask.

  “Yeah, I knew.”

  “Are you ready for that?”

  “What? A date?”

  “To be a dad?” I ask out of curiosity.

  “I wouldn’t be a dad. We talked about it. It was one date, not a stepfather application.”

  “I just never thought about dating a man with a child. I would get too attached.”

  “Like I said, Foxy. It was a date. Nothing more. Besides, she didn’t even show up.”

  “Are you going to reschedule?”

  “Nope.”

  “Are you going to look for a different date?”

  “Nope,” Jeremy says casually as he finishes his drink.

  “Have you decided to go out and find someone rather than the dating site?”

  “Nope.”

  “Are you going to say anything more than nope?” I ask.

  “Yep.�
�

  While I wait for him to say more, I finish another glass of wine, and magically, another appears. The two of us are having a showdown to see who can keep quieter the longest. I’m a master at these games, but Jeremy is a Jedi. After thirty minutes and another glass of wine gone, I cave.

  “Maybe I’ll go see if someone else wants to talk to me.”

  I stand ready to head in the direction of the three guys sitting at the end of the bar. Jeremy’s arm wraps around my waist, and he pulls me back to him.

  “I think we need to edit the rules for while I’m living above you,” Jeremy says in my ear.

  My skin gets chills, but my body feels hot. “Edit how?”

  “No dates while I’m living above you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t want to be around when you bring someone to the house.”

  “I wouldn’t do that. We said we wouldn’t be with anyone else like that already.”

  “I want complete access to you while I’m at the house.”

  “Why?” I ask.

  “Because I’m a greedy bastard. Give me a month, and then you can decide if you want to terminate our agreement.”

  Good God, I should say no. I need to say no because warning flags are going up everywhere. We are on a dangerous slippery slope to heartbreak hill, and I don’t want to lose him as a friend. Most of all, I don’t want to fall for him. He already has control of my body, and doing this could give him control of my heart.

  “Okay.”

  We don’t bother staying for another drink. Instead, he takes us upstairs to his apartment. That was the first night I slept in his bed, but not much sleep occurred, so I didn’t count it as breaking the rules. At least, that’s the lie I tell myself.

  “IS THERE ANYTHING better than a beach therapy day?” Jade asks me as she lays her blanket on the sand.

  “Good choice.” I'm not usually the type to sit around and do nothing for an entire day, but when she asked me last night, or maybe it was this morning, if I wanted to spend the day at the beach, all I kept thinking was Jade, half naked, on the beach. Plus, I could use some relaxation after a week from hell with getting every job back on track since the storm. A lazy Sunday sounded pretty fucking good to me.

  “I love it here. If I could, I would spend every waking hour on the beach,” she says as she takes off the loose shirt she wore to walk here in. “What about you?” she asks.

  “Only if everyone looked like you. Damn, Foxy.” I've been to beach parties before with Jade, but I never noticed what type of bathing suit she wore. I'm positive it was nothing like the little black and pink number she has on now.

  “You like it? I just bought it.”

  The triangle material on top shows off her round breasts, and I wonder if I skimmed the material with my thumb, would her nipples harden from my touch? My thoughts take a new direction when I start thinking about licking the space between them because her cleavage is front and center. That is, until I look down, past her flat stomach and grabbable hips. Motherfucking hell. The bottom is cut so damn low that it's not hiding much. All I have to do is tug on those strings holding it up, and I could feast there for hours. “It's all right.”

  “There you go with that word again. What's wrong with it?” She spins around, giving me a whole different view. The apple of her ass.

  Casually, as I lie down on the blanket, I lower my glasses to give her another once-over then flip on my stomach. I have a feeling I'll be in this position more often than not today to cover how much I like it. “The fact that it’s still on you.”

  She throws her shirt at me. “You pervert.”

  “I can't help it. You asked. And why do you keep asking me about your outfits? Don't you girls shop in packs or something like that? I remember hearing the guys discuss it.”

  “Everyone has been busy lately. Off doing their own thing and starting their new lives together. You know?”

  “Yeah, I do. Times are changing, Foxy. The band doesn't play much anymore. The guys spend more weekends at home than out. But you know what? I'm okay with that. We're growing up.”

  She finally takes her spot next to me on the blanket, puts her sunglasses on, and sighs. “Growing up sucks. Can't we stay like this forever?”

  “I’m down with that. You don't want to grow up? Is that why you don't want to be in a serious relationship?” We've never talked about what happened in our pasts. All she knows is that Deanna and I split up. I've always felt that my private life should be just that, but for the first time, I'd like to know if maybe I'm not the only one who's shit at picking the wrong person.

  “I'm in that awkward finding myself stage of life. It should have happened years ago, but I’ve always been a late bloomer. That and I can't do complicated emotional mess right now.”

  “Why do you say that? Was your last relationship that ... messy?”

  “We weren't on the same page, and now I need to know where my life is headed before I give myself to someone.”

  “Well, what if that someone sitting close by is that someone?” She actually looks to see who is around us. The beach is quiet, though. When she sees me looking right at her, she smiles.

  “Good one. I know what we are doing is casual, but we see each other a lot, hang out more each week, and you've become more than just an occasional friend, so do you really want to hear about my tainted past? I'm asking for your sake, not mine, because this could change things. Invite you into the whole opening up to me thing too.”

  “I think I can handle it, Foxy.”

  “Okay, so when I fall, I fall too fast. I tend to lose myself and who I really am. That's what happened with my ex. I spent way too many nights picturing a ring, a wedding, and kids and putting so much focus on us that I put my dreams on hold. Then I found out he wanted none of it. I lost the man I thought I wanted, and he took a lot of my spirit with him.”

  “That bad, huh?”

  “Not bad, just wrong. I want to make sure I'm happy where I am in my life before I give heart away.”

  Right then, I know I don't have her yet. I have her body, but the rest will catch up. I'm a patient man.

  “It was the opposite for me,” I tell her, and since this conversation is an erection killer, I roll to my back.

  “How so? Never mind. You don't have to tell me.”

  “I wouldn't have started the conversation if I didn't want to tell you.”

  “Deanna?” she asks.

  I nod my head once. “Condensed story. I had the house, the job, and I wanted the wife and family. She was the one; at least, at the time I thought that. But I wasn't what she wanted. She wasn't ready to settle. While she was away, she met someone. It gutted me.”

  “I'm so sorry.”

  “It took a while for me to stop being angry. I still am when I think about it.”

  “Did you ever talk to her about it?” she asks.

  “No.”

  “Maybe it would help.”

  “Don't feel much like reliving it again. It's done.”

  “Maybe not. Do you still want that?” I'm not sure if she's asking about Deanna or the wife part.

  “Want what?”

  “The whole marriage and family thing.”

  “Someday. It's not my time yet.”

  “I like that.”

  “What?”

  “I don't think it's my time either. But I do think it is time to get some sun therapy and change the subject. This just got too emotional. And remember, I said I can't handle that yet.”

  “I remember.”

  After last night, I guess both of us were more than exhausted. I woke up with Jade curled up against me. The sun had shifted beyond the umbrella she brought and was beating down on both of us. I didn't want to wake her because she felt good lying against me, but if I didn't, we both risked a sunburn.

  Gently, I rubbed my hand up and down her back until her eyes opened. She looked confused as to where she was for a second then she slowly sat up.

 
“Sorry about that,” she said as she stretched.

  “No worries.”

  “How long was I out?”

  I took out my phone to see the time. “Close to three hours. Any longer and we might have fried.”

  “I could have slept all day.”

  “Do you want to pack up and finish your nap inside?”

  “That sounds good. Plus, I'm suddenly starving.”

  After we had packed up, we headed back to the house, which was only a few hundred feet away. While I put everything in the garage, Jade continued upstairs. By the time I started to walk past her door, I had figured she was cozy in her bed, but she opened the door. “Aren't you coming in?”

  She changed out of her bathing suit and was dressed in the J&H t-shirt again. She’s been wearing it more and more to sleep in, or so she tells me. On the outside, I was smiling. Inwardly, I was growling ... mine.

  “Let me go change first. Do you want to order pizza or go out?”

  “Already ordered. And I figured we could rent a movie if you want.” The Jade I remember made an appearance because she looked shy as she asked me.

  I placed my hand behind her neck. “I'll be down in a few minutes.”

  That night, we rented more than one movie, finished a pizza between the two of us, and she fell asleep against me on the couch. As much as I didn't want to, I picked her up and carried her to bed. I gave her a kiss on her forehead then left.

  For a long time, I lay awake in bed thinking. Thinking about the past few years. I remember the first time I met Jade at Aly's birthday party, but it's a blur. We hung out enough times that I knew her, but then Deanna came into the picture.

  I started thinking about my time with Deanna; how our relationship was simple. She was fun, but if I think hard, it was safe. We were comfortable with one another. Sex was just that, comfortable. With Jade, there is crazy chemistry.

  When the thought reenters my head that we need to end this whole agreement and move forward, I stop the thoughts because she already said she’s not ready yet. She's mine until I move back home and that gives me time to come up with a plan. One that keeps her in my arms like she was today and in my bed at night. The only problem, my house will be finished in two weeks, and I wonder if that's long enough for Jade and me to get on the same page.