How To Marry A Werewolf (Claw & Courtship Novella Book 1)

by Gail Carriger

  Now, what is she so desperate to hide?

  Faith could not deny that the offensive gentleman was ridiculously handsome. So much so, it hurt to look at him. But he clearly knew well how effective his looks were. This served to mitigate any possible appeal. There was also no doubt in Faith’s mind that he was a vampire. His slave (or drone, or whatever a servant was called) had indicated him as the immortal in charge of this harassment.

  He wore no uniform, but he had the feel of arrogance and authority. Every line of his posture bespoke not only elevated breeding but military training. Instructions were barked at her in the manner of a militia captain or a French chef.

  At the moment, he was silent and the muscles in his jaw rippled as he clenched his teeth.

  Obviously a vampire. He had the pale skin she’d been told to expect. He was tall and lean and cut-glass pretty, blond and sharp-featured with too many teeth, like an ice sculpture wearing dentures.

  He was also extraordinarily rude. To steal her specimen case without asking!

  The first thing I do in a new country is subject myself to official humiliation. Oh, why did I insist on bringing my collection with me?

  Faith knew why. Because her parents would have unceremoniously thrown it all away despite the fact that it was the work of years. Faith had begun collecting when she was only ten. Her mother had prayed she’d grow out of the obsession, but Faith never did. Faith intended to keep collecting until she died, despite the embarrassment of such an unwomanly hobby. Her collecting missions were exciting without too much risk. She found the associated cataloging afterwards restful, and the scholarly papers that resulted? Well, they were very well received in certain circles, thank you very much. Although published under a male pseudonym.

  Of course, it was not the kind of hobby a young lady was supposed to cultivate. Botany, particularly botanical sketching, was about as far as respectable women were supposed to go into the natural sciences.

  Not rocks. Never rocks.

  Faith bit her lip and knew she was blushing. For the gorgeous vampire was about to expose her sins to the world. Or at least the small corner of it in Hyde Park that evening.

  He lifted the lid for her case and then removed the thick woolen shawl she’d tucked in to seal the top. The case was velvet-lined, unnecessary, and subdivided into squares, necessary. It held several shelves stacked atop each other, so that the one could be lifted out to show the next underneath like a very large and very sturdy jewelry box or small treasure chest.

  Faith was proud of the design. She’d commissioned it herself with carefully hoarded pin money. Her mother was exasperated upon discovering the unnecessary expense. Why not buy some new fans, child? Fans are so much more useful to a girl.

  This was before the incident, when Mrs. Wigglesworth was more tolerant of Faith’s eccentricities. Before her indiscretion. Before her shame. Now her collection was just one more thing that made her unbearable to be around, a dishonor to the family.

  Here I arrive in a foreign land, all prepared to do it right this time, or at least to try my level best, and already I’m failing.

  The vampire lifted out the first shelf. And then the second. And then the third, and set them out on the table. His face had gone from suspicious and guarded to a certain blankness that might indicate surprise.

  “Rocks.” He spoke at last. His voice was somehow the most British-sounding thing ever. His vowels were all wet and round.

  Faith moved closer and huffed at him. “Yes, sir. Rocks. Well, and a few minerals. Even a fossil or two. What did you think they were?”

  “That” – his tone was sharp and curt – “is absolutely none of your concern. Why are you gallivanting about the aetherosphere with a ruddy great load of rocks?”

  “No need to take that tone with me, sir!” Faith glared. She shouldn’t have to defend herself. After all, rocks weren’t contraband. Not that she knew of, anyway.

  Minnie, heretofore wide-eyed and terrified, recognized Faith’s tone and plucked up enough courage to say, “Now, miss, don’t be hasty.”

  Faith ignored her maid and put her hands on her hips. “Is there something wrong with my collection? Are the British opposed to the immigration of foreign rocks in principle or just in theory? Is there a standing law against the importation of stones?”

  He looked nonplussed at her attack.

  Faith gave him a small, pitying smile.

  Minnie backed away, no doubt putting herself out of shrapnel distance.

  Very little made Faith genuinely angry; she worked hard against it, what with her mother’s irrational temper as a shining example of how not to behave. However, she would tolerate no criticism of her collection, not from geologically ignorant vampires!

  “I assure you, sir, these rocks are mostly harmless. Your virtue is safe from nefarious rock infiltration. As, for that matter, is England’s.”

  “Do you talk nonsense by habit, Miss – what is your name, by the way? – or is it an act of defiance?”

  Faith drew herself up; two could play at this game. “I’m moved to absurdity when faced with unwarranted unpacking of my private possessions. I assure you, those are my rocks. I’ve collected them in good standing. I’ve records for each and every one. A few of the rarer specimens are even registered with my local chapter of the North Eastern Minerals Examination and Reportage Collective. And it’s Miss None-of-your-business, sir.”

  The offensive gentleman picked up one of her more precious pieces, a palm-sized deep blue rock with black and yellow striations. “What is this one?”

  “Lapis lazuli, metamorphic, all the way from Colorado. It’s pretty, isn’t it? Oh, would you like me to prove my expertise?” Faith instantly lost some of her anger to the rush of information and pride in her own knowledge. “The main mineral is lazurite. It was highly prized in antiquity.” She barreled on with a will. “Until recently, it was also used in oil painting and—”

  “I’m sure it’s most fascinating, miss.”

  “Yes, yes, it is. But I understand if you’re too limited in your interests to share my passion. I understand you immortals lose your capacity for such foibles.”

  The man turned the lapis lazuli about in his hand, white fingers a startling contrast to the blue. His nails were very short and his skin looked smooth. “Are rocks a customary course of study for American girls of decent upbringing?” Either he’d given her split skirts a professional assessment and found the fabric acceptably expensive, or his use of the word decent was all sarcasm. Faith bristled. Cranberry taffeta might be considered a little loud for an unmarried lady, but her shirtwaist was wool plaid, which she felt toned it down considerably. No one could critique the logic of dress reform for floating; Faith hadn’t even needed skirt tapes!

  Faith was seized with the urge to be slightly evil. “You mean it isn’t, in London?” She made her voice go breathy. “Geology is all the rage back home. Any lady worth her salt knows her minerals by rote.”

  “You are having me on.” He did not sound amused.

  Faith widened her eyes at him and tried to look innocent.

  He fondled the lapis lazuli a moment longer. Then said, sounding pained, “It is the color of your eyes.”

  Faith could only blink at that. She thought her eyes were not so dark a blue, but she would take the compliment, if that’s what it was.

  There was a commotion with one of the other BUR officers, or whatever they were called, that drew the much lighter blue gaze of the vampire away from Faith.

  She thought she saw a moment of relief cross his perfect face.

  “Oh, very well, take your rocks and be on your way, miss.”

  “I don’t see that I need your permission. Good evening to you, sir.” Faith began packing up the case herself, batting away the helpful hands of Mr Kerr, who seemed to feel some guilt over his part in waylaying her.

  The vampire, whom Faith was beginning to suspect was also a scoundrel, said, grinning,
“Welcome to London, Miss Lazuli.”

  STEP TWO

  Situate Yourself in an Advantageous Location

  Faith and her maid (and her rocks) made their way through the Customs House of Hyde Park dirigible embarkation green, which proved itself to be much less intrusive than their initial welcoming committee. Not quite as attractive, it must be admitted, but Faith preferred comfort over beauty. Or so she told herself.

  She and her papers were given no more than a cursory glance. Apparently, customs officials felt that her walking suit passed muster as sufficiently respectable, for all that it sported divided skirts. Take that, Mr Vampire-with-the-critical-eyes!

  Outside the customs house, the landing green resembled nothing so much as a countryside racetrack. Faith looked back at it, to see the tall blond figure of the vampire still messing around with her former airship and its personnel. She pitied the other passengers now facing his cool regard and patted her specimen case in a sympathetic manner.

  She paused a moment to watch. He moved very gracefully for a big man, but then again, his was more a dancer’s physique than a pugilist’s. She found she preferred that in a man. In her limited experience (which had all been with werewolves), supernatural creatures were brutes. That vampire had seemed a pill, and considering his comment on her eyes, possibly a rake. But he didn’t seem a brute. Although one never knew with immortals.

  She looked around.

  A large, flashy Isopod steam transport drew up. It was decidedly doodlebug-like in appearance but cheerful rather than creepy. It disgorged two ladies as alike in appearance, dress, and manners as to be twins, had the one not been twice the age of the other.

  The younger of the two bustled over, approaching Faith with a sweet smile and eager step. Her face looked a little as if it had lost a bet with a chipmunk over the ability to stuff food into its cheeks, then got stuck. She had the rosy glow of the very robust or the overindulgent. Faith assumed, by her age (which was near Faith’s own), that it was the former.

  “Miss Wigglesworth?” the stranger said, eyes inquiring under a daring turban-style hat.

  Faith smiled back, prepared to like this unknown cousin, who did not seem at all reluctant to meet her. Maybe she has not learned of my disgrace.

  “Yes. Are you Miss Iftercast?” Faith offered her hand to shake.

  The young lady (who might or might not be Miss Iftercast) looked at the proffered hand in confusion. Then suddenly brightened. “Oh, dear me, no, we don’t do that here in London. No offense, of course, cultural differences and all that rot. Now, where were we? Oh, yes, I am indeed Miss Iftercast. Only, could we not do that bit? I mean to say I am jolly delighted to make your acquaintance at last, dearest cousin! I’m determined we shall be fast friends. Your given name is Faith, is it not? Tell me, may I call you Faith right away? It’s such a lovely name.”

  Miss Iftercast had a pleasant breathy way of speaking and an accent only slightly less toothy and properly British than that of the unpleasant vampire. Faith was beginning to think this was the vocal styling of the uppermost crust of London society.

  Faith, who hated her name, could not but respond to such warmth. It had been ages since anyone had actually been happy to see her. She was practically moved to tears. Especially after such an aggravating and embarrassing encounter over her rocks. Miss Iftercast had barely even glanced at the split skirts, either. It was a miracle welcome.

  Faith marshaled her resources. “Feel free. And you are Theodora, I think. Yes?”

  “Yes, I mean no. I mean to say, that’s my proper name, but everyone calls me Teddy. And you simply must call me Teddy, too. Oh, I do adore your accent, it’s divine.”

  “My accent? Oh, but it is you who have such a way of speaking vowels. So calming.”

  Teddy gave a tinkling laugh. “Mums says I’m too posh for words after they sent me to finishing school. And I said, well, what did they expect, wasting my time with elocution lessons when I could have been riding? I’m a great horse enthusiast, you see? And I can hunt like anything. Mums says I’m too sporting by half – overly horsey. Do you ride?”

  Faith blinked under this diatribe. “Yes, I sure do. Although I’m not as good as you, I suspect.”

  “That’s quite all right, no one is.” Teddy’s grin took the bragging out of the words. “Daddy says I’m a holy terror. I’m always challenging my beastly brothers to race hither and thither, which of course I shouldn’t now that I’m out and all grown up and on the marriage mart. I mean to say, what man would want a girl who can out-jump him at a mark?”

  “A gentleman in possession of a large stable?” suggested Faith.

  Teddy chuckled. “Oh, you are droll!”

  Faith wished to make it clear from the start that she would hold her own, defend her friends, and be unswerving in her opinions. So, she added, “I think that any man who felt threatened because you could outride him is too fragile in his self-confidence to warrant a single second of your attention.”

  Teddy glowed. “Oh, we are going to get along splendidly! I’ve no sisters, you see. Surrounded by beastly brothers all my life. I cannot wait to have you stay with us. Charles is away on the Grand Tour, which will mean even numbers in the house at last!”

  “Theodora, darling, sweetheart,” called the voice of the older woman who could only be Mrs Iftercast. “Do bring our dear cousin along now. Do not keep her chatting out in the cold. She must be perfectly exhausted. All that horrible floating about.”

  Teddy whirled and linked her arm with Faith’s. “Oh, how silly of me, so inconsiderate. You will learn soon enough that I am rather of an enthusiastic nature and I sometimes forget myself in my excitement. You seem more reserved. Or is that the shock of meeting me?” Teddy wore a dark brown velvet walking dress with embroidered daisies about the skirt and sleeves. She was much shorter than Faith, but bouncy with it. Sturdy and fit as opposed to slender. Probably all that riding. Her waist was trim, displayed admirably by a wide white sash. Or maybe that was an illusion made manifest by her sleeves, which were truly enormous. They brushed against Faith’s elbow as they moved together towards the Isopod.

  “I think you’re adorable,” said Faith, honestly.

  Teddy beamed at her and then presented her to her mother. “Mums! This is Faith. She’s a corker. I’ll just go see the luggage stored and join you inside.” She disappeared around the side of the conveyance with Minnie in her wake.

  Faith’s maid paused. “Should I rescue the case this time, miss?”

  Faith shook her head. “No, thanks, Minnie. I’m sure it’ll be fine now.”

  “Yes, miss.”

  Mrs Iftercast helped settle Faith inside the Isopod. It proved to be as flashy inside as out, with velvet-covered seats and the latest crank windows. Mrs Iftercast had the same open, friendly, rosy-cheeked visage as her daughter, only with wrinkles. Her hair was the same light brown, only with streaks of grey. He eyes were the same merry coffee color. She did not, however, seem to talk as much.

  “How do you do, my dear? Welcome to London. Was your passage perfectly ghastly?”

  Faith smiled and shook her head. “It was nice, actually. I like floating.”

  Mrs Iftercast shuddered. “Sooner you than me. Has my girl talked your ear off already? She is a terrible nuisance.” This was said in tones of great affection.

  “She’s big on riding, I understand?”

  “Horse-mad.”

  “We all have our interests. I myself collect rocks.” Faith thought that, given what had so recently occurred, she should make this clear from the start.

  Mrs Iftercast did not look at all shocked. “Do you indeed? How novel. Well, that, at least, you can keep under wraps. Theodora will insist, the moment an outing is suggested, that she ride, that she ride well, and that she challenge anyone willing to a race. Rocks, at least, are less arduous in public.”

  “I see what you mean. I don’t need to mention them at all and I can collect in comparati
ve privacy. Although occasionally, on a picnic, you may find me drifting about and pocketing a sample.”

  “There, you see? I can already tell you will be far less troublesome than my harridan of a daughter.” Which answered that question. These distant relations clearly knew nothing of Faith’s indiscretion, disgrace, and subsequent humiliation. The Atlantic was more vast than Faith had realized. Or these relations were much more distant.

  Teddy rejoined them and Minnie climbed in behind her.

  Faith asked, “How exactly are you related to me, again, Mrs Iftercast? Mother didn’t say.”

  Mrs Iftercast frowned. “You know, I am not entirely certain. I believe your father is my husband’s second or third cousin.”

  Teddy nodded. “Something like that.” She tapped the ceiling of the conveyance with the handle of her parasol. “Steam on, James!”

  The machine rumbled to life around them with a hissing sound so loud, it made conversation impossible, until moments later, they were humming through the park. Faith tried not to gawp out the window. Land’s sake, she thought, these relations of mine must be rich. What an impressive way to travel!

  Teddy asked, “Was the depuffing smooth? We have had these horrible winds lately.”

  “Very.” Faith smiled at her. “Although there was something going on at the embarkation area when I landed. BUR was there. I think it’s called BUR.”

  Teddy’s eyes sparkled with interest. “They were investigating something nefarious? Oh, were they there to catch some malcontent? Was it a crime of some kind? A murder? An unsanctioned feeding, perhaps?”

  Faith shook her head. “I don’t think so. They were looking for some kind of object. They took my specimen case away from me, and opened it, and displayed the contents in front of everyone.”

  “Oh, how horrible! What an abysmal welcome for you, poor child. I shall write a sternly worded letter of complaint to the government as soon as we get home.” Mrs Iftercast was clearly upset on Faith’s behalf.

  Faith blanched. “Please don’t worry, cousin. It was just disconcerting. I think, well, I believe, that the gentleman who took my case was a vampire.”