Logan guided me inside and let me sit down on the couch. He disappeared to make tea. I tried to pull myself together while he was gone. By the time he came back with two steaming cups, I’d managed to stop crying.
“I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “Don’t be. You can always come to me when you need it.”
“After I’ve pushed you away so many times?”
Logan shrugged. “I don’t know why you keep doing it. I’m here.”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know why he was being so nice. I didn’t know anything anymore, and I started crying again. Logan pushed the teacup into my hands and I held onto it, letting the heat seep into my hands, through my body. I sipped it, and it was sweet.
“Thank you,” I croaked. Logan rubbed my back while I drank my tea, and for the first time since I’d found out I was pregnant, I felt like I wasn’t alone. I leaned against him, my head on his shoulder, and closed my eyes. It felt good to be wanted, to not be scolded. It felt good just to be.
I didn’t know how long we sat like that, with Logan still against me. Maybe he was scared he would chase me away. If he wasn’t Liv’s brother, I would be with him. I would be with him in a heartbeat. He was everything a woman could want in a man and more.
I turned my head and the skin of his neck was against my cheek. It was warm. His cheek was against my forehead, and I was suddenly aware of how close he was. I let him pull me closer and closer and suddenly his lips were right there.
He tipped his head down, and my breath caught in my throat. I knew he was thinking about kissing me. I was thinking the same thing. He moved his head slowly down until our faces were together, and his lips came down on mine. I didn’t stop him. I didn’t want to.
It was different this time. We were both sober and this was a conscious decision. I wanted him to kiss me.
When he moved so that he could kiss me properly, his hand on my cheek, I let him push his tongue into my mouth. My stomach turned in a different way, nausea replaced with butterflies. I wanted this. I’d pushed him away for so long because of Liv, but I wanted this. I wanted him.
His other hand was in my hair, and he moved it slowly down my neck. He moved as if he was scared he would startle me, or I would realize what we were doing and stop him. I didn’t want to stop him. Everything in my life was upside down, and when I was with him, I felt like something might be right for a change.
When his hand slowly trailed down to my breast I arched my back, pushing myself against him. It was an answer to his silent question. He kneaded my breast with more certainty. I moaned into his mouth, my body responding to his touch.
He pushed gently against me, guiding me backward until we were lying on the couch. His body was half on top of mine. His hips pressed against mine, and I felt how hard he was. He wanted me, too.
He moved his hips against mine, simulating sex with our clothes on. I pushed my hands into his hair, ran then down his back and eventually found the hem of his shirt. I pulled it up and over his head. He lifted up so I could get rid of it, and I dropped it on the floor. He looked at me, his eyes deep and full of emotion.
“Are you okay with this?”
The fact that he asked meant everything. “I am.”
He didn’t wait for me to say more. He kissed me again, and it was more urgent this time. He pushed his hand under my shirt, and his fingers found my nipple through my bra. He tweaked and tugged and rolled it between his fingers. I gasped and whimpered.
When he pulled off my shirt, I was self-conscious. When we’d done it the last time, I’d been drunk and didn’t care about anything other than what my body wanted. Now I was sober and I was aware of my body, unhappy with my weight. I crossed my arms over my chest.
Logan frowned and shook his head. “Don’t cover up. You’re beautiful.”
His eyes trailed down my body and rested on my stomach. I wasn’t showing yet, but I knew he was thinking about the baby. I reached out to him and he took my hand and kissed my fingers. I pulled him closer and he was on top of me again, kissing me.
We were a tangle of limbs on the couch for a while until Logan broke the kiss and got up. He took my hand and pulled me up, leading me to his bedroom. He closed the door like we weren’t alone in the apartment and turned to me. His eyes were big and full and on me, his mind nowhere other than here in the room.
He stepped closer to me again and unclasped my bra. He dropped it to the floor and pulled me against him so that my breasts pushed against his naked chest. His hands trailed down my back, over my hips, and while he kissed me he pulled down my pants. I let him. I was self-conscious and nervous, but I wanted this. He got rid of his own pants. His sex sprang free, hard and ready. The tip glistened with his lust, but he didn’t jump me and take me.
He stepped toward me again, moving slowly and reassuringly. His erection pressed against my lower abdomen. I shuddered, Heat washed through my body as if it just caught up with what was happening, and I was suddenly right there with him, on board and ready for this. I’d been ready for this before, but my body felt like it had taken a moment to catch up.
He let me lay down on the bed and he crawled over me. I had a sense of déjà vu, but this was different. This was soft and sensual and all about me, where before we had both been out to get what our bodies needed. He kissed me again. My thighs fell open and he moved between them, his sex pressing at my entrance. I was ready for him, open and eager.
He pushed into me slowly and I gasped. It felt so much better than I remembered. Having sex sober was so much more satisfying than having it drunk and not remembering all what had happened.
“I’m not hurting you, am I?” Logan asked when he was in all the way, pressing against my cervix. He was talking about the pregnancy. I shook my head. It was too soon in the game for that. Maybe a couple of months down the line it would be a problem but for now, it was fine.
He nodded, eyes were on mine. His face only inches away when he started moving. The friction was amazing. I gasped, my heart hammering against my chest. Logan pushed into me and pulled out again, and I remembered just how good he was at what he did.
He worked it up slowly, building a rhythm that gradually increased. I closed my eyes and gave myself over to the sensation, feeling him inside of me, feeling the sexual tension build in my body, the start of an orgasm.
Logan touched my cheek lightly, and I opened my eyes. He was still looking at me and his face was full of emotion. He moved faster and faster and I felt the orgasm building, getting stronger and stronger, closer to the edge. He was going to lead me there and then he was going to push me over. I knew it was going to happen the way it had before.
The orgasm was pending. The feeling inside of me got bigger and bigger, starting at my core and spreading through my body like fire until it reached my fingertips. It was like I was a cup being filled with hot water until I spilled over.
Before the orgasm hit, though, Logan stopped. He pulled out and moved so that he rolled over onto his back. I climbed on top of him, straddling him. I sat down on him and he slipped right back in. I gasped again, the feeling never getting old. He smiled at me.
I didn’t have a lot of experience in these things – I hadn’t been with many people – but Logan urged me on with his eyes and his smile and his hands on my hips. I started moving, finding a rhythm and an angle that worked for me.
I rocked my hips on top of Logan, faster and faster, following the same pattern he’d used when he was on top of me. My sex rubbed against his pubic bone with him inside of me and it coaxed the orgasm I’d been building earlier back to life. It returned with renewed force, making my body go numb. I gasped and leaned on Logan’s chest with my hands for balance.
I kept thrusting, watching Logan’s face. He had an orgasmic look on his face, and I knew what I was doing worked for him.
I moved faster and faster. My body went numb, the building orgasm interfering with my breathing so that came out in erratic gasps now. I rocked as
hard as I could. The orgasm flooded through me, and I collapsed on Logan’s chest, my head in his neck, feeling the orgasm in every fiber of my body. I curled around Logan, my body contracting and releasing and contracting again. Logan put his hands on my hips and moved underneath me, pumping in and out of me while I lay on top of him.
The feeling was spectacular, the angle and the aftermath of the orgasm making it that much more intense. Echoes of the orgasm I’d just had shot through my body. I moaned in his ear.
A moment later, Logan stopped moving, thrust deep inside of me and groaned. I felt him release inside of me, his sex twitching, his body jerking beneath mine.
Then it was all over. We lay like that, me collapsed on top of him, his arms around me, for the longest time. Our breathing slowly returned to normal, and he grew soft inside of me.
Finally, I sat up so he could slip out and rolled off him. I lay next to him. Logan turned to me so we were facing each other and hooked my hair behind my ear. He leaned forward and kissed me.
“Was that okay?”
I nodded. He kept asking. It was endearing that it mattered so much what I thought and what I wanted and needed.
He nodded, too. “I know you don’t want to do this, but I really want to be with you, Jess. I want to be there for you and for the baby. Unless you decide to get rid of it, of course.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head slightly. “I’m not getting rid of it anymore. I want this baby. I’ve wanted it all along. I just didn’t know how I would do it. I still don’t.”
When I opened my eyes he was looking at me with love and affection. He put his finger under my chin. “We can do it together.”
I hadn’t wanted to involve him before. I felt like I would jeopardize another part of my life if I decided to date him, but he was being everything I needed him to be. I knew I couldn’t do it alone.
Maybe being with Logan wouldn’t be the worst thing, not if he was going to be like this about everything all the time. He really was a great guy.
Chapter 8
Training was a breeze. I was in a great mood. I had Jess – she wanted to be with me – and I had the motivation to do well. I wanted to do well in my games so that we could win and make a lot of money. I wanted to be able to take care of Jess and the baby boy or baby girl. Whatever the gender, I would be happy.
Aaron was cooling down after our workout in the far corner of the field. I jogged to him and sat down on the grass next to him, each of us beginning to stretch.
“You look like you’re in a good mood.”
I nodded. I really was. “Do you think I’ll be able to make it as a national player instead of an international one?”
Aaron relaxed his stretch and looked at me.
“What do you want to do that for?”
I shrugged. I wanted to do it for Jess.
“You’ve been working for this your whole life. Why do you want to give it up now?”
I rubbed my thigh. It was unusually stiff; I had to be careful not to pull a muscle. I thought about Jess and the sex we had and smiled. Maybe it was from that.
“I don’t want to be away from home. I think it would be better if I was here.”
Aaron swapped sides, stretching his other leg. He narrowed his eyes at me. “Is it that girl?”
I smiled. I couldn’t help it.
Aaron rolled his eyes. “I know you’ve been all over the idea of her, but I don’t think giving up your career for a girl that might or might not be interested in you is a good idea. It’s not really worth it, you know?”
I nodded. “I know. But it’s not a maybe anymore. We’re together now.”
Aaron shrugged. “Good for you. I just don’t see how it will work for you to give up what you love for a girl you don’t really know that well.”
I shook my head. “I know her. I’ve known her all my life. Besides, it’s not just about her.”
Aaron looked at me, urging me to go on. No one knew yet, except her parents. They were unhappy, which was understandable. I couldn’t imagine my parents being any happier.
“She’s pregnant.”
There it was. The truth was out. I glanced at Aaron. He’d stopped stretching and just looked at me.
“Are you serious?”
I nodded. “I don’t think it’s fair of me just to leave again when she needs me. I have a responsibility now, you know?”
Aaron nodded. “That makes everything different.”
We got up after stretching and walked to the locker rooms together. I was deep in thought. Aaron was silent next to me. We were the first to reach the changing rooms. I opened my locker and found my towel and soap to shower. The door opened, and I looked over my shoulder. A few more guys came in and went to their own lockers.
“Have you told your parents?”
I shook my head. “Jess and I worked it out just now.”
“And Liv?”
“I don’t know what to say to her. It’s going to have to come out at some point, but everything’s happening so fast. It would help if I’m used to the idea of a baby myself, first.”
“What?”
A woman’s voice behind me. I stilled and closed my eyes for a second before turning around. Liv stood in front of me, her face a mask of confusion.
“How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of the changing rooms, Liv?”
She shook her head. “Jess is pregnant?”
There was nothing I could say.
“And it’s your baby?”’
I opened my mouth to speak. She went from shocked to angry.
“What the fuck were you thinking? She’s my friend!” She took a deep breath. When she spoke again it was less forceful. “She didn’t tell me.”
I knew what it looked like. The team was all in the locker room now, all of them standing around us in a circle. It was all out there, now. The locker room door opened one more time, and as if she were summoned, Jess popped her head in. I groaned inwardly. This was getting worse and worse.
Liv turned and saw Jess. She folded her arms and put on her bitch face.
“Well, if it isn’t the temptress herself.”
Jess frowned. She looked at me, put two and two together, and her face fell.
“Liv…”
My sister shook her head. “Honestly, I don’t want to hear it. My best friend is pregnant with my brother’s child and everyone seems to know except me.”
“That’s not how it is,” I started, but Liv glared at me.
“Don’t try and stick up for her. It’s bad enough that I have to find out through locker room talk that I’ve been stabbed in the back by everyone I care about.”
She turned around and stormed away from me, toward Jess. Jess stepped back, disappearing through the door. Liv left the locker room. I heard them talking in the corridor.
“Liv—”
“Don’t Jess. You were supposed to be my friend. Friends don’t do shit like this to each other.”
“Let me explain.”
“No. Don’t talk to me again. You want to be a part of my family so bad? Well you got it. Well done. But I want nothing to do with you.”
There was silence. When I walked to the corridor Jess stood alone, looking toward the field where Liv had obviously disappeared. When she looked at me, she looked like she was going to cry.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I swear, I wasn’t making a thing of it with the guys,”
Jess shook her head. “I know. I have to go after her, though. I need to sort it out.”
“Don’t do it now. She’s angry. You know what she’s like when she’s angry.”
She nodded. Jess knew Liv as well as I did. Perhaps even better.
“I know what she’s like, but if we’re going to get through this, I have to talk to her. She deserved to know and we didn’t tell her. It’s a bad way to find out.”
Jess stood on her toes and kissed me. “I’ll see you later.”
I watched her walk toward the field and sighed. Thi
ngs were getting more and more complicated. If this was only the beginning, we were in for a long ride. I was committed, though. There was no way I was turning my back.
Chapter 9
I got in a cab and drove to Liv’s place. This wasn’t over yet. She might have been mad, but she wasn’t calling the shots. This was my life, too.
When I arrived at her place, her car was in the drive and the front door was open. I swallowed hard and got out. I had to take care of this now. I didn’t want to do it; it was easier just to go home and hide. I had Logan, but he wouldn’t have his family after this if I didn’t do something. More importantly, I wouldn’t have Liv – who was like a sister to me– so this needed to be done.
I walked into the home where I’d practically grown up.
I found her in the garden, guzzling a Corona. I wished I could have a drink, too. Not being able to drink for the next eight months felt impossible.
“What are you doing here?” she sneered at me when I walked toward her.
“I want to talk about this.”
She snorted. “Now you want to talk? You didn’t bother before.”
I nodded and sat down next to her. She shifted away from me a little, unhappy that I was next to her, but she didn’t get up.
“Do you know what you made me look like back there?”
I nodded. I knew Liv had an issue with her appearance. She hadn’t known I was pregnant. She hadn’t known I was involved with Logan.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“The baby or the relationship with my brother that you decided not to tell me about?”
I rubbed my hands down my face. “The baby. The relationship with Logan was unexpected, but you know how great he is. You can’t blame me for wanting to be with him. It is our child together, after all.”
She shook her head and took another sip of her beer. She only drank beer on special occasions. Or really shitty ones, as the case may be.
Hang Em' Up: A Bad Boy Sports Pregnancy Romance Page 5