“This isn’t really helping me feel any better.”
We sat in silence for a while.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
“Yeah?” She looked at me, angry again. The combination of her anger and dark hair made her look dangerous. I’d seen her angry before, but it was very seldom aimed at me. I hated being on the receiving end. “Maybe you should have thought about that before keeping me out of the loop. Hell, Jess, you’re pregnant. It’s not just the flu, like you thought, right? That’s what it was? And Logan’s the dad. What the hell were you thinking?”
I shook my head. “At the time, I wasn’t thinking at all. We were both drunk, and that night we met up at the pub when we both got back he’d been so nice… you know how guys are with me. It was a big deal.”
She stood up and threw the empty bottle across the lawn. It fell on the grass with a dull thump.
“So you decided to keep it from me that you were pregnant, and now you’re going to do what? Date Logan and I need to be fine with it all?”
I shook my head.
“I don’t expect you to be fine. I just want you to be there. You’re my best friend.”
She shook her head. “I thought so, too. Before you betrayed me.”
She walked into the house. I watched her go. How was I going to fix things were her?
I followed her into the house. She was in her room, no doubt. I wanted her to forgive me, but I understood why she was angry. I just wished she wasn’t.
After a few minutes, went home. I didn’t know what else I to do. I’d lost my best friend, lost my parents. There was a very big part of the future that wasn’t going to be the way I wanted it to be. I took a deep breath. This was how it was, and I was going to make it work. I had the baby and Logan. That would have to be enough for now.
And the truth was, it was plenty.
At sixteen weeks, I had an ultrasound with the gynecologist again. Logan was with me. He clutched my hand in the waiting room. I felt out of place. There were pregnant mothers for the most part. One or two women looked like they were either very early on in their pregnancy or not pregnant at all.
We were the youngest there. I felt out of place. Some of them glanced at us. Most ignored us. I wasn’t sure which was worse.
“It’s going to be okay,” Logan murmured for the umpteenth time.
Telling his parents had been another horror story. They’d been less upset than my parents, or at least, less verbal, but they’d been very disappointed. It was different with Logan, though, because he was older and had a lot of money he’d earned himself. They could say nothing about our choice to raise the child because they weren’t paying for any of it.
Liv still wasn’t speaking to me. I missed her, but I understood. I hoped that one day we could make it work again, but for now I had to focus on the baby and on my relationship. Our future.
“Let’s see what we have here?” the gynecologist said. She smeared the cold jelly on my stomach and rolled over it with the ultrasound. I was starting to show. I had a small belly and the pressure she put on me felt a little uncomfortable. Everything was different now.
The baby looked different. Bigger. More like a human and less like a little alien. It was lying at a different angle now, too.
“We’ll see more movement earlier on when there’s a lot of space. As you go along, it will get less and less. And then the kicking will start.” She smiled at me. “Are you ready for that?”
I nodded but I couldn’t imagine what it would be like. I looked at Logan. His eyes were fixed on the screen, his eyes full of wonder and emotion. He was so involved with the pregnancy it was almost like we’d planned it. He swallowed hard, and I wondered if he wanted to cry.
The gynecologist let us listen to the heartbeat, and it pushed him over the edge the same way it had done for me. He squeezed my hand.
She moved the wand around again and focused on a spot, looking at the screen and frowning. Finally, she smiled.
“Do you want to know the gender?”
I looked at Logan. He looked surprised. I nodded and looked back at the doctor. I wanted to be able to stop calling the baby ‘it’ and refer to it as her or him.
“It’s a girl.”
I smiled and hugged Logan. He buried his face in my neck, and I was sure he was really crying this time. This was one of the few places men were allowed to cry. It was something I wasn’t even able to deal with, and I was a woman, used to crying all the time.
A few more questions, and we were ready to go. I was due back here in a couple of months, closer to my due date, to make sure everything was fine. So far, though, everything was going according to plan. That was what we had now: a plan and a future.
Chapter 10
It was hot. I was trying to sleep, but I woke up every now and then to check on Jess. She’d moved in with me a couple of weeks ago – her parents weren’t being very helpful or positive, and I wanted her out of that environment. The move had been emotional – she hadn’t wanted to part with them on such terms. Still, it was better for her to be with me than to stay at home.
I lay on my side and looked at her. Her face was pulled into a frown. Her belly was huge, her breasts large. Her ankles were swollen, and the last couple of weeks had been hard. Pregnancy was not easy. It got harder and harder the bigger the baby got.
Our due date wasn’t for another week and a half. I wished for her sake it would be over sooner. I wasn’t sure how she was going to do almost two more weeks of this.
She rolled onto her side, moaned in her sleep, and rolled back onto her back. She was hot and uncomfortable and there was nothing I could do to make it better. I’d bought her all the little pillows and foam things to help her be comfortable. They worked for a short while, but the fact that she was sharing her body with a growing little girl meant that, no matter how comfortable the outside was, she was being squashed on the inside.
She moaned again in her sleep, and her hands went to her belly. I touched her arm and she sighed. I wanted to help her. I had no idea how I was going to do that.
She moaned again and this time, her eyes opened.
“Are you okay?”
She turned her head to me.
“I think so.”
She moaned and pulled her legs up.
“I’m cramping.”
She cramped a couple of times the last few weeks. They were false alarms, the doctor had said, her body practicing to give birth. It didn’t make sense to me – her body should know what to do.
“What can I get you?”
She cried out. I sat up. “What is it?”
“I don’t think they’re cramps this time,” she said. Her voice was strained.
“What do you mean?”
“I think it’s time.”
She curled around her stomach again. I was frozen for a moment. Now? We weren’t due for another two weeks…
“Logan!”
I jumped up. Now was now. I found the bag she’d packed for when this happened – she’d thought ahead – and ran back to the room.
“I’m calling a cab.”
She nodded and pushed herself up from the bed. She pulled on her maternity pants and a hoodie that zipped down the front. She tied up her hair and checked herself in the mirror. Another contraction made her double up, forgetting about how she looked.
I dialed for a cab and told them the address and to hurry.
“They’ll be here in five,” I said. She waddled into the lounge.
“Can you get me some water?”
I ran to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. I’d stocked the fridge with them for her. She took it from me and drank. She sat down on the couch, groaning.
“Ow. When is the cab coming?”
A horn honked outside.
“Now. Come on, angel.”
I helped her down and into the cab and gave the driver the address. He nodded and stepped on it. Jess cried out with another contraction, and the cab driver sped up e
ven more. Thank God for sensible people in this world.
The drive to the hospital felt like it took forever. The contractions got worse, more often and more intense. Jess cried out every time. I was scared. I didn’t know what to do and prayed everything would work out until we reached the hospital.
We stopped at the emergency room, doors and I ran inside.
“She’s having a baby!”
Two nurses ran with me, one with a wheelchair, and they loaded Jess into it. They pushed her to the maternity ward.
“It’s getting worse,” she cried out. I followed them all the way. They had her in a bed in no time and paged for a doctor.
“Are you the father?”
I nodded. The nurse gave me a wet washcloth.
“Hold this against her head. We’ll prep her.”
I did as she said. Jess was sweating. When she looked at me, her eyes were terrified.
“You have to call my parents. And yours.”
“I will as soon as the nurses get back.”
I waited with her. They brought in stirrups for her feet and a tray with tools. I wasn’t sure what they were for. A moment later, a man came in.
“I’m your attending physician,” he said to Jess. It was a man, not our normal doctor. Jess said something incoherent. The doctor lifted her legs onto the stirrups and looked in between them. I was suddenly angry.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“Get him out of here,” the doctor said and two nurses wrestled me out.
“That’s my girlfriend in there!” I shouted.
“We know, and we’ll take care of her. Wait here, we’ll call you when she’s ready.”
They closed the door, and there was nothing I could do. I paced around, feeling like I was going to explode. I wanted to punch something. I wanted to throw shit all over the place. I was freaking out.
She’d wanted me to phone her parents, so I did that. It took me three tries before I managed to wake them up.
“She’s in labor,” I said. The line went dead. They were either going to come or they were going to ignore it and go back to bed. I called my parents, too. They picked up on the first ring. They expected it. I told them where we were and waited.
Liv was the first to arrive. Her hair was a mess, and she was still in pajamas. I was too, for that matter.
“You came.”
She sat down next to me. “It’s my niece.”
I nodded. We sat side by side in silence for a while.
“They kicked you out, huh?”
“I shouted at the doctor for looking between her legs. It’s a guy thing.”
Liv laughed. “She’ll be fine. He doesn’t see it for what it is; he sees a job.”
I shrugged. Whatever.
“It means a lot us that you’re here.”
Li shrugged.
It felt like it took forever. My parents arrived dressed and ready for action. I had to explain again why I was outside, and then we just waited. It was getting to me, all this waiting. Was this what it was like for every parent? I was scared something had gone wrong and no one came out to talk to us.
“She’ll be fine, Logan,” my mom said and put her hand on my cheek. She was emotional, looking like she wanted to cry. It made me emotional, too.
“Thanks for being here.”
She nodded. “Of course.”
We waited even longer. It was killing me.
Finally, the doctor walked out. He was sweating. He smiled and nodded.
“You can go in now. All of you.”
I was up first and through the door. Jess was in the bed, her legs closed, a blanket over her. She had a pink bundle in her arms. I walked to her and kissed her on the head.
The baby was beautiful: a little girl with the smallest nose and only slits for eyes. She made whimpering sounds when I touched her. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.
“We did this,” I said to Jess.
She smiled. “We did.”
“What are we calling her?”
We had spoken about names before, but not in depth. It felt like everything else was more important.
“I was thinking we could call her Tanya.”
I stilled, touched. After my grandmother. I liked it. I nodded and smiled.
My parents walked in after a moment, as if they wanted to give us space. They came closer, and Jess asked my mom if she wanted to hold the baby. She nodded, her eyes welling up with tears. Jess grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I held her. This was only the beginning but, damn, what a start.
Liv appeared in the doorway but stayed there, not coming further into the room.
Jess noticed her. “Liv,” she said softly. “You came.”
Liv shrugged. “I couldn’t stay behind, knowing what was happening.”
Jess beckoned Liv into the room. Liv walked up to her and stood next to the bed. Jess grabbed her hand and pulled her down into a hug.
“I’m so sorry. I missed you so much.”
I wasn’t sure if it was the occasion or the fact that Jess was so forward about it, but it worked. It broke through the stupid shell that Liv constructed around herself.
She hugged Jess back. “I’m sorry, too.”
Jess looked at my mom, who was still holding the baby. She stretched out her arms, wanting Tanya back. My mom gave her up immediately.
Liv looked at her. “She’s cute. She’s got your hair.”
The baby had dark hair. There was no telling what color her eyes would be – all babies had blue eyes – but if they stayed blue, Tanya would be the perfect combination of me and Jess.
The whole thing was perfect, except for the fact that Jess’s parents hadn’t come.
“Did you phone them?” Jess asked, as if she knew what I was thinking. I nodded, slowly. I didn’t want her to know the truth, but I couldn’t lie to her about how much her parents didn’t seem to care. Her face fell, and I knew that it hurt her. There was nothing I could do about it, and that hurt me, too.
“Let’s go to the cafeteria and see if we can get something to eat,” my dad said. They left the room. Liv stayed behind with us. I was relieved she’d decided to be a part of the picture, anyway. I wasn’t sure how long it would take to fix the relationships between the three of us, but it was a start. It was better than nothing.
The door opened again, and Jess’s father stepped in.
“We’re late,” he said over his shoulder, and then her mother appeared.
“I thought you weren’t coming,” Jess said.
“And miss our grandchild?” Jess’s mom walked up to her daughter and hugged her. Then she looked at me.
“Congratulations,” she said tightly. There was still a lot that needed to be fixed. I nodded, and Jess’s dad also shook my hand before they both turned their attention to the baby.
“She’s beautiful, darling,” her mom said, and asked if she could hold her. Jess gave Tanya up for the second time, a little more reluctantly. They held the baby and cooed over her. Liv looked at me across the room and smiled. I thought that Jess and I had lost her, but here she was, ready to be with us again.
“Thank you for coming,” I said to her.
“I know I can be a pain in the ass, but something like this? I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”
Jess smiled and Liv took her hand. “And you better let me spoil her rotten. I’m officially an aunt. If you two get married or something, you’ll be my sister for real.
We both stilled. We hadn’t spoken about marriage yet. I’d been thinking about it, but it seemed out of place. Now, though, it was up in the air. I looked at Jess and she was smiling, not at all opposed to the idea.
I sighed and looked at my family. All of them. Sure, we were all a little twisted and bent out of shape, but this was as happy as an ending could get.
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Chapter 1
Ashlea stared out at the same window she had been looking out for the last year or so. When she had moved to the west from her tiny town on the east coast, she thought that she would have all these great adventures, but in reality, she ended up with a low-paying job that she couldn’t stand. Ashlea had dreams of being a singer, so she had moved to California like many do, testing their luck trying to strike it rich and become famous. And like many others before her, it hadn’t quite happened like she had pictured it in her head. The days were filled with meetings with businesses that didn’t want to sign her and nights were filled with work that was boring.
She was a waitress in a small diner on the outskirts of town. She worked the midnight shift, so it was even more mind-numbing for her, as many hours were spent hoping for a customer that never materialized. The few that straggled in never tipped enough to pay her bills, and it seemed that all of Ashlea’s dreams of stardom were going to be coming to an end. She had to figure out a way to pay her bills or she would soon have to go home in defeat. Ashlea wasn’t sure how long she had left in the beautiful city, but she knew that if something didn’t change soon, she would have to go, and her dreams would be dashed. In short, her life was in a slump.
“Ashlea, you got a customer.”
The redhead smiled, though she knew it was never enough. She peeked through the small window in the kitchen door and smiled to herself. While it may not be enough, the man was certainly something nice to look at. She pegged him as someone passing through, because she didn’t recognize him from before. Ashlea would have remembered a guy like that. He was handsome, and as she got closer to him, she could feel an almost magnetic pull to the customer.
“Good evening, Sir. What can I get for you today?”
It was the same line she said a hundred times a day, yet she was surprised to find that, this time, it elicited an entirely unexpected response. The man’s eyes darkened, and there was a glint that she was not sure she liked. The man was gorgeous, but filled with bad vibes. He smirked and looked down at the menu. He handed it to her and told her to order whatever was good. Ashlea put in an order and brought him some sweet tea. She was about to walk away when he stopped her with a hand on her arm. She looked down at where he held her, waiting for him to release her.
Hang Em' Up: A Bad Boy Sports Pregnancy Romance Page 6