Chapter 1
"I've got to go," Alexis spoke breathlessly and frantically. I couldn't think of anything to say. She put her undergarments back on and straightened her skirt.
"Alexis, I'm so sorry. It's my fault." My words were sincere and heavy. It wasn't often that I felt the need to swallow my pride. I knew it had to be humiliating for her because it was humiliating to me. I found public sex exciting specifically because of the possibility of getting caught. It was naughty and that notion typically turned me. Unfortunately, actually getting caught wasn't as sexy or thrilling. I was humiliated and panicked.
"Ashton, if this ruins my life, I don't know what I will do. Ever since I've been attached to you, I've been more foolish and rebellious behavior than ever. I can't believe I just did that. It's almost as if you put a spell on me and that scares me!" She was clearly exasperated. "Now I have to walk out there just to go home. How humiliating! Why did I do that?! I'm so stupid!" Her face was red, her hands were shaking and tears were spilling down her sweet cheeks.
"I don't want you to face them right now, Alexis. I can show you another exit to the elevators." I pointed to the side door in my office. I hadn't used it in a very long time because a filing cabinet that blocked it.
"Oh, that would be wonderful," she replied in relief. "Thank you." Her kindness in the midst of this storm surprised me. I had expected her to instantly place all the blame l me. However, she wasn't doing that. I pushed the filing cabinet out of the way and opened the door.
"Are you ready? Do you need to go to your cubicle to get anything?" I asked tenderly. Panic and shame moved over her face.
"Ugh, my purse is at my desk. Why?! Oh why?!" she vented in frustration, throwing up her hands. "I have to face them anyway just to get my freaking purse! Those evil, gossiping women!" She hid her face in her hands.
"Don't worry, I will get your purse and bring it to you. Just give me a moment."
"But Ashton..." she started.
I interrupted her. "I will have to face them shortly anyway. This is my company, and I have to deal with the consequences of my actions. I don't mind getting your purse. At this point, it is my duty to protect you." I tried to reassure her with a soft voice and kind eyes.
She relaxed slightly. "Okay, thank you. My purse is sitting on the floor underneath my desk."
I crept out of my office, unsure of what to expect. A pin could have hit the carpeted floor and it would've echoed across the large room. I did not hear a single peep or feel a single eye look toward me. Merely the soft hum of busy fingers typing on keyboards lingered across the large office. Alexis' cubicle was in the back next to the printers and fax machine. I easily found her purse underneath the desk, grabbed it and quietly returned to my office.
"Is this it?" I asked.
"Yes, that's it. Thank you, Ashton," she breathed while frantically investigating it. "I'm just making sure that no one went through it. You never know what people are capable of after something like that." I didn't say anything as she rifled through the contents. The door was open and ready for her to leave. She sighed restlessly. "Okay, I'm going. I think I can find my way. You don't have to follow me. We've done enough damage together."
"I will call you later to make that you're okay. Can you text me to let me know when you make it home?" I asked.
"Sure," she answered shortly. She spoke as if she were short of breath. "I just need to get out of here. Bye, Ashton." She forced a grin and left through the side door. I watched as she disappeared down the hallway.
After twenty minutes, I shut the side door and pushed the filing cabinet back into place. It was time to do damage control. Although this was my company, I couldn’t dismiss the idea that Janet could file a lawsuit for indecent exposure. I was prepared to contact my lawyer if I sensed the need to do so.
"Janet, I need to see you in my office please," I announced over the intercom. I wondered if she would make a big deal about being alone with me in the office. To prevent an additional scene, I opened my door and propped it open with a chair. That way, I didn't have to worry about false accusations or paranoia.
Without saying a word, she stood in the doorway. It felt very awkward. "Yes?" she asked coldly.
I didn't know how to broach the subject except to get straight to the point. "I need to talk with you about earlier," I explained.
"No need," she replied through tight lips.
"Have you told anyone else? It's important."
She refused to look me in the eyes. "I don't think that's any of your concern," she answered. Anger flowed from her eyes.
"Oh, it's very much my concern, Janet," I spoke sharply. "It's my duty to ensure that my company operates smoothly."
"Tell me about it," she smirked.
"Janet, if you've not told any of them out there, I'm willing to pay you generously to keep your mouth shut," I told her in a serious tone. I meant every word.
She chuckled coldly. "And just how much is that?'
"$20,000.00," I said flatly.
She looked shocked by the amount. "Seriously?"
I pulled out my checkbook. "I'm serious. I made a mistake, and I don't need this to get out. Have you told any of the ladies?"
She bit her bottom lip and looked disappointed. "How could I not tell them what I saw? It was unexpected and traumatizing. Quite embarrassing, actually. Not to mention that they heard my reaction."
"Ah, I see," I replied. I knew that if I paid her off, I would have to pay everyone else the same amount. Even then, it wasn't a guarantee that they would keep their mouths shut.
"Does this mean I won't get the money?" she asked slyly.
"I can't give you $20,000.00 if you told everyone in there. I'm sorry. The damage has been done. Look, although I have feelings for Alexis, our relationship has not caused me to give her any special treatment over any of you."
Janet huffed out loud. "Hmph! Whatever, Mr. Jackson, or Ashton, or whatever you prefer to go by. We all knew that something was going on between you two when she kept calling you by your first name, but it is what it is. It's not uncommon for a CEO to have an affair with a young beauty."
Her words did nothing to ease my fears. If this got back to my estranged wife, it wouldn't look pretty in court. "Janet, again, things weren't as they seemed. I’m going to mull over options and call a board meeting later. I will offer a monetary amount to everyone in the office if they promise to keep their mouths hushed. The integrity of my business is at stake here."
"As are your legal problems," she teased. "Bribery isn't exactly a noble act," she added.
Watching her walkout of my office, I felt helpless for the first time in quite a while. Janet knew that she had control over me and there wasn't much that I could do about it.
Chapter 2
I was mortified. The day before was the most embarrassing day of my life! Jessica wasn't surprised, to say the least.
"I knew it was a matter of time before that would happen," she said confidently. "I'm just sorry that it actually did. Are you okay, Alexis?"
I was still in shock. I had literally snuck out of the Ashton J. building without a soul seeing me. Once I got home, I wasn't sure that I ever wanted to leave the security of those four walls again. "It sucked. I'm okay, but wow… that was the most humiliating moment of my life."
"What are you going to do?" she asked me. I could tell by her tone that she was frustrated with my shenanigans and drama with Ashton. I didn't know what I was going to do. I had lain awake nearly the whole night imagining every scenario and possibility and debating whether I should return to the office or not.
"I don't know. Perhaps I should just toughen up and face the music," I muttered as I took a sip of my morning coffee. "Did we run out of the French vanilla creamer?" I hated having just milk in my coffee. I had become addicted to the French vanilla creamer. It was Seth's fault. He had introduced me to it along with many other things involving coffee and hot tea.
"I used the last of it. Sorry," she replied whi
le adding a lump of sugar to her cup. "I'm sure Ashton wants you to return," she added. I hadn't thought of that. What did Ashton want? Did he expect me to quit? Had he fired me without letting me know? Was that why he offered me a gentle escape yesterday? Confusion returned to the forefront of my mind.
"Damn, I don't know what Ashton wants. He didn't say anything to me about quitting or being fired. His charm that the whole stupid thing in the first place," I spouted off, irritable. "I've really made a mess of things. Why didn’t I just refuse his advances and walk away? It's like he puts a spell on me every time."
"Maybe the man does put a spell on you," she remarked.
"Seriously Jessica?" I looked less than impressed.
"Hey, you never know with people. My mom once told me about a friend who was in church every time the doors were open but was a witch in secret. Someone caught her with a spell book and collecting bizarre items. Strange stuff does happen, you know. It doesn't take much intelligence to see that you've been drawn to Seth but something unhealthy seems to pull you back into Ashton."
"Even when I don't want to be pulled back to him..." I completed her thought. Could she be right? Fear gripped my soul as I realized that I didn't want to know the truth. "Well, I’m going to prove to everyone there that I have a backbone after all. I'm going to work."
"Good luck," she said, taking a bite out of a bagel.
I didn't dress as nicely as I normally did. I wore plain black dress pants and a long sleeved, purple button-down blouse. Skirts were out of the question. After everything that had happened, I associated skirts with the possibility of being accused of easy sex. I didn't want to give any of the ladies an excuse to accuse me of sleeping with the boss at work. I was in damage control mode from here on out.
Not a soul spoke to me as I walked through the front office door, but their eyes were heavy on me as I walked to my desk. I could feel them with every step. Whispers lingered in the air like elevator music. It was awkward; the kind of awkward that exists in those "naked at work" nightmares. I avoided Ashton's office. That was the last thing I wanted to tamper with. Janet and Ashton emerged from the conference room and he appeared rather distressed. She was wearing a disheartening smirk, and I wondered what type of deal he made with her. He walked into his office and slammed the door. Then I received a text on my cell phone.
Good to see you today. All is well. Damage control. I'm sorry again about yesterday. I've offered payment to the staff if they keep their mouths shut. Seems to be a success thus far. Just keep doing your normal routine. The less we give them to talk about, the better.
I didn't know what to think about his message. I read it two or three times and mulled over the emotions it gave me. None of it was okay. None of it was cool. Suddenly, my throat felt tight, my pulse started to climb and my skin became clammy and hot. What was happening to me? Stress. It was stress. Could I handle all of it? Then the sudden urge to run out of the room encompassed me like a random bolt of lightning. I grabbed my chest. Wondering where I could find immediate comfort, I sent Seth a text.
Does a panic attack make you feel like you can’t breathe? I'm at the office, but feel like I need to run away. I feel terrible.
What was I doing? The symptoms only seemed to build. Seth messaged me back quickly.
Yes. Take slow breaths. Walk outside for fresh air if you must. Something has you stressed to the max.
He was right. I was beyond stressed. Panicky feelings started to surface. I had to get out of there. Grabbing my purse, I knocked on Ashton's door. I didn't care what the women thought. I was in panic mode and had to escape.
"I'm having a panic attack. I can't handle all of this stress. I'm leaving. I don't know when I will be back. I probably need a few days," I breathlessly spoke to Ashton.
"Alexis, maybe you need some fresh air for a few moments. Calm down. I've had one before. They're unpleasant but harmless," he replied gently. I could see the concern in his eyes.
"I can't, I've got to run. I’m sorry. I think I will focus on the yoga classes this week and nothing else. I know I've had a week vacation recently but yesterday was a bit much. My body is saying that it can't handle all of this pressure," I reiterated.
"Okay, I understand," he said solemnly. "Do you feel well enough to travel home alone?"
"I will be fine once I get out of here," I said hastily. "Thank you. Goodbye." I closed his door and made a mad dash out of the office. When I reached the elevator, the anxiety started to lessen. By the time I stood outside, it lessened even more. The further I walked from the Ashton J. building, the better I felt. When I got home, I sent Seth another message.
I left the office and the panic attack stopped. I'm at home and feel much better now. I couldn't handle the stress there any longer. Thank you for talking to me when I needed it. I appreciate you.
I told Jessica what happened and laid down on the couch for a nap. I had a lot of things to think about.
Chapter 3
"Alexis? Wake up," Jessica nudged my shoulder. I opened my heavy eyes after a deep sleep. I napped longer than I had intended to.
"What is it?" My voice was groggy.
"I know that you probably don't want to hear this right now, but Ashton sent you a dozen roses." She had set them on the coffee table and directed my attention to them. It gave me a mixture of emotions. I felt anger and compassion, touched, yet annoyed. I didn't know how to handle the situation with him.
"Wow," I sighed.
"Alexis, I don't know what you want to hear, but if I were you, I would get out of this situation immediately. The entire ordeal is toxic. You should give Seth a chance. Don't feel pressured by my opinion because that's all that it is—my opinion." Jessica made a good point. In the past, I always thought that I was the one with the most sense, but clearly, we had exchanged positions.
"Jess, I know you're right. It's just easier said than done. I'm torn, to be honest."
"Wishy washy?" she clarified.
I sighed deeply. "Yeah, it's made me that way."
"Is it the money?" she asked seriously.
"No! Not at all!"
"Are you sure? Because a billionaire would be hard for many women to let go of. Let's face it, his estranged wife is even trying to get a pretty penny or two," she leaned back in the chair and crossed her arms like she always did when she felt that she was winning an argument.
"It's actually not the money. It's more of a people pleaser thing. Plus, he truly has a way of charming me, and I hate how I have a difficult time controlling myself around him!"
"I believe you," she said.
I opened the tiny card that was attached to the roses. "And when he does things like this, it does tug at the heart."
"I just think the man is toxic and it's his way of trying to buy your affections," Jessica said bluntly.
"Well, I’m livid from everything that has happened. I just need some time to figure things out."
"Move on and give Seth a chance," she said again.
"Let me catch my breath first!" I exclaimed, stress beginning to return. I opened the card and read:
Red roses for a beautiful lady. I hope that you feel better. Take all the time that you need. I completely understand. I'm here if you need me.
"He's worried about losing me again. I can tell," I said in a low voice. I set the card down and stared at the roses. Nausea was beginning to build again, and I had to push the roses away.
"What's wrong?" Jessica asked.
"The panicky symptoms that I had earlier are returning. I can't look at the roses. Please, get them out of my sight."
She quickly removed them from the room and rushed back. "That's it. You need a break from Ashton Jackson. That proves it right there." I hated that everything had stressed me to this point!
"You're absolutely right. I have to block him out for a while." I gently massaged my face with my fingers. Not even five minutes later, someone texted my phone. "Oh, I can't stand to look at it. I’m sure it's going to be him." I turn
ed my head away from the phone. Jessica looked at it.
"No... it's actually Seth. Do you want to read it?" she offered me the phone.
My spirits lifted slightly. "Oh...yeah, I'll look at it then."
"You know, you can just block Ashton's number for a few days if he is bothering you that badly."
"I know that I could but then he would likely show up at our doorstep. Until I'm past this, I would prefer dealing with him over the phone than in person," I muttered.
"Sometimes he shows up randomly anyway. Then what? Why don't you just tell him to give you some space for a few days? If he doesn't listen, then that shows a lot about his character."
I was tired of talking about it. I knew Jessica had good intentions and was trying to take care of me, but the subject was really wearing on my patience. "I may do that," I replied while reading Seth's message. He said:
Hey, girl. How are you feeling?
A smile forced its way across my face. He was so understanding!
"Yeah, look at that smile," Jessica noted. "Isn't it funny how you perk right up when Seth sends you a kind message?"
I could feel my cheeks getting hot. "Hush, Jess."
"You like him," she said with a cocky grin.
"I'm going to reply and just see where it goes. I don't plan on jumping from one relationship into another."
"You may not be planning on it, but, I don't think you can help it," she noted as she walked away. I felt a little relieved that I could write Seth back without her breathing over my shoulder.
Hi Seth. Thank you so much for checking on me. I'm feeling better. I just need to take some time away from Ashton J. Inc. The drama has become too much.
I sent him the text message and lounged back into the couch. Suddenly, I began to consider giving Seth a real chance. No billionaire was worth all the troubles that I had been having with Ashton. Especially since he couldn't fully commit to me or protect me from public embarrassment. A good break was what I needed and that was exactly what I was going to have. I had to figure things out.
Hang Em' Up: A Bad Boy Sports Pregnancy Romance Page 145