Chapter 4
Jessica was hanging out in her bedroom when Seth came by. I didn't feel like going out in town for Ashton to run into me "by accident." Thankfully, Seth offered to come over, and since Jessica was home, I felt comfortable with that.
"Thanks for inviting me over," Seth said as I offered him some chips and cheese dip.
"No, thank you for coming over. I really needed the company. Poor Jessica has got to be tired of me," I chuckled. We both sat down in front of the coffee table. My nerves were obvious despite my best effort to hide it.
"Well, I could tell that you were really stressed." He crunched on a tortilla chip. I couldn't believe that he had yet to ask me what had happened at the office. I wanted to vent to him about it but didn't know how or where to begin.
"Let's just say that I allowed Ashton to charm me into something at the most inappropriate time and place. This caused humiliating exposure and it just spiraled from there. I've never been so embarrassed or ashamed of myself in my whole life." Just explaining that little bit to him, I immediately felt humiliated all over again. I never expected that I would've done such a thing. In fact, I worried that it would run Seth off. He deserved a decent girl, not one like me. Anxious, I turned the television to my favorite movie.
"That's horrible. Look, I don't mean to talk badly about someone you care about, but a good man won't pressure a woman into such things. I know that it takes two, but I am sorry that you had to go through that experience."
"Seth, we were having sex in his office when Janet, the office manager, walked in on us thankfully, we were fully clothed, but, you know, I wore a skirt that day and...."
"I understand what you mean," he held his hand up to say that there was no need for details. My cheeks blushed from embarrassment. He almost seemed jealous. Worry quickly filled my mind. Was he disgusted by my behavior? My throat suddenly felt tight again. What was wrong with me? He saw me grab my throat. "Are you okay?" he asked.
My mind began to race. "I...um, yes," I stumbled over my words. How could I hide my symptoms?
"Are you having a panic attack again?" His voice was soothing and calm.
"Yes," I replied breathlessly. "What is wrong with me?"
He gently rubbed my back. "Breathe..."he whispered. “There’s nothing wrong with you. Your body is simply telling you that you've had enough with drama and stress. Were you worried about how I’d react?"
I didn't know how to answer his question without revealing to him that I had feelings for him. "Ugh, it feels like I'm losing it," I nervously chuckled. "I guess I was worried that you would feel disgusted by me, which I completely understand! My behavior was absolutely disgusting. I never thought that I would do some of the things that I've done in the last few months." Looking down, he lifted my chin with softly with his finger.
"Look at me, Alexis," he whispered. I looked into his eyes and was convinced that he hung the moon. There was a spark, a touch, something special. "We all make mistakes. What matters is that we learn from them. I know you've been very confused lately, but don't worry. You're going to figure this out. I know it deep in here." He balled his hand into a fist and tapped it against his chest. It was the most genuine, heartfelt gesture that I'd ever seen. Ashton never exposed that side of himself. Perhaps he was shallow and didn't have a genuine side. I only knew that I was relieved to see this from Seth.
"Thank you, Seth. That means the world to me. Not many men are as genuine as you. You truly care about people."
"I truly care about you, Alexis," he spoke seriously. There wasn't any passes or flirtatious gestures. Just raw truth.
"I care about you, too," I replied. He had stopped rubbing my back as my body calmed down. I felt so safe with him.
"Do you feel better now?"
"Yes, thank you."
Jessica barged through the living room. "I'm sorry to interrupt! Just passing through. I will be back later!" She almost yelled as she grabbed her car keys and ran out the front door. I shook my head in disbelief.
"She's trying to hook us up, isn't she?" Seth asked, amused.
"I think she's trying to give us every opportunity," I answered bluntly.
"Are you okay with being here alone with me? I know that would be awkward for some women in your current situation."
"No, Seth, I've never felt safer, actually. Thank you for always being so caring and respectful," I smiled while looking into his gentle eyes. He moved in closer to me. Our noses touched as we both hesitated. The chemistry and energy between us was wildly powerful yet controlled. It was insane. Realizing that his glasses were in the way, he removed them.
"Pardon me," he nervously chuckled. He may be a nerd, but he was so romantic. "I was about to kiss you, ma'am." I couldn't believe that he wanted to touch my lips when they had been all over Ashton Jackson days prior. How could he not find me disgusting? Perhaps because he saw right through me. He saw the real me. He didn't want anything from me except happiness. We kissed and it honestly felt like the last first kiss of my life. Ashton flew out the window; I had never experienced anything as wholehearted, romantic and genuine as that.
Chapter 5
Down at the coffee shop, Jessica and I were enjoying our mochas and watching the people come and go. Her man crush was working behind the counter that day, so naturally, that generated tons of girl talk.
"What are you two? I mean, you hooked up and then what? You can't say anything about my relationship issues," I chuckled, taking a careful sip from my steamy mug.
"I don't know what we are, but I do know that I wish we had it figured out. Some things just take time," she replied, stealing another glance at him.
"You two jumped from zero to sixty that one time...."
She completed my thought. "...that one time you walked in on us. Yes, you're not the only one that has experienced that humiliation."
Her response nearly changed my focus, but I forged onward. "...and then you don't know if you're dating or not? Now it's time for the crush? I know I don't have much room to talk but isn't that a little backwards?"
"Really Alexis? Ugh, just let it go before I get annoyed. Let's both agree that we suck at the relationship thing," she said irritably.
"Fine. I can't deny that there isn't any truth in that," I sighed while observing the rustling leaves float down the street. Autumn was cooling the days and lengthening our nights. The trees were shedding their leaves just as fast as the wind could yank them off.
"Oh my word," Jessica was shocked. I wasn't sure that I wanted to know why.
"What?" I asked. My heart began to race.
"Look!" she pointed to the television that was hanging on the corner wall. I cautiously turned and couldn't believe my eyes. Ashton was on the news! His estranged wife had succeeded in suing him for the five million dollars. For a second, fear bolted through me. What if she had found out about us being caught and that was the icing on the cake that she needed to get her way? What if Janet spilled the beans? What if they were about to come after me? Did I do something so terribly wrong that I could be held legally liable for it? No, surely I didn't. My mind continued to race toward my impending ruin—that seemed inevitable. All I did was have sex in his office at his company. I grabbed my chest to ensure that I was still breathing.
"Alexis. Alexis. ALIEXIS!" Jessica finally got my attention. "Calm down. I'm sorry that I pointed that out to you. I'm so sorry," she apologized repeatedly, while trying to ease my nerves.
"I'm okay," I lied.
"What's bothering you? Normally you would shoot the television the bird and get on with life. I don't understand."
I stumbled over my thoughts until I finally found some words that made sense. "I’m afraid of getting sued or charged over my relationship with Ashton. Did I do something that could ruin my life forever?" I tried to control my emotions, but I was seriously freaking out.
"Oh, Alexis, you're not going to be put away forever. Besides, the man lied to you for how long? I don't think you would've started an
y type of relationship or fling with him if you knew that he had an estranged wife."
"Are you being honest? Or just saying things to help calm me down?"
"Both."
I let some of my fears go with a deep inhale and exhale. I was so thankful for Yoga breathing in that moment. "I’m going to have to do some serious Yoga this week in order to get control over my stress."
"Yeah, Ashton has really put you through the ringer," Jessica agreed, stealing another glance at the guy behind the counter. My phone lit up. Thinking it was Seth, I immediately grabbed to it. I hadn't yet told Jessica about the night before. To my dismay, it wasn't Seth. It was Ashton.
"Of course," I grunted. I didn't want to look at it.
"What now?" She asked. "It's Ashton, isn't it?"
I was irate. "Yep. I guess I should read it."
"You don't have to, Alexis. Stop tormenting yourself!" "I'm not trying to! It will bug me if I don't read it, though. I bet it has to do with what we just saw on the news. I'm going to read it since you're here with me."
Jessica glared as I opened his text message.
I'm sure you probably saw the news. I don't want you to worry. I'm paying my ex the money she demanded. It will end all of the drama and chaos. I'm so sorry for everything. I hope you are doing better.
I read it to Jessica. She shook her head in dismay. "He is something else. What do you think about it?"
I didn't know. My heart was torn. "Jessica, I slept with Seth last night. It wasn't planned, and it wasn't anything like with Ashton. It seemed genuine. It was like something I have never felt before."
Her jaw dropped. "You've got to be kidding me! You didn't tell me!" she was clearly excited.
"I was about to tell you. I don't know how I feel about things. I seem to act out on emotions and that can't be good. I'm not the type of girl that just sleeps around! But Jess, I'm so confused!"
She thought for a moment. "I don't know how you can be confused with the Ashton stuff. It sounds like you're torn with all the nice things he has done for you and the fact that you did sleep with him multiple times, you've got a toxic tie to him. You will figure it out. Like I said yesterday, give Seth a real chance."
Her words were more tender than usual. I appreciated them. "I think I will. I need a break from Ashton anyway. That's why I've taken some time off. I just feel so guilty for having been involved romantically with two men in the same week. That's not me!"
"The Ashton stuff is not you. However, this with Seth is more like the old Alexis. You two have been friends for a while now and things have naturally taken time to blossom. Don't worry, girl. You're going to wake up one day and have no doubt whatsoever!"
I grinned in spite of myself. Her encouragement helped in pulling me from the dark pit that I had found myself lurking in for far too long.
"Now, give me details! Well, not too many details," she laughed. "But how was it?"
"I appreciate your clarification," I joked with her. She swatted my hand gently.
"You know what I meant," she grinned.
"It was like nothing else I've experienced before. It wasn't sexy or lustful in any kind of way," I recalled dreamily.
"It was like true love," she added wistfully. Her words took me by surprise.
"I...I..."I was stuck on her reply.
"It's okay. You don't have to reply to that thought. Let it just permeate your soul and truly give you something to think about," she smiled.
Love wasn't even in question. I hadn’t thought about love, much less true love. Was I falling in love with Seth? Did I love Ashton?
"You know, I think I need to let everything go for the moment and just live.”
Chapter 6
For the next several days, I did a lot of Yoga. Not only did I focus on it for my own well-being, but I also remained devoted to my weekly classes. It was one thing that I felt connected me to my old self. My emotions were starting to heal, and I began to look toward a future without Ashton in it. I hadn't decided that he wouldn't be in it, but I knew that I needed to live for the moment and not think of anything else for the time being.
"I would love to join your Yoga class, Alexis," Seth told me one afternoon. We had taken a walk in the park while it was still comfortable to do so without a jacket.
"I don't think that's such a great idea right now." I was painfully honest. As much as I wanted to him join and us become a full-fledged couple, I knew that things were still unsettled in my life.
"Are you afraid of Ashton?" he asked softly.
"I’m not afraid of him. I just know that I'm not fully healed. I haven't truly devoted myself to anything or anyone yet and that isn't fair. I don't want to mislead you any more than I probably already have. I really care for you, and I want to protect that."
I observed his expression as he pondered what I had just said. He really was a super patient guy because many others would've walked away then and there. "That's a genuine answer, Alexis. I know you're worried that it's hurt me, but actually, it has shown me how much you treasure what we have. Thank you." He smiled.
"Like I told Jessica earlier this week, for right now, until I figure everything out, I’m going to live in the moment. I need to fully figure out the Ashton ordeal. Until I have fully moved on from that, I don't want to fully move on with anyone else." It was hard to say those words. A part of me feared that I would lose him forever. However, I had to be honest. He sat on a park bench and took a deep breath.
"Well, how about some light Yoga practice right here? The sun is bright, the air is warm and the slight breeze is just enough to encourage us to become one with ourselves. What do you think?" He grinned from ear to ear. He was someone special, indeed.
"Okay. Let's take some breaths," I replied sweetly. I closed my eyes only to feel his soft lips against my cheek. I smiled. "I didn't know that was a part of Yoga."
"Isn't Yoga about finding your inner happiness? I'm happy right now. Right here, with you. I’m happy."
I couldn't help but to stare deeply into his eyes. I cupped his cheek with my hand. "I don't deserve you," I muttered, "but I'm thankful that you're always here for me."
"Patience is a virtue," he grinned again. "Shall we continue?" He returned to his seated position and inhaled slowly. The soft breeze whistled through our hair and enveloped us. It was healing, indeed.
Later that night, Ashton had called me. I let it go to voicemail because I wasn't ready to speak to him. Later, I felt strong enough to face the music and listened to the voicemail without Jessica. I was proud of myself! However, I wasn't proud of the information that he shared with me on the voicemail. Ashton claimed that he had told his wife about our affair. I was livid! First, I felt deceived all over again and worried that it was going to cause me an unwarranted legal battle. If I had known that he was married to begin with, I would've kept my distance. My own stupidity made me angry! In fact, I was so angry that I called Ashton back. It was time.
"Hey, it's Alexis," I spoke curtly.
"Alexis! Did you get my voicemail?" He seemed eager and happy. I didn't understand it. I tried to resist my attraction to him by reminding myself of the reason for the call.
"Why didn't you tell me that you were going to tell your ex about me? You know, I didn't ask for all of this to begin with! I need another week off of work. If you fire me, you fire me. I can't handle this anymore."
I could hear his stutter through the phone. "Alexis, please, let me explain."
"I don't really care to hear it, Ashton," I said curtly.
"Sometimes in life, you have to confess your wrongdoings. I had done wrong not only by her but by you as well. I was merely trying to make things right. It won't hurt you in any way. She got her money, and we are finalizing the divorce now. It's just part of the process," his voice broke. For the first time ever, I could hear the emotion and tears in his voice.
"I'm really sorry that you're having to go through all of that, Ashton, I am, but remember that you led me to believe that you h
ad never been married and that you weren't married."
"Haven’t you forgiven me for that?" he asked immediately.
"I think I have, but it still bothers me since we are still in this whirlwind of things. Look, I've got to go. I'm really glad that you're figuring all of that out. Right now, I have to take care of myself and you need to resolve all of that stuff." I hung up the phone. I had never spoken to him in that tone. I sat on my bed and broke down into tears. I reminded myself of Seth's tenderness, and for once, I felt like I had been true to someone—I had stayed true to him.
Chapter 7
"Thank you writing out the check for me, Julie. Maybe it will get the ex hot off of my tracks," I said to my devoted accountant. She had just written the five million dollar check to my estranged wife. The loss of money hurt, but the relief it would provide me was more valuable.
"No problem sir. Let me know if there's anything else I can do for you," she said. I thought for a moment.
"Actually, I have a personal request, if you're willing to listen," I added. What was I doing?
"Sure, Ashton, what can I do to help?" I could hear a hint of hope in her voice. There was no denying that she had the hots for me from the get go. Unfortunately, that wasn't what I was looking for. I had enough of that elsewhere.
"There's this little coffee shop in downtown Hillsboro. I need some personal investigation done. I could do it myself, but at this point, it's best that I stay out of sight."
Julie sounded unsure and nervous. "Okay?"
"I need to know if my office assistant is skipping work because she is having an affair with another man. I know that sounds childish, but I need to know if I should fire her or not." I was being partially deceitful for my own purposes, but I didn't see a problem with that. I needed answers and I needed them fast. Everything had been going so well between Alexis and me and the last thing I needed was for things to implode right as we were about to make the breakthrough.
"I'm not so sure, Ashton," she replied.
"It's for business purposes."
Hang Em' Up: A Bad Boy Sports Pregnancy Romance Page 146