Accidental Arrangements

by Alexandra Warren

“I can’t really say that I’m as surprised as you are,” I replied as I thought about the hothead I had been dealing with since the day I moved into the apartment.

  But it was clear Kelvin wasn’t aware of those details when he asked, “So you and Jules are pretty close, huh?”

  I shrugged. “You could say that.”

  “Well listen, my staff is like family to me and I want the best for all of them. So I’m gonna ask you again, are you and Jules pretty close?”

  “Man, where are you going with this?” I asked as I felt myself growing angry.

  It was already enough for me to still be on the spot in the first place. And while I could appreciate Kelvin being protective considering Jules didn’t have her real family to look out for her, I was far more interested in working things out with Jules instead of getting the third degree from her damn boss who looked to be around the same age that I was.

  But that didn’t stop him from making his point when he replied, “Jules is a good girl. A good person. That’s not someone you toy around with. That’s not someone you have climbing across bar tops making a fool of herself. That’s not...”

  I held my hands up to stop his rant, being sure to stay cool as I told him, “Look. I respect you. I appreciate you letting Jules keep her job and all that. But this little man-to-man bullshit ain’t even necessary. I got Jules taken care of. She’s good. We’re good.”

  Sure, good might’ve been a stretch, but I fully believed we would make it out of this situation okay. We had to make it out of this okay.

  Still, no matter what I said, it was clear Kelvin wasn’t as convinced when he asked, “Oh yeah? Well what was that little scuffle about? You’re tellin’ me it had nothing to do with you and Layna? Cause to me it seemed like you were so focused on proving a point to the enemy, so worried about your own shit that you couldn’t even see the one you actually care about as she gave ya’ll both a death stare in the middle of serving a customer.”

  “I…”

  “You didn’t know, right? We never know. And I’m not here to judge you. We’ve all been there. But I guess I’m just letting you know with my man-to-man bullshit.”

  I nodded, knowing there was a lot of truth, a lot of wisdom in his words. “I hear you, man. I got you.”

  “Now I know Jules has a big audition coming up so she doesn’t need to be dealing with all of this extra-curricular shit. Make sure you get that shit all sewed up whenever you get a chance to talk to her.”

  “That’s if I get a chance to talk to her,” I corrected, knowing Jules would try her absolute best to avoid me at all costs, especially now that she had been able to escape the lounge without finishing our conversation.

  “Good point. You might have to assert yourself with this one. Make her listen to you,” Kelvin advised, giving me a reassuring pat on the shoulder before he slipped past me towards the exit. But he stopped just short of the door to turn around and add, “Oh, and make sure you take the back way when you leave, bruh. I worked too hard to calm things down out there for you to reemerge now.”

  I let out a little chuckle, more than likely the last one I’d get for the night. Then I followed both sets of his directions; taking the back way out while also coming up with a plan to get Jules to talk to me.

  &

  She didn’t come home.

  I wasn’t sure where she went, wasn’t sure if she even had a place to go, and I knew the only money she had was whatever money she had made in tips over the last couple of days. But the fact that she would use her last just to avoid dealing with me spoke volumes to the state of our relationship.

  Well… technically, we weren’t even in a relationship. We hadn’t set any terms, hadn’t made anything official. But the general boxes were all checked off for what a relationship would look like, which I could assume made Jules even more upset. She had been fully committed to whatever was happening between us, and I was… I was selfishly committed to myself while also taking whatever I could get from her.

  “I really fucked this up,” I thought to myself as I rested against the headboard, trying to figure out my next move.

  Hell, maybe it was time for me to really leave her alone like she asked me to. Go on about our separate lives the way we had planned to all along. But that hardly seemed possible, especially considering the way my heart damn near leaped out of my chest at the sound of her keys jingling at the front door.

  I climbed off of the bed and stepped in the living room just in time to catch her taking her shoes off. But the second she realized I was there, she rolled her eyes, grabbing the one heel she had already gotten off and carrying it in her hand while limping towards her room with the other still on.

  “Jules. Jules, wait up,” I called after her, easily being able to catch up since her one heel slowed her down.

  But that didn’t mean she was going to stop trying to get away as she tossed over her shoulder, “No, Levi. I’m not waiting up. I don’t want to hear anything you have to say right now. Or ever for that matter.”

  “Jules, I’m sorry,” I offered as what felt like a last resort though it probably should’ve been the first. And for a second I thought it worked considering Jules actually stopped just short of her bedroom door to turn around and face me.

  But my hopes were immediately ripped to shreds once I heard her reply, “You’re damn right you’re sorry. A sorry excuse for a man.”

  “Jules, just chill out for a second. Let’s be adults about this,” I reasoned, brushing her insult right off of my shoulder.

  And again, Jules got my hopes up with a smile, just to shoot them back down when she paired it with, “Yes. Let’s. Rent is due on the 1st. You can leave your half in an envelope on the counter.” Then she turned back towards her room, taking off once again and attempting to shut the door in my face.

  But luckily my reflexes allowed me to shove my foot in the crack just in time to stop it as I admitted, “Jules, I know I fucked up. Just hear me out for a second.” And I didn’t wait for her to actually agree to my request when I continued, “I don’t give a fuck about Layna. I’ve never given a fuck about her. I just… my pride got in the way, she got under my skin, and… that’s not an excuse. I didn’t have to say anything to her. I could’ve been the bigger person and stepped away before shit got out of hand. But you know what? This shit isn’t all on me. You’re the one who punched the girl.”

  To my surprise, that fact was the one that got the door to come back open as Jules got right in my face to say, “I’ve always dealt with Layna since working at The Max. And somehow I never had a reason to punch her until I got involved with you! I was so on your side, so focused on setting her ass straight and defending us without thinking twice. But it took me calming down to realize, this was never about defending us because there really isn’t an us. This was about defending you. All of this has always been about you.”

  “Jules…” was all I could get out before she continued on.

  “I’m acting out of character. My emotions are in shambles. I could’ve lost my fucking job, the only thing I really have going for myself, over this. And you’re steady putting up this front like you’re really all in, steady acting like this is just some normal, everyday conflict that we can simply talk out and work past. But it’s not normal, Levi. This isn’t okay. And I don’t know if it will ever be okay.”

  I reached out to touch her cheek, but she immediately yanked away letting me know just how bad things were. And I had no problem admitting that when I told her, “Jules, I know this shit is all fucked up right now. I’m a fuck-up. I get it. But my feelings for you have always been real. I just… I need you, pretty girl. And I don’t care what I have to do to get shit back right between us. I know how I feel about you, how we feel about each other, and I’m determined to make it work.”

  She peeked up at me with glossed-over eyes that pierced right through my heart long before she even spoke because I knew they were all my fault regardless of if the tears were ever shed. And when she
actually did speak, the piercing turned into more of a bullet as her face pulled into a scowl when she replied, “Well it’s unfortunate that we couldn’t have reached that place at the same time because I’m no longer interested.”

  Jules

  I was bombing my audition.

  I knew it, Alexis knew it, and the ultra-flamboyant casting director Tony especially knew it as he smacked a hand against his forehead when I messed up the line for what felt like the hundredth time even though it was really only the third. I wasn’t even sure how it was possible for me to mess up a line that I was basically reading straight from the paper, but I also knew anything was possible considering the unfocused attitude I walked into the audition with.

  I hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep since the night of the fight - the night of the fights, plural - and that lack of sleep was clearly catching up to me as I shook my head and apologized. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. Can I try it one more time?”

  “Actually, can I… speak with you for a minute? Outside?”

  Again, I shook my head as Alexis stood up from the table and headed for the door with me right on her heels. And once we hit the hallway, she turned my way to whisper “Jules, this isn’t you. I know this isn’t you. What’s the matter?”

  I shrugged, the anxiety building as I whined, “I don’t know. I think I’m just… nervous.”

  Alexis immediately shook her head to disagree, crossing her arms over her chest as she whispered, “I know nerves. I’ve seen nerves plenty of times. This is something different.”

  I released a heavy sigh, trying to find the words that didn’t scream “man-problems” considering that wasn’t really a valid reason to do a shitty job. And eventually I settled on, “There’s just a lot going on outside of this. But I know that’s not an excuse. You’re giving me an opportunity and it’s my job to kill it regardless.”

  This time, her nod was more empathetic when she replied, “I understand. We’re all human. Things happen. But you’re right. You have to kill it regardless if this is really what you want.”

  “I want it so bad,” I admitted, feeling myself on the verge of tears as I thought about missing out on such a perfect opportunity.

  But I was thankful that Alexis wasn’t giving up on me quite yet, offering me a reassuring pat to the shoulder as she suggested, “So you know what you have to do then. Shake it off. Get a drink of water. Do whatever it takes to get back in here ready to show us why we should book you.”

  “Yes ma’am,” I told her with another nod as she slipped back into the room, leaving me to get my shit together. And it only took a few deep, Levi-thought relieving breaths along with a good shake of my hands and a quick prayer for me to feel ready as I followed her tracks inside just as she was settling in at the table.

  “I’m… so sorry about that. Time is our most valuable asset and…”

  I couldn’t even finish before Tony interrupted me to say, “Jules, you’re only wasting more of it doing all of this talking.”

  I let out an awkwardly relaxing laugh when I told him, “Right. Whew. Okay. Here we go.” And then I attacked the script, feeling like a brand new person - Jamila to be exact - as I flawlessly read line after line with the skills my mother had blessed me with. I even imagined her watching over me with the proudest smirk on her face as I made an effort to honor her legacy.

  And by the time I was finished, Tony burst into cheers, standing up from his seat at the table to shout, “Now that’s what I’m talking about!” While Alexis remained sitting with an expression of, “I told you so.”

  I approached the table, leaving the script and extending my hand to tell them, “Thank you guys for the opportunity. I hope to hear back from you soon.”

  But Tony practically squeezed the life out of my hand when he said, “Oh, girl. You’re going to hear from us right now. I mean, you’re clearly our Jamila. That’s if you want the part.”

  “Of course! I mean, if you’re offering,” I replied, trying to scale back my excitement so I didn’t seem like too much of an amateur.

  But that didn’t seem to matter to them either way as Alexis stood up to say, “Our people will be in touch with your people to get it on paper. But verbally, it’s all yours.”

  “I… wow. Wow. Wow. Wow,” was the only thing I could produce without completely going crazy.

  Well, that was until Tony insisted, “Go ahead and let it out, boo.” Prompting me to jump and down the same way I had done when I first got the call of the audition, pairing it with a scream that forced them both to cover their ears.

  I held a hand over my mouth as I told them, “I’m sorry. This is just… words can’t explain how much this means to me.”

  “I know you’ll make us proud. Maybe even earn us some nominations one day. Then we’ll get on SuperSoul Sunday and tell Oprah all about you funking up the beginning of your audition,” Tony said with one of his exaggerated laughs that I couldn’t help but join in on before he continued, “Now go on home and tell all of your little friends the good news.”

  I stiffened from both the words home and friends, knowing those two in combination literally equated to Levi. But we weren’t even friends. We weren’t… anything, even if he had been the one to encourage me to pick acting back up in the first place. In fact, it was him who had reminded me of my purpose for being out here, him who reminded me of my obligation to my mother’s legacy, him who… believed I could actually do it, even going as far as attending class with me to make sure I wasn’t bullshitting. He had been my main supporter through and through, pushing me to seek out auditions and casting calls that I wouldn’t have otherwise.

  Truth be told, I owed it to him to at least share the exciting news even if it was the last thing I ever said to him. But I also wasn’t sure if I really wanted it to be the last thing I ever said to him. I was still angry, not to mention my damn hand was still throbbing at the knuckles from firing off on Layna’s ass days ago. But besides that unpredictable fiasco, one I might’ve enjoyed a little too much, Levi had been more than a friend. He had been a confidante, completely generous, an incredible lover while also being more patient than most in regards to my attitude.

  Was I really ready to do away with him? Do away with all we had built? Was I ready to struggle through the less than two months we had left together, knowing I could possibly be pushing away the one who was made for me?

  The thoughts overwhelmed me as I shook hands with Tony and Alexis once more before taking the long way home in an effort to come to some sort of conclusion. But once I made it back to the apartment and found a stack of moving boxes sitting in the living room, I realized the conclusion had been made for me.

  My heart was already racing, but I tried to stay calm as I stepped past them on my way to Levi’s room where he was busy ripping his clothes from the rack in the closet and stuffing them in a box. And while the view brought on a brutal mix of emotions, not to mention a boatload of confusion, I was mostly captivated by how happy he looked as he bobbed his head to whatever song was playing in his headphones.

  Well… how happy he looked until he noticed me and all excitement was lost as he pulled one headphone bud from his ear to say, “Can I help you with something?”

  “Uh… what’s going on? What’s all this?” I asked, struggling to keep my breathing steady as I answered my own question in my head.

  But his version was a lot colder than I expected when he shrugged, offering a very short, very obvious, “My stuff.”

  “I mean, I know that. But… why are you packing? Where are you going?”

  Again he shrugged, releasing a heavy sigh before he answered, “I got the call. Phoenix wants me. I don’t have my first practice until Monday, but I figured I’d get there early so I could get all settled into my new spot.”

  “So that’s it? You’re moving? Just like that?” I asked, trying not to sound as frantic as I felt inside. But everything was happening so fast, seemed so sudden, seemed so… unreal.


  But I knew it was real once he abandoned his closet and headed over to his dresser, picking up an envelope and handing it over to me as he replied, “Here’s a check for the rest of the rent I would owe you so you don’t have to worry about finding another replacement.”

  My hands went hot as I stared at what should’ve felt like a gift, but truly felt like a dagger. It was everything I needed while also being the last thing I expected to receive. “I… I don’t know what to say. I mean, congratulations of course.”

  He gave me a half-hearted smile, far from the exuberant one I was used to when he said, “Thank you.” Before quickly adding, “Is there anything else?”

  “Um… no. Nothing else,” I answered, swallowing hard as I turned to get away before I could burst into tears.

  And it certainly didn’t help when Levi offered, “It’s for the best, Jules. So I’m not tempted to cause any more damage around here. I’ve clearly done enough wrong to you.”

  His words stopped me dead in my tracks as I quietly told him, “You did some right too. I… I got the part.”

  “No shit?”

  I nodded, turning around to face him when I answered, “Yeah. Offered it to me on the spot. Well, verbally until they can get the contract stuff all sorted out which shouldn’t be an issue thanks to that agent you hooked me up with.”

  His smile grew a little as he stepped up to me to say, “That’s what’s up. I’m happy for you. For real.”

  “I’m happy for you too,” I told him as I attempted to match his smile, though it was hardly any use considering the blur of tears I knew were coming in my near future.

  But for the moment, my eyes were locked on his as he stared down at me with a look of admiration. A look of passion. A look of... love. And it didn’t take long for me to get lost in his gaze to the point where I hadn’t even realized his face was moving closer and closer to mine until our lips were a few mere inches apart. Instinctively, I closed my eyes as he softly pressed his lips to mine, letting them linger for a few seconds before he pulled away and apologized. “I’m sorry. I just had to know what they tasted like. One last time.”