Torment (Carter Kids #4)

by Chloe Walsh

  "Do you know me," the man scoffed. "I would think! I changed your diapers enough times."

  Frowning, Teagan studied his face before letting out a gasp. "Uncle Dixon?"

  "Got it in one, sweetheart," the man shot back with a grin I didn’t trust. No. I had a bad fucking feeling about this one.

  Like a bad fucking smell, Max Jones approached with a man identical to this Dixon guy in tow. "Hello Teagan," he said when he reached us. Looking at me, Max nodded curtly. "Noah." He looked me up and down, taking in my costume before saying, "Taking a walk in my shoes?"

  Gritting my teeth, I forced myself to nod and say, "Max," though I swear to god, it almost killed me. I hated this prick and he hated me right back. Fucker had me thrown inside for an extra eighteen months. In my mind, that was eighteen extra months I'd been forced to live without my wife. Eighteen months was a goddamn lifetime to someone in prison.

  "Teagan," Max said, smiling lovingly at my wife. "You remember Dixon and Moe, right?"

  "Kind of," Thorn replied as she studied the faces of – apparently – her long lost uncles. "I think I met them once or twice when I was little."

  "You would have seen a whole lot more of us," Dixon tossed out, tone sharp, "if your mother hadn't been so stupid and followed that booze head to Ireland."

  Immediately, I was on the defense. Stepping forward, I glared down at this Dixon and growled, "Watch your goddamn mouth."

  "It's okay, Noah," Teagan quickly assured me, as she wrapped her arm around my waist. "You're talking about my mother," she said, addressing Dixon. "As in your sister whose funeral you never attended?" Dixon flushed red and Teagan sniffed, jutting her chin out. "Yeah, I thought you had nothing to say on the matter."

  I mentally high-fived my wife and her viper tongue for putting that dick in his place.

  "Congratulations on your pregnancy, Teagan," the other one said – the reincarnate of the dick uncle. Hell, they were all dicks, but for my wife's sake, I held my tongue. "When are you due?"

  "Thank you, Moe," Teagan replied in a gentler tone, eyeing up her other uncle. "I'm due in late December."

  'Teagan is having a girl," Max informed the men, full of pride, and with that, both Max and Teagan fell into an easy conversation on all things pregnancy.

  I had to clench my jaw to keep from knocking him on his ass. Who the hell did he think he was, talking about my baby?

  Ugh...

  It sucked that she adored him. My wife's love for Max Jones was the only reason I was standing here, tolerating being in his presence.

  I was doing this for my wife. A small concession for the sake of her happiness. I figured I'd get brownie points for good behavior tonight in bed…

  Teagan was glowing as she spoke to him. I stood back and remained silent. Max didn't want me near his precious niece; he didn’t like me and he didn’t approve. In his eyes, I was still the piece of shit teenager who'd taken her away from him. I would forever be the kid from the wrong side of the tracks, never good enough for the good doctor's niece.

  Unlucky for him, that precious niece of his was now my wife, carrying my flesh and blood inside of her, and sporting my mark.

  I smirked to myself in unspoken victory.

  I'd won.

  Teagan Connolly was now Teagan Messina.

  She'd pledged herself to me and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it except put up and shut up.

  The night I'd broken into Max's house flooded my mind and I smirked again. Christ, Thorn was such a feisty little thing back then. Still was. And when she jumped into that car with me? God, I would live the rest of my life and never forget the feeling that had come over me when I realized I wasn't going to be able to shake this girl off.

  She was permanent.

  She had burst into my world and implanted herself on my heart.

  I was ruined right there and then.

  That girl had taken ahold of something inside of me that I hadn't known I'd possessed and she had never let go.

  All those nights apart from her only solidified those feelings.

  She was mine and I was hers.

  Going to prison had saved me.

  The MFA had saved me.

  But nothing had saved me as much as Teagan Connolly.

  She was back here with me and because of me.

  In a place I knew affected her like no other.

  A place she despised.

  She was here because she loved me.

  Because she wanted to be with me.

  I'd never had that before.

  Christ, I didn't understand how it had all come to be this way, but I was here and I was still as desperately in love with the girl next door as I had been when I was seventeen.

  I listened to my wife and her uncle talk. I saw how much he cared for her. It was written all over his face when he looked at her. It was in his voice when he spoke to her.

  She was his world, too.

  It was in this moment that I realized the actions of my youth had a ripple effect on a lot of different people.

  This man had spent the last decade alone because I'd taken his niece from him.

  God, no wonder he hated me.

  In his eyes, I was the reason Teagan left.

  I was the reason she never came back.

  Hell, I'd hate me too if I were him.

  Stirring me from my reverie, Teagan turned to Max and said, "It was good to see you, Uncle Max. We're going to go mingle with Noah's family now," before adding, "It is his birthday, after all."

  "Nice, Thorn," I chuckled as I guided my wife through the crowded hallway and into the kitchen. "You totally put that douche canoe back in his box."

  "Yeah well, I never liked Dixon that much anyway," Teagan shot back.

  When we reached the refrigerator, Teagan opened it and began to rummage inside.

  "He's always been a huge dick," I heard her say as she reached behind her with a bottle of beer for me. "Moe's alright," she continued, butt up in the air, rummaging resumed. "But he's basically Dixon's lackey." With her arms full of candy bars, Teagan straightened up and closed the door of the fridge with a nudge of her hip. "Max is the only one of my mother's brothers who was ever worth a damn."

  "Yeah," I muttered under my breath before taking a sip of my beer. "I figured."

  "You are okay with this, aren’t you?" Teagan asked. Ripping open a candy bar, she took a bite and moaned. "Uncle Max and I talking again, I mean," she explained through bites. "You're okay with it?"

  "Of course, Thorn," I said gruffly. "He's your family. You do what you have to." I could have told her the truth. I could have told her that her uncle made my skin crawl and every time I looked at his stupid face I had an overwhelming urge to ram my fist down his throat, but lying was a better option. Lying kept her happy. I needed her happy. I had a better chance of holding onto a happy Teagan.

  Happy wife, happy life and all that…

  Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Batman zooming past with a bottle of Jack in his hand.

  "He's acting stranger than normal," Teagan, mirroring my thoughts, commented. We both watched Lucky as he disappeared into the back yard. "Like super strange."

  "Hmm," was all I could say – all I dared to say, more like. Teagan was like a dog with a bone. If she got a sniff of anything going on between Lucky and Hope she would never let it go. I didn’t want to spend our last few hours together talking about our friend's love lives.

  "So," I purred, trapping my wife into the corner of the counter. "Will you miss me when I'm gone?"

  "We all know you were born for this, Noah," Teagan told me and my heart sank. God fucking dammit. I wanted one night without an argument. Just one. "But you need to know that you have nothing to prove to anyone," she added, looking up at me with her huge doe eyes. "So I'm going to ask you one more time. Stay here with me. Forget the tour and fighting. Forget about it all."

  ****

  Hope

  I was avoiding Lucky like the plague. Thankfully, tonig
ht I had the protection of wearing a mask. I'd decided to dress up as Cat Woman for two reasons.

  First, I killed the black leather bodysuit I had on.

  And second, I could hide my face.

  I was embarrassed and confused and unable to handle the swell of unfamiliar feelings inside of me. On one side, I had this really nice man with really soft lips, who was sweet and funny and into me. On the other side, I had my husband…

  Lucky kissed me the other night.

  And worse, I let him.

  I enjoyed his kissing.

  He did more than kiss you…

  Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I wandered through my parent's kitchen, enjoying the anonymity my costume gave me. I wished every party I attended could be a costume party. At least that way, I could avoid mingling with people I could hardly stand. And there were quite a few of those…

  My gaze landed on Derek Porter dressed in a superman costume in the far corner of my parent's living room and my nose scrunched up in distaste. He seemed to be having an animated conversation with my dad, who was cracking up with laughter at whatever Derek had said.

  They were probably laughing at how much Dad had shamed me earlier…

  I wondered if they would laugh if they knew that their children had eloped eight years ago. Yeah, I bet that little piece of information would wipe the smirks off both of their faces.

  Moving into the kitchen, I passed Noah and Teagan who, as per usual, were having a heated discussion in the corner. No prizes for guessing what they were arguing about, I thought. Noah was leaving in the morning. Neither of them wanted to be without the other, and both were too stubborn to back down. I swear if Teagan wasn’t pregnant, I would have smacked both of their heads together.

  Grabbing an unopen bottle of wine from the fridge, I reached into the cupboard and pulled out a glass. I wasn’t much of a whiskey drinker. I'd had enough of that when I'd lived in Cork, but I needed something to take the edge off tonight.

  Pouring myself a large glass of wine, I swallowed deeply, draining the glass before deciding to pour myself another. The white wine was sweet and bitter and hit all the right places.

  Feeling a little looser, I turned around and leaned against the counter, allowing my body to sway along to the music that was playing as I observed the party unfolding around me.

  Swishing the wine around in my mouth, I pretended I couldn’t hear my uncle and my best friend arguing at the other end of the counter, though I was fairly sure everyone could. They were loud and passionate and completely wrapped up in one another, oblivious to the stares and gazes their 'conversation' was drawing.

  "I'm always coming back for you, Teagan Connolly." That was Noah. His loud and drunken slur filled my ears. "Don't ever forget that. No matter how much you piss me off and try and push me away. I'll be one step behind you. Always."

  "God, you're such an asshole," I heard Teagan hiss, before adding, "You promise?" in a much softer tone of voice.

  "Yeah, Thorn. I do," my uncle assured her. "It's gonna take more than a fucking bullet to keep me away from you."

  I smiled to myself.

  He got her.

  Noah Messina understood the complex make-up of Teagan Connolly. He saw through her brave façade to the vulnerable woman inside. I loved him for that. For loving Teagan like he did. For his perseverance and his dedication to her.

  Daring a peek at Noah and Teagan, I felt all squishy inside when I saw the way they were now interacting with one another. Her face was tilted upward towards his. His head was bent towards her. She was cupping his cheek and he had both arms wrapped protectively around her body. They didn't seem to be speaking to each other, just staring, and I suddenly felt very embarrassed to be prying on such an intimate moment.

  Their quiet stares and looks of love were quickly replaced with sounds of panting and moaning as they began to suck face. I took the nauseating noises as my cue to get the hell out of here.

  With the bottle of wine firmly in my hand, I slipped out of the kitchen and crept up the staircase. I walked down the hallway and opened the door of my old bedroom.

  Slipping inside, I closed the door behind me and let out a heavy sigh. Flicking on the light, I walked over to my old twin-size bed and sat down. Everything looked the same in here as the night I left eight years ago. The same posters ordained the walls. The clothes of my teenage-self filled the closets and drawers. Photographs of my childhood were splattered on the walls, held up through the years with thumb tacks that had since turned to rust.

  Memories of the last time I stood in this room flooded me and my heart sank.

  Not only did it sink, it burst into a thousand pieces…

  "It's over, Hope. I don’t want you anymore. This was one huge mistake ..."

  My brows furrowed as I tried to contemplate what the fuck Jordan had just said to me. "Are you serious … I mean, seriously?"

  Jordan remained with his back to my bedroom door, and for the first time in my life, he looked like a complete stranger to me.

  Nodding stiffly, he said in a cold tone, "I’m serious."

  I exhaled heavily – every ounce of air left my body – and my lungs felt like they had been set on fire. Pain coursed through me. I couldn’t speak. I could only shake my head and gape in horror.

  "Something happened in Idaho when you went to collect your mother, didn’t it?" I blurted out, my brain suddenly clicking into gear. "With your mom?"

  When he didn’t answer I said, "With Paul?"

  Jordan’s nostrils flared, his face turned red, and for the first time in my life I was afraid of him.

  "I’m not your father, Hope," Jordan sneered as he moved away from the door and strode towards me. "That perfect love?" He leaned forward, getting in my face. "You won’t get that from me."

  "What are you talking about?" I sobbed, feeling incensed and fucking gutted. "Why are you behaving like this?"

  "Because I’m not the person you think I am," Jordan all but roared in my face. "It’s over, Hope. We’re done, okay? Don’t push for more. You don’t want to know the truth."

  "I do," I shot back angrily, as my temper flared. "Tell me. Give me a goddamn explanation for why you’re behaving like this?"

  Jordan remained silent and that’s when I lost it.

  "Fine!" I screamed. "Suit yourself, Jordan," I cried. "Ruin your whole life! Wreck mine! Be the fucking asshole that’s deep inside you."

  Grabbing my neck, Jordan dragged me forwards and plunged his lips to mine. The second his mouth touched mine, I lost a little of myself, but I soon found my senses.

  Pushing him roughly away, I raised my hand and slapped him across his face. My hand stung, but I refused to show weakness.

  "Don’t ever touch me again," I spat, furious. "You think you can put that mouth on me? After what you just said?"

  I shook my head in despair and blinked back the tears that were filling my eyes. "Give me something," I croaked out, staring up at the only boy I had ever loved. "This isn’t you. Tell me. Tell me!"

  Every inch of his body shook as he now blocked me out, pushed me away. "I don’t love you, Hope," he hissed, jabbing his finger in my face. "Happy now? You were a fucking mistake and I want out."

  Lowering his head, Jordan Porter looked me directly in the eyes and said, "I. Don’t. Want. You."

  I stood, frozen to the spot, my heart shattering in my chest as Jordan removed a folded brown envelope from his pocket and tossed it on the floor at my feet before leaving my room.

  When I realized what that envelope held, the broken pieces of my heart turned to stone, my legs gave way beneath me and I crumpled to the floor.

  And even though eight long years had passed, I was still as broken as I had been the night my husband had thrown divorce papers at me. Time hadn't healed the wounds Jordan embedded inside of me. I wore my scars internally, and those same scars festered and weltered inside of me worse than ever.

  How could I move on?

  I wasn’t the kind of pe
rson who had the ability to love multiple people. I was a one-man woman and from the earliest age, my heart had been set on Jordan Porter. Just because he'd changed his mind didn’t mean I had.

  My husband's actions back in Ireland assured me it wasn’t over.

  Not really.

  Not at all.

  Rubbing his jaw with his hand, Jordan sighed heavily. "She’s not to blame here, Hope," he whispered. "All she did was fall in love with …"

  "My husband," I snapped. "All she did was fall in love with my husband." Folding my arms across my chest, I glared up at him. "Doe she even know about me?" I demanded. "About us?"

  "Hope," Jordan pleaded. "You know I’m no good for you." His body trembled as he spoke. "You’re young," he added, in an almost desperate tone "You’ll do all of this again – with someone else, someone better than me."

  "Say you don’t love me," I hissed, grabbing the lapels of his shirt and dragging him closer. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t love me and I’ll sign your papers."

  "I can't, Hope!" he roared. "Happy now? I'm fucking tortured in my own mind and as much as I don’t want to love you, I can't not!"

  "Jordan…"

  "So yeah, I'm a wreck, Hope. I'm all kinds of fucked up and there's no cure. There is nothing you or anyone else can do to fix, change, or cure me," he tossed out in a hoarse voice as he shook all over. "I am so fucking far beyond broken and I couldn't fucking bear the thought of dragging you down with me." His voice broke off and he literally panted as if talking to me was causing him physical pain.

  Pinching the bridge of his nose, he closed his eyes and whispered, "love you? Of course I fucking love you, but it's not enough."

  "What happened to you?" I cried, horrified. "Please. Tell me. Give me a goddamn explanation for why you left? Give me something, dammit to hell, Jordan. Stop hiding the truth …"

  "I can’t."

  "So something did happen?"

  When he didn’t deny it, I continued to push him.