by Amber Nation
“Toby, what a pleasant surprise.” Genuine happiness was portrayed on his face and the same level reflected in his voice. I really wished that I could convey that same degree of excitement.
Leaning into my side I felt his hot breath on the outer portion of my ear, “This may come off as a bit abrupt, but are you following me?”
I immediately scoffed, appalled at his audacity and cocky attitude. “I assure you that I am NOT following you.” I couldn’t believe that he was placing me into a stalker like category right off of the bat. If I had known that he was going to be here I would’ve at least brought my own lawn chair so I wouldn’t have to submit myself to such absurdity.
“I honestly had no idea that you would be here. Emmy called me this morning because her daughter has an ear infection, so my being here wasn’t even planned until an hour ago.”
“Toby, simmer a bit, seriously there is no need to get all worked up about it,” he tried suppressing a grin but the edges of his lips ended up turning up resulting in his mega-watt smile. The sad thing about it though he was right, the ass knew how to rile me up without batting an eyelash or even having a conscious effort of doing so.
“It was actually a last minute decision for me being here as well, I’m here with my nephew Drew. I actually think he and Tucker are good buddies since my sister and her husband moved back a few years ago.”
I faintly recalled Tucker telling me that Drew and his family moved across the street from my parents. I was never to be seen at their house which was why I never made the connection that Ethan was Drew’s uncle.
I really hoped that my lack of response didn’t paint me being rude instead of just trying to pay attention to my nephew’s game. I wasn’t trying to be blatantly rude it was much more of being uncomfortable.
My legs began bouncing up and down on their own accord. I was nervous and I couldn’t exactly pinpoint the reason why.
I hoped that I could pass it off as being anxious and hopeful that Tucker didn’t get hurt during his game, but that little boy was tough as nails—a lot tougher that I was at that age—and he wouldn’t take shit from anyone.
But alas, it was the close proximity to Ethan and his strong, masculine scent.
I had to find a way to cease my jerky movements before he spotted and called me on it. So I crossed one leg over the other and tucked my hands in the crease under my leg.
And it was just in time to see Tucker step up to the plate to bat.
Just by his perfect stance I could tell that this was going to be impressive. If he were to inherit anything from my brother, I was glad to see it was his love of sports and his drive to excel at them.
The pitcher geared up his first pitch and I knew as soon as it left his hand that it was going to be a high ball. Tuck realized it as well and just let it coast past him and land in the catcher’s mitt.
“Let’s go, Tucker,” I said more to myself than anything. I was on pins and needles with anticipation.
I wanted Tucker to hit the crap out of that ball.
The pitcher caught the returning ball and wrung out his arm, trying to shake some of the apparent stiffness from it.
You saw him take a deep breath the same time I began to hold mine.
The ball was thrown and traveling at lightning speed until it connected in the middle of Tucker’s bat.
The ball soared past the infielders as he took off for first base. I was completely up off of the bleachers, jumping up and down with my excitement yelling for him to, “Run!”
“Go Tucker!” I yelled once again, the pride in my voice for my nephew was unsurmountable.
Rounding second base he continued onto third.
His coach that was stationed on third base was signaling for him to go home.
All this time my attention was focused on Tucker scoring and not where the ball was located. That changed when I saw it fly by towards the catcher.
The catcher was up on his feet, his mask thrown off, and he was positioned right over home plate.
I felt myself bite my lip as I grabbed onto Ethan’s forearm. It was going to be incredibly close and it was literally a toss-up as to who would come out ahead.
Tucker went down on his side so he was in a good position to slide.
Dust billowed into a cloud above him and it seemed to me that his cleat hit home plate a split second before the catcher’s mitt.
I hadn’t realized that I was now holding my breath again until the umpire yelled, “You’re out!” while doubling up his fist.
I immediately loosened my grip on Ethan’s arm, and threw out an arm towards the umpire, “You have got to me shitting me!” I would’ve extended a certain finger, but after all we were amongst children.
“Toby,” Ethan said in a combination of whispering and growling. I took it to be a warning, but I wasn’t going to stand for it. No one stood up for me when I was growing up, and I wasn’t going to just sit and watch Tucker be called out when I didn’t think that he was.
“No, he was clearly SAFE!” I bit out a growl of my own.
“Toby seriously I don’t want to haul you out of here for poor sportsmanship but I will if I have to. The ump made his call and although sometimes we don’t agree with it, if the coach doesn’t dispute it, then it’s all said and done now.”
I huffed and slammed my ass back down on the bleachers and turned my body to where I was now facing away from the jerk.
Throwing my tantrum in silence, I now knew how Emmalynne felt when she would go all mama bear on someone. Talk about a way to get your blood pumping in your ears and your heart racing.
I sat through the rest of the game in sufferable silence. Ethan didn’t speak another word to me and I don’t know if I really preferred it that way. In the end, Tucker scored two other runs and their team won.
We made a pit stop back at my house before heading to the birthday party so Tucker could shower and change. The boy only played a ninety minute game, but the stench that was radiating off of him was enough to have me rolling my windows down in my Jeep just for some ventilation.
The boy was ripe and even though he would get all sweaty again at the inflatable place, there was absolutely no way that while being under my supervision he would show up being anything but fresh.
He took the duffle bag from my grip and went into the bathroom without so much as a fuss. Tucker had always been an exceptional kid and it thrilled me to no end to spend time with him.
If I were to ever to be blessed with a child, I hoped he was half as cool.
Deciding to sort out my laundry and getting a load ready to roll was what I was in the middle of doing when Tucker emerged from the steamy bathroom.
“Uncle Toby?” He came up to me handing me his damp towel so I could add it in the washer.
“Yeah, Tuck?”
He was looking at everything on the walls of my living room, taking it all in, as if he had never been to my house, let alone stayed the night on numerous occasions.
“Why is your house always so clean? Mom always has to pick up after dad and he’s a guy.”
His question initially threw me off, were all guys dubbed as being sloppy and untidy? I silently balked at the thought.
“I’m not really sure how to answer that other than I can’t stand clutter. And I only have myself to rely on to make sure it gets done.” I really only could rely on myself for everything in my life, I hoped it wouldn’t always be that way, as I looked forward to the day when I had someone else to clean up after. I directed him towards the front door with my hand on his upper back so we could get a move on to the party. “You see, Grady probably knows that your mom will clean up after him. I’m sure they each have household chores they split up just like I’m sure you have to keep your room clean.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he muttered while shrugging his shoulder, “I hate cleaning my room, it cuts into my playing time.”
I chuckled as I backed out of my driveway and we spent the next few minutes in relative si
lence. It was when I made a move to turn up the volume on the radio did Tucker ask me the question to end all questions.
The one that I wished he would’ve asked his parents.
“Uncle Toby?”
“Hmm?”
“Why don’t you have a girlfriend? I’m sure she would help you with your chores.”
If I was mid-drink, I was fairly certain I would’ve choked. But I was driving… and let me tell you, that wasn’t a better situation to be in.
Being in the middle of a left hand turn lane, I subconsciously let go of the steering wheel but immediately grabbed a hold onto it again resulting in only a minor swerve. In the end it could’ve ended extremely badly if I hadn’t been so quick to react.
Tucker was eleven now and soon to be turning twelve, so I assumed it wasn’t too outlandish for him to be asking questions. I just didn’t really know how to answer him.
I decided to go with the best thing that I knew to do on the fly, tell him the truth.
Swallowing hard to clear my now restricted throat, trying to get past the lump that had formed within the last few minutes, “Well, Tucker…” I couldn’t give him my long drawn out theatrical speech as I would’ve done to anyone else other than my eleven year old nephew, so I had to make it short and to the point. “You see, I love women but I’m just not attracted to them in that way. So while I would never have a girlfriend, I would have a boyfriend.”
I was almost afraid to look over at him in fear of what he must be thinking after my explanation, but I chanced a glance and what I saw was an expression of pure confusion.
I was going to have to try this again.
“Tucker, have you ever heard of the word, gay?”
Recognition flashed over his eyes as he shook his head affirming his knowledge of the word.
“Yes, Uncle Toby, but isn’t being gay a bad thing?”
Gripping the steering wheel and trying to concentrate on where we were going, the damn inflatable place couldn’t come any sooner.
“No, Tucker, not in our family it isn’t. Just because I prefer men over woman in terms of dating it doesn’t make me a bad person. I’m just like everyone else, but not everyone sees it as such.”
“Well, is it alright that I’m not gay? Because Tiffany kissed me behind the old oak tree during recess last week and I liked it even though I told her I didn’t.” His eyes grew to be as big as saucers as he slapped a hand over his mouth, “Don’t tell mom I told you that. She’d take away my video games for sure if she knew that girls were kissing me.”
My laughter couldn’t be contained and I burst out in a laugh that ascended from deep within my belly. “Don’t you worry, your secret is safe with me. And of course it is perfectly alright that you aren’t gay. You just be you, Tucker.”
I breathed my first sigh of relief since Tucker had dropped that bomb of a question on me. I was grateful that the conversation went the way it did. I should’ve known that Tucker would’ve been anything but supportive and understanding after all his mother was the most non-judgmental person that I knew.
We pulled into the parking lot of Jump Around Inflatables and I was thankful to be able to get out of the confines of my Jeep, I needed fresh air.
“Uncle Toby?”
I quickly felt my stomach drop once again, “Yeah, bud?”
“I wish my dad would’ve been more like you. It’s hard to believe that you two were brothers since you are nothing alike. I hope that someday you find your special someone so you can be happy like when my mom found Grady.”
Averting my head towards the closed window so he wouldn’t witness the stray tears falling down my face, he exited my Jeep and ran inside to his friends. I didn’t know when eleven year olds got to be so smart, but Tucker had always been wise beyond his years.
I couldn’t get my body to function, I just sat there unmoving concentrating on the ridges of my steering wheel while tears continued to flow down my cheeks. Things would be so much easier for me if I weren’t gay, but then again when had I ever been known to do anything half-assed?
A rapping sound on my window startled me out of my trance making me jump practically out of my seat. I rotated my head to the left to see none other than Ethan Bradley, again, standing there in all of his male glory with his arms crossed over his torso and that cheesy smile on his face. Of course he would be here, too. I had to place a hand on my chest to calm my racing heart after being nearly scared to death. I didn’t know what was with people and scaring me lately, but I didn’t see anything funny about it. I wanted to wipe the grin right off of his smug face, by smacking it or kissing it, I wasn’t entirely certain. My head wanted me to perform the former while my heart wanted the latter.
I quickly wiped away any remnants of my crying before rolling down my window. Pressing my finger on the button to retract the window pane, “Is there something you needed?” I promise that I didn’t intend to keep being rude to him but he just brought it out of me. With Ethan I wasn’t up to taking any shit.
“Well,” his face immediately wiped clean of any signs of amusement, “now my smart ass remark doesn’t seem so important, you ok?”
Was I ok? My life was on the verge of becoming one entirely too big train wreck, “Just peachy.”
I rolled up my window without saying another word. I supposed I needed to get my wits about me and head on into the birthday party. When I looked back up to where Ethan was standing mere moments before, the space was empty as if he had vanished into thin air. Just as well though, I didn’t want to have to make small talk on our journey inside the building.
Before making my appearance at the party, I veered off into the bathroom so I could splash some water on face. When I looked at my reflection in the mirror my eyes were sullen and rimmed red as a result from my misty-eyed session. No amount of water would make my face appear in any better shape so I just gave in and moseyed out to survey the party with tear stained eyes.
Walking into the open space which was inhabited by numerous inflatables and mountains of kids I tried my best to try and find an open seat.
Along the back wall there were several tables set up in a line adjacent to each other, three deep and two across and each and every single one was occupied. There was an open seat by a gentleman who looked like Santa who was wearing a ratty pair of sweatpants and had his flannel shirt unbuttoned exposing his curly-haired chest. Not my idea of appropriate attire especially when children were present, I wasn’t about to take my chance at sitting next to him and getting sucked into God knows what.
There was also an open seat next to a clan of mom’s who all seemed to be in a circle…breastfeeding of all things. Oh well, their babies needed fed, to each their own I supposed.
I glanced around once again trying to spot an open seat and my only other option was across from, you guessed it, Ethan Bradley.
Normally I walked with such poise and grace, but now I slumped forward and shuffled my way over to the unoccupied seat, each step closer towards Ethan’s presence made one of the other open seats seem that much more enticing.
As soon as my butt hit the seat, Ethan perked up and gave me one of his signature smiles which had my insides melting, it really should’ve been a crime for his smile to be so beautiful.
“Now, I know for a fact that you are following me,” he added with a wink which had me cackling with sarcasm.
“You really wish, don’t you?” I challenged him, I couldn’t really help myself and what would a little harmless flirting hurt? Maybe it would give me back some of my lost mojo. Here lately my spark just wasn’t as bright as it needed to be.
“Nah, I just like messing with ya. You’re easy to rile up.”
Suddenly my ignited spark faded to where it was even dimmer. Gee thanks for lifting a man’s spirits, jerk.
Trying to shrug off the apparent hurt his comment caused, I’m sure my reluctance was anything but hidden. So I tried to get him back.
“It wasn’t like I was left with many options on pl
aces to sit. Santa over there,” I pointed in the direction of the older gentleman, “Just plain creeped me out. And the boob mom’s didn’t need me in the way of their entertainment. So you see, you were the only option left.” Shrugging my shoulders I placed my elbows on the table and steepled my fingers in front of me.
It was nice to get just a moment to breathe. I still hadn’t had enough time to reflect over the conversation that took place on the way here. What better way to talk about it then with someone who may have experienced the same thing before.
I leaned forward on the table, moving my head a little closer towards Ethan, and half whispered, “Has Drew ever asked about you being gay?”
He seemed to ponder over my question before he began speaking. Looking me in the eyes he started, “Owen and I had been together for a long time so Drew pretty much grew up around me being with a guy. He’s never questioned it to my sister that I know of, he’s just always accepted it.”
Shaking my head up and down, “Tucker asked me on the way over here why I didn’t have a girlfriend to help me with my chores. It took me completely off-guard. I tried my best to explain to him that I wouldn’t ever have a ‘girlfriend’ then he asked if it was ok that he wasn’t gay. Sometimes I forget that he is only eleven because he’s always seemed so grown up to me.”
I spread my hand across my chin, “Then he told me that he was glad that I wasn’t like his father. Is it bad that I don’t even miss my brother Bryce because he was such an asshole? He and my parents were all alike, ‘let’s shun Toby out of the family because he’s different.’”
A look of acceptance appeared on Ethan’s face, “Having a good support system makes things so much easier to get through. I remember your brother Bryce, having graduated with him and Emmalynne, I honestly don’t know what was so great about him that had people fawning over his every word.” He shrugged his shoulders, “I just didn’t see the appeal.”
“Yeah well you and me both.” I felt a little better being able to talk to Ethan about things and him being able to relate on some level.
“So what happened between you and Owen? You said you were together for quite some time, right?” I asked the questions before I really thought about it being a good idea or not, I tried to quickly retract to where it didn’t seem like I was prying. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that, it’s none of my business.”