Unconditionally (Brown County #4)

by Amber Nation

  “You should stay for the performance,” she glanced at me through the mirror, “I would love it if you did.” The last thing she did was touch up her lipstick and turned around giving me a kiss on my cheek and a ‘Thank You’ before the whirlwind known as Gwen Shaw bounced out of the room.

  I couldn’t really put my finger on it but I really liked the girl and equally was confused by her. She was an enigma that I was determined to get to the bottom of.

  Quickly packing up my makeup in their respective spots, I made the decision that I was going to watch her dance before I left to go home. As I walked down the back hallway towards the stage I heard the beginnings of Cher’s “Woman’s World” and hurried up just a bit faster.

  Making it to where I could peek out behind the thick black velvet curtain, I watched her back as she worked it for the crowd and they were eating her up. She was dancing alone just as the song suggested. I tried to not focus on the words and just the beat as she advised me to do. And after a few beats I could feel my hips begin to move to match the music. Perhaps this wasn’t going to be as hard as I initially thought.

  Now to get Gwen to realize that this just wasn’t a man’s world, that it was in fact a woman’s world as well, that was going to take time. She needed to do the opposite of me and actually listen to the words in the song and the message that Cher was conveying. I didn’t know if Gwen was going to be strong enough to make it as the owner of Big Pete’s, but I intended to find out.

  Toby

  After another fitful night of sleep and a luscious dream that quickly turned into a nightmare starring Ethan Bradley, I was up with the God-awful chickens. I never ever understood that term but now that I was awake for the day before the sun, I now didn’t like it either.

  It was mornings like this when I couldn’t sleep where I used to find myself calling Gio just to hear his voice. I took my phone from off of my nightstand and scrolled to his name in my contacts list, and paused my thumb to where it was hovering over his name. All it would take was one quick tap of my finger and it would connect me with my past, too bad my past and future didn’t coincide. Instead I suppressed my urges and backed out of my contact app, and decided to get up and get my day started instead.

  I took my morning brewed coffee out to my small back patio and sat down on the nearest seat. I watched the sunrise over the horizon and mentally made the plan that if I got my laundry completed and my Sunday chores taken care of, I would attend the class that Gwen was teaching at Big Pete’s.

  The air was cool as the wind breezed against my skin, it wasn’t every day that I went outside in anything other than standard Toby attire. I normally cleaned house in some type of shorts and a fitted shirt. It wasn’t mesh type shorts because just the idea of me wearing them was enough to make me sick. No they were linen, everyday khaki type shorts that showcased my untanned legs. Completely unflattering, but I couldn’t be glamorous every second of every day.

  Finishing up my second cup of coffee, I took the quietness as time to reflect about my dream. It started off as a wonderful dream, I was up on stage at Emmy Lou’s doing what I did best, entertaining the crowd and it ended with everyone morphing into Ethan Bradley. So I had hundreds of Ethan Bradley’s standing next to one another and double as many eyes staring at me. It aroused me as well as freaked me the hell out. I didn’t know what my obsession with that man was, but I was bound to get him out of my head. We were friends, if I could even label us as that, and that was all it was ever going to be. That was the problem, I didn’t think that I actually wanted him, it was disturbing and frustrating as hell.

  I decided to quit trying to over analyze everything and get a move on with cleaning my house.

  Laundry and tidying up took no time at all, I believe it helped when I was the only person who lived here and I was tidy as it was. It was my two cats who wreaked havoc on my hardwood flooring, carpeting, and furniture. I swear I had to vacuum up after them twice a week due to their incessant shedding. The small price I had to pay for two gloriously beautiful Persian felines.

  Having the time to spare I decided to take a bubble bath, I was long overdue for one and the aroma of the incense I burned during was calling my senses. I filled up the tub with water, added a capful of my favorite bubble bath, and swirled my hand around in the warm liquid to get the bubbles to form. Lighting several candles and strategically placing them throughout my bathroom, I stripped out of my clothes and eased myself lower until my entire body was submerged in the suds.

  I rested my head against the ledge and closed my eyes and just let the stress of everything fade away. Normally I used my baths to think and reflect on things, but today I wanted it to be different. I wanted to just relax and not ponder about anything, not over analyze any situations or the meanings of certain things. I wanted to just…be.

  Groggily, I raised my head from the cool tub and realized that I must’ve dozed off. My lack of sleep during the night and the exertion from cleaning finally caught up with me and caused me to fall into a deep slumber. The water had since cooled off and was now lingering towards cold, I needed to get out of here and warm up. I looked down at my fingers and even they had since turned ridged, I felt like a kid who had pruned hands.

  My time was running low and I needed to get ready for my dance class with Gwen, as I was now actually looking forward to it. But the funny thing was, I never really asked what type of dance class it was, knowing my luck she would have me attending a ballroom dancing class. Surely not.

  I dressed in a pair of skinny jeans in which I rolled up to the middle of my calf and I put on a designer t-shirt that was fitted with a pocket over the right breast and olive green in color. I didn’t own a pair of tennis shoes, so the next best thing I could think of to wear was my khaki corduroy Tom’s. I wouldn’t be awarded points on my spectacular dress options, but it was better than getting my suede or leather loafers scuffed up.

  Styling my hair, and checking my stubble growth to make sure it wasn’t out of control, I was ready to be on my way.

  Arriving at Big Pete’s so early in the day, I wasn’t expecting to see so many vehicles scattered throughout the parking lot.

  A few women were heading in through the blackened glass door of the bar before me and one was so kind to hold it open so I could enter.

  “Thanks so much.” I smiled at the generous woman as I stepped through the entrance. Part of my charm was by extending a polite gesture, and just sometimes you would get back the equal courteousness.

  “You are so very welcome, young man.”

  I loved living in the South, the southern charm just absolutely drew me in.

  This exchange reminded me of when I visited New York the summer after High School on a complete whim. I was young and I wanted to see the world, or so I thought. While I absolutely adored all things fashion, the people were less than pleasant. They were so incredibly rude that I couldn’t stand to be near them.

  By the time my five days in the big city had come to a close, I couldn’t bring my hind end back to Georgia fast enough.

  A saying had always stuck with me, ‘Extend a smile to everyone you meet, for you never know how much they may need it to move forward with their day,’ or something to that effect.

  That didn’t apply to New Yorkers, they were tremendously cut throat. You may find yourself on the receiving end of a brutal mugging if you so much as batted an eye at someone wrong.

  Now, this didn’t pertain to every single New Yorker, just 97.5% of them.

  Back to the task at hand, I walked into the half-filled bar and noticed that all of the inhabitants were women. Finding an empty opening in the middle of the floor, I stood in place and then chanced a glance around to see if anyone I know was in attendance. Not exactly that any of my friends would be in a gay bar on a Sunday afternoon especially when they all had families to spend time with. This just further reiterated my lonely status.

  Continuing to scan the crowd, I was in no way looking for Ethan Bradley at least tha
t was what I kept telling myself.

  A figure appeared in the corner of my eye and I turned to see someone behind the bar, it was a refreshing feeling to see a familiar face amongst the crowd.

  Roman was actually wearing a fitted shirt and what appeared to be jeans of some sort. The counter of the bar was too much in the way for me to get a clearer look. It was somewhat humorous to see him in actual street attire rather than his uniform of his naked chest and black dress pants, not that either one was bad. Heavens no, I felt my temperature begin to rise just looking at him and imaging his naked torso that he puts on display every night.

  He noticed me gawking, like a giddy school girl no less, and gave a swift nod of his head.

  As if my gawker session wasn’t enough, I had to add a cherry on top of my awkwardness by raising a hand and giving him a wave by wiggling my fingers. You know that wave, as if an older woman was hollering, “You who!”

  I mentally smacked my head, now I was comparing myself to an old lady. Evidently I didn’t check my weirdness at the door. Lately, my self-confidence had taken such a major hit and all of my mojo had flown right out the window.

  “Alright ladies…and Toby.” Gwen yelled from center stage. Way to single me out lady, she could’ve just left me classified as one of the girls, apparently I’m an old lady now anyways. And now all eyes were on me, I wish I could’ve lowered my head into my shirt or at the very least slipped out unnoticed. Normally I loved being the king of attention or in this case, the queen but I felt so out of place today that the extra attention was unwarranted.

  I needed to get a feel of the crowd before I could unleash my full Toby self. So for now they would only get a fraction of a glimpse of the real me.

  Ladies continued their idle chitchat so Gwen cleared her throat and yelled, “Ladies!” Looking up at her she was decked out in black yoga capris and a bright purple sports bra, it accentuated her body type perfectly.

  From where I stood I could tell that she was wearing minimal makeup and the dark circles under her eyes were nowhere near as prominent today. She must’ve gotten a decent night’s sleep, or day’s I had no clue what the time frame of sleep a bar owner got on any given night.

  And her hair was glamorously styled again, but she could’ve just very well have rolled out of bed and ran her hands through it with some product and it comes out like that. I felt a pang of jealousy because of my inability to just style and go. My OCD kicked into overdrive every time I entered the bathroom to do my hair, so much so I was really surprised the stubble on my chin had lasted this long.

  The first part of the dance lesson, Gwen conducted it effortlessly, her smile on her face never faltering.

  Silently I think she was laughing at all of us, I could see her thinking it was hilarious to torture every participant, mainly me.

  Halfway through I realized that I forgot my water, surprised that it took me this long as I was dying of thirst. I hoped Roman would take pity on me and let me have one.

  Sluggishly, I dragged my feet towards the bar, my legs feeling like they were going to fall off the closer I came, and leaned up against the bar. I was thanking my lucky stars for the wood countertop because it was the only thing currently holding me up.

  “You look like you could use this,” Roman chuckled as he slid an ice cold bottle of water in front of me.

  Examining the crystal clear liquid, the condensation was already running down the sides and I longed to just rub it on my forehead to cool it down and I didn’t back down from doing so.

  Next I unscrewed the lid, tilted my head back, closed my eyes, and took a long pull from the mouth of the bottle, feeling the refreshing liquid slide down my throat. I needed to rehydrate and this bottle of water was quickly quenching my thirst, I just wished it gave me more energy.

  I slowly opened my eyes and directly into the line of Roman’s stare.

  Was he?

  Was he seriously smoldering at me? I arched a brow and had to hold back a chuckle. I didn’t realize that I was giving a show while I was taking a break and regaining my breath, but by the way Roman was looking at me you’d think I had just performed an intentional strip tease. That naughty thought actually sounded like a good idea but not after I just endured pain of the dancing form. “You’re cute,” I muttered through the smallest of grins that I could muster as I pushed off of the counter and decided that I’d had all I could take of this insane class. If anything, the desire in Roman’s eyes grew even stronger. I had to be in an alternate universe, no one looked at me like they wanted to devour me, but that would be a lie, because Roman was basically calling my bullshit on that.

  I remained in deep eye contact as I began retreating backwards towards the front entrance. I knew it was a risk to take trying to leave during the middle of class but I honestly didn’t think I would be a fully functioning human being if I suffered until the end.

  “Toby?” Immediately stopping dead in my tracks, I closed my eyes and sighed before turning towards the stage and looking at a very disappointed Gwen. “Going somewhere?” Perching her hand upon her jutted out hip, she gave me a very challenging look.

  “Uh, I was…” I pointed my thumb towards the door while I was getting choked up on my words and then failed at trying to come up with a valid excuse. So I accepted defeat and slumped my shoulders while I stomped like a petulant child back to my spot.

  Barely surviving the second half, I now knew how to dance to the Dougie, the Wobble, and I was well on my way to perfecting the Twerk. Just kidding, she taught us how to do some very basic movements, but for someone who didn’t do much on the term of fitness it was hell to pay on my muscles. I could seriously put Tessa’s efforts to shame and I couldn’t wait to show the gals my new moves. But for now I think I would first die of exhaustion, dancing was no joke. I had a newfound respect for people who did this on a daily basis, but it was definitely not for me.

  Sliding my butt onto an empty barstool, I literally exhaled a sigh of relief. My legs felt like jello and it was great to get my feet off of the ground, the bad thing was I may not be able to move to get up to go home. I folded my arms on the counter and rested my forehead on top of them.

  Not being able to dance wasn’t really a life or death situation so I was very much entertaining the idea of hanging up my dancing shoes after this one lesson.

  Since I was having an internal battle with myself over which body part would fall off first, I didn’t hear anyone come up beside me until they brushed my side, and then I felt something cold and wet on my neck.

  My stomach dropped to my feet, at least that’s what I thought as they were currently numb. I jumped up startled only to look into the crystal blue eyes of Roman. The desire that I saw in his reflection hadn’t dimmed in the least bit from earlier.

  “Water?” His husky tone sent chills down my spine and holding in his hand was an ice cold bottle of water, extended towards me. That must’ve been what I felt on my neck.

  I took the plastic bottle from his grasp and tipped it up filling my mouth just as before in hopes of cooling myself down, but with the close proximity of Roman, it was just further making my temperature rise.

  I caught him leaning into me and once his lips grazed the outer shell of my ear, he said, “The way you drink that water completely turns me on. Your lips wrapped around the opening of that bottle makes me long for the day you’ll do that to me. And don't even get me started on the way your Adam’s apple bobs up and down with each and every gulp, making me want you more and more with each passing second.” I swallowed rather loudly trying to get past the lump that was submerged in my throat. “See that’s what I’m talking about, you don’t even realize what you’re doing, but it is incredibly erotic.”

  My wits finally returned after it seemed they took a hasty departure.

  The erection in my pants was inevitably straining against the seams. It almost made me want to jump for joy that it was Roman invoking this reaction from me rather than Ethan. At this very moment, Ethan and
Gio were far from my mind.

  He looked down at my crotch, noticing the bulge as it was wanting to break free and I was going to take a risk, a daring move.

  “So I turn you on and you know it’s no secret that I think you’re sexy as hell. The real question is, what are we going to do about it?”

  It only took a split second for him to raise a brow, take my hand and yank me down from the stool and drag me through the middle of the bar.

  Luckily my legs had decided to work as they quickly moved to keep up with Roman as he was practically on the cusp of running.

  We passed by Gwen who was wearing the first real grin on her face that I had seen from her.

  “I’ll be back,” he said over his shoulder to Gwen as we rushed by.

  My having two left feet worried me tremendously and I was afraid that I was going to end up flat on my face and ruining the entire evening.

  “Roman slow down a bit,” I pleaded.

  Continuing through a black painted door at the very back of the bar, which opened to a set of stairs leading to another floor that I hadn’t even known existed. Step after grueling step, we climbed until we reached our destination, or so I had hoped. With every lift of my feet my heart pounded harder against my chest.

  All of the numerous exchanges of looks and sexual innuendos had finally led to this and were about to be put to rest, and I was equally excited as well as scared shitless.

  Letting go of my hand he stopped in front of another door just off the top of the stairs. He dug into his pocket and removed a set of keys attached to a disco ball keychain.

  “Where are we?” Now wasn’t the time for my incessant chatter but it would give me just the right amount of extra time to calm my nerves.

  “This is where I live, for now. Gwen lets me live here practically rent free in exchange for keeping an eye on the place while she isn’t here. It’s hard for her to trust people, so I’m doing her a favor.”