by Amber Nation
Expanding my arms wide open, I was ready for one or both of them to give me a giant hug to comfort me and make this daunting mood go away. I waited and saw them each exchange their own curious glance at one another, that overwhelming feeling of despair was returning. I flung my arms towards the ladies, “Why won’t you hug me? Am I that revolting today? I just poured my heart out and I can’t even get a round of hugs from my best gal pals?” Man could I catch an honest break already?
Meanwhile I snatched a double chocolate chunk cookie off the plate that was perched on Emmalynne’s lap and began stuffing my face. Tessa was the first to break the silence, “I’m really confused…” Well that was an understatement, it never took much to confuse Tessa. “That’s really shitty of Roman and I’m appalled of his actions because you deserve the very best, but were you wanting something more from him? And what did seeing Ethan have anything to do with it?”
Piss. I forgot that I hadn’t told them about the various little exchanges between Ethan and myself and how I utterly couldn’t stand him but couldn’t seem to get him off of my mind either.
“No, I can honestly say that I didn’t want anything from him at all, but it hurt basically being thrown away like yesterday’s takeout. That’s how it felt with Gio too. It was just so easy for him to walk away from me, from us. While I’m still here struggling over losing what I thought was the love of my life.”
I finished off the first cookie and reached out for a second when Emmy smacked my hand, “No way, Toby, you aren’t getting out of that one so easily. What’s the deal with Ethan?”
So that was how I ended up late to work, I had to rehash all my encounters with Ethan.
So now what was the reason for my newfound effort and new attitude on Wednesday? Well for starters I hadn’t heard from Gio since Sunday, which was almost three whole days. I couldn’t recall the last time that I had went three whole days without having to silence my phone from him calling. Maybe perhaps running into him the other day put things in perspective for him? I’m not sure.
Actually I hadn’t seen nor heard from anyone of the male gender since then and it was kind of refreshing not worrying about certain things and just living. I’m letting my chips fall where they may.
And the one thing that I was most looking forward to, my standing weekly time with Tucker. Every Wednesday evening, I would pick him up after I got off work and we would do any number of things. Going out to dinner, putt-putt, laser tag, you name it. It was just that special bonding time between uncle and nephew and it was my one exciting highlight of the week normally.
Work went by fairly quickly today and in no time I was knocking on Grady and Emmalynne’s front door.
It wasn’t long before I saw the knob to the door turn and Emmalynne and the most adorable little girl who was perched on her hip greeted me.
Charlotte’s face lit up the way it does every time she sees me and her little chubby arms reached out towards me.
Snatching her from her momma, I lifted her in front of my face, “Hi there little Lottie, you get bigger each and every time I see you. You need to quit growing up so quickly! Pretty soon I won’t even be able to carry you anymore.”
Massive amounts of giggles came from Lottie within just a few minutes of my being there. She was such a happy baby, which was why I was sure Emmy was going out of her mind with worry when she was sick over the weekend.
“I see you are feeling better baby girl.”
“Oh, she most definitely is, thank goodness. I was about ready to pull my hair out by the end of the weekend. I have never heard so much screaming and crying out of my precious baby.” Emmalynne leaned forward and gave Lottie a kiss on top of her head.
Seeing all the love reflected in Emmalynne’s smile towards her daughter just reaffirmed that she was exactly where she was supposed to be in life. She was a wonderful mother, an amazing baker, and the very best friend that I could ever have.
A wave of sadness washed over me at the thought of losing her which has almost happened more than once in years past. She was lucky that she only suffered damage to her leg when she was involved in the wreck that killed my brother. And she was even luckier that she survived and overcame that attack from that crazy ass stalker a few years back.
She looked up into my eyes and must’ve noticed my melancholy expression which made her lips turn down in a frown, “What’s wrong, Toby?”
“Oh, it’s nothing, I’m just so thankful to have you in my life, that’s all.” Now wasn’t the time nor the place to get into what’s been going on with me lately. I wasn’t so sure I could even explain it myself.
“Oh, I want to apologize to you for Tucker’s inquisitive questions regarding you being…you know, gay. He came home Saturday night and told me that you talked to him about it and I just want to say I’m sorry but also thank you. I didn’t really know how to address those questions but I also let him know that you aren’t any different from any of us. I honestly think the seed had been planted in his head by Connie and Martin. He doesn’t go over there as much and if he does it’s only to see his friend Drew.”
“It really is no problem, so no apology needed. I knew it was bound to happen at some time or another, it could’ve been when I wasn’t driving or attempting to make a turn, but he just wants me to be happy so I didn’t mind it one bit.” I would’ve really rather forgot that conversation but Emmalynne needed the reassurance that I harbored no ill will towards any of them because of it.
“Is Tucker ready? I don’t want to miss the opening credits for the movie.”
I called Tuck earlier in the day once he had gotten home from school and asked what he wanted to do tonight and he didn’t hesitate to express his need to go see the new Lego movie. Yes, his need to see it. I thought it was quite comical myself. Anything involving Legos or Batman and this kid was ready and waiting front and center.
“You know he’s ready. I’m surprised he didn’t come barreling down here already, he must not have heard you knock. Which you know you don’t have to do, I’ve told you countless times to just come in.” She had taken Charlotte from my arms and perched her right back on her jutted hip that had that baby girl’s name on it.
I knew that I could just walk in but I didn’t want to interrupt some kind of family time. Even though I was family, it just didn’t sit right with me. Now Tessa on the other hand, just came barreling in the door at any old place at any old time. She didn’t feel the need to respect people’s privacy or actually be invited in. Tessa lived to the beat of her own drum and there was a time I used to too.
“Tucker get down here if you want to go out with Uncle Toby!” Emmalynne yelled at the foot of the stairs and soon after you heard the clomping of feet from the floor above and then on the stairs as Tucker rushed down.
When he was three steps from the bottom he took a flying leap and jumped down, keeping his balance the whole time. “Hey man, let’s go before we’re late!” He expressed with a ginormous smile. As if I hadn’t been waiting on the little heifer for almost ten minutes.
I rolled my eyes at Emmalynne as I leaned forward to give Lottie a kiss on top of her mass of curly auburn hair, which she definitely inherited from her momma and pivoted on my foot to turn towards the front door, following in Tucker’s footsteps. He was already outside and rushing towards my Jeep when I threw over my shoulder, “I’ll have him home by eight!”
We loaded up on popcorn, soda, and even a few different types of candy. What kind of uncle would I be if I didn’t load him up on sugar before I sent him home? And a movie wasn’t a movie without Twizzler’s and M&M’s. Sugar was a definite weakness of mine and I didn’t even try to hide it.
Making it to our seats in just enough time before the house lights went off and the movie theater started to get dark. I tried keeping everything organized by placing each of our drinks in the respective cup holders and then staging the popcorn right between us. I held onto the candy for the time being because if I were to leave it in Tucker’s inca
pable hands the boxes would end up on the floor and that was just, ew…disgusting.
The first preview came on and a body caught the corner of my eye, so I turned my head to see what was drawing in my attention.
“You have got to be kidding me,” I whispered in a low breath.
Tucker leaned his ear in to me while his eyes were still trained on the big screen and he kept on stuffing his face full of popcorn, “What?”
Realizing I said that loud enough to where he could hear, I quickly covered it up, “Oh, I just got some butter from the popcorn on my pants, no big deal.” The horror of that lie, because if I were to get butter on my pants it would definitely be a BIG deal. Do you know how hard that grease stain would be to get out? I mentally cringed at the thought.
I shimmied and slouched down into my seat hoping that Ethan and Drew wouldn’t see us. Luckily I was on the outside of Tucker so he really couldn’t tell who was coming in and out of the theater. That was all I needed, to endure an entire movie sitting next to Ethan Bradley.
Mentally saying a quick prayer, I hoped they didn’t catch a glimpse of us with the dimmed lighting. I sure as hell wished I didn’t. I would definitely be watching my movements throughout the entire movie to make sure they didn’t catch sight of us, did that make me a pussy for trying to hide? Undoubtedly so.
The movie went on without a hitch, it was what happened afterward that put a damper even more so in my evening.
Tucker and I threw away our trash and I rushed him out of the building even telling him to forgo using the restroom because I needed to get him home. We still had plenty of time, but I didn’t want to risk the chance of running into Drew and his uncle.
We each got settled into my Jeep and once I placed my key in the ignition and tried starting her up, nothing happened. So I repeated the process, and still nothing.
“Great, just flipping great!” I grumbled as I slammed my palms against my steering wheel.
“What’s wrong, Uncle Toby?” Tucker had a worried look in his eye.
“Oh, I just think my battery is dead, nothing major.”
I got out of my Jeep and began pacing around the asphalt on the parking lot trying to think of what to do. I could call Mike, he was a mechanic on the side, he would know what to do. Shoveling my phone out of my pocket I was hesitant about calling him, I didn’t want to be a burden and interrupt him on family time with Sheridan and Ben. I supposed I could call a local garage and hope like hell that they were still open.
“Well, well. I thought that was your Jeep.” Ethan said in his signature cocky tone, just as Drew came running past me over to Tucker’s side of the vehicle.
“Shit,” I groaned under my breath. This was the situation I was trying to avoid, but now it looked as if I was stuck here.
I released a sigh and turned around only to have the wind knocked out of me by the sheer sight of him. Why was I attracted to him, 99% of the time he was a jerk to me. What made me think that he would actually help me now?
“Listen, I’m not here to get into an argument with you. But I do have a favor to ask, can you jump me?”
His jaw immediately dropped as well as he had a hitch in his breath and it wasn’t until his lips upturned in one of his sexy but cocky grins did I realize what the heck I did wrong.
“I mean, can you give my Jeep a jump? Not jump me, I don’t want to you to jump me per say, just my car.” The word vomit would not quit, so it was just going to be best if I just kept my trap shut. “Ok, I’m going to stop talking now.”
He walked a few paces towards me, in his tight dark denim jeans and cowboy boots, making me back up flush against my red door. “You know you’re awfully cute when you’re flustered.” He then reached around me to release the lever to pop the hood on my Jeep. And then backed up and went to do the same with his Durango which was I’m sure coincidentally parked right in front of mine.
Was that what I was, flustered? Gee thanks for pointing that out for me. As if I didn’t already know.
This man invoked weird and rare feelings out of me and I wasn’t exactly sure if they were positive or not.
Minutes later and after some rustling of parts under the hood I was able to crank the starter on the Jeep and the engine started right up. We were officially back in business and not a moment too soon.
I knew my manners and I wasn’t about to leave without extending my deepest gratitude but it didn’t mean that I was internally jumping for joy because I had to. The whole uncle/nephew role model thing, it would’ve been strongly frowned upon if I just gave him the finger and went on about my day.
He closed the hood of my car and moved towards me wiping his hands on a rag that he’d produced from somewhere. And he didn’t hesitate moving into my personal bubble of space again. “There you go, you’ve been jumped,” he whistled through his teeth and gave me a smoldering look as if he were picturing the same thing I was. And it wasn’t something appropriate to be picturing with my nephew so close.
Now it was my turn for my jaw to drop. I couldn’t hide the obvious feelings he was generating within me as my pants started to become even tighter. I needed to remember that there were two eleven year old boys only a few feet away, I needed to get a grip on myself.
“Get your mind out of the gutter, Toby. If I wanted to jump you, don’t you think I would’ve already?”
And there was the response that I needed to remember what a self-involved, cocky prick he was.
Now that middle finger and driving away didn’t seem so harsh after all.
My chest was rising and falling so quickly due to my seething mood. Why I ever let him get a rise out of me, both mentally and physically, I’ll never truly understand. But Ethan Bradley was bad news and I needed to continue to try and steer clear of him.
Ethan
“Uncle Ethan, why did Toby storm off after you helped him? Did you say something to him?”
Such an inquisitive little lad, that nephew of mine, but truthfully I didn’t know how to answer his questions. So I just gave him a sideways glance and a half smile and hoped that he would be done with it. I knew that I was pushing my luck but the truth was I didn’t know why I was being for lack of a better term, a cocky smartass.
I was nice to everyone it was in my nature, but I couldn’t for the life of me understand why my smart allelic undertones always made a presence when I was around him.
Was I attracted to him? With every fiber of my being. There wasn’t a single doubt in my mind. Perhaps that was it, I didn’t want to be attracted to him but I couldn’t help it either. His laugh and that smile completely did me in. But I hadn’t seen it as much lately which led me to believe that it was me who wiped that smile off of his face and if that didn’t feel like a punch to the throat. I tried being on my best behavior towards him, but when he slipped up and said hilarious things like “Will you jump me,” I just couldn’t help myself. I felt as if I was always on the edge of my seat anticipating what would come out of his mouth next. With Toby you just never knew.
What was holding me back from being honest and up front with Toby on my attraction to him? I’ve never had a problem with telling someone my feelings. Could it be that Owen did such a number on me that I had a problem now trusting men? I think the real thing that was bothering me was that if I were to actually open up and let him in, would he just leave? I hoped that I could figure it all out soon.
Toby
An entire week had gone by since the exchange with Ethan and things were actually looking up, besides the fact that Gio has started back up with his incessant calling. I think it’s actually high time that I told him that I was DONE, I was giving up. For him to move on, this train was well past the point of leaving the station. There was no future for us, he couldn’t love me and I couldn’t trust him.
I contacted the rest of the members of The Nation’s Capital earlier in the week to see what they thought about performing at Emmy Lou’s this weekend. That was something major that I was missing in my life, singin
g and performing with my band. Once I got the all clear from their schedules I dialed up Grady to make sure it was kosher with him as well. He owed me from going to Tucker’s last baseball game, not really but I didn’t tell him that, and it was easy as pie to get it all set up.
Brown County as well as surrounding counties were always excited to hear of our performances as they were sporadic and not as often as before. I knew we had to make these two shows amazing to hold the residents over until the next time. The rest of the week was spent rehearsing and making sure we were each on point. I even tried out a few of my new dance moves while we practiced to get a feel of if I could actually do it without falling on my face. That was just what I needed, to make even more of a fool of myself.
After finally deciding that I was going to have a talk to Gio about how the phone calls needed to stop, I finally felt a little more free. I wasn’t aware of the pressure and stress of the entire situation until it pushed me to my breaking point.
Tonight was the big night and I was sweating bullets. I couldn’t actually remember the last time I felt so much anxiety before a show. Nothing seemed to be going right, the cowlick in my hair wasn’t cooperating, Brock had a sore throat so he wasn’t able to participate in the songs as much as he usually did, which meant that Charlie had to and he was less than thrilled. I tell you sometimes I thought they were the ones who were high maintenance and a handful rather than myself.
I could say for certain that I looked on point, my clothing that is, as my hair was still giving me fits. I was so pissed off with my hair that I actually went ahead and shaved the sexy stubble that resided on my chin and along my jawline. Even after only having the beard a few weeks I felt naked going without. That was one word that I never thought I would use being associated with me; beard.