by Amber Nation
I finally rolled to my side and snatched my phone off of the nightstand to check the time. “Holy shit,” I knew it must’ve been late but I didn’t foresee it already being two in the afternoon. Since I already had my phone I checked for messages, which thankfully there were none, then I lollygagged around on social media. I should’ve known that it would make me even more dejected. Everyone was posting their gleeful status updates about falling in love or having babies, I tried to be happy for them I really did, but my world was bleak in comparison. If I were to cave and post an update about my life, I would be called out for negativity and not seeing the bright side of things, such as that the fact that I was still alive. I supposed you had to take the good with the bad, and hopefully there would be more sunny days ahead.
A chime came through and a text message popped up on my screen from an unknown number.
Hey, Toby! It’s Gwen. Would you possibly be willing to come do a few of the girls’ makeup today around 5? I would greatly appreciate it, let me know!
This would seriously be cutting it close as far as getting to Emmy Lou’s on time for the show, but then again it would help me keep my mind off of things until then.
I added Gwen in as a new contact then my fingers flew across the screen of my phone as I typed her a quick response back.
TOBY: Sure sounds good! But better make it 4:30 because I have a show at 7 so I’ll have to leave no later than 6.
Time was up on being lazy, I had to eat and get ready before I had to leave around 4, which meant I needed to get a move on. At least there was absolutely no obsessing over my life altering decision that had to be made. I sent a quick text to Tessa letting her know since she was working at Emmy Lou’s today that I wouldn’t be as punctual as I normally was, which meant I would be even more fashionably late, but I would indeed make it on time.
My choice of wardrobe for the evening had to be on point and I didn’t have enough time to get knee deep into what I wore. Basically covering my eyes with a hand, I played eenie meenie and chose a pair of pants and repeated the process with my shirt and shoes and hoped like hell that I could make the outfit work.
Arriving at Big Pete’s freshly showered and without a minute to spare, I flung open the front door, letting the outside light filter in around me. Stepping inside I slid my Ray-Bans down my nose and off of my face. When I looked up it was directly in the line of sight of Roman. Our eyes locked as I flitted past him on my way towards backstage and we each exchanged a sorrowful smile, the side of my mouth barely even lifting. Adding a small wave of my hand, I wondered if we would ever allow things to go back to the way they were or if it’ll continue to always be uncomfortable.
I let myself into the room where I applied Gwen’s makeup before and instantly regretted it, at least two other drag queens screamed out in embarrassment as they ran directly behind the changing screen.
“My bad,” I yelled as I held my free hand up in the air, “I guess I should’ve knocked, huh?”
“Ya think?” One queen sneered at me.
I dropped my hand down to where it was perched upon my hip, “Geez, don’t get your panties all in a bunch, it’s not like you have much to see anyways.” And I snapped my fingers and rolled my eyes in her general direction. Fierce Toby hasn’t made an appearance in quite a while, it was nice to know that I still had it and he was tucked away somewhere for just the right time.
“Let’s just all chill out. Sabrina, Zoey, this is Toby, he’ll be doing your makeup for the show this evening. Now you best be checking your attitude unless you want to apply your own makeup and I know firsthand you want him to do it.” She looked at me and said under her breath, “They think bright blue eye shadow up to their forehead is stylish.” I snickered as I walked over to the vanity and opened up my makeup case.
Spinning around on my feet, I faced the two now dressed queens and showed off my Vanna White skills towards the director’s chair, “So, who’s first?”
One thing about drag queens, they though that it was just fine and dandy to cake makeup on their face, well I was here to show them that less was definitely more. Once I worked my magic and applied a neutral eye shadow also a few swipes of the mascara wand, enough to make their eyes pop, Gwen sent them on their way back out into the bar until it was show time.
Gwen walked over to the director’s chair and took a seat, she didn’t even have to instruct me on what she wanted I just unscrewed the lid to my cold cream, scooped a small dollop out with my finger, and began massaging it just under her eyes into her ivory skin.
The way she sat there stoically quiet, I knew she had something on her mind that she needed to set free. “Go on, out with it.”
Rolling her eyes she said sarcastically, “Now you’re a mind reader?”
I stopped what I was doing and leaned up against the lighted mirror vanity, “What can I say, I’m a man of many talents.”
She began fiddling with her hands in her lap, she tried to portray herself as a big bad bitch, but inside she was a fragile soul just trying to make it. I hoped that one day she would finally see her full potential and not second guess herself on everything. I know what self-doubt can do to you and I just hoped that she was strong enough to get through it.
“Roman feels really bad about what happened.” I stuck my hand up, trying to stop her from continuing on, but she ignored me and continued, “I know it’s none of my business, but I can guess what happened and he’s been super mopey around here over the past few weeks. I don’t know if you just would’ve give each other a chance or what it is…”
“I’m gonna stop you right there. There was never anything more to become of us, he knows that and I know that. It was a case of hurt feelings and I’m already well on my way to getting past that. He has some serious obstacles to overcome and someday he will when he finds that one person that he can’t live without. But that person isn’t me and I’m fine with it, more than fine actually.”
“You’re a good man, Toby.”
“People really need to stop telling me this, I’m going to develop an enormous ego!” I looked down at my silver watch on my left wrist and I had just enough time to get to Emmy Lou’s. I leaned forward and gave Gwen a small kiss on her cheek, “I’d love to stay and chat more doll, but I have to go.”
If I were to walk any faster, then it would be considered a sprint, I was pressed for time and I had no one to blame but myself. I hated being anything later than what was considered fashionably late but it seemed as if I’d developed the inability to say no to people when they were in need.
Putting the key in the ignition, I started my car, put it in reverse and looked in the rearview mirror only to see that a car was blocking my path. But not just any car, a sheriff cruiser.
My first thought as I put my car back into park and jumped out of my seat was what was Charlie doing here? But as I shut my driver’s door it was Ethan who was getting out of the cruiser. His chest was heaving as his eyes portrayed pure and utter raw passion, I felt my breath hitch as he stalked closer towards me.
“Wha-what are you doing here?” That was the hardest sentence I had ever had to formulate, I was stammering as my voice began quivering with expressive need.
He continued to pursue towards me, slinking my way as if he was on the prowl, his eyes never once leaving mine, “I called Emmy Lou’s and Tessa told me you’d be here.”
My response was long forgotten as he pushed me up against the body of my Jeep and crushed his lips to mine. I shuttered with excitement before I parted my lips giving him complete control of my mouth. His tongue swept in and he tasted of cinnamon, so much better than I could’ve ever imagined. My hands reached up to dive into his hair as his lifted and held onto my face as we continued on exploring the depths of each other’s mouths. I was completely into the moment and the question as to why Ethan was kissing me never even crossed my mind.
He was the first to break the kiss as he pulled away from me. Once he opened his eyes they went straight to my mout
h.
“Those lips, so soft and perfect.” He took a deep breath before he pressed his lips to mine once again, but this time in a quick, chaste kiss but no less intoxicating.
This time when he broke the kiss he rested his forehead against mine as I was trying to catch my breath, he paused a moment before speaking. “Toby,” he breathed against my parted mouth, “choose me instead, take a chance on me.” My breath hitched in my throat, this entire encounter came out of left field. Perhaps I should have listened to Tessa more last night when she was recapping Ethan’s actions. Was I that obtuse that I couldn’t see underneath Ethan’s cocky antics was a man with a crush?
When his body left mine, I immediately missed his touch, his warmth. The look now in his eyes as he backed away from me, towards his car, hypnotized me. I had been stunned speechless for the second time in as many days and by two different men who were now vying for my affection. Things like this didn’t happen to people like me.
Here I was, placed in the position to where I had two very different men to choose from, if this were to happen to anyone else I would be completely jealous, but the fact of the matter since it’s happening to me, I didn’t envy myself one bit. I was confused now more than ever; Australia and its cold climate was looking more and more appealing right about now.
Toby
I don’t know how I made it to Emmy Lou’s all in one piece since I wasn’t aware I had arrived until I was sitting in the parking lot staring off into space. There was absolutely no time for me to sit here and worry about what’s going to happen, I had to get ready for my show.
Retrieving my duffel that was placed in the back seat, I struggled getting out of my Jeep. I felt as if I was being restrained, as if some higher power was sending me a message to not go into the bar. A set of feminine arms appeared snaking around my waist, my eyes finally focused on what was going on and they shifted to the left and I saw Sheridan’s face, as she was smiling brightly at me.
“Hey, doll.”
“Uh, Toby, in order to get out of the car you have to actually unbuckle your seatbelt.”
Having no idea what she was talking about I looked down to see that’s what her hands were doing, trying to unbuckle so I could actually get out.
“I was on my way in when I saw your car door open and you were struggling to get out.” Her eyes roved over my face, and her smile died and changed into a look of concern. “Toby are you alright? Are you nervous for the show?”
Finally snapping out of it, I jumped free of my Jeep and ran inside with my duffel in tow. “The show!” I screeched, “I’ve got to finish getting ready. I’ll be ready for our song,” I yelled back as I continued rushing inside and to the back.
The time had come for us to step on stage and get the ball rolling on starting the show. I counted at least a dozen people asking me countless times if I was feeling alright and even remarks that I looked like hell. My hair was a mess and my clothing choices lacked its Toby flare, if this what rock bottom looked like, then I was officially living it.
My mind would go from wanting one guy one minute to wanting the other the next, if this continued then I may as well admit myself for psychiatric therapy because I was going to go insane.
Walking out onto the stage the crowd was even bigger than last night and if there was any time for a fake smile, now was definitely it. I approached the mic stand and looked down at my choice of tonight’s clothing. Black skinny jeans paired with a slim fitting black v neck t-shirt, I certainly picked a winning statement. The only thing about this entire wardrobe that made me feel a little bit better were my bright red Doc Martin boots, I was ready as I would ever be.
As my eyes were still trained on the ground, all eyes from the crowd were upon me to begin my usual spiel, I sensed it as Ethan came through the doors and I peeked up to see Gio in the very middle of the crowd amongst the other patrons. Glancing to my right, I was correct with my assumption as I watched Ethan walk to an open seat at the bar. He was on duty tonight, but since how most of Brown County was here, it wasn’t uncommon that the Sheriff’s Department made an appearance to make sure people were on their best behavior.
I swallowed deeply trying to get rid of all thoughts but music, shoved a hand through my disheveled hair, and introduced the band.
My speech was cut way short and was void of any and all enthusiasm.
“Pssh Toby,” I turned around to look at Charlie, “dude, pull it together.”
I needed to pull my head out of my ass and stop letting everyone down. Nodding my head, I indicated that I was ready to begin.
The first song went on without a hitch and towards the middle I was back to spinning and smiling at the crowd. I was trying my best to keep my problems in the back of my mind and not worry about them until it was absolutely time.
By the end of the show I looked to Sheridan in the crowd and gave her a wink so she knew it was time and then looked back at Mike and Charlie. “Guys why don’t you go ahead and take a seat in the audience. A few of us have a little something cooked up for one of you, you know I’m bad at surprises so you’re extremely lucky I’ve waited this long.”
Brock had disappeared behind the curtain so he could push the old upright piano onto the stage that had a residence of its own in the backroom. Mike and Charlie each gave me confused expressions but they complied sitting down at the table that the girls, minus Sheridan was occupying.
Given the nod of approval by Brock, I could now spill the beans. I placed the microphone back on the stand and looked back to see Brock seated on a barstool with his acoustic guitar resting on his lap.
“Ladies and gentleman, Brock and I would like to introduce you to Sheridan Nichols.” I extended my hand in her direction as she graced the stage with her presence, waved and smiled at the audience, then took her place on the bench behind the piano. “Several months ago Sheridan was brought to Brown County in a less than pleasant way but has took this town by storm with her piano playing capabilities and is now known as the best piano teacher this place has ever seen.” The blush crept up her cheeks and she looked down at her hands, “As you may know her and Mike are set to be married soon and she wanted this chance to play a special song for him. And you know me, I jumped at the chance to sing with this beautiful soul, so sit back and listen to this amazing song about love and hope.”
My heartbeat increased as I was reminded this was the last song and no doubt an incredible song about love. I looked towards the ceiling and prayed that I would have my answer by the end.
Sheridan adjusted her mic to where it was placed just right at her lips, then gave me a small smile. She looked down at the eighty-eight keys of the piano and began the first notes to “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri.
As she sang the first verse to the song I looked out into the crowd, more specifically to Gio and Ethan, their eyes never leaving mine. Taking a deep breath, I raised the microphone to my mouth and began singing my part to the song.
By the time the chorus rolled around everything was suddenly clear and just like the lyrics in the song, all my doubt faded away. Goose bumps covered my flesh at the thought of finally knowing what I was going to do, who I was going to give my heart to. I took the mic off of the stand so I could move around the stage, I was absolutely giddy with excitement and there was no possible way that I could keep still.
Once the lyrics were done and Sheridan and Brock were finishing up the end of the song, I decided that I couldn’t wait a second longer. I dropped the mic on the stage which made a resounding thud, and I jumped down off the platform and made my way through the crowd to collect my man…
Gio
Hanging up the phone with Toby, I just knew that I had this in the bag since he’d invited me to the show tomorrow night. I was surprised as hell when Mag Pie called and told me that he wanted me to attend the show tonight so I didn’t hesitate in coming, of course I had to cancel a date, but this was for Toby.
Once he sang those two songs more or less to me I knew
that I was on the verge of completely losing him, he was giving up. We had been broken up for over a year now but whenever I tagged along with Maggie I could still see the desire for me lingering in the depths of his eyes, so I just knew he still had remaining feelings for me.
Did I love him? I couldn’t really say for certain but I knew that I could once we were back together again. Was I an absolute bastard for deceiving him? Without a doubt, but I didn’t know that it would feel so great being wanted. I have had too many one night stands to count in which the men just wanted to brag that they actually got to sleep with me and then move on. No one came back wanting more other than Toby. Life was a scary place to spend it alone and now that I was actually out about being a gay man it was even worse. Toby’s positivity and just being with him made things a little bit easier.
But I was wrong in the way I treated him in the past, acting as if I was embarrassed to be with him, I just wanted to show him that people could change, that I could change. And with time I could learn to love Toby, I knew I could.
Ethan
Pulling over into a vacant parking lot after leaving Big Pete’s, I put the cruiser in park and slammed my hands on the steering wheel. Why didn’t I speak up sooner about my feelings for Toby?
Resting my forehead on my hands as they gripped the wheel, I recalled last night and hearing that guy profess his love for Toby. I was so pissed off at myself for hiding myself to Toby because I was worried about the possibility of getting another broken heart, but it hurt even worse not even having that chance with Toby. From the things I had heard about Gio he didn’t deserve another chance, he should’ve valued the chance he had while they were together but he didn’t, he gave it up as if what they had meant absolutely nothing to him.